


Fanboy

by DontRememberMyName



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Also the typos I made then were terrible, Bringing it back with slight changes, Fanboy, M/M, Narry - Freeform, Trying to update it a bit to the 2015 times, one direction - Freeform, originally written in 2013 so lots has changed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-04 13:19:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 70
Words: 154,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4139055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontRememberMyName/pseuds/DontRememberMyName
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My name is Niall and I live the life of a fangirl- except, I'm not a girl.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bio

**Author's Note:**

> I've decided to re-post this thing on this website. I'm trying to get rid of all the typos and idiot mistakes I made two years ago and I'm going to try and update it to how the boys are now, looks-wise and stuff. Zayn isn't in it because he's living the normal life like he said he wanted.
> 
> Hope you enjoy and if you decide to leave a comment, be nice please.  
> You can follow me on twitter if you want: @SanneL

**Name:** Niall H.   
**Age** :Legal   
**Place:** In the bushes (Harry Styles' hair-those on his head your perv.)   
**Fan of:** Harry Styles' skinny jeans, Harry Styles' hands, Harry Styles' body, Harry Styles' everything. Also, Anne Cox' son.   
**Occupation:** Part-time working at Tesco's and fulltime Fanboy.

My name is Niall and I live the life of a fangirl- except, I'm not a girl. I have a flat chest (with hair) and a willy but other than that, I'm kind of the living, walking, breathing embodiment of 99% of the Skyway fandom. I spend about seven hours a day browsing the internet: blogging, scrolling through Twitter and Tumblr, searching for new pictures of my favourite boy(s) in the whole world. I'd probably scream, faint and shit my pants if I'd ever meet Harry Styles though the chance of meeting him is very very slim since he doesn't even notice me on Twitter. Liam follows me and I'm VERY grateful for that but Harry Styles is my dream and everything my heart and body desire.

Anyway, if you have a question, let me know. I'm most likely to answer them within three minutes unless I'm at work, sleeping or drooling over my laptop or phone due Harry Styles' sexiness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically nearly everything written in italics is what Niall posts on the internet.
> 
> Skyway consists of Harry, Louis en Liam.

_Yes @LiamsGirl123, I am a boy and no, I don’t pretend to be one to score with the ladies._

“Seriously Sophie, what’s with all the questions about whether I’m really a boy? Do I look like a girl in my profile picture to you? Is Niall a girl’s name? I don’t understand it, what is it that makes people doubt my penis?” I whine to my best friend through the phone. “Here, look: _Is that you in your profile picture or are you just a girl and you fake being a guy to get more attention?”_

“Well...” There’s a pause on the other side of the line. “You whine like a girl.”

Oh no she didn’t. If I were able to see her, I would give her the evil eye. “Oh, that’s not true! How could you say that? I can’t even.“

“Yes Niall,” her voice sounds bored. “Finish your sentence, you can’t even? You can’t even what?”

“What do you mean?” I question and frown as I open my laptop and fill in my password. A picture of Harry Styles shirtless appears as my background and I smile. I’m happy to see you too, gorgeous.

“You said you can’t even. You can’t even what?”

Gosh, she has so much to learn. “That was the end of my sentence. It’s what you say when you don’t have words. Do you even read my blog? It’s full of ‘I can’t evens’ and ‘oh there go my ovaries’.”

“Niall, you don’t have ovaries, you’re a _boy_ , remember? Come to think of it, it’s not really strange that they question whether you really do have a dick or not.” Sophie is mean. Mean Sophie.

Oh hello! “Talking about penises, you can totally see the buldge in Harry’s pants on this picture.” _Click, save in folder – HS too sexy for his jeans._ I zoom in on the picture, yes, definitely a stiffy there I chuckle to myself, completely zoning out of the world because wow, Harry’s legs in those jeans are insane.

I can hear Sophie faintly talking to me through the phone but I can’t be bothered to listen. “Niall, I’m hanging up on you now. I’ll see you tomorrow at work.” Oh fine, whatever. I have different obligations anyway because I cannot keep my blog fans from this picture. The world has a right to drool over mister sex on legs and it’s my unpaid job to make sure that they do. Oh if only they paid me...

I click on my twitter and scroll through my timeline. Is it sad that I want to snap at those bitc—girls that get pictures with the boys from Skyway? It’s not that I’m jealous or something. Ha, just kidding, I am terribly jealous because they’ve met my idols. They know how Liam smells or how tall Louis really is. Oh, they’ve had Harry’s hand on their lower backs. Imagine Harry Styles’ large hand on your back, long fingers carefully pressed in your skin. Your hand on his waist-- feeling the outlines of his body under your fingers tips as you carefully press yourself more into his side. Then he smiles to the camera, dimples presenting themselves and teeth showing. The camera flashes and the picture is made. You smile up to him to thank him but before you have the chance, his lips hover over yours and—

Darn, when it comes to Harry Styles, I tend to get a _little bit_ carried away. Maybe that’s what fan fictions do to me. Yes, yes lets blame fan fictions for that because those stupid stories make you feel like you’re a part of that world, like you actually know the boys of Skyway and then the story ends and you fall in a deep hole of blackness because you actually have the most boring life in the world. Ugh, can I cry now?

I work about four hours a day, five days a week at Tesco’s; you know those little supermarkets all around the United Kingdom. I have to re-stock the shelves between eight and twelve every morning. It’s just enough to pay for my food and the one bedroom apartment I live in. It’s not much but it’s the only thing I can afford. I moved from Mullingar Ireland to the outskirts of London about four months ago and it might or might not have something to do with the fact that it’s easier to run into my future boyfriend there. I’m not telling if that’s the truth or not. But you’re probably assuming the right thing.

Okay, future boyfriend might be a big term for the famous guy – who still hasn’t noticed me, I’m lusting over but who knows? Fine, Harry is known for dating women, ladies, girls, slags, whatever you want to call them and he doesn’t really seem to be interested in a lovely young man like myself but hey, a guy can hope right?

_Niall_Horan_

_Hey @Harry_Styles You’re so hot that you’re practically on fire. (sent 48 seconds ago)_

_Niall_Horan_

_@Harry_Styles I’m a boy by the way. (sent 26 seconds ago)_

_Niall_Horan_

_@Harry_Styles Notice me! (sent 7 seconts ago)_

 

After I’ve done my daily dose of Harry spamming and picture gazing, it’s time for food. It’s common knowledge that Harry is the best cook out of the band and that he likes tacos and fajitas so I may have taught myself how to cook those meals just in case. Hey, if my man suddenly enters my kitchen and demands food, I want to impress him.

I turn the radio on and hey  –manly- when Kiss You . I shimmied my hips to the tune as I prepared my lunch. I sang along to the words except for Harry’s parts because that man has the voice of a _freaking_ angel and it may or may not makes me want to hug the radio, television or my computer when I hear his voice.

Don’t worry, hugging electronics is normal. It’s bad when I actually want to lick it but that’s because Harry Styles is a cupcake and I always lick the icing off a cup cake. I wouldn’t mind to lick him. Is that weird? Wanting to lick someone’s face. Or abs. Or several other body parts.

 

_Okay fine, I might come across as a girl sometimes but I really am a boy –no, I will not post a picture of my willy- I just appreciate earth’s finest creature in the world, Harry Styles, a lot. I’m just a boy with a blog, making it his life mission to get into Harry’s pants, unless he’s already naked, then I just want a piece of him._

 

Okay, this will be the last message about what I have between my legs and go on with more important matters; what Harry Styles has between his legs.


	3. Chapter 3

It’s not that she’s never been to my house but every time I take her home, she steps into my living room warily. “They’re all looking at me.” Sophie mutters, eyeing my posters and I just nod. I always pretend that they’re looking at me; sometimes I perform a strip act in front of a Harry poster. He likes it though because he never looks away, keeps staring. I love my flat.

I also love my twitter timeline right now cause “Oh my God , MY FEELS! Look at this picture!” I point at my computer screen. Sophie looks unimpressed. How could she?

“Your feels, Niall? As in what us, normal people call feel _ings_?”

What? Huh yeah whatever. “Something like that, but seriously! Look at this picture! Hubba hubba!” My mouth iss nearly hanging on the floor hello, Harry Styles only clad in a towel, hanging dangerously low around your waist. I already know the picture, it’s an old one and when I first saw it, I nearly broke my leg because I was jumping up and down just because I couldn’t even. I couldn’t contain my feels but come on, who can if you have sight of a perfect sixpack –and two too many nipples-?

“It’s—alright.”

“Alright? Alright? What do you mean it’s _alright?”_ Woman do you not have eyes? I feel more offended than I actually should since it’s not even _my_ body we’re talking about. “This guy is a sexy beast! I would handcuff myself to his belt.”

“You would what?”

“Think about it...” My own imagination begins playing because wow, what would happen if I was stuck on Harry’s belt and he has to undress himself. _Note to self:_ bring handcuffs if you ever meet him. Wait, scratch that, just bring handcuffs all the time because maybe faith or Zeus or Moses will bring us together sometime.

“Hey Soph, would you ship us?” I grab my laptop and open a high quality picture of Harry’s flawless face and hold it close to my face. I think we look good.

“Ship you?” She looks at me confused and frowns.

“Yeah. Like, would you see us together?” I try to stay calm but for a girl who claims she likes Skyway, she doesn’t quite understand how the fandom works. Shipping is a major part of our fandom. People ship the boys together, like Louis and Harry and or Harry and Liam or Louis and Liam and they even have names for them together.

“As in dating?”

“No as in milking cows together, yes dating! Do you think we would look hot together? He’s freaking hot, obviously but I’m not really that bad either, am I? So seriously, would you ship us?”

“I eh, I guess.” She stammers, hesitating in her answer. Maybe I should have a poll on my blog asking if they would ship Harry and me or not. Although, those bitche—girls would get all jealous and say that Harry isn’t gay just so they think - don’t let me laugh, that they have a shot with my Harry. Harry is mine, all mine.

Wow, that sounds creepy, even in my head.

“Did you just call yourself hot, by the way?” I feel a blush creep on my cheeks because yeah, I kind of implied that I’m hot, didn’t I? Talking about having a big head. Good God. Your mumma didn’t raise you like that, Niall James.

“Well, maybe... but I already have people fangirling over _me_ , Soph. ME!” I place my laptop back on my desk and click around a little bit. “See, TonsOfScarcasm says: _Keep writing!!! I’ll be fangirling you, fanboy!!!!”_

“Niall, first, her name is TonsOfSarcasm. _Sarcasm_ and second, here’s a girl, LiloNerd that says you’re obsessed. Being obsessed is usually not a good thing.” I actually hear myself groaning out loud at her stupid remarks.

“Fine, but that Nerd girl thinks I’m adorable.” I huff  at my best friend who is staring at me as if I’m growing two heads. “And I’m not obsessed, I just really like them more than I like air.” I grin as I watch how her eyes roll to the back of her head. That shouldn’t be a thing anymore. Just like duckface pictures. I don’t know anyone that can pull it off. Maybe Harry could but I’d rather have him not do that. Just no.

 

_Niall_Horan_

_@Harry_Styles: My friend says I’m obsessed with you but I’m not. (sent a minute ago)_

_Niall_Horan_

_@Harry_Styles: I do like you a lot though. You’re hot, why are you so hot? You make me go ADFGHJKL. (sent a minute ago)_

_Niall_Horan_

_@Harry_Styles: That were my ovaries, they exploded. (sent 51 seconds ago)_

_Niall_Horan_

_@Harry_Styles: My friend says I don’t have ovaries because I’m a boy. I’m a boy who thinks your teensy tiny freckles are pretty. (sent 31 seconds ago)_

_Niall_Horan_

_@Harry_Styles: Notice me! (sent 9 seconds ago)_

“Does Harry even have freckles?” I see Sophie focusing on one of my Harry posters and I laugh.

“Depends on how much you zoom in.”

“Never mind, I don’t even want to know. You creep me out, Niall Horan.” I pull a funny face at her before she gets up to leave.

 

_My friend just left. She has ‘better’ things to do, she said. Yeah, as if there are better things to do than to stare at mister Harry Styles. I can’t think of a thing better than staring at Harry Styles right now. Okay maybe I can but it all involves Harry and my mouth._

_Look at this picture by the way, I know it’s old but it still makes me all hot and my region down low gets a little happy as well. sorrynotsorry. Just imagine licking those v-lines while teasing his happy trail with your fingers, looking Harry in the eyes until he has to shut them shut in pleasure. Yeah, you ladies have it pretty easy because you can hide your excitement, I’m sporting an instant boner when I think about all this –and it’s hard not to think like this- and you girls can just fake a bright smile and walk away without having to adjust your jeans every other minute._

_Anyway, if you like my blog, leave a comment below and hit that submit button._

_PS: Do you ship Harry and me together?_


	4. Chapter 4

Weekend, I like weekends. I don’t have to work on weekends and since I don’t have loads of hobbies that require much of my time –being a Skyway fan not included, and I don’t have any social activities that I participate in. Not in real life, on the Internet I am very socially active, I talk to thousands of people every day on my blog so Sophie shouldn’t bug me to make more friends. I have friends, loads of them. Most of them are just not in my timezone.

I reach for my laptop on the floor without losing the warmth of my bedsheets. Or at least I try. I crawl on the floor with my arms, legs still in my bed, I reach out and grab my laptop but the bloody thing is always havier than I think it is so I collapse face first on my floor. Great. I groan loudly, not that there’s anyone in my flat to get sympathy from, and get my legs out of bed. I need a wee anyway so this is as good of time as ever.

After I finally rid myself of my morning urine I climb back in bed and open my laptop in my little cocoon of sheets and pillows. I let out a yawn as I open Twitter and scroll through my feed. Same old, same old, people are ‘thirsty’ for more followers and I scroll past that, not really interested in all the five rt’s people seem to do all the time. I’m honestly just looking out for pictures and to see if the boys tweeted and hey, is Harry online?

_Niall_Horan_

_@Harry_Styles: It’s nine in the morning, are you already awake or still awake? I love you xxxxxxx (sent 2 minutes ago)_

_Niall_Horan_

_@Harry_Styles: I know you’re here, you’re tweeting other people. I don’t ask for a tweet, I just ask for a follow. Or your D but it’s your call. (sent a minute ago)_

_Niall_Horan_

_@Harry_Styles: I like your new single #OneWayOrAnother. Could you find one way or another to follow me? (sent 46 seconds ago)_

_Niall_Horan_

_@Harry_Styles I’m a boy. Boys like you too. Follow meeeeeeeeee?! xxx (sent 3 seconds ago)_

So, now that is done, I minimalize twitter. Harry hasn’t replied to anyone in three minutes anyway so there is not point in stalking him some more. I hate people who do that. Okay, hate is a big word but they annoy the shit out of me. 

My stomach is begging me for breakfast but I’m a bit torn between satisfying my poor belly or to lazy around for a bit longer. My stomach always wins though because I can’t concentrate on words when I’m too hungry.

I step out of bed, this time managing to not hit my nose on my carpet and put on a pair of clean pants and a hoody. I may or may not own an I love Harry Styles hoody. Okay, I do own one but only because it’s so warm and comfy and the font is nice. Okay, and because ‘I love Harry Styles’ is written on it. I love him.

I decide on Lucky Charms today after apologizing to my Fruit Loops for not eating them and pour them in a bowl and add some milk. Yum. I let out a hum of appreciation as the first spoonfull enters my mouth and sigh contently after swallowing. Breakfast is my favourite meal of the day together with lunch, supper and snacks in between. Sue me I like food.

My phone buzzes from the other side of the kitchen counter where I left it in my hurry to get to my food. It’s probably Sophie who wants to hang out or play football or tennis, forcing me to go out and meet new people. Real life new people. I’d better not cause that means I‘d have to go outside and leave my prescious laptop. I pick up my phone and stare at my screen. It isn’t Sophie texting me, it’s a shitload amount of Twitter messages.

What the f--?

I open the Twitter app to see what the hell is going on and see loads of people congratulating me and claiming that I’m the luckiest person in the world. My heart speeds up at the amount of followers I just gained and I scroll down to see what I did to deserve this and why the hell they all think I’m the luckiest person in the wor—oh. _OH!_

_Harry_Styles_

_@Niall_Horan: Hey boy ;) I am already awake, shooting the video for #OneWayOrAnother. Good to know we have male fans as well.! All the love. H._

_Harry_Styles is now following you._

Holy fucking shit! What just happened?

How did that whole breathing thing work again? It has to do something with inhaling and exhaling air but I can’t find air. WHAT IS AIR? I want to scream _and shout and let it all out_ but I find myself slumping to the floor in silence. I can’t even hear the sound of my phone still buzzing with mentions and new followers over the sound of my heartbeat. I think my heart is going to explode.

 

_Harry Styles follows you_.

 

So it’s true, Harry Styles really follows me. And tweeted me. And basically replied on three of the four tweets I sent. He read my words, he knows that I excist and holy shit that feels good. I lay down on the floor, wishing that I have tiles instead of carpet because tiles are cooler to your burning cheeks and I have a serious case of a flaming face. Flaming _everything_ really.

I hug my phone close to my chest and kick my feet in the air to do some spastic leg dance and squeal –in a manly way, obviously. Looking back at my phone and yep, there it still is. ‘Harry Styles follows you’. I should be careful with this though, what if I accidentily block him or delete my profile. No, that would be terrible. I should find out if I can insure my Harry follow, that if I lost it, I get him in my bed or something. Oh I wouldn’t know how fast to block him.

_Niall_Horan_

_Holy shit! The amount of mentions is insane. I now get what my BUDDY @Harry_Styles goes through every day. ADGJFDSLEH. (sent less than a minute ago)_

Harry’s one of my Internet friends now and since I see my Internet friends as my real ones, he just became my best buddy in the whole world.

 

_Niall_Horan_

_@Harry_Styles: Thanks for the follow mate. xxx (sent 9 seconds ago)_

 

I’m the best at faking being calm and cool while my insides are having a rave party inside my body but maybe that’s just my cereal settling down in my stomach. My head is spinning and so are my thoughts, I need to calm down and act like a proper human but that is harder to be done than said because HARRY STYLES IS FOLLOWING ME. I need to Instagram a screenshot of this. 

An hour and a bit later my mentions have finally settled down a little and my heart is almost beating at a normal pace. I pull myself up from the floor because no I didn’t think it was a good idea to try and stand on my feet yet, and go back to my bed where my laptop is still open and inviting me to the land of dreams.

I open my blog to find loads of messages of people saying they ship me and Harry and the smile that never left my face since you know, the _Harry thing_ , widens.

 

_I totally ship Narry! Narry is my life bitches :D_

 

Thank you, NarryBear. Narry is my life too but maybe that’s because I’m part of Narry and since Harry is the other half, Narry should be his life too.

  
the_quiffs_and_curls said: _I can just imagine Niall and Harry’s baby.... I can’t even._

 

Oh my God, our love baby, someone should morph our pictures together because woah, we would have the cutest babies. They should look like Harry though and I wouldn’t mind being pregnant as long as it’s with his child. I would even have a natural delivery and squeeze the baby out of my Willy if it would mean Harry is the father of my children. Wait... would I?

 

XxXEmilyMaeXxX: _I ship you two very much!_

 

Mmm, I do too. 

I open a blank page, page, not space and let my fingers hover over the keys. Should I go in _‘the mode_ ’ or write a message over how Harry follows me and how it’s not such a big deal cause I’m cool like that? Well... 

 

_So, Harry Styles and I just became best friends for life. I tweeted him, he replied and followed, yeah we’re down like that. I told you, we’re best buds, I’m even thinking about buying us matching necklaces._

_Step one, get Harry Styles to notice me is completed. Now on to step two, get it his pants._

_Oh yeah and by the way: DHJHGFDSJKRIFNSASDKJF OH MY FUCKING GOT HARRY FOLLOWED ME AND I CAN’T BREATHE. HARRY SHOULD GIVE ME MOUTH TO MOUTH AND I SHOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT AND SHOVE MY TONGUE DOWN HIS THROAT AND GROPE HIM._ _  
_

_No, I’m a neat boy, my mother raised me well. I should behave when Harry Styles is near me._

_Or shouldn’t I?_

_Anyway... ASDFGHJKL;_


	5. Chapter 5

_Ladies, Gents, Peasants, I know you want me to update more about my fabulous life but I acrually do have a life now. Harry Styles is following me on Twitter and gave me all his love in his tweet to me so that basically means we’re dating. You can’t expect me to update everytime you please because well, there are more important matters now._

_Oh who am I kidding, just look at this fabulous picture where Harry stares right into your soul. It was sent by xxKeepCalmAndLove1dxx and I couldn’t stop staring for hours._

_Anyways, I’m going back to my interesting life now. Which of course doesn’t mean stalking my boyfriend’s Twitter and Instagram like a maniac while eating cookies and chocolate._

Amongst the lovely people who like me for who I am and are genuinly happy for my Harry follow, I got a few hateful comments as well. Someone said I should delete my blog because it’s embarrassing and that I wouldn’t stand a chance of being in a relationship with Harry because Harry isn’t gay. What I do is called wishful thinking, I know that Harry is known for having a way with the ladies and there are millions of people wanting to be his other half but a boy can dream, right? And I’m very pleased that some people are dreaming about it with me. After all it’s all in good fun, right?

I laughed at a comment of niallers_dirty_mofo –someone seriously dedicated an account to me, _me_! How sick is that? The comment read: _To be honest, I know a better thing to do than staring at Harry Styles.... Staring at Niall._ That’s just a bit freaky though, I’m used to be the starer, not the staree.

I called Sophie yesterday after I came down from my high and I’m quite sure that after a while she stopped listening and started doing other things and put the phone on the table while I ranted along about my Harry Styles follow.

“Why is it such a big thing?” She had asked, her voice a little annoyed. “I mean he follows thousands of people and you’re just one of them.”

“One-thousand-nine-hundred and thirty-one people actually and exactly, I’m one of them now. I can send him private messages and I’m on his timeline and he knows I excist, that’s why it’s such a big thing.” I explained excitedly, voice a little too high-pitched for a grown man.

“Do you actually think he reads his timeline or messages? They’re all from hormonal teens who are so obsessed with him that they stalk him night and day and send him rude messages.”

I huffed, did she just describe me? Not that I’m a teen anymore... “Did you just call me an hormonal teen?” I heard her sigh on the other end of the line.

“No Niall, I did not. Congratulations on your follow, I’ve got to go now, are you going to be at the park later?”

What is she thinking; of course I’m not. “No can do, sorry!” I said even though I wasn’t really sorry. I would see her Monday at work anyway so why should I waste my time in the park while I can stay inside and explore Tumblr some more. That website sure has a damn load of good pictures and fan fictions.

“Of course not. See you Monday, Niall.” I heard the beeping tone as she hung up on me. I bet she’s just jealous that _I_ got a follow from Harry Styles and _she_ didn’t.

 

I’m contemplating on tweeting Harry. Now he’s following me, I’m suddenly a bit embarrassed of tweeting him the things I usually tweet because what if he sees my tweets and thinks I’m a creep. Truth is I might be somewhat of a creep but he isn’t allowed to know that until our nineteenth anniversary.

 

_Niall_Horan_

_@Harry_Styles: Still very grateful that you followed me. I love you xxx (sent six minutes ago)_

Was that too much? Should I have gone with a casual _pal_ or _mate_ and left the kisses? Suddenly I’m insecure and I don’t know what for. It’s not that I’m turning heads when I walk through the door. That was lame, I know but that song is still one of my favorites.

Ten minutes after I sent my tweet, I get a shitload of notifications that my tweet has been retweeted and favorited by hundreds of people and I’m taken aback. My mentions start to come alive again and I see loads of messages about me being cute and again that they’re happy for me that I have a follow. Loads of people are asking me to send their usernames to Harry and ask him to follow them as well. They want a follow from me –I don’t see why- and get me to have Harry follow them. I’m not a wizard; it took me four and a half years to get a follow from Harry in the first place.

Besides, why should I help those people to get a follow from Harry? The less people he follows, the more chance I have to have him noticing me again. The more chance there is to have him realize that I’m the man of his dreams, the love of his life, the cherry to his cake. I’m a selfish bastard, I know.

There are rude tweets as well and I try to ignore them but it’s hard. People are telling me to either get a life or to rot in hell. I know they would prefer the first but luckily I’m an emotionally stable person. When I’m not looking at pictures of Harry Styles that is. It hurts though, that people send me hate for no reason at all.

I should’ve known there would be a downside on having a follow from the most-eligible bachelor in the world but I shouldn’t forget that I’m a lucky boy and that they’re just jealous because I have something that they don’t: Harry Styles’ attention for at least one minute.

Then, a tweet gets my eye then and I wince.

_HarryG1rl4life_

_@Niall_Horan: Telling him you love him doesn’t make him gay and you shouldn’t be gay either. It’s truly disgusting. Go die._

 

I’ve never been attacked because of my sexuality. People always seem to accept it and after I told my parents, they were just happy that I could actually be _me_ instead of hiding. I know that not everyone is in peace with the fact that there are homosexuals on their prescious world but the hate has never been directed to me. What’s wrong with being gay anyway? It’s not like I’m that different from anyone else. I’m not a rare species.

I want to come back with a witty remark, a comment that leaves the girl crying because she nearly has me in tears but I can’t come up with the words. So instead I turn to the one that never fails to put a smile on my face just by being alive.

 

_Niall_Horan_

_DM @Harry_Styles: So, a follow from you means getting hate from others. A lot of people are happy for me but there are a few... negative comments..._

_Niall_Horan_

_DM @Harry_Styles: They seem to think that me being gay is contagious and that I will rub it off on you._

_Niall_Horan_

_DM @Harry_Styles: I hope you don’t get in trouble with your fans by following a gay boy because you don’t deserve the hate._

_Niall_Horan_

_DM @Harry_Styles: You don’t deserve any kind of hate actually. Anyway, sorry for my rant. xxx_

It felt good to get it off my chest, he might not even read it or even delete my messages right away but it’s just nice to just pretend he cares.

The sun is shining and I think about going outside to catch some fresh air or get a little tan. After my last Skype session with my dear mother she keeps texting me on how pale I look, that I should get a little colour on my cheeks or at least take some vitamine D. I could run through the park or maybe Sophie is there playing football but then again, why should I excersise? I can eat whatever I want and not put on any weight. I thank my parents for giving me this fast metabolism gene. Is that even a gene? Probably not.

I look up from my laptop, casually chilling on my bed to my window and sigh. It’s one of the hardest desicions I’ve ever had to make. Okay get on with it Niall, you can do it. I put on my shoes and grab my sunglasses, my mum was right though; I do look quite pale, even for an Irishman.

I walk down the stairs of my building and open the door to the outside world, the _real_ world. The rays of sunshine –yes in England- hit me hard and I turn around. I’ll try again when the English weather decides to be normal again.

As I open the door I see that I forgot my phone. Oh dear heavens above. I instantly lunge forward to get my little baby from the counter top and kiss it a few times. “Sorry for leaving you, it must’ve been scary times for you.” I mutter kissing it again. “But I’m here now, it’s all good, I’m here.” As if it actually hears my words my phone vibrates and the screen lights up with a tweet from Harry. I nearly drop it.

 

_Harry_Styles_

_It still upsets me how not everyone can accept people for who they are. Never send hate, it can mark people for life. (sent a minute ago)_

_Harry_Styles_

_Nobody deserves that. Respect each other. #loveislove .xx (sent two seconds ago)_

I can’t help but think he read my messages, and if he did, did he just stick up for me to the entire world? Would he actually do that? I know he’s an actual angel though.

Hmm... Hashtag wondering.


	6. Chapter 6

When I look next, Harry’s last tweet about love is love is deleted. I refresh the page but it doesn’t come back up. I can see my timeline go crazy about it because rumour has it that Harry likes both girls and boys – yay me, but isn’t allowed to come out. Management is supposedly keeping him on a leash. I don’t really know, my gaydar doesn’t really go off when I see him but maybe it’s just because I don’t want to get my hopes up too high.  
It’s silly and I know it but when you think about Harry liking men it puts a smile on my face. Not because I’d stand a chance cause well, let’s be real for a second. But think about what that would mean to the gay community? I reckon more boys and girls would dare to come out and be honest about who they are. There would obviously be people who would hate Harry for it but I think the majority of the Skyway fandom would be proud and get out. Oh yes I went there.

Laurenbarry1417  
@Niall_Horan: You and Harry. I SHIP DAT.  
Niall_Horan  
@Laurenbarry1417: Me too darling, me too. Now it’s up to Harry to row the boat.  
CeceLovesOneD123  
@Niall_Horan: Seriously Niall, no stealing my future husband okay? JUST KIDDING! <3  
Niall_Horan  
@CeceLovesOneD123: I aint stealing nothing, I am a well-raised boy. #harryismine

It’s getting late and I’m getting tired. I need to be at work tomorrow morning but I can’t quite say goodbye to my computer just yet. Tumblr seems to be squirting must read fan fictions and pictures of the hottest band in the world being hotter than the spiciest sauce at Nandos. Twitter is just waking up, damn you Americans for getting active this late at night.  
There are pictures and gifs everywhere from where people have caught Skyway shooting their video and I can see Harry being carried by two strong men. His long hair put up in a bun so his jawline stands out and I like that. Can a jawline be on point? I reckon his can.

Previously going on in Niall’s life...  
Ha! I’m just kidding, I’m not going to retell the story of how dear Harry tweeted and followed me. He just did and that’s what’s important. I want to thank you guys all for being so wonderful and supportive through the negative comments I’m getting. Some are just pathetic low-lifes who think they have a shot with my Harry and hate me for wanting the same. I say they smell the competition.  
What happened with Harry’s tweet hmm? Was that him supporting gay rights or was he secretly coming out? Anyway, the tweet is deleted and people are going crazy about it? What are your theories on it?  
While you think about it, stare at this precious picture of mister I’m too cute for the world.

Shit! Before I even realise it, it’s already nearing two AM and I have to be up in six hours. In only six hours and fifteen minutes Sophie is going to call me because she knows how I am and knows I oversleep if she doesn’t call me to check if I’m awake because I spend half of the time I should actually be sleeping, on the Internet. She’s a good friend for making sure I’m up in time for work, I have to give her that. She only needs to improve her knowledge on Skyway and she’d be perfect.

Niall_Horan  
DM @Harry_Styles: Damn you making me forget about time. I need to be up in a few hours but I keep staring at your pretty face. Goodnight! xxx

Yep, let’s blame it all on Harry Styles. Okay maybe not everything but he’s the cause of ninety-nine percent of my personal problems, the civil war, he had nothing to do with that. Although I wouldn’t be surprised if there would be a World War III in a few years because countries can’t agree on who loves Harry the most. Well, I’ll fight for the whole United Kingdom and Ireland and I’ll win it for us because we all know that I am unbeatable in that matter.

“Horan, are you awake?” Comes the very much, too alive voice from my best friend on the other side of the phone.  
I bury my face in my pillow and grumble something that should sound like a “Yes.” It’s only a half lie and the fact that my voice cracked halfway probably gives me away.  
“Are your eyes open?”  
“I don’t know. I can’t see, it’s too dark in here.”  
“Niall, open your eyes, get dressed and come to work. You have fourty minutes left.”  
“But I don’t wanna.” I whine but open my eyes anyway. I squint at the light that the sun causes through my curtains and rub my eyes as I let out a loud yawn.  
“If you come on time I’ll buy you a bagel and let you rant about Harry, how about that?” She offers and I sit straight up in bed.  
“I knew I married you for a reason!” I hang up the phone and rid myself from my boxers –nearly trip over them as I stumble to the shower and brush my teeth. I hum a little tune in the shower as I rinse my body. I’m gonna getcha, I’ll getcha. I quickly dry myself off and search in the closet for clean clothes and my work shirt. No I’m not staying in the closet, don’t you worry.  
I grab my phone to see how much time I have left – twenty minutes, a new record but then my heart stops beating for just a bit before it picks up it’s pace and nearly thumps out of my chest.

Harry_Styles  
DM @Niall_Horan: My pretty face and I are sorry. It’s 3.12 AM now in case you’re wondering. Have a good sleep. .xx

Oh my God. He did it again he did it again HE DID IT AGAIN! I run around my house not knowing what to do with myself. I might wake up my neighbours with all the manly screaming I’m doing but holy fucking shit!  
My fingers tremble as I try to type out a reply. I have to delete the message a couple of times because my words aren’t actually words due all the typos. I take a shuddery breath and try again. Come on Niall James, you can do it buddy.

Niall_Horan  
DM @Harry_Styles: You and your gorgeousness are forgiven. Headed off to work now with my head in the clouds. (Not a pun) Thank you for making my day.  
Niall_Horan  
DM @Harry_Styles: Hope you have a great one too. Any plans? xxx

Shit! I only have three minutes left now, urgh I can forget about that bagel now. Thanks to my over-enthusiastic self I have to limp to work instead of walking which makes me even later.  
“You’re waggling. Did you--? Never mind, I don’t want to know.” Sophie shudders as she throws a box of cookies at me that I have to stack the empty shelf with. Hello to you too Sophie. I roll my eyes at her and open the box. These look delicious, I have to remind myself to by some after I’m done with work.  
“For your information, I did not. I am saving myself.” I reply with a smirk as I see her scrunch up her nose because I told her something about my sex life. “And besides, who says I’ll be the one taking it up the bum?”  
“Niall!” She gasps, hitting me with bag of crisps. “I said I didn’t want to know!”  
I smile at her with the most innocent look I can manage and her expression relaxes. “No actually, my knee was attracted to the coffee table and the table decided to pull my knee in for a kiss.”  
I pull up the right leg of my jeans and see a bump and a bruise forming right below my kneecap. I groan. “Next time Harry messes with me, I want him to bruise me, not my table.”  
“Wait, hold on, rewind. The next time Harry messes with you?” Sophie asks, dropping the box she was stocking on the floor and raising her eyebrows as she looks at me as if I just told her her favorite brand of nailpolish stops making the color she always wears.  
“Yeah but I was late for work so I can’t talk about it...” I tease, going on with restocking.  
“You know you can’t keep quiet forever. Hey, what do I have here? Is it a bagel?”  
“Fine.” I snatch the baked good out of her hand and hum as the smell fills my nose. “Harry and I are tweeting. He replied to me once, then he followed me as you know and then last night he replied to my DM. I found out this morning.” I leave out about the love is love tweets because I’m still not sure about that one.  
“You are kidding.” Sophie eyes me suspiciously. As if I would ever.  
I quietly look around me like an too obvious spy to see if anyone – my boss, is looking and get my phone out of my jeans pocket. I show Sophie the proof of what I just told her when my phone buzzes in my hand.

It’s another message from Harry... Jesus Christ boy, what are you doing to me?


	7. Chapter 7

I nearly drop the phone out my hands. It’s like the devil is playing with it. Sophie laughs loudly at me and I feel my cheeks heating up. It is not funny. It’s not.

“Well, aren’t you going to open it?” She presses, inching closer.

I look at her, hugging my phone to my chest and glare. “It’s private, don’t look.” I murmer, peeking at my screen to check of the notification of a new message is still there. It is. Holy Jesus mother of Mary it is.

“Niall, you just showed me the previous messages and you’re going to want to talk to me about this one too.” She smirks knowningly. She just doesn’t understand; it’s my phone, my message, my Harry. I try to glare at her and for some reason she backs off. “Fine.” She throws her hands up in the air and huffs.

I take a step back, just in case and take a deep breath as I unlock my phone.

 

_Harry_Styles_

_DM @Niall_Horan: No plans, just chilling. Maybe going out tonight and play hide and seek with paps. You when you’re done at work? .x_

I feel myself grinning and if my boss wasn’t right around the corner I would’ve made a few handstands or twirled through the shop but instead of all that I try to stay calm and collected. It’s just a message, not a big deal. You don’t have to squeal or flap your arms like a penguin trying to fly. I can do this, I can stay calm. Ha, no I can’t.

 

_Niall_Horan_

_DM @Harry_Styles: You can hide at my house anytime. Why are you asking? Want to take me on a date? ;-) xxx_

_Niall_Horan_

_DM @Harry_Styles: You gave me my hardest challenge yet by the way, I had to stay quiet after you tweeted cause my boss is around. xx_

The reply is almost immediate and it startles me. Wow, doesn’t this boy have a life or something? Ha! Just kidding, I know all about his life. Oh that sounds freakish. I seriously need to do something about my high level of creepiness.

 

_Harry_Styles_

_DM @Niall_Horan: Thank you for the offer, I’ll keep that in mind. You live in London then? I have to know where to pick you up. ;-) .x_

_Harry_Styles_

_DM @Niall_Horan: Oh you live in London, your bio says so. Hey, nice blog. And don’t tweet in work hours you bad boy. .xx_

Oh my God, think about my grandmother in a bikini, barfing elephants, _girls,_ anything to prevent myself from having to adjust my jeans because wow, I can totally picture him saying something like _you need to be punished, bad boy?_ and shit, my pants are super uncomfortable now. Besides that, is he flirting with me? If it were anyone else I would totally think of it as flirting. Sure, I’m trying to chat him up but is he returning it?

Oh _fuck!_ My blog. Having the URL in my Twitter bio suddenly doesn’t seem like a good idea.

 

_Niall_Horan_

_DM @Harry_Styles: Nooooo! Don’t read my blog it’s nothing, I swear! Please don’t!_

_Niall_Horan_

_DM @Harry_Styles: By the way, is THE Harry Styles flirting with me? xxx_

_Harry_Styles:_

_DM @Niall_Horan: Wow, people are obsessed over us having babies together. That’s not even possible, is it? Imagine having to poop out... ouch!_

Okay, that sure did the trick to calm little me down. It might have even shrunk. Yikes.

 

_Harry_Styles:_

_DM @Niall_Horan: Depends if you mean the brand Harry Styles or the person cause the brand isn’t allowed to..._

_Harry_Styles:_

_DM @Niall_Horan: Shit! Forget that I’ve said that. I can’t delete it, fuck. Just ignore it yeah?_

“O Horan, phone down and get to work!” Nooo, no no no. I want to protest that he can’t do this to me now, that I have to reply because my life depends on it but the strict look on my boss’ face says that I have no chance if I want to keep my job.

I hesitate for a moment because this job is shit and it doesn’t pay the big money but I need it if I don’t want to move back in with my mum in ter country side house in Ireland where I’m not allowed to hang posters unless they’re of Kermit the frog. I give up and pocket my phone with a defeated sigh before I grab a box and get on with my work.

But, so it’s true then? Harry isn’t allowed to like boys? Not saying that he likes me but he did kind of admit that he was flirting with me, right? At least the person behind the name was. I never thought that could be true, that there are people behind him that can forbid him to be the boy he really is. I can’t even imagine what it has to be like and I don’t want to, it must be horrible.

“Ni.” I faintly hear as I slowly come back to earth from my thoughts. “Niall!”

I snap up to see Sophie looking at me with a frown. “What?”

“Do you think frozen peas belong in the crisps section?”

Huh? What is she on about? Oh-- I feel my fingers sting from coldness. Oh. I’ve already put three bags of peas where the Pringels belong. I shake my head and sigh, I seem to do that an awful lot today, before I put the bags back in the box and walk over to the freezers. Maybe I should climb in there, maybe that’ll wake me up from the dream that isn’t really a dream. Harry Styles is real and he isn’t the boy that they make him out to be.

“What did he do to you?” Sophie asks with a genuine sweet voice as she places a hand on my shoulder and squeezes once.

“Oh nothing, I had to put my phone away.”

“I mean Harry. You were so bright and smiley and you kept beaming at your phone but now you look like you’re about to cry.”

I _am_ about to cry but she wouldn’t understand. How can you love someone you haven’t met, so much? I don’t know but I do know that I really love him. I don’t think I’m in love - yet. Oh my life is so confusing.

“I can’t tell.” I say and she looks hurt for a moment. “I mean, he didn’t really hurt me but I think _he_ is hurting and that hurts me. So yeah.” It’s all I can say. Harry asked me to ignore his comment but I can’t so all I can do is keep it for myself then, right?

“Two more hours to go, then we’re off.” Sophie tries to lighten my mood and I smile weakly, thanking her.

Time goes fast painfully slow but somehow I’ve made it through. As my co-worker comes to take over my shift, I grab my phone out of my pocket. I hadn’t felt it vibrate but to my surprise there’s a new message.

 

_Harry_Styles_

_@Niall_Horan: Seriously, it’s freaky. They want to be babysitters, surrogates and all that. You have a strong opinion about me, I see. .xx_

I didn’t think that Harry would still message me after the slip up. Wait! Does that mean he’s still on my blog? Shit this is embarrassing.

 

_Niall_Horan_

_DM @Harry_Styles: Ignore what? ;-) Are you stalking me, Styles? You should do something with your life.... xx_

_Niall_Horan_

_DM @Harry_Styles: Sorry, my boss caught me so I couldn’t reply sooner. Are you alright? I do have an opinion about you but (1/2)_

_Niall_Horan_

_DM @Harry_Styles: only on the person the whole words sees. I bet you’re even lovelier in real life. And maybe even prettier. xxx_

As I enter my house, I throw my keys on the nearest table, at least that was the aim but I miss and can’t be bothered to pick them up. I open my laptop to go on my blog. I need to see what the damage is because since last night I haven’t checked the comments yet. My eyes widen as I see that I have over a hundred comments now and scan them quickly.

Harry is right, there is a lot about babies and wow, this must be awkward for him. I am in this fandom, I know how the fans are and these comments are nothing unusual but it must be weird to Harry. Although I bet he’s seen crazier things. Something like nipples against a car window.

I don’t know what to put on my blog because Harry might read it. I’m not saying he will keep track of what I’m writing _ranting_ but since we’re still talking through Twitter, it wouldn’t surprise me if he saved my blog under his favourites to check when he’s bored or to give his self-esteem a big boost since my blog is nothing but good about him.

 

_Yay, I have a new best friend in Miinerva! Sophie has some competition, oh she’s not going to be happy about that. Narryscupcake, I’m sorry, I’m not quite interested in a threesome or as you call it, a love triangle. I like it how you dedicated your username to Harry and me though. xAustralianKiss, you are beautiful too but sorry, no can do, if you were a curly-haired green eyed boy I’d consider it again._

_I’m keeping this short, not much to tell you guys today, I’ll leave you with my very favorite picture of Harry. It shows his true beauty._

I send my message to the World Wide Web and only a minute and a half later my phone buzzes. I pretend that my heart doesn’t skip a beat and that I don’t hope on only one person messaging me. Oh _hello._ My face breaks out in a grin so wide that I’m afraid my face breaks in half soon. Yep, I can almost feel the cracks in my jaw.

 

_Harry_Styles_

_DM @Niall_Horan: Oh I hate that picture of me. I look horrible. I’m not stalking, just watching you. Might start a blog about you._

_Harry_Styles_

_DM @Niall_Horan: I want to thank you though. I bet you’re really lovely in real life too. You seem wonderful. .xx_


	8. Chapter 8

My heart flutters in my chest, it hasn’t stopped beating rapidly ever since his last tweet yesterday. Is this what a heart attack feels like? No but those should hurt, right? My heart definitely isn’t hurting. No instead it feels like it’s been laid out on a bed of feathers and the prettiest flowers, being caressed by the soft hands of angels and getting sweet little licks by tiny puppies.

I have no idea what to reply, all night I kept staring at the message and wondering if he really means it. Am I the only one he’s having this kind of conversation with? Does he mean it or is he just flattering one of his millions of fans to keep them satisfied?

But as the sun rises and my eyes hurt from being kept open all night, I realise that I don’t really care. He’s sweet and I really think he’s a really genuine guy and a hot one at that.

As Sophie calls to wake me up, she’s surprised to hear my voice bright and clear. It surprises me too since I’ve been gaping at my phone for about nine hours with my mouth open.

“You’re already awake? Are you ill or something?”

I chuckle through the phone as I try to get my socks on with only one hand. “No, I’ve been—thinking.” I reply, as I hold the phone between my ear and my shoulder.

“Thinking? You know it’s eight thirty in the morning right? At this time you usually moan and groan at me because you forgot to buy cereal the day before.”

I huff at her because I don’t _always_ do that. Sometimes I pout because I have no toast. “That’s not true and I’ve been thinking all night actually. I’m leaving in five, want something from the coffee house?”

“Niall, is this really you?” She mocks but cuts herself off as I say her name in a warning tone. “Just a latté, thank you.”

I shrug my work shirt on, grab my keys and put my wallet in my back pocket. With my phone in hand I leave the house and walk down the stairs, greeting my lovely old neighbour with a little wave and an air-kiss.

I need to reply Harry, if I want to keep contact, I need to keep this going. I click on the Twitter icon on my phone and let my thumbs hover over the letters.

 

_Niall_Horan_

_DM @Harry_Styles: I am lovely and wonderful, thank you for noticing. I’m headed of to work again but first coffee around the corner at_

_Niall_Horan_

_DM @Harry_Styles: The Coffee House. It’s delicious. Do you have plans today sexy superstar? Ps. 140 characters is not enough. xxx_

I pocket my phone as the barista wants to take my order. I give him my name to write on the cups and pay before I step aside and wait for my coffee to be made. As a girl calls out Noelle I figure that it’s me. I check the contents of both cups just to be sure and when I find a latté and a hot chocolate I make my way out and get to work.

“You’re awake, dressed, brought coffee and still have six minutes left to spare. Seriously, who are you and what have you done to my best friend. His name is Niall, you probably know him.” Sophie teases.

I glare at my overly active best friend as I thrust one of the paper cups in her out-stretched hand. Lucky for her it has a lid. “My name is Noelle.” I point at the sloppy handwriting on my own cup. “Niall is in seventh heaven. Now drink your coffee and be glad that Noelle is here otherwise you’d be stocking the store on your own today.”

During the whole morning I don’t dare to pull out my phone. I swear I felt it vibrate multiple times but my boss is walking me like a hawk. Maybe it hasn’t vibrated and I have this thing, what is it called again? Phantom vibration syndrome?

It’s quiet at the store today with only a few customers every so often. I’m anxious to see who messaged me, hoping it’s Harry even though it could be anyone else. It could be my mother asking if I don’t forget to do my laundry every once in a while. It could be my dad asking me when I come around for a pint or just someone mentioning me on twitter. I don’t want to get my hopes up on thinking it’s Harry but I somehow have a feeling that it’s him. Please let it be him.

My mind is going crazy with _HarryHarryHarry_ so much that I don’t realize that someone is behind me. I step on their toes and mumble an apology. The guy brushes it off with an ‘it’s nothing don’t worry about it’ and walks away. His after-shave has me light headed for a moment because it’s Jean-Paul Gaultier and that always makes my insides do a happy dance, mmm so freaking delicious. It’s the sexiest smell ever and I wonder how it smells on Harry mixed with his natural scent.

Time goes by pretty fast today actually and before I know it, I work five minutes over-time and now I understand why Sophie looked at me like I’m not myself this morning. I’m not myself. Maybe is Noelle my better alter ego who even bought vegetables to cook for dinner tonight.

In my hurry to get my phone out of my pocket on my way out, I bump into the same nice smelling guy again. I feel my cheeks flame and if I weren’t so occupied with figuring out if it was Harry who messaged me, I would’ve given him a cup of bad Tesco coffee to make it up to him. Instead I grumble another apology and walk around the corner.

It seems that today is my lucky day again.

 

_Harry_Styles_

_DM @Niall_Horan: Hot chocolate from The Coffee House is the best. Sexy Superstar? I prefer Hot Harry. ;-) No I have another_

_Harry_Styles_

_DM @Niall_Horan: day off. The last one for a while. I’m feeling a bit adventurous today. .xx_

I giggle at the cheeky remark about the name he gave himself and click on the reply button but before I can type anything, I get another notification.

_Harry_Styles_

_DM @Niall_Horan: You have no idea what happened to me. First some guy steps on my toes and later he runs into me again..._

What? No, that couldn’t be. It can’t. It wasn’t. No. My heart jumps. Could it be a coincidence? It is a bit too weird to be a coincidence. I think just stood on Harry Styles’ toes and ran into him but couldn’t be bothered to look at him because I was too busy thinking about Harry Styles. Holy shit, this is messed up.

 

_Harry_Styles_

_DM @Niall_Horan: His name was Noelle or something._

How did he-- Fuck, shit, bullocks! I don’t know what to do. Is he still there at the entrance of Tesco only around the corner? If so, should I walk up to him and apologize? I don’t know if I can do that. I always imagined myself being cool and calm because meeting God greatest gift to earth is not such a big deal. Ha that is a lie of course. But we’ve been sending Twitter DM’s back and forth for a few days now, the only difference is that I really have to talk. With words but as in speaking and I’m not good at that. Or at least I don’t think so when it comes to Harry freaking Styles. Even my mind is rambling. I am one messed up chap.

 

_Niall_Horan_

_DM @Harry_Styles: Did he hurt you? If he did, I’ll kick his arse._

I have no idea how but if I actually did hurt him, I will find a way to kick my own behind, even if I have to remove bones or stretch out some muscles, I don’t care. Nobody is allowed to hurt Harry Styles.

 

Does Harry know that it was me? That I was the klutz? Does he know that Noelle is actually Niall and that _I_ was the stupid clumsy boy that not at all gracefully stepped on him? This will be the dead of me, the end of Niall Horan and Harry Styles, there will be no Narry babies or a big fancy wedding if he knows it was me. Although, maybe un-coördination is a turn-on for him. Oh, who the hell am I kidding?

 

_Harry_Styles_

_DM @Niall_Horan: Nah, he didn’t. Thanks for the offer though, hero. I’m wondering how you’d manage though._

Okay, he defnitely knows, he knows it’s me. Shit, I am doomed. I am doomed for life. I thought I had another lucky day but why would I? I had four lucky days in a row, why make it five?

 

_Niall_Horan_

_DM @Harry_Styles: You know it was me, don’t you?_

I slide myself down the wall, not bothering to check if there’s an ant’s nest or dog poo. I’ve just buggered it all up with the one and only Harry Styles. Call me dramatic but it’s true, there’s a little hole in my chest that only he could fill up but now it’s all empty again. Fuck Twitter, fuck everything. Fuck my life.

My phone buzzes again and this time I’m afraid to check what the message says. I know it’s Harry, I know it’s him but I don’t want to read how he says that it’s best to end ‘this’ and that it was fun for the time it lasted, just to be polite. Man up Horan, it can’t get worse so just rip the band-aid off and open your Twitter.

 

_Harry_Styles_

_DM @Niall_Horan: Yes and I know you’re around the corner, I can see your feet. .x_

He’s still there. Harry Styles is still within a few meters radious. What should I do?


	9. Chapter 9

My head is a mess. I would never have thought that I would hesitate to meet Harry Styles. I’ve always thought that when the opportunity came, I would jump on him, snog his face off, love him not so tenderly. But now, now I’m nailed to the cold hard floor, leaning my back against a brick wall, watching people’s legs pass by.

At Harry’s written words, I pull in my feet and wrap my arms around my legs, putting my chin on my knees. I play with the phone in my hands, twisting it between my thumb and index finger. Shall I stand, and man up, show him who the real Noelle—eh Niall is and woo him over with my Irish charms and bright smile?

Oh who am I even kidding? Harry Styles cannot be woo-ed so easily. Especially not by some idiot who steps on his toes and runs into him.

 

_Niall_Horan_

_DM @Harry_Styles: I’m really sorry for being such a klutz. Hope your toes are all right. x_

I put my phone in my pocket and stand up. I brush the dirt from my jeans with a sigh. Goodbye Harry Styles, goodbye chance on marrying the hottest man alive, the cutest boy of the universe, the love of my life. Am I being a bit too dramatic? I think not.

“Maybe a broken toe will improve my dancing.”

Right then, I’m back on the ground. I don’t even feel my behind hit the concrete as the now familiar smell hits me. It’s close, so close that it causes me to shiver. I know that voice and I don’t know how I didn’t recognize it before. It’s low, slow and it sounds like music to my ears. It’s the best sound in the world and it’s directed to me. What is my life?

He sits next to me, the boy that is worth over fifty million pounds or so just put his bum next to me. I can feel his elbow hit my arm but I’m afraid to look up. I’m afraid it’s all a dream and that I’ll wake up cold and alone. As always.

“Hey Niall.” He says, voice smoothe and sweet. I don’t know why he’s doing this, why he takes the effort to talk to me. Especially not after what I did only minutes ago. Why is he so kind?

“Hi Harry.” I reply but I don’t know if he heard me as I could barely hear myself. I’m breathing hard, almost panting. I feel awkward, I don’t know what to say, what to do. I don’t know where to put my arms and legs. I want to look up and see if it’s really him even though the voice is a dead give-away but I can’t seem to move my head. My eyes are glued to the ground where a lot of ankles are passing.

“Why are you sitting here?” He asks and I can feel his eyes scanning my figure. “It’s kind of harsh on the bum, no?” From the corner of my eye I see him shifting a bit. Somehow he’s scooted closer and I can literally feel his arm against mine from where both of our t-shirt sleeves are rolled up. I might have stolen that look from him.

I know I should answer him instead of shrugging my shoulders but it’s hard when everything I’ve ever wished for is sitting right next to me. I should keep this conversation going if I don’t want to mess things up even more. It was so nice to be able to talk to the _real_ Harry even if it was on the Internet. It was easy and comfortable so why would this be any different?

Oh yeah, because I made a complete fool out of myself, that’s why.

“Do you think your toe is actually broken?” My eyes jump from my feet to his suede boot clad ones. The material looks soft and bendable and guilt washes over me.

“I walk in big crowds a lot.” He states, not making any sense. He pauses for a really long time before he continues. “People stand on my feet a lot. I have pretty big feet so it isn’t easy for people to walk around them.” He laughs a little at his own words and it’s hard to keep up the sadness when I hear the silent chuckle escape his lips.

“I think I should go soon.” He says after a silence that’s lasted too long.

I’m ruining it. I’m ruining it. I’m ruining it. I’m actually surprised that he’s still here. If I was Harry I would’ve ran while I could instead of sitting next to a complete freak show. My head snaps up then and feel my cheeks burst in flames when I find his eyes immediately.

Green wouldn’t be the word to describe them. No, that would be an insult because his eyes aren’t just green. They’re like green stones, all different shades and specks. The outter ring of his irisses are dark but closer to the pupil it gets lighter. It’s like a perfectly coloured picture that I can’t tear my own eyes from. It’s when he blinks rapidly a few times that my trance is broken and I look away again.

“Not to sound all popstar-ish who has his head in his own arse but people are looking at us and once someone tweets where I am, it will take only minutes before I get mobbed. Since you’re with me, you’ll get mobbed too, you don’t want that, it’s horrible.” He nearly whispers and my heart swells because instead of pitying on himself, he’s thinking about me.

Come on Irish, get your stuff together. One part of me wants to jump his bones, kiss him until he loses the ability to do anything but make love to me. It’s what I always imagined, what I always wanted to do but I never ever would have thought that he was close enough for me to act out these fantasies. Now that he is, I’m turning into an awkward schoolgirl who can’t do anything than fiddle with her own clothes and blush at the floor.

“Hey Niall, are you going to one of the concerts in the O2 next month?” Harry suddenly asks and I stare at him again.

“N-no.” I stammer. “Tickets were sold out in three minutes.” I think back to the day that Sophie and I were behind our laptops to score tickets to any of the concerts. Tickets were gone before we even made it to the site that sold them.

“Do you want to go?” The smile he gives me is small and sincere and it’s the best one I’ve ever seen.

“I wish I could.”

“I asked if you _want_ to go. Not if you _could_ go.” He pushes with a little smirk, eyebrow raised and eyes shining. “I mean, if the lack of tickets is the reason you can’t go.”

“Of course I want to.” I reply without missing a beat.

“Great, I’ll see you there then!” He stands up and offers me a hand to lift me from the floor as well. I make sure to hold my balance even though it’s very tempting to ‘stumble’ for the third time and wrap my arms around his body to hold me steady.

But, huh? “I’m sorry what?” His words hit me like a brick all of a sudden. He’ll see me there? I’m not going. I. Don’t. Have. Tickets. I look at him confused and only now do I realize how tall Harry actually is. I have to lift my head to look him in the eye and it’s another plus on my why do I want to date Harry Styles list.

“I said, I’ll see you there. Unless you’ve changed your mind already? Did I bugger up today?” He lets go of my hand as soon as I stand and I look at him cautiously. Is he trying to be sarcastic now? I squint my eyes and he huffs out a laugh but doesn’t say anything.

“I don’t think you could ever bugger up, Harry Styles.” I emphatize his name and hey, welcome back Niall, this is how I know you—me. Wait, what are you even--

“Is that so?” His dimple appears as his mouth quirks up in a half smile and no, he could never screw up and if he does, he has dimples to make it up for him.

“Nah, you’re Harry Styles, teenage heart-throb, people would be honored if you vomit all over them.” He scrunches up his nose in a way that can’t be described other than cute or adroable and lets out a disgusted noise.

“That’s... so gross.” He splutters but he doesn’t deny it. The fucker knows I’m right. He doesn’t have to barf on me though, I wouldn’t love him less but like he said, it’s gross. Oh my God, ew.

“Eh.” He mumbles after yet another silence. This one not as uncomfortable as the others, luckily. He holds his hand up with a phone in his palm and I look at it warily. Does he wants me to put his number in his phone but doesn’t dare to ask? Hey, wait. I recognize the case around the white iPhone and see that it’s not his but my phone. Unless he has a Skyway phone case as well. “I think it fell from your pocket.”

I take my phone from his hand with shaky fingers and hold my breath as my skin brushes his. It’s nothing but my fingertip grazing over his hand palm but still, I’m touching Harry freaking Styles. Oh shit, fanboy mode is coming up. I put my phone back in my pocket with a blush and shake my head to clear myself from my thoughts. Not the right time to freak out when he stands in front of you, you were doing so well, don’t screw up again.

“Thanks.” I say, looking back to him. He’s taken a few steps backwards now and I realize he’s really walking away from me this time.

_Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one, you have been the one for me._

He winks at me and it takes a lot for me not to turn in a puddle of my own emotions right here.

“I’ll see you around, Noelle. Don’t make me change my phone number.”

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

 

I don’t know how I got home. Did I walk, dance or crawl? Because as I walk up the stairs of my flat, it’s four in the afternoon. Three hours after our little meet-up. Three hours after I got Harry Styles’ phone number. Everything in my head is blurry. All I see are vague numbers and a winking Harry. He winked at me. He freaking winked. At me!

I can’t believe how stupid I acted. I bet half the fandom would laugh at me because of the fool I made out of myself. I didn’t even ask him for a picture. I met Harry Styles, I have a camera on my phone and it didn’t even cross my mind to ask him for a photo. It was one of the top things on my ‘what to do when you meet _him_ list.’

Oh what the hell am I going on about? I have his phone number.

 

_From Niall_

_To Harry: Now you have my number too. I want to apologize for my behaviour yet again. I’m usually nothing like that. I guess you just overwhelmed me. You are a good guy, Harry Styles. You can throw that award of Villain of the year in the rubbish. Or no, I have a better idea; burn it! x_

Why is texting Harry so much easier than talking to him with my mouth? Maybe it’s the eyes or the curls or the smell. Oh that smell, so delicious. Usually Sophie tells me to shut my mouth because I keep talking and talking but with Harry, I just couldn’t find the right words to say.

 

_From Harry_

_To Niall: I’m happy to see that I haven’t got calls or texts from anyone but you and my mother. Means you didn’t gave my number away or put it on the Internet, so thank you. People tend to go all silent or screaming around me and I’m glad you were in the first category. I will not burn my award but maybe I’ll give you the honours sometime. I have to be all popstar-y now, show rehersals and such, forgot about that. Liam scolded at me for not being home when he was there to pick me up. He even bought me a calendar. Anyway... bye .xx_

I plug my phone into the charger, deciding to leave Harry alone while he’s being a sexy hunk of a superstar. I put the groceries in my fridge, not fancying to make myself dinner anymore. I’ll just order pizza or Thai or something.

I open Twitter on my laptop to see that I have loads of new messages and mentions. I hadn’t been on since this morning and even though I am quite a popular account, I usually don’t get this much messages. Wow, someone became popular.

There are a lot of messages asking if I’m okay and I wonder why until I see my own last tweet in public was two days ago. Oops. I was in my own –and Harry Styles’- little world of butterflies and happiness and I kind of forgot about everything that didn’t involve well, Harry. I quickly type out a message that I’m good, perfectly fine and thank them for their concern.

 

_Niall_Horan_

_What would you guys do if you ran into your idol?_

I hope I’m not giving much away because for some reason I don’t want to share the fact that I met mine today. If I tell it to the world, everyone will have an opinion about it or will start to ask questions. It’s my little secret you know?

I can’t think of anything else to tweet and I don’t feel like blogging since all I can think about is this afternoon and what a darling Harry was even though I was nothing but an awkward chicken. Obviously I’m not blogging about that so I get a drink and plop down on my sofa before turning the television on.

My phone buzzes from the counter and I hesitate to get up and see who it is and I’m about to decide against it because I’m very comfortable burried in the sofa cushions when figurative lightning strikes me because what if it’s Harry?

It is Harry.

 

_From Harry_

_To Niall: No message back? I even gave you two xx’s and you ignore me? Well, I am offended now. Oh by the way, if I met my idol I would try not to bump into them and actually speak to them... :)_

_From Harry_

_To Niall: Ha, did you see? No xx’s. Not even one._

I laugh loudly at that but feel a shiver slowly creeping up my spine because him messaging me _again_ means that he’s thinking of me and reading my tweets. How on earth does this boy work? First I bump into him twice and he’s totally cool with it and sits beside me on the cold pavement. Then he tries to keep a conversation with me even though I don’t respond properly. Then he gives me his phone number and if that wasn’t enough, he messages _me_ instead of me stalking him.

_From Niall_

_To Harry: I thought it was best to leave the sexy superstar alone with his busy schedule and such. I don’t want Liam hating on me, he’s my favorite in the band... I like Louis too, wasn’t there another boy? Eyes green, hair curly? Come on, what’s his name again? No x’s for me means no x’s for you. By the way, stop stalking my tweets, it’s freaky._

His reply comes fast and I can feel a pleasant buzz in my head. I feel dreamy and fuzzy like I’ve been drinkint one shot too many. I’m drinking Pepsi though so that means I’m only drunk on Harry.

 

_From Harry_

_To Niall: Oh, I think I’ve seen that guy on television. Tattoos everywhere, all the ladies fancy him..._

_From Niall_

_To Harry: Nope, that’s Liam again._

I rush to the kitchen to get a bag of crisps and the bottle of Pepsi before I fly back to the sofa where I already have a new message. Damn, you’d think this boy had a life.

 

_From Harry_

_To Niall: No, this kid’s name is something with an H. Rumoured to be dating Taylor Swift or no, today it’s Nadine Leopold I think. All utter bull. Has long limbs and big feet. People like to stand on his toes a lot._

Even though he can’t see me, I still flush in embarrassment, I don’t think I’m ever going to live that one down. If he was next to me right now I’d scoff at him and slap him on the shoulder playfully until he gets sick of me and kisses me. Okay we know that’s not going to happen because all I do around him is stutter and look away. I’m quite the catch, aren’t I?

 

_From Niall_

_To Harry: I know who you mean now, he didn’t date Taylor? Good, I don’t think they’d fit anyway. What about Caroline and that model with the eyebrows?_

_From Harry_

_To Niall: Nah, they tried dating but failed. Caroline is lovely and they kind of hit off but it didn’t work out in the end. Cara is beautiful but he wasn’t really interested. Neither was she by the way, the press just sees things that aren’t there. They see what they want to see. You don’t think Taylor and he looked good together? Who would he look good with then? Kendall Jenner? x_

_From Harry_

_To Niall: Shit. Slipped in an x there. Didn’t mean anything by it. I’m still glaring at my phone because you ignored me._

Seconds later another message pops up but it takes a while to load. I try to be patient but hear myself scolding my phone and my bad Wi-fi connection for taking so damn long. After a while it’s finally fully loaded and I see a picture of Harry glaring at me with a pout. It looks like he’s biting his upper lip to keep himself from laughing though. I safe the picture and look at it a bit too long before I remember that I’m supposed to reply.

 

_From Niall_

_To Harry: Awww, glaring suits you. Your smile is prettier than your frown though. You look a bit like that guy from that band we were talking about but I think I like you better. I think he’d look good with a blonde, maybe not a natural one. Someone with blue eyes, a bit awkward at times... Okay if it makes you happy, here. XX. They were big x’s you can’t complain now._

 

His reply comes late this time and I’m afraid that I maybe overdid it. Was my flirting too much? Does he even see it as flirting or is he just done with texting me for the day? I can understand that a lot of Niall on one day could be too much for him. But then it comes and my worries wash away.

 

_From Harry_

_To Niall: Sorry for the late reply, I had to get out of the van and into the venue. I’m glad you like me better than him. I like me better too. At least I can be who I really am and he can’t. That person sounds interesting, would they be interested? xx --I like small ones better._

 

Is he flirting back? I don’t know, my head is a whirlpool of thoughts and emotions. It’s like someone put my brain in a blender and mixed it on the fastest level.

 

_From Niall_

_To Harry: That must be hard for him. I can’t imagine what it must be like, I’ve always been myself (not counting that one time I met a sexy superstar), even when I found out I like boys. I’m out and proud and everyone accepts me. I think the blonde would be interested, he can be a bit shy at times so he won’t make the first move. Curly has to ask him. xxx_

Everyone I know knows about my sexuality and I’ve never been ashamed. But I just told Harry Styles that I like boys even though that might’ve been clear al along. It’s just different to tell someone instead of giving hints. My heart hammers in my chest so hard that it gives me a headache and I never expected him to reply so fast. It’s just banter. Harry and I are just messing around, it’s not a big deal. Just a popstar and a Tesco worker making jokes. Oh who the hell am I kidding here? I have no clue what’s going on.

 

_From Harry_

_To Niall: His life looks like a day in the park, worriless and easy but it’s not. He wishes he could be more like you. xx_

_From Harry_

_To Niall: Oh and maybe one day he will. :). Got to go now. xx_

I’m reading the last texts over and over again trying to figure out what exactly he’s saying. He says he wants to be more like me right after I said I like boys and am happy with it. And maybe one day he will? Then it all clicks...

Will curly make a move on the blonde? Curly being him, the blonde being me. Does Harry Styles like boys?

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

I want to ask him whether or not my thoughts are true but how do you ask someone who you just started talking with if they’re into boys? _So hey Harry, what’s up with your sexuality? Do you like it in the bum?_ I can’t just do that. He might like giving more than receiving. Besides, I finally have a conversation going after all the awkwardness and I can’t bullocks that up by asking if he’s gay, or bisexual at the least, or not.

_From Niall_

_To Harry: Am I supposed to leave you alone now? I’m confused. x_

 

I’m confused not only about what to do but also whether you are subtly trying to make clear that you’re into boys. It makes my brain dizzy just thinking about it. Oh my gosh, imagine Harry Styles, not only breaking girls’ hearts but boys’ hearts as well because he’s dating me. Oh hell yes, I’m sorry for your poor hearts but if he’s into boys, he is mine. Keep your claws off of him!

 

_From Harry_

_To Niall: Why? Sick of me already? You even sent only one x. I thought you liked me. :( xx_

I can imagine his pouting lips, dark pink, moist and sad as he looks at his phone and it makes me cringe a little. I don’t want my Harry being a sad puppy, his eyes look best when he smiles, I witnessed that today.

 

_From Niall_

_To Harry: Oh no I do like you! Sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just thought that I should maybe leave you alone since you have rehearsals and all. Sorry. xxxxxxx_

I seem to apologize a lot today, what is up with that? I should be too cool to apologize, swag and all that. Harry’s reply comes only a minuted after I sent mine and it makes me wonder how busy the life of a hunky superstar actually is. He’s always on his phone.

 

_From Harry_

_To Niall: Ha! I can’t believe you fell for that. I teased you, I know you love me, you fanboy. Ha! I’m such a funny guy._

_From Harry_

_To Niall: Oh yeah, almost forgot: xxxx. Two more than usual for the teasing. Okay fine, here. x_

He does know that x’s stand for kisses right? Wait. He teased me? What an arse! Louis’ arse and that’s how big of an ass he is.

 

_From Niall_

_To Harry: You absolute dick. To make it up for the teasing, all the x’s you sent, you must give real ones. And I don’t mean the letter._

 

I hesitate as my thumb hovers over the send button. I am quite literally asking him for his kisses now. Oh what the heck, I already came out with him, flirted with him and called him names like sexy superstar so screw it all, I’m sending it.

 

It’s about two hours later and he hasn’t replied yet. Did I scare him off? Is he rehearsing? I’m suddenly scared that I messed it up. I’d understand because a guy can only take so much awkwardness a day. I just misread his signals, the words he sent didn’t mean what I thought they meant. He just likes the letter x. I should’ve sent him H’s because that’s my favorite letter. Damn fuck, shit I’m such a stupid wanker, oh my gosh I can’t believe I thought that freaking Harry Styles was flirting with me.

Hours go by slow tonight and I keep clicking the refresh button on Twitter. Maybe one of those update accounts knows where Harry is but there’s nothing. Stupid update acounts stalking the boys’ families. I don’t care that Lottie had a ladder in her leggings or that Liam’s rumoured girlfriend went out with her friends for coffee. Can’t they keep track of their main objects of stalking? I huff at my screen, why am I even following them?

After unfollowing a lot of bullshi—I mean update accounts and raping the refresh button, I see that Liam of all people has come out of his cave and tweeted. It seems like he’s already at home as he tweets that he’s chiiiillinnnn in his bed. That means that Harry should be home as well because Liam picked him up on their way to the venue.

 

_From Niall_

_To Harry: Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, it wasn’t my intention._

It’s my last try to make things better. From the boy who peed rainbows this morning isn’t much left, I feel a bit empty for some reason. Looks like texting Harry Styles is an addiction and I’m already hooked on it. I need to go to rehab. _Hi my name is Niall Horan, I’m twenty-one and addicted to texting Harry Styles. Well actually to Harry Styles in general._

Right after Liam’s tweet, Louis tweets that he had a good time rehearsing and is buzzing for the tour that starts in three days.

I would’ve thought better of Harry than him simply ignoring me. Couldn’t he just’ve said something like ‘Sorry Niall, you’re too weird for me.’ just so I know where I stand. Now I’m suffering minor heart attack every time my phone buzzes. _And ow, giving me a heart attack, getting over you._ That’s an old song. I need to get new song references.

Fucking mister perfect Styles thinks he can ignore me simply because he’s the worlds most eligible bachelor. Well guess what mister I’m too sexy for my skinny jeans, I’m awesome too and I don’t need your x’s or your texts or your teasing or _you_. I stare angrily at one of my posters but he doesn’t even flinch. What a nerve he’s got. I don’t need you, you’re not as amazing as you think you are, Harry Styles.

Somewhere between threatening my posters and my second crying fit I fall asleep only to be woken up by the buzzing of my phone.

“What?” I groan as I lift the phone to my ear.

“Sophie? You there?” I mumble with my face pressed into my pillow. I feel like I’ve slept only two hours, is it really eight fifteen already? And why doesn’t she reply?

I open my eyes to see that’s it still dark outside. I rub my eyes to get my vision a bit steadier and see that nobody is calling me but that I have two new messages instead. I vaguely register the letters forming the name Harry and I turn on the lights. I squint my eyes to read the message. Damn you tired eyes, focus!

 

_From Harry_

_To Niall: Yeah you made me uncomfortable. You know why? Because you left out kisses AGAIN, you keep doing that. Or not doing that. I don’t know, I’m tired. I just got home and I’m in my bed now. It’s cold here, it would be nice to have someone warming up my bed on days I get home late... xx_

_From Harry_

_To Niall: You interested? It’s an unpaid job though. xx_

I check the time on my phone and it reads 2.13 AM. Harry only just got home? He probably went out clubbing again or something. Something in me feels dissapointed, dissapointed that he went out and chose to ignore me. On the other hand, he does text me in the middle of the night and whines about kisses. Wait, did he just get ‘upset’ because I left out kisses in my texts and did he refer x’s as kisses?

 

_To Harry_

_From Niall: Can’t you buy a dog or one of those electic heater blankets? You’re not even willing to pay me, you cheap millionaire. xxx_

_To Niall_

_From Harry: Paying you to get you in my bed, that makes you sound like a rent boy, doesn’t it? xx_

_To Harry_

_From Niall: You’ve got a point there. A dog it is then. xxx_

I switch off the lights again as they’re hurting my head. I’m fighting to stay awake even though he doesn’t deserve my undevoted attention. He kept me waiting so I can keep him waiting too. It’s a shame that I’m putty in his hands—texts. What am I even saying?

 

_To Niall_

_From Harry: They’ll drool on my pillow and get hairs in my bed. Please Niall? Pretty please? xx_

Oh my God, Harry Styles is begging me to get me in his bed. I’d never thought this day would ever come. I should mark this day, or night, in my calendar. _The first night Harry begged for me._

 

_To Harry_

_From Niall: Styles, are you drunk? xxx_

_To Niall_

_From Harry: Ha, my vocal coach would murder me if I were drunk. Practiced my solo on Fools Gold until 1AM, got home straight after. I would be asleep by now if SOMEONE had warmed up my bed. xx_

So he didn’t go out to a club? If he lied I’ll see the pictures tomorrow, for now I believe him.

 

_To Harry_

_From Niall: What’s in it for me? xxx_

_To Niall_

_From harry: Fluffy sheets, a giant and comfortable bed, ME._

 

I open the picture attached to the last message and gulp. Well Harry Styles, if you always look like that in bed, I can’t promise I won’t drool on your pillows.

Fuck me I’m ready.

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

 

I might or might not have had a naughty dream last night. I at least had to change my sheets and have a good and long shower this morning. You can’t blame me though, think about you being in Harry Styles’ bed. Him all cuddled up to you and you wriggling back to feel more of his warmth, of his body when suddenly something is poking you. Yes, you can imagine it yourself from there and I’ve never been more pissed off when Sophie called me to get ready for work. I was ten minutes late as well.

“You were particularly grumpy when I called you.” Sophie states as she hands me a box of chocolate bars to stock. I look up at her through my lashes and try to glare. I think I’m failing because she laughs quite loud at me.

“I wasn’t. You were just too bright so the contrast seemed big.” I mutter, opening the box of chocolates. Oh I could go for some chocolate now. Where some people like to smoke after—ejaculating, I know a fancy word! I like to eat chocolate. I have to wait two more hours until I can burry myself into the brown goods, sadly enough.

“Niall, are you on your period? With all the mood swings and all...” Sophie asks with a smug grin and I huff. If I were leaking blood, oh yikes no please no. I would have to walk around with sanitary pads the size of a matress in my underwear. That must be uncomfortable, oh no! I love my willy.

“Shut up and go back to work so we can get this morning over with and I can lick a chocolate bar or drown myself in Maltesers. Or maybe I should go for chocolate ice cream or chocolate chip cookies.” Mmm. Why is there so much chocolate stuff in the world, too many choices that I can’t make. I tend to buy them all and eat everything until my belly is on the verge of exploding. It’s like a competition, I know I end up nauseous but when there’s only one bar left, I have to eat it. I can’t give up until I ate it all. Shit, I do sound like a girl on her period. I should go to the doctors to check if I really don’t have a uterus.

“Chocolate? Oh I know what that means.” Sophie grins and does she really think that I have a tampon up my penis now? Oh gosh, don’t think about that. That must hurt.

“Do you now?” I ask, not really wanting to know the answer that she gives me anyway.

She wiggles her eyebrows in reply. “What’s his name?”

I stumble over my own feet even though I stand still. “Whose name?” I feel my skin burning up by the memory of my dream that’s still very clear on my vision.

“The name of the guy you had sex with last night.”

Just as I want to reply with a witty remark, someone clears his throat from behind me. I want to disappear from the earth because I think my boss just walked in on this awkward conversation but my shame gets even bigger when I realize that it’s not my boss standing behind me.

“Hi Noelle.” His hair is pushed back under a green beanie with a few stray curls popping out on the sides. He’s wearing one of his horrible floral printed shirts and black skinny jeans with his trademark brown suede boots. How come he can pull it off? On anyone else it would have been ugly but no, not on Harry Styles,

I close my eyes to get my brain sorted out because one, he just probably heard Sophie asking me who I had sex with last night and two, I’ve made a stuttering – if I even were talking, fool out of myself once and I cannot do that again. I plaster a smile on my face and greet him back. “Hey!”

I rake my eyes over his body, from his toes to his face and the dream comes flooding back to me. I can nearly feel his hands on my naked body, helping me finish as he mutters naughty things in my ear. No no, no, this can’t be happening. Stop Niall, stop thinking about it. Powerless, I don’t care it’s obvious. I got no control. Wait no, give me back my control. Think girls, girls with vaginas on their period. Thank God, that does the trick.

“Yeah I eh, I just dropped by to give you these.” He reaches into his back pocket and hands me two pieces of paper. “It’s the opening night, tomorrow. I hope you don’t have plans. I know it is a Friday night so if you want to go to an other show, that’s alright I’ll fix something.” Harry Styles is actually rambling and his face is flushed. Did I do that or is he just in a hurry?

“N-no I don’t have plans.” I reply after I’m done gaping at him. “I’ll come, of course I’ll come. Can’t wait!” I am actually so excited that I’m going to see Skyway but I can’t just freak out over tickets when one of the three lead singers is standing in front of me. It has to wait until I finish the chocolate later today.

“Good.” He smiles. “I have to go now. Louis is waiting in the car.” He motions with his thumb over his shoulder and before I know what’s happening, I’m in Harry’s arms.

“Louis? O my God, where?” Sophie screeches. Did she just really knock me over to get a glimpse of Louis? I knew my fanboy ways would rub off on her. Still, she had no right to push me into Harry’s arms. His muscular strong arms, comfortable and warm—think Niall. Stand on your own two feet, you can do it, come on now.

“Sorry.” I bite my lip as Harry helps me to stand up straight. “This is Sophie, I’m taking her with me tomorrow.”

“Take me where? Oh My God! I think Louis just smiled at me!” She all but has her face plastered to the window to have a good look at the blue-eyed boy in the giant black Range Rover across the street. I laugh at her because wow, I never thought she could be like this. This is something to tease her about forever and ever.

“Yeah eh, I really need to go now. I’m afraid she’ll attack my car if I don’t leave now.” He smiles but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Is he offended that she doesn’t freak out over him but does go nuts over Louis?

“Okay, bye Harry.” I feel the urge to wrap him in a hug because his lips turn upwards a little but he doesn’t really smile. It’s one of those fake smiles he wears whenever he’s trying to be polite when he actually doesn’t want to. I don’t hug him though, it seems inappropriate for some reason.

“Bye.” He has already opened the door when he turns to me. “Text me later?” His voice is soft and low and if I wasn’t so focused on him, I probably wouldn’t have heard him.

“I will.” I nod and wave awkwardly. He smiles again, this time a little less fake and yet, it feels like a punch in the gut. I sling an arm around Sophie’s waist and for once I’m the one to tell _her_ to get back to work.

About fifteen minutes later Sophie gasps next to me and punches me in the shoulder. “ _Text_ him?” She nearly shouts. “You have his number? You’re texting Harry Styles? Oh my God is he the one you had sex with last night?”

I quickly clasp my hand over her mouth to stop her yelling. “Soph, shush!” I order with wide eyes. What if there are people here who actually believe her. There will be headlines in the media telling that Harry is gay and banged a blonde and that the blonde confessed. They’d want me to talk and chase me down the streets with cameras. Harry would be much worse, I don’t want to think about how it would be for Harry.

“I didn’t have sex with him.” I say also a bit loud because if someone heard her, they should hear me too. “And I never will have sex with him either.” Everything in me hopes that it’s not true, that maybe one night he and I will make love but the chances are slim, so slim that even after the possible flirting, I don’t think that it will happen.

“Oh eh, yeah.” To my surprise it isn’t Sophie’s voice I hear but it’s Harry’s who turns around quickly and leaves the store for the second time today. The car is closer now and Louis is leaning against the hood. I can’t see Harry’s face but Louis’ features change from smiling to a frown in only a matter of seconds. He opens his arms and Harry falls into them, slotting their bodies together easily. The embrace lasts for only a few seconds and when Harry turns around I see a hint of a frown on his face too. His lips are in a pout that has my heart breaking into pieces and I can’t do anything but watch them drive away. I knew there was something off about him today but would I have been allowed to ask about it? Are we at that level in whatever we call this relationship yet? I just hope I’m not the cause of his troubles.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

“I need to go, I’ll see you tomorrow, don’t make plans for tomorrow night, we’re going to see Skyway.” I ramble to Sophie as soon as the person who has the afternoon shift takes over from me. I don’t bother to buy any food as I’m not planning on cooking anyway and hurry my way out of the store. I need to get home and think. I want either to be alone or strangely enough, I want to be with Harry. I want to know what he came to do the second time and why he left so abruptly.

As soon as I’m home, I attempt to throw my keys on the table by the door and kick my shoes off. I feel the concert tickets in my pocket and get them out. Holy freaking shit, those are backstage tickets. Does that mean we’ll meet the boys? All of them? Oh my God oh my God oh my God! What am I going to wear?

Okay, calm down Niall, first things first. Harry.

 

_From Niall_

_To Harry: Hey, I just got home from work. Thank you again for the concert tickets, I’m looking forward to the concert tomorrow. I couldn’t help but notice your sad face when you left the second time. Are you all right? xxxx (an extra x for the pout you wore this morning.)_

 

I feel like it has to do something with me. Why else would he all but make a run for his car without even talking to me? Did he already regret inviting me to the tour? Am I still too awkward for him? I slump down on the sofa and groan. My life is freaking complicated. I did not sign up for this.

I grab the laptop from where I left it on the coffee table and open it. It’s been a while again since I’ve been on twitter and my blog. I reply to a few messages on twitter, retweet some random stuff but then a tweet catches my eye. My breath hitches in my throat as I read the words out loud. Does this have something to do with the weird mood this morning?

 

_Harry_Styles_

_We’re not broken, just bend._

I recognize the lyrics from an old P!nk song and search for it on Youtube. It’s a rather sad song about a love that’s is bruised but not over yet, it can be fixed. Is Harry seeing someone and are they struggling in their relationship? Something breaks inside of me. Shit, did I really think I had a chance of being with Harry Styles? I was so weary about developing feelings for him because I knew the chances were slim and yet the disappointing feeling in my chest says that I gave myself hope.

I want to text Harry, ask him if there’s someone in his life, in his heart but I can’t. I have no right to pry in his love life or in his life at all. The selfish part of me hopes that they’ll break up so I might have a shot after all but the other part of me just wants him happy, doesn’t want to see that sad face ever again. It’s like the devil and the angel on my shoulders.

My phone buzzes and I sit up straight, in my anticipation to read the text I just received, I drop the phone to the floor. “Shit.” I mutter to myself while I keep my fingers crossed, hoping that my screen hasn’t cracked. I let out a relieved sigh when I see that there’s not even a scratch on my iPhone screen. I open the message and almost purposefully throw my phone back to the floor. It’s a message from Sophie to ask if I was joking or not, if we’re really to the concert tomorrow. I reply with a simple ‘yes’ and hope that she’ll leave me alone for the rest of the day.  

My phone buzzes again, it’s probably a reply from Sophie to ask if I’m really not kidding but the buzzing doesn’t stop. There’s a blocked number calling me.

“Hello?”

There’s a silence. The person on the other side doesn’t talk, I don’t hear their breathing and there are no brackground noises.

“Hello?” I try again but there’s nothing. I sigh and lean back on the sofa. I make myself comfortable against the pillows and cross my legs in front of me. They are calling me, it’s their money, not mine.

“If this is a prank call, I will not pay your telephone bill at the end of the month.” I keep the phone pressed against my ear as I close my eyes since there’s still no response at the other side of the line.

“My phone is nearly dead so if you have anything to say, you might as well say it now.” I yawn. My mobile is almost fully charged but maybe it’ll get them to talk. The phone is warm against my ear and the silence is kind of annoying me now. “You call me to talk, not because you want to hear me breathing or something. Or is that just me? Am I weird for wanting a conversation on the telephone?”

“Niall?” An all too familiar voice says my name. It gives me goosebumps all over my body and a shiver runs down my spine.

“Yeah?” I reply, waiting for what he’s about to tell.

“Why are you calling me?” I frown and check my phone. It really says incoming call and a blocked number.

“You are calling me.” I state. “For about ten minutes now.”

I hear some rustling and mumbling before the voice comes back. “Oh, I probaly called from my pocket then.” He says and I can imagine him scratching the back of his head, messing up his hair. How I wish I could run my hands through his hair. I want to know how it feels when the unruly curls slip between my fingers, if he really has a _thing_ for scratching his scalp, if he really moans when you tug his hair.

“Harry, do you really want me to come tomorrow? If you don’t, I understand.” I say before my brain registers my own words. What kind of question is that? And no, if he says he doesn’t want me to come, I don’t understand.

“Are you bringing a date?” He asks then, ignoring my question. I want to laugh, will I bring a date? Is he delirious? Of course I won’t bring a date because the only one that has caught my eye for over the past two years is you, Harry freaking perfect Styles. I don’t say that of course, it makes me look like one of those people with ‘mentally dating three popstars’ in their love status.

“I’m bringing Sophie. You know, the girl who works with me?” I answer him. I might want to buy a leash if I don’t want her to jump Louis. Might as well bring a bucket for her drool as well.

“But she’s not your—“ There’s a long pause and I don’t know if his question is finished and I have to guess the last words. “Never mind.” He says then. “So did she find out?” He asks instead.

“Who found what out?” I ask confused. If he really thinks that I can read his mind, this is going to be one interesting conversation.

“That girl, Sophie. Did she found out with who...” He pauses again. “You know... who you had sex with last night?”

I choke on my own spit. Did he really just ask that? Is he making small talk now or is he fishing? what the hell Harry Styles, I thought my life was complicated already and now you walk in and ask this question. Who do you think you are?

I try to calm down even though my face feels hotter than fire now. You can bake a cake on my cheeks, I’m sure of it. I swallow a lump in my throat and reply. “I didn’t have sex with anyone last night.” I swallow again. “She just assumed it because I was craving chocolate. Shit! I forgot to buy chocolates.”

I hear Harry chuckle and his voice seems brighter than before. “I make excellent brownies.” He says, the smile still evident in his voice. “Maybe we can bake them together sometime.”

My heart stutters in my chest. I’m glad my ribs are strong otherwise my most important organ would thump around on my coffee table by now. If it were anyone but Harry Styles, I would’ve thought it was kind of a date suggestion. But we are talking about this particular Harry and he’s probably twisted in some kind of should I or shouldn’t I break up situation. At least that’s what I think of his most recent tweet.

“Yeah maybe.” Before silence hits us once again, I speak up again. “Harry...” I let his name roll off my tongue and wish I could give him a cute nickname. “Harry, are you alright?”

“Why?” Is all he asks before he lets me talk again. I’m wondering if he’s well and he just asks why? Well Harry Styles, it has something to do with the fake smiles and the pouting and frowns this morning. Since I can’t kiss it better, I want to do it with words.

“Because you seemed sort of upset this morning.” He doesn’t say anything and I feel like the world has turned around, I’m the one talking and he’s the awkward silence boy. “I mean it’s none of my business and you don’t have to explain but I just want to know if you’re alright.” I ramble, hoping that he doesn’t think I’m snooping.

“I was just in a mood I guess.” He says soft and I feel like he isn’t telling the whole truth but who am I to call him out on that? “I’m fine now but thank you for asking.”

 _Really? Are you sure? You don’t sound fine._ The words linger on my tongue but I don’t say them out loud, like I said, it’s his life and not mine. I care for him, probably a bit too much but I’m just a fan, I’m not a dear friend. Louis probably knows the whole story behind pouting Styles.

“You can come through the back entrance tomorrow.” He then suddenly says and I’m wakened from my little daze.

“Excuse me?” Back entrance, in the gay world – or just my world, that’s kind of naughty. I want to giggle but I keep it in even though my face is going to explode any moment now.

“Tomorrow, at the concert.” He explains. “You don’t have to take the main entrance. You have to show your tickets to the guards outside, you’ll get a bracelet so you can walk around freely. Drinks are on our charge and there are snacks too.” I let out a _mmm_ and Harry laughs. “More excited for the free snacks than to see us live?”

I snort at that, I love food but if I had to be on a non-food diet for three months to get concert tickets, I’d do it. _I volunteer!_ “Never!” I laugh. “I like my food but this band is just amazing.”

“You’re not going to eat us, are you?” He gasps but I hear him stiffle a laugh behind his hand. “Because otherwise I would make a Wanted poster with your picture on it.”

“Ew.” I say. “Don’t put my name on anything with The Wanted. Or Wanted or anything like that.” I hear him actually laughing out loud now and butterflies fill my stomach. I did that, I made that crazy bark of laughter errupt from him. Hasn’t the Wanted split up, by the way?

“I can’t wait to introduce you to Louis, he’ll love you!” He says between laughs. “But no matter how much he’ll try to wrap you around his finger, I’ll still be your favorite, right?” He’s still laughing but I can actually hear some seriousness in his voice. Is he actually scared that I’ll choose Louis over him? Doesn’t he read my blog? I admit, Louis is sexy and his behind is every gay boy’s dream but come on, he can’t replace Harry, no matter how big his butt is and I like big butts. _and I cannot lie._

“Depends...” I say with a smirk. He can’t see me but I’m sure it has some effect on my voice too. “Depends on how good your brownies are.”

He chuckles at that. “I’m safe then.” The boy is awfully smug with his cooking skills. “Hey Niall I’ve got to go now, last rehearsals and stuff.”

“Okay. It was nice talking to you. Good luck with the finishing touches, I’m sure it’s going to be a great tour. I can’t wait for tomorrow!”

“Yeah me neither.” He breathes. “I’m really glad you’re coming tomorrow.” He sounds soft and earnest and I actually feel like he wants me to be there. I no longer feel like a burden, using him for free tickets. I would’ve paid for them but they were sold out and Harry gave them to me out of free will, I didn’t ask for them.

“Me too.” I reply. “Thank you for inviting me.”

He sighs on the other end before he ends the conversation with something that messes with my head even more. “It’s actually all my pleasure. See you tomorrow Noelle.”


	14. Chapter 14

The freaking day goes by so agonizing slowly. Work was absolute torture because I was waiting for Harry to come in and swoop me off of my feet with his absolute gorgeousness but he wasn’t there. I only got one text during the whole day to ask if I was still going to come tonight. Of course I’m still coming, even if I lived in China and had to walk to London, I still would’ve come.

But it’s finally there now. On my way to the venue I’ve checked my pockets at least a hundred times to see if the tickets were still there and now Sophie and I are staring at an enormous giant of a man who demands to see our tickets. He grumbles a bit before he hands us a bracelet and opens the door to let us in.

We’re officially backstage now. Oh my Gosh! I’m still breathing so that’s good. I look around with my mouth agape and my eyes wide. It looks so posh and glamourous and I should’ve dressed better, should’ve worn some fancy button up shirt instead of of a simple white shirt with black jeans and white high tops. Sophie said it looks nice on me so I blame her if my choice of clothing will be frowned upon.

“Shall we check out the snacks?” She asks knowingly. I nod happily and make my way through the crowd. On my way to the bar I can see Harry’s mother and sister, I recognize some of Liam’s friends – Andy, hard not to see that tall, handsome boy with the whitest teeth in the world and more of the boys’ families. It’s hard to stay calm between all these people. They all know Harry, Liam and Louis. They all look so relaxed and happy to be here. I’m happy to be here too but not at all relaxed.

After an hour of waiting, snacking and non-alcoholic drinking, a voice sounds through the room calling out to everyone that the concert will start in fifteen minutes and that if we have seats, we should go and find them now.

“Excuse me miss?” I ask for the attention of a girl dressed in black and the logo of the O2 Arena printed on her sleeve. “Eh, Harry got these tickets for us but I have no idea where we’re seated.” I show her the tickets and our bracelets and she motions us to come with her.

After we pass a lot of empty halls and the boys’ dressing room –Oh my God, did I just hear Louis do vocal warm-ups? the girl comes to a stop. “You have to stay behind this line, if you want to sit, you can grab a chair over there. Any more questions?” She asks politely and I shake my head. Nope, no questions, I’m fine here at the freaking side of the stage. Holy mother of all that’s good, this is better than front-row.

“Sorry mate.” I feel a hand on my shoulder, slightly pushing me aside. I actually have to look down to see a tiny but muscled guy making his way to the stage. Josh Devine, tiny but sexy. After the drummer, the rest of the band takes their position behind their instruments and the lights dim. The crowd erupts in screams and my stomach flutters. It’s beginning, the boys are about to come up and rock the first show of this tour.

I blindly search for Sophie next to me and squeeze her arm hard. She squirms beneath my fingers but not enough that I let go. Skyway is about to go up, the intro has already started and the band starts playing the first notes of the first song of the night. Firework explodes and the boys shoot up from under the stage, the spotlights are on them immediately. My heart is hammering in my chest, there they are. Liam, Louis and Harry, wow Harry.

My absolute favourite hunk in the world is looking mighty fine tonight. He’s wearing grey skinny jeans that cling to his legs so much that they could’ve been painted on. Atop he wears an orange blouse that has more buttons undone than actually done. Again, a look that I’m sure no one can pull off except for him. He’d probably look good wearing a rubbish bag too but gosh, he’s looking so good right now that my already unsteady knees feel a little wobbly.

By the time I get out of my daze, the first song is already over and Liam screams hello to everyone in the crowd before he announces the next song. This time I’m actually aware of the music and sing and dance along until it’s time for the first dress change.

The lights dim again and a clip starts playing on a big screen behind the stage but I can’t focus on that because excited voices become clearer as three pairs of legs hurry their way to my side of the stage.

“Louis.” Sophie breathes from next to me and yes, that’s definitely Louis ridding himself of his shirt there next to Liam who has already shrugged his shirt off. Harry has his back to us as he quickly throws his shirt off and accepts the new one, one of their stylists hands him. It’s a plain black long sleeved shirt this time. He then shimmies out of his insanely tight pants and wow, white boxerbriefs look actually good on him. I’m usually not so big on white underwear but holy freaking yes, Harry can walk around in underwear like that all time time. Naked is fine by me too, by the way.

Then he turns around and his eyes find mine. “Niall!” A grin spreads across his features and he moves towards me. Someone has a tight grip on his shirt though so he stumbles back. The man behind him glares at Harry and fumbles with something in his back pocket of the black jeans Harry is currently still putting on, his transmitter probably. Oh that’s a nice job, if that man quits, I’m up for it. I could brush my fingers over Harry’s bum without being scolded at, or touch Louis’, I bet he’s firm.

Harry glances back at the man who now gives a short nod before he turns to Liam. “You’re here!” Harry sounds actually surprised and I laugh at that.

“Well yeah duh!” If I were a teenage schoolgirl I would’ve rolled my eyes at him. “You guys are freaking amazing!” I exclaim and not Harry but Louis accepts the compliment.

“Thank you! Niall, I take it?” The blue-eyed boy raises his eyebrow and I nod. So Louis knows about me? Louis freaking –that’s not his middle name but it could’ve been- Tomlinson knows who I am? Niall Horan, Tesco worker, obsessive Harr—Skyway fan.

Before I can reply, they’re taken away from Sophie and me by another giant who tells them to hurry up. Harry smiles goofily over his shoulder and I want to explore his dimple with my tongue and then they’re back on stage and not only mine, but about thirty thousand eyes are on Harry and the boys now. I’m not jealous or something.

Screw them, I’ve seem them all half naked with my own eyes. You didn’t! Ha! In your face bitche—people.

 

_Just how fast the night changes._

 

Tears stream down my face and from the corner of my eye I see that Sophie is fighting hard to keep it dry. I’m already a lost cause as I can’t seem to stop crying no matter how hard I wipe at my eyes. Night Changes has always been my favorite song and hearing it live is just too much. The vulnerability in Harry’s voice, Ijust don’t know what to do with myself. I feel like throwing myself on them but that’ll probably get me kicked out, I can’t risk that.

 

“You were crying.” Harry says as he’s released from the ass touching man. They’re getting ready for the last block of songs and damn I can’t believe we’re already an hour into the show.

“N-no I wasn’t” I lie. Are my eyes puffy?

“Niall, you know I can see you from up there?” Harry chuckles and no, I didn’t know that. I thought it was too dark on the side for them to see. Don’t they get blinded by the lights? Wait, was Harry looking at me? Oh golly gosh.

The same man from before grabs Harry’s arm again and I want to punch that dude, no one is manhandling Harry but me. Although I think it would be the other way around, Harry pinning me down against the wall and pushing his lower half against me roughly as he bites my lower lip and growls dirty things in my ear. _I want you to rock me_ -hip thrust- _rock me, yeah._ It’s a shame they don’t sing that song anymore.

While my manhood is about to stand up, I feel the need to sit down. Harry’s hand connects with my upper arm and in a flash I see the fantasy I just had really happen. “Stay behind tonight?” He says and yes, I definitely need to sit down now. I nod weakly and Harry smiles before the man drags him back to the stage.

“What was that?” Sophie asks, her eyes following the boys on stage but her fingers dig in the skin of my wrist.

“I—I don’t know.” I answer truthfully. Well basically I just got a massive hard-on fantasizing about Harry who was right in front of me telling me that I should stay behind after the concert. “I need to sit down.” I mutter. I don’t even bother to get a chair so I sit down cross-legged on the cold floor. Sophie doesn’t sit next to me but I don’t mind as long as she doesn’t drool on my head, I didn’t bring my umbrella tonight.

The show goes by all too quickly and the sweating boys leave the stage for the last time this night. They high five and envelope each other in hugs and the sweaty pile of bodies head back to their dressing room. I get up with the help from Sophie’s outstretched hand but hold her back when she’s about to make her way back to the VIP lounge.

“We can’t walk right behind them, they’ll think we’re creepy stalkers.” I explain as she looks at me curiously. She nods then.

“You’ve got a point there.” I always have a point, even if I haven’t I still have a point.

Five minutes later, the halls are clear so Sophie and I make our way back to the room we were in before the concert started. People are coming in and I again recognize a lot of the boy’s family members. They all seem to know each other as they congratulate each other with the succesful show. Mothers kissing mothers, dads shaking hands and cousins bragging about whose nephew is the best. I feel slightly out of place and I see Sophie looking around awkwardly. I can’t leave though, I promised Harry I’d stay.

Ten minutes later, a freshly-showered Louis enters the room. People pat him on the back complomenting him and telling him he’d done well before one of his sisters flies right into his arms. She kisses him sweetly on the cheek and hugs him tight. I feel kind of rude to stare but I can’t help it, the cuteness of the two is too lovely not to look at.

Liam’s sisters are a bit more laid-back as Liam enters but it’s clear how proud they is. The rest of his family surrounds him and soon, he’s nowhere to be seen in the mass of bodies.

“Niall, I really have to go soon.” Sophie breaks my stare to the door. Not that I was particularly waiting for someone or something.

“But Harry asked if I could stay back. We can’t leave now.” I pout. I know I’m being very selfish but come on, what would you do if your freaking hot idol just came up to you and asked you if you could meet up later? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

“Is that why you turned all red? I thought it was because Harry touched you.” Oh my God, Harry really touched me backstage, I could literally feel his fingers on my skin. Don’t freak out now, do not freak out Niall, you’re in public.

“Well.” I’m about to reply when I see Sophie is not looking at me anymore but over my shoulder.

“I brought you something.” The voice behind me says and I turn around all startled. He smells like fruity soap and he looks so clean I want to dirty him up. He’s wearing a white Rolling Stones t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans.

“Hey.” I say at the lack of better words.

He doesn’t say anything, he just smiles one of his real smiles and opens a plastic container and looks at me. His eyes turn from me to the baked goods in front of me and back to me. I raise an eyebrow as to ask for permission and he nods.

“Did you make these?” I ask before I take a bite. Oh mother of all that’s holy, the taste of this brownie is inhumanly good.

“That good huh?” He smirks and I realize that I just moaned. Well, that’s kind of embarrassing. I feel the blush creeping up my cheeks again and choose to ignore the question. Yes Harry, it’s really really good, now let me please take a bite of you. Figuratively. I’m not into that vampire thing unless his blood is made out of brownie batter.

“Ni?” Sophie whispers quietly and I know we really have to go now. “My mum is outside and I don’t want to keep her waiting, she has to be up at six tomorrow morning.” I know she doesn’t want to leave even if it’s just to see me happy but her mother said she could pick us up and it’s rude to keep her waiting until I’m done moaning. “H-hi Harry” She stutters then shyly.

“I trade you Niall for my brownies.”

Wait what?

Harry closes the lid on the container and thrusts it in Sophie’s hands. My best friend looks at the tall boy beside me and the look on her face tells me she’s not sure what she’s supposed to do right now.

“You can have them if you let Niall stay with me.” He casually slings an arm around me, making my legs feel like jell-o again. He is warm or so hot actually that I’m confused that his shirt hasn’t burned up in flames yet. “I promise I’ll get him home safe.”

Do I have a saying in this?

“But my mother—“

Apparantly not.

“Is waiting for you.” Harry finishes for her. “Now go and I’ll fix you a meet and greet with Louis somewhere in the following months.”

That seems to do the trick. Sophie kisses my cheek quickly and grins at Harry, the brownies still clutched tightly in her hands. Wow, am I that cheap? A meet and greet with a popstar and delicious brownies and she’s gone. I would never have agreed to that if it were the other way around. Nah, that’s a lie.

“Do you really have to take the brownies too?” I sigh and Harry huffs out a laugh. It’s not funny, I don’t like people taking food from me.

“Yes I do.” Sophie answers before she turns on her heel and practically skips her way out of the room. Well Harry boy, it’s just you and me then...


	15. Chapter 15

Well okay, we aren’t totally alone of course. Harry’s mother is here and of course his father, stepfather and his pretty sister and numerous of other good looking people. The whole Styles family has had a fair share or the pretty gene. I wish I were a Styles. Or actually no, if I were I would want to have sex with my cousin and that’s quite wrong, isn’t it?

Speaking of Harry, I’ve been trailing after him all night like a lost puppy. He’s been talking to his family and some friends that came and I’m like his backpack with legs, just tagging along. Harry, pick me up at bagage claim, I’ll just lie there waiting for you.

“So you’re the boy Harry has given his number to.” It’s not really a snarl but Louis’ voice has this kind of tone that I feel like I’m slightly under attack.

Sir yes sir. That would be me sir. “Yeah.”

“I see, I see.” He scratches his chin as he looks me up and down. I’m fully dressed but it feels like I’m completely naked. He’s all but smoking a pipe and has his Cluedo hat on. Never knew Louis sexy ass Tomlinson could be so scarily intimidating. “Do you have any intentions of sharing that phone number with other people?”

Are you stupid? Of course not, I’m not going to slim my chances even more to have Harry all for myself. “N-no.” He looks me up and down again and I feel the urge to grab him by his arms and shake him once or twice and scream things like _are you stupid? think Louis, think!_

Instead he asks “Do you like him?”

My mouth is dry as I stare at Louis. How does he mean that question? Do you like him as a singer? Yes I do, he’s got one of the most brilliant voices in the world. Do you like him as a person? Yes, well I don’t really know him yet but he seems wonderful, lovely and even though he bought me from my best friend with food, he seems like a gentleman. Do you like him as a possible boyfriend? Oh heck yes! My body is ready.

I don’t know what to say, yes I like him in all possible ways but would that be the right answer? Luckily my knight in shining armor comes for the rescue. “Of course, I’m his favorite!” There is that arm across my shoulders again, pulling me in. I lift my own arm shakily hesistantly to rest my hand on his waist.

Oh my God! I can feel the curve of his body underneath his t-shirt. I want to lift up the fabric a little and press my fingertips in his side to see if he squirms. I want to feel if his skin is as soft as it looks like on pictures. I want to featherly touch his flesh to see if he gets goosebumps. Wow, it’s getting freaking hot in here. _So take off all your clothes, I am getting so hot, I wanna take my clothes off._

I look up to see both Harry and Louis looking at me. Louis is wearing a denim jacket now and hey, when did he put that on? I think I missed something. Well, my fantasy was good too. Is it totally crazy if I ask for a picture now?

“So?” So what? What so?

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” I ask politely as I fight the blush that’s about to attack my cheeks.

“Louis is wondering if we want to join him for a midnight snack but I’m not really hungry. You can go if you want to?” His voice becomes more silent towards the end and I want to kiss the life out if him yet again. Is everyone crazy tonight? I’ve stayed here for over two hours and watched you chat with every God damn person in the room just because I want to be with you and spend time with you and you ask if I want to grab a snack with Louis? No offense to Louis but come on, I can’t ever choose him over you, not even if it involves food.

“No, I’m good, thanks.” I tell them and Louis walks away with a wave and a shout goodbye. The room has cleared and there aren’t many people left. All the families are gone besides a few drunk cousins by the bar and there are some workers cleaning up the mess they left behind. Then there’s Harry and me, standing in the middle of the room, pressed against each other. Hey, I’m not complaining!

“So do you want to stay here for a bit?” He asks and I shrug.

“Sure.” Everything better than going home and leaving you to go to your own. He guides me over to a table and pushes a chair behind for me. He sits down on a chair of his own and as soon as the contact between us breaks, the cold hits me.

“Hey you’re a fan of us, right?” Well yeah duh. I nod. “Can you be completely honest with me?” He breaks the eye contact and looks at his hands. He’s fidgeting with the ring on his middle finger and his breathing seems faster than normal.

“Of course.” I reply, braiding my own fingers together to stop myself from grabbing his.

“In the last verse of—“ He hesitates. “In the last verse of Night Changes, my first solo. I always run out of breath towards the end and so instead of singing from my middle, I sing from my throat and I know I get off key...” I want to tilt his chin so he would look at me, there is nothing left of the confident Harry that I’ve seen all night, not a spark. “How bad did I mess up there?”

“You didn’t.” I state without missing a beat. He was a bit out of key there, I can’t lie about that but he did not mess up. He shakes his head and huffs out a laugh without humor.

“You said you would be honest.”

“Harry, listen to me.” He doesn’t look away from where he’s now rolling up the hem of his shirt. Oh my golly gosh, I can see his happy trail. Fuck you Harry Styles, I was trying to make a point here and you do _that_. “Hey!” I say now a bit louder. In a flas of courage a grab his chin and make him look at me. Oh wow, that jaw feels so good under my fingers. Can I lick it? No shit! Focus!

“Harry, you didn’t mess up. I know that wasn’t your best vocal part of the night but I bet anyone hasn’t hardly even noticed. Hell, I didn’t even notice until you brought it up just now. You have this enchanting thing about you that the crowd is in awe with everything that you do. Besides, it doesn’t even matter if you slipped up just this one time because the rest of the night you were absolutely brilliant.”

I’ve long dropped my hand back in my lap but Harry is still looking at me. He watches me like he’s searching for something. For the second time tonight I feel completely exposed and I want to run away but I’m frozen on my chair, gazing directly into Harry’s eyes.

“Thank you.” He says then. His voice is raspy and thick like he’s been swallowing away tears. “Come here.” He stands up and takes my hands. I stand up as well and he lets go of mu hands but instead wraps both his arm around my shoulders. My face is burried in his neck as his arms thighten around me. I slowly wrap my arms around his body too and enjoy the warmth and smell that is Harry Styles.

“You okay?” I mumble. I can feel him nod and his grip loosens.

“You give the best cuddles.” He sounds happier now and wow, I just made Harry Styles feel better, he’s smiling again because I cuddled him. I am a freaking genius.

“Excuse me gentlemen, I don’t want to interrupt but we’re shutting this place down for the night.” An important looking guy snaps us out of our little daze and Harry pulls away.

Harry looks down to his watch and his eyes widen. “Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was this late already.” I catch a glimps of the shiny silver watch on his wrist and wow, is it half past four already? How did that happen? “Thank you for the hospitality. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Harry says to the man who just smiles at us.

He leads me outside and I shiver. It was nice this afternoon but it’s kind of cold now the sun is down or ready to get up again actually. He digs around in his pocket until he finds his keys –which I don’t know could manage in such thight jeans- and presses a button. A car makes a beeping noise and the lights flash. “Fancy.” I mumble impressed and Harry grins at me.

“Are you tired yet?” I shake my head. I’m not tired, I’m sure if I was in my bed right now I would probably be asleep right away but as long as Harry is with me, I’m sure I’ll manage to stay up.

“Good.” He opens the door to the passenger side and I slide in. Leather seats, lovely. He closes the door and walks around the giant ass car to get in the drivers seat. I don’t ask questions when he backs out of the parking space, I just slide down a little in my seat and listen to the radio quietly playing on the background.

After a twenty-minute drive, he rolls his window down and presses some buttons and a gate opens. I look around as we enter a private property. There are trees and bushes everywhere and it must look beautiful at daytime.

“We’re home.” He shuts the engine off and twists the keys out of the ignition. He undoes his seatbelt and I do the same. _We’re home_. Home as in Harry Styles’ freaking bachelor pad? Are you serious right now?

He seems to hesitate a little but gets out of the car anyway after a minute. I don’t have time to sit back and think about everything that’s happening right now because Harry has once again opened the car door for me and helps me to get out with a hand on my elbow. “I hope this is okay with you. If you want me to drop you at your place, tell me yeah?” I nod and he smiles again. Oh this is so worth the insomnia.

Harry’s house is large and white with high ceilings and large windows. It’s beautifully decorated which I think he hired someone for but what does it matter? I’m in his freaking house. “Your place looks beautiful.” He has his platinum and gold records on the walls in the entrance hall and yeah, I would be proud of them too and hang them where everyone can see them.

He walks down the hall and I follow him. He switches some lights on along the way and then we enter the living area. “You can sit down.” He motions to the large grey sofa. “Do you want some tea?” No beer, wine or dodgy bottle of alcohol, tea. Didn’t think of him much as a tea person in the middle of the night but then again, what _do_ I know?

“Yes, thank you. I drink it with no milk and a little bit of sugar.” He nods and makes his way over to the kitchen. I let myself sink into his overly comfortable sofa and nestle myself between the pillows. There are pictures on the wall of him and his family, one of his mum and step father, one of him and his sister and one of all the Skyway boys holding their first Brit award.

“That’s my favorite picture of us.” Harry says noticing me staring as he sets down two mugs of tea. “We’re all genuinely smiling and we all look so proud.” He explains and I don’t mention I have that picture saved on my computer somewhere.

He sits down next to me, closer than necessary on the ginormous sofa but it’s comfortable with his leg pressed against mine. “Do you mind if I take this off?” He fingers the fabric of his own shirt.

I don’t know if I actually answered him but he takes it off in one swift movement and hello there chest tattoos. I am not staring, not not not. Okay, maybe a little. Before I know it I hear his belt hit the floor and he’s pushing his jeans away with his now bare foot. He grabs a comforter from behind the sofa and drapes it over the both of us. Oh my god.

It’s hot. So hot. So that’s why I find myself in nothing but my boxers a minute later as well. I hope he doesn’t find it weird but then again, it’s bloody hot in this room and he’s nearly naked too. His arm and leg burn against my skin but I can’t seem to mind. It’s a pleasant burn, the butterflies in my stomach think so too.

Minutes in silence pass but it’s not uncomfortable at all. Harry searches for the remote between the pillows for the flat screen and flicks through a couple of channels before he finds MTV. There’s a documentary of Justin Bieber playing and normally I’m all eyes and ears but I can’t focus on anything but Harry’s warmth right now.

My eyes are getting blurry, it’s hard to stay awake now. I shuffle a bit to sit cross-legged. My leg is fully pressing against his now but he doesn’t seem to mind. I rest my hand on my knee and try to focus on the television but it’s no use, I can’t keep my eyes open any longer. I should tell Harry that I should go home, that I need my bed but I can’t, I don’t want to.

I hear Harry sigh from next to me before his surprisingly cold hand meets my knee. I startle a bit but it all vanishes when Harry links his pinky with mine. I turn my head to see him smile lazily and I think I smile back right before my eyes close for the last time this night.


	16. Chapter 16

 

 

I look around to find myself lying in a bed with unusual surroundings. The bed is much bigger, the sheets whiter and fluffier. The room itself is completely white except for the black bedframe and the black white and red art. There’s a fluffy zebra printed rug on the wooden floor and I’m dying to know what it feels like so I pull my legs out of the bed and slide on the floor. I take three small steps before I feel the softness between my toes. The high wool tickles my feet and a giggle escapes my lips. I shuffle over the rug until the smell of breakfast food enters the room and makes my stomach do a little happy dance.

I’m about to follow the smell of breakfast food when I see that I’m only in my underwear. So I really just stripped down to my pants in Harry Styles’ house? It really happened? That explains the strange room I just woke up in. I can’t remember actually going upstairs and climb into bed and yeah well, I totally fell asleep on Harry last night, didn’t I? That’s nice Niall, I bet you snored or drooled on him too. Good move, you dick.

I pull on a black hoodie that I find hanging from the hood on the door handle. It’s way too big on me as the hem reaches my thighs and the sleeves swallow my arms and hands. It’s comfortable though and it smells really nice. I snuggle more into the thick piece of clothing and make my way out of the room. I come out in a large hallway with strairs leading to the floor below. I follow my nose and go downstairs one step at the time. As my bare feet reach the floor I turn to my left where I smell food and hear humming.

I’m met with a sight that literally takes my breath away. I need to hold myself up against the doorframe as I take in my view. I see Harry clad only in a pair of tight black boxer briefs standing in front of the stove. He’s humming along with a tune on the radio and his head is bobbing slightly to the rhythm. He runs a hand through his messy hair and takes the band from his wrist and gathers his lucious locks and puts them in a bun. He then takes a sip from a tall glass of water standing next to him on the counter and he is literally all I could ever dream of. I watch how the muscles in his tanned back move as he stretches out to grab the glass. I look down from his broad shoulders to his slim waist and back up again. I must have made a noise because once my eyes are back up, he turns around and meets my eyes. They’re captivating, Harry’s whole being is captivating. Bear with me and pray that I don’t moan out loud at the sight of him.

“Oh, hey.” He says, smiling shyly as he scratches the back of his head. His face is turning a little red and it takes everything in me not to run over him and kiss it all away.

“Hi.” I say, suddenly feeling shy and nervous. I scratch one foot with the other and look down. The butterflies in my stomach are a mess and I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been good with morning afters but this morning is the most awkward one I’ve ever experienced. It’s like seeing who you end up with last night and he turns out to have three arms, two heads four nippl—oh wait... Anyway, nothing happened last night, yeah I’m sad about that too, but you can cut the tension with a knife.

“You were asleep, I didn’t want to wake you up—I’m making breakfast.” He rambles cutely and I look back up to see him smile. The blush is acompanied with his dimples now and I feel lucky that I can witness this look on him. Morning Harry is a cute Harry rather than the sexy one although his freaking abs don’t lie.

“Can I help?” I offer as I walk further into the kitchen. He’s even set the table for us and I’m certain I feel my heart swell a little. The only thing that’s missing is a morning kiss and rose petals on the floor.

“Nah, I’m nearly done. Take a seat. Do you want juice?” He opens the fridge and gets out a jug of orange juice. I nod as I take place at one side of the table and he pours me a glass. I hear his necklaces clinging as he bends a little to pour himself a glass as well and my eyes trail to the silver jewelry around his neck.

“I like the plane one.” I tell him then as I reach up my to hold one of his necklaces in my palm to look at it closer. He’s been wearing it since he was sixteen or seventeen. He’s twenty-one now and he’s still wearing it. “It’s really—yeah I like it.” I let go of it and turn back to my empty plate as the blush creeps up my cheeks. I wanted to say his necklace is pretty, I am not a girl, I don’t use the word pretty. Oh look what a pretty pink pair of heels. No, just no.

He walks away without a word but comes back a minute later with a plate in each hand and one balancing on his left arm. There’s eggs and bacon with bread. There are muffins, chocolate and vanilla. The last plate has cute tiny buns and croissants, which smell fresh and delicious. I lick my lips as I stare at all this food and contemplate on what to eat first.

I hear a little chuckle and look up to sea Harry sitting down. The legs of his chair scrape over the floor as he inches closer to the table. His feet touch mine but I don’t bother to move. His feet are large and warm and I like how my smaller and colders ones fit in between his. I’m usually not a feet person at all but I can’t seem to mind his.

He motions to the food and tells me he hopes it’ll all taste well. I grin at him because it all smells so good and I don’t know where to start. He takes a slice of bread and some eggs and bacon and I just copy him. I silently pray that my eating skills have magically improved and that I won’t have bits of bacon hanging out of my mouth. That would be just peachy and unfortunately typical Niall. Usually I’m not this self-conscious about my eating habits, or any habits at all but Harry is so insanely perfect that I try everything not to mess up whatever is going on right now.

Half an hour later we’re finished, or at least he is. He’s watching how I take the last bite of my vanilla muffin and even though I can go for another one, I’m not. It’s silent at the table but not at all akward, it’s just that I don’t like it when gorgeous popstar Harry Styles is watching me eat. I don’t watch videos of him eating a banana either. Wait, no I actually do that.

“You’re not a good cook, you’re a magician.” I tell him as I wipe the corners of my mouth with the neatly folded napkin. He laughs at that but takes the compliment with a ‘thank you’. What time was he up if he cooked this all for us this morning? Or does he secretly have cooks living in his garden house who he can send a text if he wants food? I have to check if he has a garden house later.

I get up to clean up the table but he’s fast to stop me. “No, you don’t have to do that.” He says, grabbing the plate out of my hands and walking to the kitchen with it. I smile at myself and take two other plates and bring them out. He has a dishwasher so it’s not like I actually have to do the dishes. “Niall!” He whines when I enter the kitchen.

“It’s alright, you cooked. Let me do it!” I protest when he tries again to take everything out of my hands. I’ve been here all night, he carried me to bed, he cooked me breakfast, it nearly feels like he’s my slave doing everything for me. Not that would be a bad thing, as long as he’s not into whips and stuff like that. He can leave marks but only with his lips or fingernails as he digs them into my flesh as he begs--

“But Niall!”

Right. Dishes.

“No. You sit down, feet up and watch some television or something. You were up late, up early and you have a show tonight.” I put the plates down on the counter and turn around to push Harry to the living room. I push him with both my hands on his lower back and a lot of strength because he’s putting his whole weight against me. I groan and ask him to cut me some slack but when he refuses I begin to tickle him.

It turns out that Harry Styles is extremely ticklish so when my fingers dig into his sides, he makes a run for the sofa with quite a feminine squeal and surrenders. “Okay I give up!” He pants, curling up in a ball under the comforter. No Harry, baby, don’t hide that gorgeous body from me. “But movie time after? You can just put everything in the sink, I’ll put it in the dishwasher later. Please?” He pouts and it’s hard to turn around and walk away when he pulls a face like that but somehow I manage to do it anyway. I put everything in the dishwasher and smirk to myself as I wipe the table clean.

I walk back in the living room where Harry’s still on the sofa. His feet are peeking out of the blanket and I smile at how adorable he looks with his hair up and his eyes glued to the screen. “You got room for me there?” I ask walking over to where he’s lying.

“Always!” He replies cheekily as he sits up straight and holds up the comforter so I can sit underneath it. It’s big enough for the two of us but I feel the need to sit close to him. I pull my feet up to one side on the sofa and rest my head on his shoulder. Wow, where did my courage come from? As he wraps his arm around my shoulder to keep me there. Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing darling, I ain’t going nowhere.

For the first fifteen minutes I don’t even realize that the movie has already started. It’s Bambi and for some reason I find myself blushing once again. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I’ve read in an interview once that this is his ideal movie for a date. I don’t know how to call this but I know this isn’t a date. Yet we’re snuggling, sort of and he’s mindlessly tracing patterns on my arm. I’m wearing his hoodie and we’re watching a Disney movie together.

“Did you really like the concert last night?” Harry wonders obviously not paying attention to the film either. I look at him and nod.

“Yeah, you guys were incredible!” I can see his eyes sparkle as a bright smile appears on his face. “Your voice is brilliant and the energy you have is amazing. Seriously Harry, you have no idea how good you are.” He then closes his eyes and turns his head down.

“Could you close your eyes?” He then asks after a minute or two. I’m confused but do as he says. The weight on my arm from his hand dissapears and I hear rustling. Then he pushes my head forward just a little and shuffles a bit behind me. I feel his fingertips brush my neck for only a few seconds before he tells me to open my eyes. He’s on his knees behind me and I can feel his breath on my neck. I look down and tears prickle my eyes.

“No Harry—“ I don’t know what to say or do. I want to smile, cry and dance around. “I can’t.” I reach behind my neck but he stops me by putting his large hands over my smaller ones. I turn my head to look at him.

“Please?” His voice wavers and for some reason it seems like he’s having a hard time too. “You said you liked it...” He says quietly. “Oh, but you actually don’t?” I don’t know if it was a statement of a question but I answer anyway.

“No I do- I love it but I can’t take it.” I protest but before I can say more, he interrupts me.

“Then please wear it.” His eyes are big and pleading and it’s just impossible to say no to that face. Besides that, I don’t even have an actual reason to why I don’t want to wear it.

“Okay.” I give in as I look at the aeroplane necklace he just gave me. “Thank you.” I can’t look him in the eye now, too overwhelmed for some reason or another. Ever since I first saw a picture of Harry, he wore this necklace and now it’s hanging around _my_ neck instead of his. He for sure had some emotional attachment to it and he just gave it away to some boy, _me_.

He sits down again and now I’m in between his legs. With his hands on my shoulders he gently pushes me down against him. I’m lying with my back against his chest and I can feel his puffs of breath on the top of my head. There goes a weird rush through my body and in a moment of bravery I grab his hands and fit my fingers between his as my palms rests on the back of his hands. I wrap our hands around me and let them rest on my stomach. His hands are warm and I can feel the heath of his body radiating through the hoodie.

I hear him sigh and I’m not cute sure if I’m imagining it or if I want it too much but I _think_ I felt his lips kiss the top of my head.

Wow, what is my life?

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

Then I woke up with a massive hangover. I dreamt it all.

No, I’m just messing about. I do feel a little hungover but that’s probably from the Harry drunkness and I did just wake up because I fell asleep on him. Again. But can you blame me? Harry is warm and better than any matress or pillow or whatever people sleep on these days. He’s so comfortable and the soft thumping of his heart is like the best lullaby in the world. Besides, I fell asleep when the sun started rising and woke up about four or five hours after. I’m a boy who needs his sleep. And more Harry cuddles if we’re requesting things. Hell, throw in some kisses too.

“Good morning, you. Did you sleep well?” Gosh, is that guy for real? His voice is so hushed and raw right now, he’s clearly woken up right before me, supporting the typical morning voice of a God.

“Yeah I did, thank you.” I reply in all honesty. This could’ve been the best nap I’ve ever experienced. No, scratch the ‘could have been’ part. This _was_ the best nap ever. If there were a competition for best nap in the world, I would’ve kicked everyone’s arses. “I do seem to have a habit of falling asleep on you.” I add shyly. It’s kind of embarrassing actually. _So you spent the night with most wanted bachelor in the world, ultra hot superstar Harry Styles, what did you do? Well, I fell asleep on him. Twice. And we didn’t even do anything sexual. Unless you find watching a Disney movie sexual, which would mean you should go and see a therapist._

“Yeah, I don’t know if I should see that as a compliment.” Harry chuckles. His chest vibrates with the little noise and wow, that feels great.

“Oh yes you should!” I defend quickly. “You’re really comfortable.” I wriggle a little and let out a pleased sound to prove my point.

My hands move then and hey, my brain didn’t tell them to do that. I open my eyes and look down to see my tight grip on Harry’s hands, my fingers are fitted neatly in between his and shit, I should probably let go. Having a boy in your lap who has your hands in a dead grip doesn’t make everyone comfortable. So I let go of his hands, biting my lip to prevent it from jutting out in a pout.

“I like how small your hands are compared to mine.” He states, startling me a bit when he grabs my wrists and puts his left hand against my right It’s true, he can bend the tips of his fingers over my own. What did they say about men with big hands again? No, never mind, it was a feet thing. I stare in awe how he twists his hand a little and spreads his fingers and let them fall losely between mine.

“Yeah.” I breathe, lost for words.

“I have sound check in two hours.” He says but I’m too distracted when suddenly the fingers of his free hand card through my hair once. If hair could get orgasms, mine would have exploded.

“No I don’t.” I hear myself moan, yes actually moan as I roll a bit so I’m literally cuddled up to him. My cheek is smushed against his hot droolworthy chest. The breath I let out gives him goosebumps and makes his nipple perk up. Oh gosh, I just did that, now I could easily poke my tongue out and tease the bud. Before I can find the stupid courage to do so, Harry sits up, making me go up with him. I keep in the whine that’s tickling my throat as he distangles his fingers from mine.

“You don’t but I do.” Harry laughs and oh yeah, he’s a big popstar, playing the sold-out O2 Arena _again_. “Come on.” He slides to the floor from behind me and tugs on my arm to help me up as well.

I walk behind him on the stairs, absolutely not checking out his behind. In his jeans there seems to be a lack of arse but in just his boxer briefs... hello baby! Come to papa. Oh God, I just nauseated myself with that, that’s just nasty. I hope he’s not into daddy kink.

“There are spare toothbrushes in the cabinet under the sink, towels are right here.” He gestures to another cabinet. “And you can use all the stuff you need: shampoo, showering gel, showering foam, cologne--” Oh wow, I’m going to smell like Harry Styles and people will be like _oh my God, are you Harry Styles?_ and I’d be like _nope, I just smell like him_.

Oh oops. I seem to have been so lost in my little daydream that I haven’t noticed Harry leaving the bathroom. Well, might as well get that Harry smell going on on my body then.

When I hop out of the shower I realize that I might have forgotten something. My clothes are somewhere on Harry’s living room floor. I dry meself off and put on my boxers. I shuffle out of the room and into Harry’s bedroom. The curtains are open and the sun shines through the window. I slowly shuffle to the window that gives a perfect view on the back garden. It’s not that big and there’s no garden house so either he doesn’t have cooks or they live in his basement. But I do spot a jacuzzi.

“We can do that next time.” Harry’s voice startles me and I turn around quickly to see him smirking up at me from his position on the bed. He has his back against the hardboard and his legs crossed in front of him and how the fuck did I not see him earlier.

“W-what?” I stutter, my heart still hammering in my chest.

“The Jacuzzi, we can go in there next time. Tonight maybe?” The smuggness vanishes and gets replaced by something I can’t really pinpoint. “I mean if you’re not busy?”

I’m not busy! I am not busy and Harry wants me to go in the Jacuzzi with him. Even if I had plans, even if I would meet the Queen tonight, I would cancel her and hop into that damned Jacuzzi with him. Everything for a half-naked Harry Styles. “I-I’m free.” What is up with all that stuttering? You sound like bloody Gareth Gates. Gosh Gareth Gates, long time ago.

“Good.” He replies with a smile. “I got you some of my clothes, I hope they fit you.” He changes the subject much to my delight as he crawls over the bed and hands me an all black outfit. It’s basic jeans and a plain black shirt and I just bet they look good on Harry but I’m about to wear them along with his, _my_ necklace. _God_ I ship us.

I pretend not to notice how Harry watches how I get dressed and I try not to blush when he tells me I look good. I shake my head in denial. “I mean it, my clothes look good on you—you look good.” How can I believe that when sex-god Styles is standing right next to me? Hello Harry, have you seen yourself?

“Thank you.” I say just to humour him and to see that little genuine smile of his. It’s my absolute favourite at the moment.

“You want to eat something before we go?” He walks backwards through the door as he looks at me. ”We’ll get a warm meal at the Arena but that’s not in like five hours or so.” _We_? As in us together? I’m coming with him? Oh that sounds so couple-y.

I walk after him down to the kitchen. “Maybe another muffin?” I know he has some left and I don’t want him to cook anything else for me. He has been so lovely and I feel like I’m taking advantage of his hospitality.

“Another what? Sugarplum.”

Sugarplum? What? “I—I” I begin but no words follow.

“Just teasing.” Harry grins and hands me a vanilla and chocolate muffin. “Ready to go then?”

 

It’s crowded at the Arena. There are fans everywhere and they’re all closing in on the car. How on earth are we supposed to walk those last fifty meters to the entrance when we can’t even get out of the car?

“Travis?” Harry has his phone to his ear. “There’s lots of people surrounding the car, we can’t get out.” There’s a silence and he looks over to me. “We? Oh yeah I brought Niall with me. Is that alright?.” Does Travis know who I am? “Alright thanks, see you in a bit.”

“Travis is coming to get us.” Harry explains and like he said, Travis, a big bulky security guard, reaches the car after a few minutes. People seem to split for him like the red see and it’s almost like he is the famous person. Or Rachel McAdams in Mean Girls. _move move move._ I don’t know how but somehow we managed to get inside without a single scratch. I let out a breath I kept in the whole walk here. Travis is a hero.

“Hey Har—oh hello there!” We’re greeted by a smug-looking Louis. “Niall was it?” Yes chief Tomlinson, it’s Niall Horan, sir.

“Louis.” Harry warns but before he can say anything else, Liam comes up to greet us. Holy mother of sexiness. How come this much hotness is allowed in one single room? Where’s the fire estinguisher? Things are getting pretty heated over here. Wait, that’s just my body temperature, never mind, all clear, people, all clear.

“I’m Liam, nice to meet you.” Awe, so it is true, Liam really is the polite puppy like boy.

“I’m Niall.” I nod, proud that I could say my name with three attractive boys looking at me.

Liam slings his arm over Louis’ shoulder and tweaks his nipple once. The guy lets out a squeal and punches Liam seemingly hard on the chest and I can’t help but giggle.

“Whatch it blondie!” Louis narrows his eyes at me. “If you tell anyone I can reach a tone that high, I’m going to tell everyone you’re holding hands with a boy.” His eyes flicker down and wow, how could I not have noticed Harry and mine fingers being laced together?

“Not much of a threat there Louis.” Harry says letting go of my hand. Boo you Harry Styles. “He’s gay.” He then looks at me shocked as if he just revealed my biggest secret but I just smile.

“And proud.” I add.

“Oh damn. Just don’t tell anyone I squeal like a five year old Disney princess at Christmas yeah?” There is no awkwardness whatsoever and I’m very grateful for that since sometimes the I am gay talks don’t go this smoothly.

“Yeah no worries mate.” I tell him. I feel quite comfortable around them, they don’t sound like popstars worth millions of pounds. Another plus in my why do I love Skyway book.

Some important looking dude with headphones and a walky talky tells the boys to be ready for sound-check in ten minutes and tells Louis to put on shoes. So another fan fiction cliché is true, Louis Tomlinson loves walking around bare-foot.

“Come with me.” Harry grabs my wrists, _god damn it Harry, I have hands, grab thos_ e, and drags me over to the hallways I faintly recognize from last night. He greets a few people on the way before we reach the stage. All the lights are on and all the seats are empty and yet it’s an impressive view. I can’t even imagine what it is to stand on stage every night and see a see of people all cheering for you and singing along to your songs. I do play the guitar and I can sing a little, oh modest me, but I don’t pursue a career is music, the spotlights are not for me. But I can believe that it has to be an ace experience.

“Impressive huh?” He bumps his hip against mine. I nod silently. “Hey, I hope Louis didn’t scare you and I was only holding your hand because you seemed a little overwhelmed by the crowd outside.”

Ouch. Where my hopes were up at our cuddle session this afternoon, they’ve now reached their all-time low. Not the band.

“No, Louis seems like a good bloke.” Trying to keep a blank face. I ignore what he said last, not that I can do anything else as he suddenly comes to stand in front of me. One of his hands on my waist as he presses himself close. My breath hitches, holy macaroni what the _fuck_ is happening?

“He is.” He whispers as he strokes my cheek with the thumb of his other hand. Oh dear God his lips are close to mine. I know he just noticed my eyes flickering down to his lips as he licks them. His plump and pink lips are moist and ready to be kissed now. I volunteer.

He leans down slowly, his thumb stilling as he adds a little bit of pressure on my neck. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!

Oh dear God. Kiss me Harry. FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING THAT’S HOLY, KISS ME!

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

If this was a fan fiction, Louis would just barge in now and interrupt the almost kiss that’s going on right now. But this isn’t a fan fiction, this isn’t a story made up by some writer who wishes he or she had my fictional life. This is actually happening right now, this is my life. There’s no Louis, or not that I can hear with my eyes closed and I guess we still have about five minutes left before their actual soundcheck begins.

 _Kiss me Harry_ , kiss me passionately and sloppily like you always do in those fan fictions. Kiss me hard and long until we run out of breath and you’re panting too much to sing. Kiss me until we both taste the same. Kiss me until we both need a moment. Kiss me until my knees go weak and I’m loaded with electricity so much that you can run this whole Arena on my energy. Just-- kiss me.

“Niall?”

 _No no no no_. Actions, not words.

“Why won’t you kiss me?” I whine before I even register my words and my very pathetic tone of voice. Way to go Niall, he really wants to kiss you if you sound like a five year old that’s just told no cookies before dinner.

“Well.... I was trying to but you kept your mouth wide open.” He confesses awkwardly. Aweee, he wanted to kiss me but my mouth was open so wide that he was unable to. No, wait. Shit. That’s not _awe_ that’s terribly stupid, Harry Styles is about to kiss you and you ruin it by impersonating a fish. Well, I can honestly say that he has me hooked.

“Oh.” I let out as I clench my jaw shut. Great comeback Niall, you should be a talkshow host.

“Maybe it wasn’t the smartest move, trying to kiss you.” He says and wow, that’s a way to break my heart. Thank you Harry for stabbing me in the chest with a knife. I can feel all my features fall, my mood drops and it even feels like my blood is slowly draining out of my body. Death, here I come.

“Yeah okay, I get it.” It was a spur of a moment thing, you haven’t been kissed in two days so you felt the urge to plant your lips on some innocent bystander’s. Totally cool with that, not like I have feelings for you anyway. I am Niall Horan, too cool for feelings. Too much swagger to cry.

“No I mean—“ He lets out a sexy groan that makes it even harder to ignore the fact that this perfect beast of a human being nearly kissed me but is actually glad that he didn’t. “I mean right here. People can walk in on us and everything. If you’ll let me, I’ll try again some other time.”

Okay, are we sure this isn’t a fan fiction? Because things like this don’t happen to people from Mullingar. We don’t have handsome guys wanting to kiss us.

He brushes his hand through my hair and looks at me. I can smile again as I look into his eyes, he looks like he means it, like he really does want to kiss me. Does he want to kiss me? Oh my God Harry Styles is making a move on me. I wish I could put this on my poor neglected blog. Nobody would believe me anyway but still, I can’t do this to Harry, rumours might start and he has to deny them even though they are actually very accurate.

He smiles down at me, the corners of his eyes are crinkling and the corners of his lips quirking up. I can’t do anything but grin back at him like a lovestuck puppy. Yeah I don’t know either what’s up with the animal metaphors. Just as the sound of the other boys’ loud voices sound from backstage, Harry dips his head and gives me a promising kiss on my cheek. Hello blood, welcome back to my face.

 

So, Harry just asked me how I liked the concert and how the sound check experience was for me. To be honest, I have no idea. I wasn’t there. Okay my body was there but my mind was somewhere else. “You were good, it was fun.” I say on auto-pilot. They are always good so that’s a safe thing to say and I bet the whole experience would’ve been fun if I was able to concentrate on anything but the lips I felt on my cheek. I want more more more and the only reason I didn’t get a kiss on the lips is because I messed it up. Yeah surprise. Would he have backed away if I had my proper kiss face on or would he have gone through with it?

“I think we deserve a time in the Jacuzzi.” Harry states as he shuts the engine off. Wow okay, we’re already back at his house, how did that happen? Wait, Harry drove us there.

“Yeah.” I reply. Come on Niall, are you back into that awkward mode again? You did so well yesterday and this morning.

“Well come on then!”

I jump out of the car and slam the door shut. Sure Harrybear, I’ll follow you anywhere. He opens the door to the house and drops his stuff in the hallway. He toes off his shoes and pulls off his shirt and jeans, leaving a trail of clothes from the front door to the sliding doors at the other side of the house. He’s left with only his boxers and I never thought I’d say this but I really hope he keeps them on. Yeah, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just don’t feel ready to see Harry’s supposedly massive prick.

“I hope you’re not planning on keeping my clothes on in the water.” He chuckles as he suddenly turns around and eyes me up.

“No but I don’t have swimming trunks.” For some reason I don’t carry those around everywhere. I should start doing that, you never know when you end up in a Jacuzzi with a boyband model man.

“Your, or actually my boxers will do. Now strip!” He keeps looking at me with his arms crossed over his trained body. Does he expect a show or something? Where’s the music? So I can tease him with my sexy potato body. You want a piece of this, baby? Anyway... back to my now almost nakedness, he is still watching me, even now I’m in nothing but his boxers. Stop Harry, it’s uncomfortable.

“Out of all my clothes, my boxers look best on you.” He teases, making me blush. His underwear is a bit oversized on me and it doesn’t cling to my legs like how his does on his legs, which I don’t understand because his legs are like skinny stelts but it’s actually quite comfortable. The redness of my face however is not comfortable. Neither is the twitching between my legs at the sight of his nearly bare body.

“Shall we get in?” I ask, a bit because I’m cold but a bit out of desperation too, if he keeps standing like that, giving me the perfect few of his v-line and that annoyingly sexy smirk, we’ll reach a whole new level of awkwardness.

“Yeah I’ll turn it on first, can you get two towels? From the same cupboard as the other towels but on the bottom shelf there are bigger ones.” I nod, glad to have an excuse to walk away. Who would’ve thought that I’d be happy to walk away from Harry Styles? Not me, let me tell you that.

When I come back downstairs, I walk through the sliding doors to see Harry getting in. Instead of using the steps, he slings his left leg over the edge and hauls himself up before he slides his right leg over. Either he is showing off or he’s practicing to be a monkey. That or he never found out about the steps that came with the Jacuzzi.

“There’s room for the both of us in here.” His back is faced to me and yet he knows I’m standing here. Am I breathing that loud?

I dump the towels on one of the lounge chairs and take the three steps up to the Jacuzzi, trying to avoid falling in head first. We all know that would never happen of course because my coordination is brilliant. I never step on people’s toes or bump into them or something like that.

“Mmm.” I moan as I slide in rather gracefully. The water is warm, making my body relax instantly. “This is nice.” I sigh as I let the water come up to my chin. I close my eyes and get lost in the bubbly water.

“I know for a fact that the water over there isn’t as good as it is here.” Harry says in a posh voice, yes even posher than this regular voice. I try to ignore his obvious invite to come sit at his side but I can’t when he suddenly yanks my arm. I yelp at the sudden rush and shiver when I don’t feel the bench, but Harry’s skin under my legs. He wraps his arms around me tightly and sinks his body a little so the water comes to my shoulders. I’m sitting sideways on his lap with both my legs on one side. I rest them on the bench and make use of this position to wrap my arms around his neck and rest the side of my head against his.

“I think you’re right, the water _is_ better here.” Yes Niall, proud of you! That was a flirty move. You can do it mate, come on! Harry hums in approval.

His thumbs are pressing in my sides in what’s supposed to be a soothing way but I can’t help but squirm in his lap. If you want to do stuff like that, just avoid my sides, knees or feet. “Hmpf.” I try to muffle the sounds that come out of my mouth by clenching my teeth but the wriggling on his lap doesn’t stop. I’d slap everyone’s hands away but this is Harry Styles we’re talking about, even if he’d want to do an open-heart surgery on me, I would let him.

“Can you stop squirming?” His hands are firmly planted on my hips now. “Your bum is pressing on—yeah please just try to sit still?”

Oh God. My arse is pressing on his lower region and it’s making him uncomfortable. Well done Niall, once again proud of you buddy. I try to do as he says though because I don’t know what to do if I give him a boner. Okay technically I do know what to do but I can’t just pull Harry Styles’ boxers down and get down on him.

“Well can you please not touch my sides then?” I shyly ask as I reach down to guide his hand away. Our hands come to a rest on my stomach now. Not low enough to give me a hard time and not high enough to touch my chest, it’s a safe zone. I keep my hand on his and slide my fingers over his. He gets the hint and creates spaces between his fingers so mine fit in between.

His free hand trails up my arm to my neck. He hardly grazes my skin with his fingers but it’s enough to leave goosebumps. He then adds a bit pressure as he reaches behind my neck so we’re face to face. “Is this okay?” He murmers and I nod.

“Yeah.” I’m afraid to blink, afraid that I miss something. His rosy cheeks, his wet eyelashes, the little birthmark on his chin. It all seems too good to be real. I don’t want to close my eyes to this beauty but I can’t help it. My eyes close on their own accord as his thumb brushes over my bottom lip. He mumbles something but I can’t hear it over the sound of my heart thrumming in my ears. Then it skips a beat of two when the pressure of his thumb leaves my lips.

 _This is it._ Our breaths are mingling together as I feel his face coming closer. I curl my fingers around his hand on my stomach in anticipation. I make sure my mouth isn’t wide open but my lips slightly parted. I crane my neck but it’s only a centimeter until the gap is closed and our lips touch.

He pulls away much too soon and it’s over faster than it all started. “Open your eyes.” He whispers as he pulls away. “Was that alright?” His hushed voice and his tender approach make me melt and once my eyes are open, I look into his own instantly. But instead of answering his question with words, I close my eyes again and find his lips blindly.

There’s no way a fan fiction can describe the way he kisses. It’s everything they say and yet it isn’t anything like it at all. It’s passionate, sensual, sweet and maybe even a bit romantic. There’s nothing sloppy about it. He’s all about delicate touches with both his lips his and hands, making me crave for more. I want to press my body closer against his and grip his hair, I want to bite his lips and dance with his tongue. I want him to leave marks on my skin and lovebites on my neck.

I don’t know how but I refrain myself from it all and enjoy the way he’s kissing me right now. Just our lips expressing unsaid feelings. It gives me a pleasant flutter in my chest and if my lips weren’t occupied right now, I would’ve giggled embarrassingly. He makes me feel light headed and drowsy, special and wanted.

But above all, he gives me _the feels._

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

 

 

How inappropriate would it be if I screamed right now? I mean, I’m still in Harry’s lap and we only just detached our lips from each other but the feelings inside of my body are about to come out in noises and dances of delight. Oh that can’t be pretty. What this boy does to me, I can’t even.

“You’re grinning.” He states. Well yeah, no shit Sherlock and I feel my cheeks hurting because of it.

“Sorry.” I apologize for the sight I must be right now. I think the brightness of my smile is lightening up the whole garden but I can’t look at anything else but Harry’s lazy smile directed to me.

He shakes his head, his smile stretching a little wider. “Why are you sorry?”

I shrug. “Because I feel like doing some kind of happy dance right now. I can’t believe I kissed Harry Styles.” I let out a bit louder than necessary considering the fact that his ear is almost next to my mouth.

“Oh.” He pushes me off of him with a practiced ease and hauls himself up so he can sit on the edge of the hot tub. His smile has dropped but it’s hard to concentrate on that when his dripping wet muscular body is right there in front of me. “Is that what this is all about then?”

“What?” I ask dumbfounded and a slight bit in shock of the distance he created between us abrubtly.

“Kissing Harry Styles from Skyway, an interesting name to add on your list. You’re going to scream it out to the world then? Let me give you a tip, the press offers big money if you play your cards right.” He says harshly as he rests his elbows on his knees and puts his head in his hands, pulling at a few strands of hair with his fingers.

“I don’t understa—“

“While you’re at it, tell them that I’m gay too.” He cuts me off. My heart stops right then and there. Harry is gay? _Womanizer_ Harry Styles likes boys? Well something should’ve clicked when we kissed but for some reason I didn’t even think that he could be gay. Or is he being sarcastic? It’s obvious he’s not a real womanizer though; his heart is too big to play with people’s emotions like that.

“You’re gay?”

He ignores me. “I can’t believe it, I’ve made such a big mess. How could I be so stupid?” He growls, getting entirely out of the hot tub now. He snatches a towel from the chair but instead of drying himself off, he pulls at it so hard that I’m not surprised if it rips in two.

“Harry” I try to get his attention.

“Let me eh, I’ll drop you off at home.” His back is turned to me and his head is bowed down, if his voice didn’t give it away, his body language makes it clear that he’s upset. He shakes his head a little and goes inside his house. I stare after him, obviously I’m the cause for his sudden mood change but what did I do? He regrets kissing me but why?

I dry meself off and collect the clothes I wore today and bring them inside. I expected Harry to be fully dressed and ready to go but he isn’t even up the stairs yet. Instead, he’s curled up on the sofa, hugging a pillow to his chest.

“Eh.” I start but I have no idea what to say. Should I leave him alone and find my own clothes or should I apologize for whatever I did wrong? Should I comfort him? I think the latter is the last thing he wants, it seems like he doesn’t want anything to do with me right now. I wish I’d paid attention to the car ride to his house so I know which direction to walk in or know where I could find a bus at an hour past midnight.

“You don’t have to get me home, I can walk but could you tell me where my clothes are?” I say as calm as possible.

“They’re in the dryer.” He replies shortly. “Room next to the bathroom.”

 

When I get back, fully dressed in my own clothes, Harry is still in the same position on the sofa but now with his eyes closed. He looks so fragile and vulnerable and somehow I might have broken him. But what did I do? I didn’t force the kiss on him, hell, he initated the first kiss and he kissed me back just as eagerly the second time.

“I eh, yeah.” I gesture to the door but it’s useless since he isn’t looking at me. I clench my fist and let the object I’m holding leave marks on my palm. “Here.” I say, dangling the airplane necklace between my thumb and finger. He opens his eyes then and looks at it carefully.

“Keep it.” He croaks. “I don’t want it anymore. Besides, it’ll help you show off. I should’ve known better. I obviously knew you are a fan and that you are crazy about my person, how could I think you were genuinly interested in me? God.”

“I am.” I say softly. “I mean I don’t know the real you that well but he already seems a hundred and fifty percent better than the public Harry and that’s quite something because public Harry Styles is a pretty decent lad.”

He doesn’t smile or do anything but heave a sigh. It’s clear that I’ve been the one to upset him and little by little I’m finding out why. So he thinks I wanted to kiss him because he’s famous and he thinks I will tell everyone that I, a boy, kissed Harry and earn money off of it? How do I make this right? How do I turn his frown into a smile? How do I get his situation from awkward back to normal?

“For what it’s worth, I’ll give you my word that I won’t tell anybody about the last two days and if Sophie asks about it, I’ll just say we jammed a little or something. I haven’t given your number to anyone and if you want to, I can delete it from my phone.” The thought of it makes me cringe but if that’s what it takes to make him feel better, I’ll do it.

He stays silent but sits up from his fetal position. He looks up to me, eyes bright and glistening, he studies me for a while and I dare to move a little closer. He watches me every step but doesn’t back away from me as I sit down next to him. I’m not close enough to feel him but if I’d reach out, I can touch him. I don’t though because that might be a step too far. Ironic because we kissed only half an hour ago.

“Look.” I sigh, looking him straight in the eye. “I am a very big fan of your music, I love your band and yes, I have a blog dedicated to you. Meeting you was a big dream and it came true. I never would’ve thought in a million years that I would ever kiss you. Yes maybe your wax figure in Madam Tusseauds but not the real you. Before our first meeting, I never thought of you as a real person, you were Harry Styles, hot boyband member and amazing artist. But now you are Harry Styles, lovely guy and human being. I’m sorry if I made the impression that I only wanted to kiss you because everybody knows you and you make millions of pounds a year but you should know that I’m genuinly interested to find out who the real you is.”

His gaze is intense, leaving me breathless. I kind of poured my heart out to him but that’s the only way I can think of to save this situation, to keep him from banning me out of his life. I feel like he’s trying to read me and I let him.

“It’s hard to trust someone you know?” He mumbles barely audible over the painful silence. “I thought you were different, not someone who just wants to get in my pants because I’m you know... me but then you went all wow, I kissed Harry Styles, mentioning me by my last name and now I don’t know anymore.”

I want to get down on my knees and beg him for mercy. How could I be so stupid, I practically went all crazy fanboy over him, of course he thinks what he thinks. Fuck Niall, you stupid insensitive prick. But getting down on my knees might imply different things seeing as he’s still only in his wet, tight boxer briefs.

“I’m sorry that I gave you the wrong impression and I’d like to change that. It doesn’t matter if it takes a day or a year. I like you and it has been so much fun hanging out with you. I understand if you need time to think things through and I can give you some but please don’t walk away from me.” I scare myself with my own words. Did I come across too clingy? Did it work or am I going too far?

“You’re a determined lad, aren’t you?” He says and for the first time since the drama started, his voice doesn’t break.

“Well yeah, I don’t give up on things easily. Not if they’re worth the fight.”

He sighs and holds his hand up. “Necklace please.”

Shit! Fuckerdy fuck. I overdid it, didn’t I? I really messed it up entirely now. I drop the silver piece of jewelry in his hand and swallow down tears. I’m not going to cry, not until I’m alone anyway.

“Turn around.” He orders. What the hell? I obey, I’ll do everything he says. _Niall, feed yourself to these hungry sharks. Sure Harry, anything for you._

The sofa dips beside me and I feel him now. His fingers brush my neck and I look down to see the little paper plane hanging around my neck again. Don’t cry Niall, don’t get freaking sentimental now.

“Look at me.” I turn around and jerk a little by the closeness of his face. He sighs as he brings his hand up to touch my face. His thumb brushes over my burning cheek as he looks everywhere except my eyes. I lean into his touch and smile a little. If this is the last time we’re in this position, I have to enjoy it, take it all in because his little gestures are literally the best feeling in the world. He then looks at me dead in the eye as his other hand reaches blindly for mine. He intertwines our fingers then and whispers

“Please don’t let me down.”


	20. Chapter 20

“You don’t have to go.” He murmers softly, seeing me staring at my shoes awkwardly. Relieve floods through my body and I toe off my shoes. The tension is still high in the air and I try to think of a way to break it but once again my mind is blank. This is what an airhead must feel like, I can almost feel the wind blowing in and out of my ears.

“What do you want to do then?” I ask and he shrugs. I eye his still nearly naked body and realize he’s still in his wet boxers. “Maybe you should get out of those.” I gesture to his extremely tight underwear. “Get on some dry ones. If you tell me where I can find tea, I’ll make us a cuppa.” I propose and he nods.

“There are three containers on the cooking island, the middle one has tea.” He stands up and walks past me. “Yeah, eh, I’ll be right back.”

After I turned the kettle on, I scan around the kitchen for mugs. After he explained his issue with trust only a while ago I’m afraid to look through his cabinets. I better walk on my toes and be grateful about the chance he’s giving me. As I wait for the water to boil, I pick up the trail of clothes Harry left when we arrived at the house tonight. There are pieces of his outfit from the front to the back door and I blush at the memory of how eager he was to get in the hot tub.

I fold them all and put them on the table we ate from this morning and go outside to turn the jacuzzi off. It’s still bubbling and warm and I rake my hand through it once. I hope this isn’t the last time I’m here. Not just because of his fabulous house but I’d feel like losing a friend in Harry. He has his heart on the right place and he’s just downright amazing.

I close the sliding door and lock it with the key that’s still in the lock. I close the long white curtains and turn around to find Harry there standing in a pair of comfortable looking jogging bottoms and the hoody I wore this morning. He looks absolutey drop-dead gorgeous.

“You didn’t have to do this.” He says pointing to the neatly folded stack of clothes on the table. He brushes his fingers through his hair, pushes a loose strand behind his ear and smiles softly.

“Well I was waiting for the water to boil and I didn’t know where to find mugs so...” I scratch the back of my neck, suddenly afraid of everything.

“Come” He goes ahead of me to the kitchen. “I’ll show you.”

I follow him like a lost puppy and I feel ashamed of the fact that I’m intregued by the sliver of skin showing as his jumper rides up a little. I feel like I’m not allowed anymore to look at it, to look at this boy standing in front of me, getting two mugs from the cupboard. Good God how I want to kiss him.

“It sounds a bit dull maybe but how about we play twenty questions?” He offers with a slight blush. It sounds a little geeky but I’m up for it. Whatever he wants, I’m up for it. _Come Niall, let’s go torture people. Sure I’m up for i—_ no, that goes a bit too far.

“Yeah okay!” I wrap my hands around the mug he hands me. He grabs a bag of biscuits from another of the many cabinets and walks up the stairs. I follow him yet again without a word into his bedroom.

“It’s my comfort zone.” He shrugs. “My bedroom.” He puts his tea on the bedside table and throws the cookies on the bed before he sits cross-legged on top of the sheets. I follow him a bit hesistantly and sit against the hardboard, my legs crossed in front of me. I can understand why this is his comfort zone. His bed is heavenly and the room simply relaxing.

“Do you want to go first?” I ask, he fumbles with the bag of cookies between our legs and opens it and grabs one. He nibbles a bit on the chocolate chip deliciousness but doesn’t take a bite.

“Eh, how long have you been working at Tesco?” He asks, starting easy.

“Five months.” I answer him. “Not a dream job but it pays, you know?” He nods. “What’s your favourite colour?”

“Purple.” He says without missing a beat. I know these are pre-school questions but I can’t just start with questions about his personal life. “What do you notice first when you look at someone?”

I take a sip from my tea to ease my dry throat before I answer. “Eyes. They hold everything; thoughts, emotions. If they can captivate me, I’m done.” I think about what to ask him next, since he did it, I can get a tad bit personal too. “What do you like best when it comes to your own personality?”

He’s still fumbling with the same cookie in his hand. There’s a little bit of crums on the white sheets and his joggers but he doesn’t seem to care. “I think before I say something. Most of the time. But sometimes I can think too much and overthink things. Maybe that was a bit of the problem earlier. I just think things and then I’m afraid because what if it’s true? It usually only happens with bad things. It’s never that we’re nominated for an award and I think wow, what if we win? It’s always negative things, like why people don’t like me? What if what they say about me is true?”

His voice is thick with emotion. What do I do? What do I say? Am I allowed to put my hand on his knee and tell him that those negative comments are a bucket load of crap or should I just sit back and listen? I can’t do that. “Those people talking shit about you, just do it to get attention, they can’t get it any other way so they make fun of other people. It’s actually just like high-school bullying.”

“It still makes you doubt yourself.” He sighs. “Seeing as working at Tesco isn’t what you want to do, what _is_ your dream job?” He changes the subject quickly.

“It might sound a bit odd but I think I’d be a good housewife.” I chuckle. “Not the desperate one trying to get it on with the gardener but like you know... I’d like to be there when my husband comes home so he can actually feel at home. I’m not the best cook but I’d learn to prepare decent meals. I’m not even appalled to do laundry. I just want a home and maybe a family to take care of.”

“So do you see yourself getting married one day?” He asks, ignoring the fact that it’s my turn to ask him a question now.

“Yeah. First I wasn’t sure because same-sex marriage wasn’t legal in Ireland and England but now it is and I really want to get married here. Saw you and the band supporting the rights of equalty in love too on twitter.” I state. “It’s good that you’re bringing it under the attention of the younger generation. You guys are role models to a lot of young boys and girls so if you say it’s okay to be gay, they say it’s okay too.”

He smiles. “I would be a bit of a hypocrite if I didn’t support gay rights, wouldn’t I?” His cheeks flush as he looks at his lap.

“So you are then?” I ask. “Gay I mean.” He nods, stuffing the cookie in his mouth, maybe to escape answering me in words. “Do people know about this?”

He swallows hard. “My closest relatives know, like my mum and dad. My stepfather and my sister and her boyfriend. The band and most of the people of my team know but that’s about it. Only a few billion more people to tell.” He chuckles weakly. “I’m not ashamed of being gay, it’s just who I am and I can’t and don’t want to change that. But people have opinions about me and the media can be so hard that I’m not ready to have them bulldozing into my life again. They finally back off a little because I’m not spotted with women that often anymore. I’m just not ready to tell everyone to stop suspecting that I share my bed with those women because I think when they find out I’m into boys, they will be much harsher. Not just to me, to everyone around me.”

I now understand the text he once sent me that he wished his life was a bit more like mine. Sure, not everyone reacts well when you tell them you’re gay but us ‘normal’ people don’t have to deal with millions of whispering voices. “I understand.” I sigh. “But your family is okay with it?”

His smile is bright for the firs time since the Jacuzzi now. “Yes. Mum bragged about her motherly instinct and knowing it all along while my sister was happy that I told them and my dad and Robin were proud that I finally found myself and made peace with who I am. Family is one of the best things in the world and I knew they’d support me, it just feels so good to actually hear them say it.”

“Yeah. My mum didn’t even hesitate to wrap me in a hug. She cried with happiness. My brother wanted to throw a party and hire male strippers but thankfully my mum didn’t allow him. My dad is okay with it too. He said ‘as long as you stay Niall and don’t wear tight pink shirts I’m completely fine with it’ but I know for a fact that if I wore those fluorecent pink shirts, he wouldn’t stop loving me.” I chuckle at the memory of coming out to my dad. He really was cool with it and whatever happens I’m still his son, all he wants is that I’m safe.

“Are you insecure?” He asks and I have to think about the answer. Am I?

“No, not really I think. I mean I’m okay with who I am and how I look now. I was insecure about my hair so I dyed it blonde and I took braces because I was very self-conscious about my smile but now my teeth are fixed, I’m not hiding behind my hand anymore.” I can see his eyes flicker to my mouth and his gaze stays there for a moment. Thank heavens for braces. “But I have moments that I get insecure.” I bring his attention back to the story. “When I want to impress people, when I want them to think nice about me. I get awkward and silent because I don’t know what to do. Same happens with beautiful people, next to them I feel self-conscious and think ‘why aren’t I that tall, why is his hair better than mine? etcetera. I get insecure around you too. I supress all my instincts because I’m afraid you don’t approve of them.”

 “Like what?” He nearly whispers.

If we’re going to be honest about everything tonight, I might as well be honest about this too. “I want to touch you.” I admit shyly. “I want to hug you when I see you have a hard time. I want to pull you close and rake my fingers through you hair.” _I want to dance around naked and sing silly songs I made up about how pretty you are._

“Oh.” He mumbles. I feel him looking at me but I don’t look up to see if I’m right. What if he doesn’t want all that? What if he’s freaked out at my words?

A set of warm fingers wrap around my wrist, not holding me, just touching. I follow his hand and arm until I meet his eyes. He looks conflicted like he isn’t sure about something but then he sighs and shifts on the bed. He lets go of my arm and turns his body around so he isn’t facing me anymore. So I did it. I officially freaked him out now. I think he’ll walk to the door and order me to get out but then he lays down gently so his head is in my lap. His eyes are closed but his eyebrows furrowed together. He blindly reaches out for my hand and when he finds it, he guides it to his head. He lets go of me then but nudges his head a little into my touch.

I hate it when people call him kitten in fan fictions but with these movements I really can’t deny that maybe he is a bit like a kitten. He sure is cute like one. Slowly but determined I scratch my nails over his scalp, feeling his brown lock tickle my fingers. His frown fades but he keeps his eyes closed.

“Our management learnt us to shut our instincts off. We’re not allowed to hug a crying fan or comfort them because it can be dangerous. We aren’t alowed to take things people offer us like presents and stuff when there isn’t a bodyguard around. We’ve learnt to be reserved and to keep our hands in our pockets. With you it was the first time in a long time I’ve acted on instinct again. I went to the store to see you because I wanted to, I gave you my number because I wanted to, I took you to the concert and brought you home because I wanted to.” He opens his eyes briefly but as he finds me looking back at him, he shuts them quickly. “It’s been such a long time since I’ve done something like that and I was proud of myself that I did it but tonight you had me doubting if I made the right choice or not.”

Everything makes so much sense now, it all falls into pieces. “I’m really sorry.” I apologize again. I don’t stop brushing my hand through his hair because it keeps the frown off his beautiful features.

“I know now.” He whispers and I feel tears welling up. Did he just forgive me? “I think too much. I was pretty scared that you would tell the world that you kissed me and I even thought you somehow managed to snap a picture of us kissing to sell to the press to prove it.”

Us fans can be pretty sneaky but that thought never even crossed my mind. “You can search through my stuff if you want.” I tell him but he chuckles. It’s the first time in a few hours that his dimple is visible.

“No, I believe you.” He opens his eyes again and doesn’t look away when he meets my own this time. He looks drained and tired. His eyes are red and thick. He brings his hand up to my cheek to brush it once with his thumb before he lets it fall back on his own chest. There’s a long silence in which I don’t know what to say. Are we still playing the game? He gives the answer by asking another question. “Why, out of the band, did you pick me as your favourite?”

He gets me by surprise there. How do you pick a favourite? “I don’t know, I guess you drew me in somehow.” I look away this time and concentrate on my fingers in his hair. “Obviously I’m a fan of the whole band, I like you all and it’s not like I wanted to pick a favourite but it just happened. Just like you have a favourite Beatle. Louis is every where, he’s the one with the snarky remarks and the smart answers. Liam is polite and smile-y. You, you are something different. You aren’t much on the foreground like Louis. You’re well manered but you slip-up sometimes unlike Liam. You are you and well, your looks top it off. It’s not even about the voices why people pick their favourites, maybe that’s the silly thing but how can we pick from that? You three are equally amazing.”

“So you didn’t think I was shallow?” He questions, voice hoarse.

“Not for one second.” I reply distinctly.

“People seem to think that whenever I smile at a woman, I’m flirting with her and plotting how I can get her in my bed. I just smile and kiss them on the cheek, my mother taught me to do that because it’s polite but the press is obviously not raised well by their mums.” He huffs annoyed.

“People see what they want to see. If David Beckham talks to Baby spice instead of his wife Posh, they think he has an affair with her and all the other Spice Girls. They make up their own stories and all they think of is what sells. You guys are hot at the moment so they want you in the papers. You are the worlds most most-eligible bachelor so they want to link you to everyone so people buy the magazine so they can see if they still have a shot with you.”

“It’s ridiculous.” He sighs. “But yeah, it’s probably true.” 

“The important thing is that you know what’s true, that your family and friends know what’s true. People can write hurtful things about you but there are always people you can fall back on because they know the real you.”

“Thank you.” He says with watery eyes but a genuine smile. “I think I made the right decision.”

“About what?”

He sits up, his hair a mess and his clothes crumpled. He shuffles so he sits next to me against the hardboard. I’m about to repeat the question, thinking that he hasn’t heard me when he cups my face in his large hand and pressures me to face him. Before words come out, he presses his lips against mine.

“About letting you into my life.”


	21. Chapter 21

This time, I manage not to freak out about kissing Harry. At least, not in his face. My head is spinning because of the faint brush of his lips against mine. I can’t seem to process the fact that this boy, who is more delicious than chocolate, had his mouth on mine three times in two days now. Or one day but it’s way past midnight so it’s Sunday technically.

“You’re grinning like that again.” Harry says warily.

I bite my lip in a try to muffle the giggles that I feel itching in my throat and I feel my face change colour. “I’m sorry.” I choke out. Shuffling away from him in case he feels uncomfortable. But instead of getting away from me or pushing me out of the bed, he stays still.

“No I eh—“ He starts but before he breaks his pretty little head over it I interrupt him. Okay how much did I just sound like a stuck-up brat?

“You just make me smile like that. The real you I mean and you kiss quite well.” You kiss quite well? Oh my God Niall, he kisses better than quite well. He kisses like some practiced movie star but with actual feelings. And tongue. Not that I know how moviestars kiss. _Not the point._

“Are you going to sleep in that?” He quickly changes the subject, raising his eyebrow at my clothes. He tugs off his hoodie and his jogging bottoms and nestles himself under the white fluffy sheets. He rests his head on the pillow, his hair spread out on the white fabric and he looks at me expectantly. It reminds me a bit of the picture he once sent me, the one he took of himself while being in bed and sleepily smiling at the camera. Instead of the lense of his phone, he’s actually staring at me now and wow, the live version is so much better.

I undo my belt and the button of my jeans before I unzip them. I stand up from the bed and look over my shoulder to see Harry still staring at me.”You asked me if I was insecure.” I mutter shyly, keeping my jeans up with one hand. “Well, I am when you watch me like that when I take off my clothes.”

He hides his smile but his dimples betray him. He coughs to cover up and slaps a hand over his eyes. The spaces between his fingers are wide and I can see him peeking. “Okay, go on.” The cheeky bastard says.

I button my jeans again so they stay on my hips and slip off my shirt. I smile at him, his giggle telling me that he’s really watching me before I throw my shirt at him. It lands on his face and I take the opportunity to step out of my jeans and hop under the covers. Beat that Harry Styles, I’m a sly boy. I told you I had swagger.

“Hey!” He whines. “That’s not fair!” He takes the shirt from his face and throws it on the floor. He rolls on his side so he’s facing me, his hands tucked under his pillow and his body wrapped up in the sheets. I mirror his position, pulling my knees up a bit. My head is tired but my body is restless. I’m lying in bed with a gorgeous boy and I still don’t know if I’m allowed to touch him. Shall I poke him to test my boundaries?

I slowly move my hand and stretch my finger. I come closer to his body, I can feel his warmth radtiating from him on my hand. I keep staring at him, watching his tired eyes droop a little. I can see he’s fighting to stay awake and I shouldn’t want to keep him awake just for selfish reasons but I do. Suddenly he jolts awake and his eyes are wide open. I quickly retrieve my hand. Oh gosh, I have no idea where I just poked him.

“You okay?” I ask sweetly, trying to hold my laughter.

“Yeah, I just-- felt something, I think.” He pants, rubbing his eyes as he sits up straight, exposing his bare back to me.

“Oh.” Is everything I can say as my eyes trail up and down his spine. “I Eh, l-lay on your stomach please?” What on earth are you doing, Niall? He doesn’t question me like I do myself and slides back down and rolls over.

With shaky fingers I lift the sheets off his upperbody and shove them down to his legs. I get out from under the covers as well and take a seat on his bum. Sitting on Harry Styles’ bum, not something I’d imagine doing. My imagination lets me sit on something else sometimes though but that’s not the point. I can’t think of that while my underside is pressed against his behind, oh God, talking about awkward.

I wipe me hands off my boxers to make sure they’re completely sweat free before I shake my head to get rid of every thought that’s telling me to stop. I take a deep breath and brush my fingers over Harry’s spine. He squirms underneath me and tenses a little. “Don’t tickle.” He mutters into the pillow. He shifts his arms and stuffs his hands under the pillow so I have full access to his whole back and sides. His back is firm and muscled but not too bodybuilder-ish and warm under my hands. So good.

I press my fingers harder onto his skin now, starting from his lower back and trailing up to his shoulders. I give them a gentle squeeze before I kneed the muscles under his shoulderblades. I press my thumbs to his flesh, rubbing circles on both sides of his spine. Harry muffles a few noises by biting into his pillow but relaxes completely under my touch. I nearly moan at the sight of him all worn out and sprawled underneath me. It’s intreguing and well, sexy.

I continue the massage for a few more moments until his supressed moans are heating me up completely and I roll off of his bum. “Why’d you stop?” He slurs, barely lifting his head to look at me.

“B-because you were making all these noises.” I confess as I wrap myself up in the sheets as far away from Harry as possible, nearly tumbling out of the bed in the process.

“Because I liked it, I wasn’t in pain or anything.” He says, opening his eyes to look at me. Oh God, I wish I was a girl, stupid chicks don’t have things growing inside of their pants when they get excited.

“Yes and I liked the sounds you made.” I blurt out.  

“ _Oh._ ” Obviously realisation downed on him.

“Yeah eh, good night Harry.” I want to roll on my side so I don’t face him but stop when I realize there is no space unless I want to end up on the floor and I don’t want that. So or I have to scoot closer and turn around or I have to stay where I am and pretend he’s not there.

“Niall, don’t do this.” Harry says silently. I open my eyes to see a sad look on his face.

“Do what?” I ask, pretending I did nothing wrong. I was getting a hard-on so is it really that weird to get away from the source of it? Okay yeah, maybe it is.

“It’s like I have a contagious disease or something.” He sighs tiredly.

“No, I mean eh—“ What do I mean? I have no idea what to say and his puppy-dog look isn’t quite helping the situation of sticking up for myself. _Great word play, Niall._

“We’re both boys and we’re both gay, we’ve established that.” He states simply. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable with my moans. I tried to hold them in but I couldn’t, your hands on my back felt too good. But eh, what I actually wanted to say is that you don’t have to be ashamed that you got excited. I’m actually quite flattered.” He giggles. A giggling Harry Styles, I don’t think I can ever get used to that.

“Ugh.” I groan as I bury my face in my hands but it’s only a matter of seconds until a set of much larger and stronger hands peels them off of my face.

“Don’t hide.” He holds my wrists in one bloody large hand and snakes his free arm around my waist. Without too much effort he pulls me close to his body. “It’s alright.” He brushes his lips against my temple and smiles before he leans in to capture my lips in his. It’s soft and delicate and sweet. I pull away when I actually feel like deepening the kiss because the situation in my pants finally died down a little and I want it to keep that way. For tonight at least.

“You need to sleep.” I whisper, nervously lifting my hand to brush my fingers through his soft locks. He closes his eyes and smiles.

“I’m not tired.” He lies, using all his strength to open his eyes.

“Of course you aren’t. I’ll ask you that again in five minutes.” I deadpan. He closes his eyes again but doesn’t let go of his hold on my waist. If anything, he pulls me closer and slots his body with mine.

“This alright?” He breathes lazily. As my reply I nuzzle my head in his chest and plant my lips against his skin. He shivers a little but doesn’t protest my actions. His breathing evens out fairly quick and then it’s too hard to concentrate on anything else but his steady heartbeat and the little puffs of air that escapes his lips. I drift off in a warm and comfortable sleep.

 

“Someone is a cuddler.” Is the first thing I hear when I’m conscious enough to register things. I feel warm and hot and the sheets are just too much. I try to kick the covers from my body but stop when I hear a loud groan of pain. “An aggressive cuddler.”

I open my eyes to see the whole left side of the bed empty. The side where I fell asleep on last night. I squint, trying to adjust to the light as I turn my head. I’m met with a neck, a neck with a very familiar smell. A neck that vibrates as I hear laughter that doesn’t come from my mouth. “Tickles.”

I murmer something that _I_ don’t even understand as I try to get a hold on the situation I’m in. I want to rub my eyes to clear my blurry vision but they’re stuffed under a heavy weight. A whiney noise escapes my throat and the laughter begins again. My whole body is shaking even though I’m lying still.

“Warm.” I mutter still half-asleep and I try again to kick the covers off. Suddenly I’m lying on my back and my hands are free. The different thing about this new position is that Harry is hovering over my body, his hands on either side of my face on the pillow.

“Stop harassing me.” He croaks with that sexy raw morning voice of his. If I thought I was warm a minute ago, I feel much hotter right now.

“Eh, sorry?” I smile sheepishly. I kicked him twice didn’t I?

“I forgive you.” He kisses right between my eyebrows. “But you have to make me breakfast.” He says as he holds himself up again. He wiggles his eyebrows and grins.

“Fine, have the fire department ready then.” I grumble, pushing at his chest in an effort to get him to stop hovering over me. It is quite intimidating and I have morning breath that I’m highly aware of. He doesn’t move an inch though and darn, I can’t get over how hard his chest is. Neither can I get over the fact that I want to lick it.

“Does your mum still cook for you?” He asks curiously and I snort.

“I live all by myself and my specialties in breakfast food are cereal and toast.” I tell him smartly. “Oh and I’m pretty good at pouring juice in a glass.”

“Come on.” Harry sighs, getting off of me and off of the bed. “Let’s get some food in you, hopefully that’ll make your morning grumpiness disappear.” He grabs my wrist and tugs me out of the bed too. I almost let myself drop on the floor and make myself heavy just like I did when I was a kid when my mother wanted to give me a haircut. Then I figure that Harry is probably much stronger than my mum and I’ll get burn marks on my body from being dragged over the floor. So I stumble onto my feet and follow Harry down to the kitchen. He hops on the cooking island and looks at me expectantly.

“What do you want?” I really try to be nice but I just need time in the morning. I’m not used of being with someone every morning. When Sophie calls me to get up for work, I always have another hour by myself. Not that I’m complaining because Harry is right there in his underwear and looking mighty fine but my brain just doesn’t work properly enough yet to be happy at this time. What time is it actually?

“Breakfast.” He replies smugly. Does he enjoy this or something? “And for you to make it.”

“But what kind of breakfast? Can’t we order in?” Does there exist something like breakfast take-away?

“Oh yum, Chinese at eleven in the morning, why didn’t I ever think of that?” He remarks. Screw you, Harry Styles. I thought you were nice.

“Oh bugger off.” I look around in the kitchen when a thought strikes me. I open a cabinet to find exactly what I’m looking for. “You can take two, I’ll take one.” I hold the plate with two chocolate and one vanilla muffin out for him.

“Nuh-uh.” He replies, crossing his arms over his chest. “You wanted to be a housewife, you wanted to take care of your husband. Pretend that I’m your husband, you’re already wearing my jewelry.” He hops off the counter and leaves the kitchen only to re-enter it a few seconds later.

“Good morning baby.” He stretches his arms above his head and yawns theatrically. My eyes automtically rake over his smooth body before they find his eyes. He’s close now, so close that he wraps his arms around my waist and leans down to peck me gently on the lips. “The kids are still asleep. What’s for breakfast?”

‘Ugh.” I groan. “Why weren’t you this good on iCarly? Or all those fragrance adds?”

“Hey!” He pulls away from me and places his hand on his heart. “That hurts.”

“Yeah yeah yeah, sure.” I sigh as he sits on the counter again as he watches me with a smirk. Oh the jackass.

“Fine but get your arse off _my_ kitchen counter. The paper is on the dining table, sports section open. Do you want juice, _darling?_ ” I only need a pink apron, hair curlers and lipstick on my teeth and I’m just like those perfect mothers in bad TV series.

“I would _love_ some, dear.” He jumps off the counter and kisses me on the lips again before he walks out of the kitchen and to the dining table probably.

“Oh sweetheart?” I yell at him. “Do you know where I left the bread?”

I can hear him laugh from the other side of the wall before he replies. “In the cabinet above the fridge.” I turn around to face the refrigurator. Yeah, there’s no way in hell I can reach that cabinet. I grumble something in my thoughts before my feet leave the floor and I’m wrapped up in two strong arms.

“Fine, we can eat yesterdays breakfast left-overs but I’m going to teach you how to cook. Can’t have the guy you end up with starve because all he and his kids get is toast or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.” He lifts me on the counter and goes to stand between my legs. He puts his hands on my bare thighs and I want to scream something inapropriate. I don’t though. I have _some_ self-control.   
“Besides, this whole perfect household thing creeped me out.” He shudders to prove his point.  
“Tomorrow night, I’m going to teach you how to make Tacos. It’s not exactly breakfast food but why would we make that in the night, right?”

“I can make tacos actually.” I grin proudly.

“What can’t you make then?”

“Well eh, anything besides toast, sandwiches and tacos?” I look down to where his hands scoot lower over my legs to my knees. “I have to warn you, if you touch my knees, there’s a ninety nine percent chance I will go all ninja on you and kick you in the nuts.” It’s the worst feeling in the world, even just if someone places his hand on my knee and doesn’t do anything besides that. It’s absolutely horrible.

Harry is fast to withdraw his hands. “Well, what do you eat every day?”

“Tacos, take-away or microwave meals.” Nothing wrong with that, is there? I get my vegetables and my vitamins.

“Oh God.” He shakes his head like he doesn’t believe what he’s hearing. “I’m definitely teaching you how to cook. Don’t worry, I won’t go all Gordon Ramsay on you.” I laugh at that, I can see Harry yelling and swearing and saying fuck every other minute. Oh that would be kind of hot actually. Don’t get too excited Niall, the boy you’re fantasizing about is in between your legs and I don’t think he has any intentions of getting into your pants right now. “I’ll make you a list with things you have to get from the shop tomorrow and I’ll come to yours and we’ll make dinner. Together.”

“Eh, well—“

“Nope, I’m can’t hear you.” He puts his fingers in his ears and goes “la la la la.”

“Fine.” I grumble but he doesn’t stop. I wrap my fingers around his hands to get his attention. “Fine.” I say, louder this time. He flashes his victorious smile, one similar to when they won an MTV-award before he lunges forward and crashes his lips on mine. God, someone is generous with kisses today.

Ha ha, as if I would ever complain about that.

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember Marcus?

After yesterday’s breakfast, Harry brought me home. He didn’t leave me with a lingering kiss on my doorstep. He left with a wink in the car. I can’t say I don’t understand because he can’t risk anything but it left a little hole in my chest. Not that we’re involved or in a relationship or something but he was spoling me so much with all those kisses that it felt kind of weird to be said goodbye with a wink. It was a cute wink but still, kisses are better.

 

“Someone is finally picking up his phone.” Sophie snarls as she rings me to make sure I’m up on this Monday morning. “You weren’t home either. Where were you? Why didn’t you call me back? Why didn’t you text me? An ‘Hey Soph, I’m alright’ would’ve done too you know.”

“Yeah sorry about that.” I literally only charged my phone before I went to bed yesterday and the battery was completely dead since it hadn’t been charged since Friday morning.

“Sorry? What the hell Niall, I was worried sick.”

“I was with Harry all weekend.” I say hoping that it’s a good excuse to be M.I.A for her the last two days.

“I kept calling you and—what? You were with Harry? All weekend?” She screetches and I actually have to keep my phone within an arms length if I don’t want to get deaf.

“Maybe your neighbours didn’t hear you, say it a bit louder and we don’t even have to use a phone.” I grumble as I swing my legs out of my bed. I miss the zebra printed rug to tickle my feet with.

“But seriously?” She whisper-shouts now. “You were with Harry the whole weekend?”

“Yes I was, now let me get dressed so I can get to work on time. See you in a bit.” I break off the conversation and throw my phone on my bed as I hurry to the bathroom. It’s nothing compared to Harry’s, I don’t have a bath, I don’t have more than one cabinet, I don’t have two sinks and a shelf full of products. His shampoo smells way better than mine too. Oh God, I’m a freak, aren’t I?

I’m actually on time at work today and I even went to buy two coffees and got another ‘Noelle’ on my cup. It makes my heart flutter a little because Harry has teased me with it before and wait, how the hell does he know about that name?

Sophie jumps on me, nearly attacking me to the ground. God it’s too early for this. “If you want to drink your coffee instead of getting it all over you I suggest you let go of me.” I say as calm as I possibly can.

“I demand an explanation!”

I sigh. Sure I might owe her an apology and she, as my best friend, has the right to know why I didn’t pick up my phone but I can’t tell her that I’ve spent my whole weekend snuggling with Harry, right? I trust her, I really do but I promised Harry that I wouldn’t tell anyone. What if anyone hears?

“Okay, promise me you’ll be quiet?” I ask, she nods. I walk into the store, greet the shop manager and motion Sophie to help me stack the soup. “I was with Harry all weekend, I haven’t been home until yesterday.” She squeals loudly and I glare at her.

“Sorry, sorry.” She mimes zipping her lips and locking it.

“Anyway, we were watching a movie after the concert Friday night and I fell asleep on his sofa. I somehow ended up in his bed and when I woke up, he was making breakfast.” I leave out the part where he stripped out of his clothes and that I followed not long after. She will assume that we had sex or something. Not all half-naked people have sex you know?

“Oh gosh!” She swoons.

“It’s not that big of a deal.” I lie. “So the next day we just talked and stuff and I went to their concert again. I had a little talk with the other Skyway boys, they were lovely by the way and the concert was brilliant. After that we chilled a little and went to bed. The morning after he wanted me to make breakfast but I refused because all I can make is toast and cereal so we ate left overs from Saturday morning and then I went home.”

Sophie eyes me curiously. “So you didn’t jump him?”

Well no, not literally no. “No I didn’t.” I am a decent human being.

“What? Are you crazy? If Louis Tomlinson invited me to his house I would’ve made the most of it.” She says with big eyes. I just snort. If someone asked me two years ago what I’d do if I met Harry or any of the other boys, my answer would’ve probably been something like ‘kiss him’ or ‘I’d kidnap them into my basement and snog them senseless.’ but when you actually meet them, it’s different.

“Niall, Sophie, those shelves don’t stack themselves, come on.” The manager yells. I huff but get to work anyway. The guy puts money on my bank, so, what do you do?

“Did you kiss?” Sophie whispers. At least she’s trying to be silent.

 

Oh yes, we kissed. He kissed me a lot and I kissed him. Come to think of it, all those kisses were sweet and innocent; there was no tonsil tennis or tongue wresting. It was like testing our boundaries. Maybe he was testing me, trying to find out how far he could go until I freaked out again. Well newsflash, Harry Styles; my brain still can’t handle any of it, I’m still screaming and crying in my head.

“No, we didn’t kiss.” It feels horrible to lie to my best friend but if I don’t want to ruin whatever is going on with Harry right now, then I can’t talk about the kisses or the snuggle sessions.

“What? But Harry is sexy and I thought you were a big ball of horniness.” That’s a way to put it, thank you _best friend_.

“Yeah well, I might be gay but that doesn’t mean Harry is. He was very lovely and we talked and I think he could be a great friend.” It’s not exactly a lie. “Can we maybe drop the subject? I don’t feel comfortable talking about Harry in public.”

Sophie drops the box with the cans of soup and grabs my face with both hands, not caring that the cans are probably dented and unsuitable for buying now. “Who are you and what have you done with Niall?” Dramatic much? “You always try to find a reason to talk about him and even if we had a conversation about sheep, you managed to squeeze Harry into the subject.” I can’t say that it isn’t true but since this weekend, it doesn’t feel right to talk about Harry. What if people hear? What if people assume?

The manager splits Sophie and me up for the rest of the morning so we could actually do our jobs. I love Soph but I was actually thankful that she wasn’t around to ask more questions. After my shift is done, I grab and pay for the ingredients Harry wants me to buy for dinner tonight and make my way home.

My phone vibrates just as I put the key in my lock and I smile, somehow I thought he’d forget about it or that I’d get a text that he couldn’t make it because he’s busy living his popstar life. But no, it’s the opposite.

 

_From Harry_

_To Niall: What time do you want me at your place tonight? x_

_From Niall_

_To Harry: Around five? So we have plenty of time and you can teach me. x_

“Niall, thank God you’re home. Are you home all afternoon?” Julia, one of my neighbours in the building runs up to me, little Marcus trying to keep up with her, holding his mother’s hand while his tiny legs can barely keep up with the speed.

“Eh, yes?” Julia looks stressed, her dirty blonde hair messy and her clothes crumpled. Marcus doesn’t look much better and now he’s closer, I can see bits of food in the corners of his mouth.

“Can you _please_ watch Marcus? Only for a couple of hours, I’ll be back before dinner. You see, my husband works in a tire factory but he somehow got his hand stuck in one of the machines and he has to go to the hospital but obviously he can’t drive so they called me if I could pick him up and take him but Marcus is scared of doctors ever since he got his last shot so I don’t want to bring him. Please Niall? Please watch my son?” She pleads after she’s finished rambling.

“So Marcus, what do you say? You up for a day of playing games with me?” I crouch down so that I’m level with the cute four-year-old boy. I hear Julia sigh happily as Marcus runs up to me with a force that I nearly tumble to the floor. What is it today with people attacking me? I lift him up and we say goodbye to his hum who kisses him on the cheek and squeezes my arm.

“Let’s get you cleaned up first. You can’t play hide and seek when you’re not clean.” To be honest, I know where he will hide and I just don’t want the spagetti sauce on his cheeks to stain my bed sheets.

“Okay Niall.” He says cheerily, running towards the bathroom where he knows he can reach the faucet. I watch Marcus quite a lot when his parents go on a night out or with emergencies like this. I can’t say I mind, he’s a good kid.

 

We play tag and hide and seek where I find him wrapped in my bedsheets three times, either his hair sticking out or his feet and I always pretend I don’t know where he is. “Marcus!” I shout, opening and closing doors. “Oh my, I think I lost Marcus again, what should I tell his mum? I am in so much trouble.” I open the door to my bedroom again. “Okay, let me just take a nap and think about it for a while.” I can see Marcus squirm under my covers and he’s trying to hold in his giggles. “Oh my, what do we have here? Is it a giant teddybear?” I gasp as I poke the little boy in my bed.

“No silly, it’s me!” Marcus exclaims laughing. “Marcus!” He says for good measure as he climbs from under the sheets, his hair sticking up and his eyes bright with laughter.

“Oh Marcus, I thought I lost you, I thought I had to tell your mum and she’d punish me by making me eat brussels sprouds for the rest of my life.” I pout. Marcus climbs on my lap and rests his head on my shoulder.

“Don’t worry Ni, I am right here.” He slings his arms around my neck and hides his face in the crook as he tells me he is really tired.

“Do you want to watch a DVD?” I ask as I carry the sleepy boy to the sofa. I lay him down gently and he shuffles up so he can rest his head on one of the pillows.

“Yes. Can we watch Liam again?” Baby blue eyes look up at me and I smile. I couldn’t refuse even if I wanted to. I don’t want to, if the boy wants to watch the Skyway DVD, who am I to deny him that? That would be cruel.

 After I put the DVD in and got us both a glass of apple juice, I settle down next to my favourite four year old and grab my laptop. It’s been a while since I’ve blogged anything and I get a lot of tweets every day that I’ve been silent.

I open my twitter first and answer a few of my followers. I have over four thousand followers and holy crap, how the hell did that happen?

 

_Niall_Horan_

_@PhoebeBennett5: Sorry babe, can’t help you with that. Keep trying, you’ll get noticed one day. x_

_Niall_Horan_

_@rinnagirl: No, I’m not eaten by a shark. Ever since I’ve seen jaws, I’m kind of scared of the sea. x_

_Niall_Horan_

_@CarlzPBnJ: I am quite good actually, how are you? x_

_Niall_Horan_

_Sorry darlings, I’m still here, just a bit busy. Hope you’re all well. Going to make a new blog post now so check it out in a few! x_

It’s cute that they miss me and I’m close to awe’ing but Marcus is asleep next to me. His head is faced to the television as he lies on his tummy. His cheeks are still rosy from playing and tiredness and it might just be the cutest sight I’ve ever seen. Though, Harry blushing in his underwear comes very close.

I open my blog and see hundreds of messages that my fans left me. I actually have fans, how crazy is that? I’m just Niall Horan, I work at Tesco, I live on my own and I ramble every once in a while on the internet and yet I have fans.

 

_Hello people of the good life,_

_I’m here to tell you that I did not die, I am not pregnant and I did not rape Harry Styles neither did I get raped. You sick minded weirdos! Ha kidding, I still love you._

_Interesting to see that you’re still obsessed with me pooping out babies, Harry’s babies. Well I haven’t checked recently but I actually don’t think I have a uterus. Besides, making a baby, the natural way, involves sex and no, that hasn’t happened either. Just because he follows me, doesn’t mean I spend weekends in his bed while he’s making breakfast for me._

_Oh_hell_nawwww, yes I’ve been to the Skyway concert. I got tickets last minute and it was insane, they were so good. They sang everything live and I cried during Little Things, I danced turing the upbeat songs, it was amazing. I can’t even, oh God._

_Okay eh, I saw that xodixo wanted me to post a video of me singing on here. If you click on the youtube video on the side, you find me playing Little Things. It was at my brother’s wedding I was a little nervous, and—drunk. It’s not that good but my cousin uploaded it anyway, son of a—yeah you can finish that. You can watch it but don’t hate, I’m not a singer nor am I a profressional guitar player. If you’re going to be negative about it, I’ll have my cousin delete it._

_niallers_dirty_mofo, Classy name. Your obsession with me is a bit unhealthy. Property of Niall tattooed on your bum? I demand a picture, you understand that._

_louitheleadder, You are rude. Sometimes dreams come true. Goodbye._

_Anyway, that’s it for today, I’m watching my little neighbour who’s currently asleep on my sofa with the Skyway DVD playing. He demanded to watch that, by the way and why should I protest?_

_I love you all and I’ll try to update sooner this time, have a good day! xxx_  
  


I tried avoiding the Harry subject a little but since my blog is dedicated to him, I can’t completely ignore every question that’s about him and me. It’s kind of scary though because what if I say the wrong thing? What if they suspect things? I can’t go crazy fanboy over him anymore but if I stay silent, _my_ fans go crazy. Oh gosh, this is a mess. Maybe I can try to talk to Harry about it, yeah I will try that.

Just as the final song on the DVD starts, my doorbell rings. Marcus jolts awake and sits up straight. “It’s probably your mum, you can get that.” I tell him and he nods, sliding of the sofa rubbing his eyes before he runs to the door.

It stays silent for a while and I’m about to go check when Marcus screams. “Niall! Why is Harry Styles at your door?”

Oh no, oh shit, oh fuck! I spin around in the room, I totally forgot to take my posters down. Shit, fuck! I run to the door and see Marcus watching Harry with big eyes. Harry shakes his hand and when he sees me, he smiles. Oh God, oh God! I pull the star struck four year old away from the door and smile sheepishly at Harry.

Before I can think of a better plan I shut the door in Harry’s face.

Whoops!

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

"But--" Marcus protests, "Harry." He points to the door I just closed right into my favourite popstar's face.

"Oh shit!" I cuss, not thinking about it before I let it out until Marcus gasps.

"Naughty word!" He giggles in his hand, turning red from keeping his laughter in. It would've been a cute sight if my brain wasn't occupied so much with the boy on the other side of the door.

I slowly push the handle down again and the door opens. Harry is still standing there but the shock is written all over his face. "I--I'm sorry." I stammer. "My house is a mess and I forgot to clean because I was watching my friend Marcus here."

"Oh eh, shall I help you clean?" Harry proposes and wow, after I slammed the door shut in his face, he wants to help me tidy my flat? What is this boy? Some kind of Godlike angel? He has the face and the body of a God so maybe...

No Niall, these are thoughts you can have when you're alone, not when the object of your fantasies is right there. "Eh no, that's alright." I then direct myself at Marcus as I crouch down. "If you help Harry get something to drink in the kitchen and make sure he doesn't look, I have a surprise for you tomorrow." The young boy eagerly nods and his face looks determined not wanting to fail this big task.

As he tugs on Harry's hand to make the older boy walk along with him he rambles questions about Liam. "Harry, what is Liam doing now?"

I have no time to listen to the rest of it as I run to the living room to get my posters off the wall. I look at it for a brief moment and sigh. Oh screw it, sorry poster Harry but I have the real deal sitting in the kitchen and he is much warmer than you are. I do try not to rip them, somehow they're still too precious to throw away. As I'm done in the living room I run to my bedroom. I hide my cardboard cut out under my bed and take the posters down too.

"Okay, I'm done now." I say as a cue for the two boys to turn around. Harry is sitting on the floor with Marcus in his lap. The little boy is carefully studying the older one's face like he really can't believe it's him, Harry Styles.

Harry stands up but keeps Marcus is his arms. They walk towards me as I stand there with a sheepish grin, swaying a bit on my feet and my hands on my back like when I had to clean my room and my mum wanted to check if I'd done it properly.

"Niall!" Marcus screetches. "The posters!" He yells, pointing to my now empty wall. Oh man, maybe I should've let him in on the fact that I meant that by cleaning.

Harry then lets out a loud sound that has both mine and Marcus' attention on him. He clasps his free hand over his mouth and blushes. It's that laugh of his that he's clearly embarrassed about, the high pitched 'ha!' Marcus looks at him for a bit before he throws his head back and tries to make the same sound Harry just did. It's a lot higher and less loud but it makes both Harry and me laugh so mission accomplished.   
We all are coming down from our laughing fits when I spot Julia, watching us with a bemused smile. "Hi, oh hello!" She grins when she sees the face that belongs to the bun of brown curls "I'm Julia. Harry, right?" She throws in a smile that would come of flirty if I didn't know she had a husband.

"Harry, Julia. Julia, Harry. Julia is Marcus' mother. Say Julia, how's your husband doing?" I all but growl.

"He's okay, nothing's broken, just badly bruised." She says, her smile going from flirty to polite. "Thank you so much for watching Marcus, I owe you!" She gets her wallet out of her purse but I stop her.

"No! Eh, just save me a seat at the dinner table sometime." I ruffle Marcus' hair as Harry sets him down on the floor.

"But I know how tight you are with money, just let me--"

"No!" I cut her off. If I wanted more money, I would've taken dubble shifts. "Just save me some dinner sometime."

She nods then, closing her purse when Marcus tugs her sleeve. "Mummy, can I stay with Niall and Harry?" Julia is about to answer when Harry does.

"Hey pal, what if I come back to Niall another time and pick you up? We can play games and make us a lovely dinner. What do you say?" Harry holds his pinky out.

"No Harry, you don't have to do that, you probably have a busy life and--"

Before she can continue Marcus yells happily. "Deal" he hooks his pinky in Harry's and they shake on it.

"Well, we're ought to get going now. Say bye, Marcus." The young boy waves at us as Julia takes his arm and drags him out of my house.

It's just Harry and me again and suddenly the nerves kick in. "So..." My feet are very interesting, my lovely shade of white. Should I have changed my dirty socks them for a cleaner pair?

"I'm a bit early but I was in the neighbourhood and yeah." He sounds a bit insecure -you don't know what for- and when I take my phone out of my pocket to look at the time, I see that it's just past four. A bit early is an understatement.

"That's alright. It's a bit too early to start on dinner, isn't it ?" I ask and he nods. I walk towards the sofa and motion him to come with me. "My sofa isn't nearly as comfy as yours but it'll do, right?"

He toes his shoes off and for a moment I think he's going to strip to his pants again but he leaves it at his shoes and socks as he plops down. "Of course it will do. Do you think I'm that kind of” he does the little quite bunny ears with his fingers “celebrity who only drinks Swedish water or sits on large sofas with twelve pillows? One who only eats yellow M&Ms?"

"No I mean, it's just--" I scan my flat and sigh. Big hands capture my hips then and I'm being pulled down on something much more comfortable than my sofa.

"Your place is lovely, Niall." He puts his lips on my temple and kisses there sweetly before he speaks up again. "Too bad you took all those posters of me down though." I turn bright red, I can feel all my blood rush to my head. "I was just joking, so you did have posters of me!" He laughs but I think it's nothing to laugh about. I can't cry about it either but it's just downright embarrassing.

"Shut up." I narrow my eyes at him before I try to get up but his hold on me is strong.

"Make me." He challanges and becomes silent. I turn to look him in the eyes again and he holds my gaze. I inch a little closer, not looking away but he doesn't flinch. My eyes briefly flicker to his lips which he wets with his tongue then. I look back up to meet his eyes but he has them closed now. I can joke with him and lick his cheek but why should I waste an opportunity to kiss him?

His lips are slightly parted and mine fit perfectly in between them, capturing his bottom lip. I don't know if I should pull away or take the kiss further but Harry answers for me as he places his hand on my jaw and moves his lips. I press my body closer to his and fist his black loose fitting t-shirt. This kiss is intense, more than the others we shared.

His hand on my hip moves over my bum to my tigh. I jolt a little at the fact he touched my bum and he takes it as an opportunity to pull my leg over his so that I straddle him. A little noise of pleasure escapes my throat, talking about awkward, but that only urges Harry on as he slips his hand under my shirt and presses his fingers in my bare side. Usually I'd scream and turn into a ninja because no one should touch my side but I'm so into this kiss that it doesn't bother me.

He bites my lip a little then before he swipes his tongue over the abused flesh. I take a risk and part my lips to meet his tongue halfway. He doesn't pull away, instead he let his tongue dance with mine in a little playfight.

I don't want to be the first to pull away but I have no choice as this becomes too intense for me. I feel hot and tingly all over my body and when I say all over my body, I mean all over my body. I pull away, breathing heavily and Harry lets out a whiney noise. I breathe a little chuckle and peck his lips once. I slide off of him to sit next to him on the sofa and snuggle into his side.

When I look up to him, he opens his eyes. They're bright but darker than the usual shade of green he sports. He looks a little dazed and I have to keep in my fistpump and enjoy silently that I have this affect on him, I did this and oh God, look at those red-kissed plump lips, I did that too. I give him a once over and notice how his toes are curled but start to relax now. How tensed his legs are in his skinny jeans and how I'm not the only one excited in the lower area. His shirt is a complete mess and stretched out at the collar. His jaw is slack and a dimple appears on his cheek before I meet his eyes and he knows I was just checking him out.

Holy shit, forget dinner. I can live off of this for the rest of my life.

"I eh" I start awkwardly. "I ruined your shirt a little." I try to rearrange his collar but it's no use, I can see the two swallows on his chest fully and I don't know if I care too much because his collarbones invite me to stare. Gosh those deserve a price.

"Doesn't matter." He croaks and he seems surprised himself by how hoarse he sounds. The sound of his voice stirrs something in me and I have to refrain myself from jumping him, literally. He clears his throat before he continues. "I have four more where this one comes from."

"Oh, yeah okay." I don't know what to say.

"They sold them in a five pack and I thought why not? You can never have enough black shirts. I think all together they've cost me seven pounds." He grins proudly. "I'm not a person to throw around money because I can."

I quirk an eyebrow at him. "How many cars did you own again? What is your favourite brand of clothing? How much do those boots cost?" I point to his discarded brown scruffed boots under my coffee table. “They look like they couldn’t have cost more than twenty pounds but I’m sure they’re like five times my rent.”

He narrows his eyes at me and before I know it, his fingers are in my sides again and tickling me until I cry and snort of laughter. "Stop Harry, no!" I yelp.

"What was that? I'm sorry, can't hear you, try not to giggle when you talk." He smirks evilly, his eyes twinkling as he pushes me with my back on the sofa. He hovers over me but doesn't stop tickling me.

"Please Harry, please!" I hickup desperately. He grins at me and his fingers stop dancing roughly against my skin. He leans down and I close my eyes but instead of feeling his lips on my own, he places a tiny kiss on my nose. I open my eyes as he pokes the tip of my nose.

"Pleading suits you." He licks his lips. "You should do it more often." Oh my lord, is he trying to kill me or something? If so, he's doing a pretty damn good job of if. I'm this close to death due arousal. Or to an orgasm.

"Eh" I stammer as I can't form more words.

"Relax babe, I'm just teasing you." He seals his words with a kiss on my lips.

"Well don't." I attempt to glare but fail when he brushes a hand through my hair and kisses me sweetly yet again.

"Can't help myself. You look very cute with a blush." If it were any other person I would've smacked them upside down the head but with Harry I can't manage to do so.

"I do not." I protest weakly. Squirming to get off of the sofa with Harry still hovering above me but it's no use as he now literally sits on me. "Ehm..."

"Something wrong?" He wriggles a bit with his bum. Well, define wrong, if you mean that you're making me excited and very uncomfortable while you're sitting on me and that I will probably be poking you soon than yes, something's wrong.

"Well eh-- can you not sit eh, there?" I stumble over my words as I feel my face flush again. Someone turned on the heater? No, wait. I'M turned on.

"Why not? What's the matter?" Oh fuck you Harry Styles. You know what's the matter. I'm sure you can feel what's the matter.

"Please Harry, could you get off me?" I ask desperately.

"So you're not half the horny boy you make out to be on your blog." He states.

"What? You still read that?" Oh no no no.

"Yes I do, I'm reading back your posts. It's very entertaining." He says getting off of me.

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is, your fans think so too." He smirks as if he won the battle. "You have quite the imagination and you think very high of me, thank you for that." Okay lets face it, he won.

"Please stop reading?" I'm this close to getting on my knees and beg for it.

"Ha!" Harry grins proudly. "I knew I could make you plead again. Three times in one night. I'm on a roll." He brushes the imaginary dust off his shoulders.

"You're an asshole." I stand up without giving him a single glance.

"And I have one but you already seem to know the details of it." He laughs.

I huff. "I'm going to make myself dinner now and let it burn and you can't have any of it." Eat that, Harry Styles.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for deleting, you know who you are. x

Turns out, making soup and garlic bread is easy. At least, if you can watch Harry doing it, he makes it look easy. Turns out he’s a sucker for the dramatic ‘I just can’t do it’ pout followed by a deep, dramatic sigh.

“Just chop the carrots, like this, see?” He says as he takes the knife from my hand and slices two of the orange vegetables in small pieces.

“But what if I cut the tips of my fingers off?” I ask dramatically.

“You won’t,” he tells me calmly. “Just curl your fingers on the carrot, like this.” He grabs another carrot and shows me how to do it once more.

“Oh, I see!” I smile brightly. “But we’re out of carrots now.” I have to bite my lip to keep in the laughter that’s bubbling in my stomach. He scratches the back of his head with one finger and contamplates on what I could do next.

“You could stir the soup while I add all the ingredients?” He pushes me gently in the direction of the boiling water on my stove and goes to look for a spoon.

“Right drawer.” I tell him. He hums a tune under his breath and inspects my cutlery but when he doesn’t find what he’s looking for, he sighs. “My spoons not good enough for you?” I make an effort to glare at his adorable confused face.

“You can’t stir in a pan that large with a table spoon, Ni.” He tells me, letting the nickname slip from his lips. It doesn’t seem like he thinks twice about it or that he regrets calling me that, he doesn’t even blush like he would in fan fictions. _So my life has been a lie all along._

“It’s all the spoons I have.” I tell him. What? I never found the time to buy kitchen stuff. Okay maybe I had time but I’ve had loads of stuff going on; Tumblr, Twitter, my blog. Besides, what’s the use of buying stuff you’d hardly ever use anyway?

“Can you ask Julia if she has a spoon to stir soup with? Preferably an wooden one.”

 

When I come back to my flat, the smell of food and something I can’t pinpoint hits me. The ligths are dimmed and I nearly drop the wooden spoon he requested to the floor. Harry looks at his reflection in the microwave and does his trademark hairshake, _shake shake and sliiide back._ I catch him sniffing his shirt and armpits before he brushes a hand through his already messily perfect hair again.

I take a step further in my flat and notice three candles he must’ve brought, lit in the middle of the table in my small kitchen. He’s set the table with a cloth I don’t own and two plates and cutlery I _do_ recognize as my own. It would be romantic if I wasn’t still in my work clothes and Harry’s shirt wasn’t half-ripped at the collar.

I’m squealing in my mind but I know better than to do it out loud so instead of doing that, I put the spoon on the counter, walk closer to the boy standing in my kitchen and take his hands in mine and pull them away from his hair. It obviously startles him as his eyes widen when he realizes I’ve seen him checking out his reflection in the makeshift microwave mirror. I squeeze his hand and scan the kitchen once more before I look back into his eyes as if to ask in a non-rude matter what this all is.

“Is it too much?” He asks, flushing red from his neck up to his ears. I shake my head no, too overwhelmed to say anything. “Yes it is.” He grunts, avoiding my eyes. He wants to retrieve his hands, I can feel the resistance against my own but I’m not letting him as I push him against the counter top. I stand on my toes, wanting to kiss him but he turns his head.

“Something wrong?” I ask, now letting go of his hands but I don’t step away from where I’m only milimeters from being pressed against his body. Was I out of line? Did I do something wrong to upset him? _Again?_

He holds my waist with both hands and I’m about to melt into him when I realize he’s just moving me away from him so he can get out from the position we were in only seconds ago. He takes two big strides to my wall where he flicks on the lights before he blows out the candles.

“I came here to teach you how to cook.” He says as if it explains everything.

“Yeah?” I urge him on after he goes silent. “You did, didn’t you? I can make soup now.” Truth is, I have no idea what kind of soup we, he just made.

“I was looking forward to it all day.” He pauses. He’s standing with his back to me, shoulders slumped and head bowed down. I can’t see his face but I can imagine the irritated frown he must have on his features right now. “So I packed candles and on my way here I even bought a table cloth in case you didn’t have one. I don’t know, thought it would look nice and stuff until I saw your face five minutes ago and figured how much this must look like a date.”

My feelings hit rock bottom right then. We’ve been flirting over the course of the last couple of weeks and we non-sexually shared the same bed and we even bloody kissed and yet he doesn’t want this to be a date. Well done, Harry Styles, you’ve screwed me over for real this time and the real deal feels a hundred times worse than the emotion of pain I felt when you were ‘killing’ me with things you said on the internet. When you only virtually broke my heart, when I didn’t know the real you I came to know over our past meet ups and texts.

When I think about it now I realize that he really had my heart, that in the time this has been going on between the two of us, I’ve fallen a little bit in love with him. This is why I didn’t want to have my hopes up when it all started. One thing right about the fan fictions and shit is that Harry really is a heartbreaker. The womanizer label isn’t true and I doubt that he’s a man-eater but fuck me if I don’t feel broken and used right now.

“Can you go? Please?” My breath catches in my throat as I squeeze my eyes shut to hold back the tears that are threatening to fall. I can’t show him how weak and vulnerable I am when it comes to him, he can’t notice that my feelings for him are this deep already and that it hurts that my dreams of being in a relationship with him just crashed down on me. _Reality ruined my live_.

“Why?” He asks, turning around to face me.

Why? Because you, you fucking not-so-teenage-anymore heart-throb are breaking my heart right this second and I want to throw things at you and spit in _our_ dinner, which by the way, still has to be stirred and I want to kick the table’s leg because secretly I don’t really want to hurt you. “I’m not feeling well.” It’s not exactly a lie, my stomach is churning and cold sweat is dripping down my spine.

“You do look a little pale.” He states, walking over to where I stand frozen in the middle of my kitchen. For someone who’s afraid that I might consider this as a date, you’re awfully ‘caring’ right now. What kind of twisted mind do you have? Do you pour lemon and salt in all your wounds too?

“Told you, I don’t feel good.” I snarl at him. I can’t handle his loving gestures right now. It makes me want to fall right back in his arms and that’s one thing I know I shouldn’t do. I know that with one kiss or even hug, I fall right in the trap that’s Harry Styles. Harry fucking perfect Styles and I can’t. _So, please tell me, where the fuck do broken hearts go?_

I’ve never really experienced love. I’ve had a fling or two, more to test if I was really attracted to men in more than one way and the answer was clear after I lost my virginity to a boy, I really am gay. But love, I’m not quite sure what love is but I know that I’ve never really felt it. I know that I’m not completely in love with Harry, I read enough about it to know that’s not the case but I think I was getting there. My mind and body reacted to everything he did. His kisses made the fireworks explode in various colours, his touch electrified me, his gazes made me shiver and blush for no reason at all.

I don’t know why I’m speaking in past tense because he still does it to me. Sadly enough.

“Go to bed, I’ll finish the soup and bring you some.” He tries but I refuse, tears threatening to fall. It feels like a break-up, not that I really experienced one but I know this is what it must feel like. Strangely enough what Harry and I doing right now isn’t breaking up because we weren’t even together to begin with.

“No. I want you to go home and take those stupid smelling candles with you.” I turn around because I can’t bear it to look at him. I feel a tear slip over my cheek as I make my way to my bedroom ready to cry my eyes out.

“Niall?” He clearly doesn’t understand the message.

“Please.” I choke. “Go away.”

“Ni babe, come on.” His hand is burning into my upper arm as he turns me around. I bury my face in my hands trying to hide the tears streaming down my face. I know it’s useless because the sobbing and the hiccuping are betraying me. I try to get out of his grip but he’s too strong. “Shh babe, it’s okay.” The pet name makes me cry even harder. I’m not your babe, I never will be so stop calling me that. I can’t say what I want to say though because my head is pressed in the crook of his neck and he’s stroking my back. Suddenly I feel guilty for all the bad things I wanted to call him not even a minute ago.

I don’t even notice I’ve been picked up until Harry sits down on the sofa and pulls me in his lap. “No... Don’t—I” I try but nothing but sobs come out.

“Just let it all out.” He tells me as I feel his lips kiss the top of my head. I want to hate him, to tell him he can stick the soup, including the pan there where the sun doesn’t shine. I want to hurt him both mentally and physically but I can’t bring myself up to do so.

“No.” I sigh when I have my voice under control. “Don’t do this.” I manage to get out of his lap and stand up but I don’t look at him. I know that once I look him in his mesmerizing green eyes, I can’t say what I have to say.  
“Do what?”

“Being all sweet and caring. Pretending that this means something.”

“What do you mean?” His voice breaks and I’m _this_ close to give in and apologize for my outburst.

“You clearly didn’t want me to think of tonight as a date, wich I didn’t until you brought it up and _you_ obviously don’t want this to be a date so this isn’t one. You’re not my boyfriend, you’re not going to be my boyfriend and honestly, I need time to get over my feelings for you if you ever want the two of us be just friends. So _please_ get the fuck out of my house.”


	25. Chapter 25

He went.

I know I told him to leave but did I actually want him to? Sure, part of me did because he crumpled my heart like a fan’s telephone number on a receipt. But part of me didn’t because I finally had the boy of my dreams within arms reach and I never wanted to let him go even though he wasn’t even mine to keep.

It’s the day after it all happened. I got barely any sleep last night and I’ve actually been sick and spent half of the night with my head in the toilet. My reflection in the mirror has more similarities with a ghost than with the boy people know as Niall. At six this morning, all that came out of my stomach was slime and bile. I was completely empty and I don’t only mean my stomach.

 

I brush my teeth to get the foul taste out of my mouth and climb back into bed. It’s just past eight and I already told Sophie that I’m sick today. I called my boss right after I called Soph and even though he didn’t sound happy about it, he gave me his best wishes and said he hopes I get better soon.

I cocoon myself in my bedsheets and grab my laptop from my nightstand. Maybe Tumblr or Twitter can cheer me up. The twitter application opens immediately and I’m met with fans and update accounts of the Skyway fandom telling me all boys minus Harry have been spotted outside. I try to ignore the fact that everyone is pointing out that Harry isn’t with the rest of the band but I can’t because what if I have something to do with that?

I get my phone and tap on the screen to compose a new text. ‘ _Hey, I hope you’re—‘_ I don’t finish and instead delete the words and throw my phone across the bed. It lands on the floor with a thud. He’s probably still in shock from my outburst last night, it’s not like _I_ broke _his_ heart or something, it’s the other way around and he knows it.

Oh God, he does know it.

I told him yesterday that I need to get over my feelings if we ever wanted to be friends. It’s not like he never knew I’m attracted to him, I run a goddamn blog about him, I’ve dedicated posts to every part of his body so it couldn’t be that much of a shock to him that I had _have_ feelings for him, could it?

I need to get over him and the fact that he’s all over my computer doesn’t help. I change my Twitter bio from _2/3 Skyway – Styles crew_ to a frowny face and change my header into a picture of a boat I once made. I log off, done with twitter because all everyone talks about is Harry not being out while the others are and I can’t deal with that right now.

My blog is next.

 

_Dear everyone,_

_I decided that I need a few (night) changes in my life. Drastic changes. I’m not talking about shaving my head and getting tattoos like Liam Payne once did but still, changes._

_I’ve decided to stop with my blog. I wasn’t really active lately and... things happened recently. I’m not stepping out of the fandom, I love the band and you guys too much to do that but I will keep it on a low._

_I hope I don’t disappoint you guys too much with this announcement but you have to understand that I can’t do this anymore. I can’t run this blog anymore. I’m not letting someone take over my blog and I don’t know yet if I’m going to delete it all together or if I’ll keep it online so you can still read back my old posts._

_I want to let you know that it has nothing to do with you. It’s just me._

_And a few other factors._

_All my love,_

_Niall_

I press send before I change my mind and want to take it all back. I have to do this, I can’t keep pining after a popstar that is way out of my league. I’ll end up alone with nine cats watching soap opera’s where the lady’s husband is actually her brother. It doesn’t matter, who needs a boyfriend anyway? Not me, I’m perfectly fine without Harry. Or any boy for that matter. I am not bitter, really I’m not. _I am_.

I can’t help it to open my inbox where I already find people telling me I shouldn’t quit the blog, that I’m their favourite and that without me, there’s no reason for them to be on this website. It’s flattering but somehow it doesn’t make me smile, it doesn’t do anything to me until I read a message someone sent me last night.

 

_Tobeess asked:_

_Do you have any idea what’s going on with Harry posting the sad tweets and all?_

My heart stops in my chest. Does he know I’ve been talking to Harry? Does he suspect things? But then I think about how I usually am the first to post my analysis about Harry’s ununderstandable tweets.

My hands are itching, and I find myself clicking on the twitter icon on my computer dashboard once again. The absent Harry thing has died down a little and people are posting screenshots of a shirtless Liam instead. I type in Harry’s username and sigh deeply as his tweets are loading.

 

_Harry_Styles:_

_I’m reaching for you, are you feeling it too?_

_Harry_Styles:_

_It’s hard to understand but the touch of your hand can start me crying._

_Harry_Styles:_

_I wonder how everything went wrong. I gave up and left you for a nowhere bound train._

Suddenly I find it difficult to breathe. I kick the covers off my body and push my laptop as far away from me as I can reach. Is this about me? Or does he have someone else, someone who is also the reason for why last night wasn’t a date?

I gag and the feeling is horrible; both options make me sick. I run to the bathroom and hover over the toilet. My stomach churns but nothing comes out. I sigh and slide down on the cold tiles. I rest my head on the lid of the toilet and close my eyes when tears start to fall. I don’t exactly know why I’m crying. Is it because I’ve never felt this sick in my life or is it because of the Harry situation? I honestly don’t know, all I do know is that I’m at an all time low point as I fall into a slumber, wet cheeks pressed against the toilet.

 

I have no idea how long I’ve slept when I wake up but I do know that I’m not feeling any better. I haul myself up on the sink and give myself a once over in the mirror before I decide to brush my teeth again. Last night’s sick still evident in my mouth.

After that, I walk to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water. My heart stops momentarily when I find the table still made, Harry’s candles burnt fully and his cloth still on the table. The pan of soup is still on the stove but the gas is turned off. Tears brim my eyes as I look around and spot Harry’s bag next to the counter. He left everything; he didn’t even gather his stuff before he went. I swallow hard when I bend to get the bag off the floor and on the counter. My necklace – _his_ necklace- hangs around my neck and lands back on my chest when I stand up straight again.

I decide to torture myself even more when I spot his jumper hanging over the armrest of my sofa. I shuffle over and lift up the jumper, kneeding the material with my fingers as I snif it. The unmistakable scent of Jean Paul Gaultier and _Harry_ fills my nose and since I’ve come this far in developing my inner masochism, I slip the piece of clothing on and let the cotton swallow me whole.

I can hear my ringtone from my bedroom. I have no tendency to pick it up but it doesn’t stop ringing. When it does stop, it starts again seconds after. I make my way over my bedroom and find my phone behind the foot end of my bed. I pick it up and read the caller ID.

_Harry Styles_

I blink one, two three times and I squint my eyes, checking if it’s really him calling before I tap on my screen to answer the call.

“Hello?” I croak. My voice is rough from all the throwing up and crying. I clear my throat and try again but it doesn’t come out better than the first time.

“Niall, I’m so sorry!” Harry tells me. He doesn’t sound like the Harry I know either. My head is pounding as I ask him what he’s sorry for. “Louis— and then Liam—“ He hiccups. Is he crying?

“Shh, take deep breaths, Harry.” I instruct, suddenly feeling calm and composed. Some kind of serenity has come over me as I hear him snuffle on the other side of the line. Harry shouldn’t be crying, no one that beautiful is allowed to cry. “Now tell me again.”

“I told Louis and he told Liam.” He starts. He’s panting now so I tell him to calm down before he starts hyperventilating.

“What did you tell them?”  
“About—and then he got mad and Liam went after him and...”

Loud banging on my door startles me right then and Harry sobs even louder on the other end of the phone. “So sorry.” He tells me again.

The loud banging doesn’t stop and I can tell there’s more than one fist slamming on my wooden door. Soon it’s accompanied by a voice even louder than the knocking.

“Niall Horan, if you don’t fucking open this door right now!”

 

 


	26. Chapter 26

I shuffle to the door, forgetting the fact that I’m only clad in my boxers and Harry’s jumper. I know if I don’t open the door, they will break it down some way or another. I’ve seen Louis’ muscles lately and those biceps are getting pretty impressive.

Harry is still on the phone with me, apologizing and sobbing because I know he too can hear the voices from the other side of my door.

“I swear, open this—“  _Oh no Louis_.

I turn the knob and open the door apprehensively. Louis Tomlinson’s fist is raised and ready to knock me out. I take a step back as Liam and Louis storm in.

“How dare you?” Louis yells, causing me to flinch and Harry to whimper softly in my ear. My body is shaking, hands trembling and sweating. I feel sick and out of energy. Punch me, Louis, it’s alright knock me into a deep sleep and put me out of my misery. “You fucking inconsiderate twat!” He spits, eyes shooting daggers at me. His fists are clenched by his sides, knuckles turning white as he walks closer. He is backing me up towards the kitchen now. I’m scared, so scared that I can’t do anything to defend myself. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” He growls.

I drop the phone when Louis grabs me by the collar. “I’ve always thought you were a bit off. First you hurt him at Tesco and now you did the same last night?” He shoves me hard and the weak mess I am, fall to the floor.

“Louis!” Liam grasps the oldest of the band by his arm and yanks him back. “Don’t.” He warns Louis. “You,” Liam points at me. “Explain, now.”

“I’m, I was—“ I don’t know what to say. All I hope is that if they beat me to shit, I hope they do it fast. I’m either going to black out by them beating me up or I will faint. I try to stand up, they’re towering over me now and I feel intimidated. “I didn’t mean to?” I try.

“You didn’t mean to? You didn’t mean to what? It shouldn’t have worked out this way? You wanted to out him and live off the money the press gives you to talk? You wanted to use Harry for fame?” Louis asks retorically as if he’s got it all figured out.

“No, I thought that he—“

“Thinking is obviously not your best side.” The then laughs humourlessly.

“Louis.” Liam says sternly. The other boy shoots him a look before he looks back at me, waiting for my reply.

“I like Harry.” I tell them.

“Millions of people like Harry.” Louis snarls back. “Doesn’t make you a special case.”

“But I _really_ like him. I like popstar Harry but—“

“ _Everyone_ likes popstar Harry but he’s a fucking human with feelings. You know, he has the ability to react and feel emotionally. Something you seem incapable of.” Louis takes a step towards me and I curl into myself, knees to my chest and head in my hands. “You hurt our brother and you’re going to know it.” The boy threatens.

“Stop it, Tommo.” Liam says but he doesn’t really do anything to stop the boy from walking up to me. I want to crawl away but I know that it’s no use. Louis is much stronger and faster than me and if he really wants to knock me out, he will do so. He might not have the bulging muscles but an angry boy is a strong boy.

“No Li.” Louis has none of it. “Nobody has a right to hurt Harry. You hurt him, we hurt you, it’s simple as that. If he didn’t want this, he should not have pulled that little stunt yesterday.”

Before I have the chance to scramble back on my feet and tell them my side of the story, another boy runs into my flat. “Niall, you alright?” He asks, knocking Louis out of the way and kneeling down beside me. His eyes are bloodshot red, he has tears on his cheeks, dry and fresh ones and his hair is a mess.

“What the fuck Harry, he’s fucked you over and you are nice to him? What’s the matter with you?” Louis tries to break loose from Liam but Liam luckily doesn’t let go of him.

“What’s wrong with _me?”_ Harry yells back. “What’s wrong with _you_? Have you seen the state he’s in?” He looks over his shoulder to look at Louis for a brief moment before his eyes are trained on me again. He slides one arm under my knees and the other around my back. I’m too tired to struggle against it and let Harry lay me down me on the sofa.

“He is using you, Harry.” Louis says, a bit calmer than before. “I’ve seen that video of him singing and playing guitar. It’s clear that he wants attention so he can lift his singing career off the ground.”

It’s not true, definitely not true but again I can’t protest.

“No.” Harry says softly. “He wouldn’t do that.” His words are directed to me. He’s silently asking me to confirm or deny his words. I don’t blame him that he doubts me. We’ve been talking for only a few weeks, I can’t expect him to trust me fully.

I open my mouth, ready to tell him that I’m not one for a career in the showbizz, that I only sing in public when I’m drunk and that I play the guitar because my mum wanted me to develop my creative side and since I’m shit at anything artsy, this was the next best thing according to her.

“I’m not—“ I try but cover my mouth quickly when I gag.

“Shhh.” Harry brushes his fingers through my hair, wiping it from my forehead. “Louis, get him a glass of water. Glasses are in the cabinet above the sink.” He orders calmly.

Louis snorts as he crosses his arms over his chest. “I’m not helping him.”

“Tomlinson.” It’s Liam this time. “Do it.”

A minute later, Louis harshly places a glass of water on the table, spilling half of the contents. Harry glares at him but his eyes soften when he looks back at me as he hands me the glass. “Come on, drink up.” He helps me sit up and doesn’t let go off the glass when I take it with both hands. “More.” He says when I feel like I have enough after two sips.

“I can’t believe you.” Louis says, his voice is much softer now but his eyes are stone cold.

“Why are you here?” I ask Harry who sighs and goes to sit on the edge of the sofa. His eyes are brimming with unshed tears as he shakes his head sadly.

“I know you don’t want to be my boyfriend but—“

Wow, hold on. What? “What? _You_ didn’t want it to be a date yesterday.”

“At Tesco, a few weeks ago, you told the whole store that you never wanted to have sex with me. I don’t know if you remember but I was there too. I turned and left, luckily Louis was there because it kind of hurt my feelings because I was starting to like you.” He swallows. “After the concert, the feelings only grew, I couldn’t not like you but the fact that you never want to have sex with me and so never would want to be in a relationship with me kept bugging me. Last night when you came in after I set the table, the look on your face was one of realisation, realisation that it was a date.”

“Harry I—“ I start but he cuts me off.

“No, let me finish, please.” He continues, wiping his eyes fiercely “I thought I messed up what we had. I wanted it to be a date, Niall but I know you didn’t so I denied it.”

“I did.” I tell him. “Wanted it to be a date.”

“What?”

“What?”

“ _What?”_ Three voices chorus.

“I thought _you_ didn’t wanted it to be a date. It wasn’t a secret that I like you, was it?.” I ask him incredulously.

“But you like Liam and Louis too. Or you did at least.” Harry says tiredly, “We’re in a band, we’re famous and it’s interesting to kiss someone on the list.”

I furrow my brows at him. I thought we’d been over this. I thought I made perfectly clear, the night after the hot tub that I like the real Harry Styles. That I’d choose him over the popstar one or any popstar for that matter.

“Fame.” Louis mutters and if I wasn’t this shook up and fragile right now, I would’ve flipped him off and told him nasty things about where he can shove my middle finger. “Don’t be foolish Harry, don’t let him get to you.”

“Do you know why I said that I would never have sex with you, loud enough so anyone could hear?” He shakes his head no. “Because Sophie asked if you and I had sex, she mentioned your full name and I don’t know I thought maybe we could’ve been watched, everyone has cameras on their mobiles these days. I panicked a little and thought what if people notice that you and I are texting, that we’ve been flirting. My anxiety got the better of me so I shouted well... that.” I explain, looking from Harry to Louis who has his mouth shut in a tight line now. “I thought what if the media finds out you’re flirting with a guy, the media would come after us and you’d be haunted by everyone wanting to know about your sexuality.”

“It’s very thoughtful of you.” Liam says with a small smile as he lets Louis go again. I feel warmth creeping up my cheeks again and smile back. Harry brushes his thumb over my cheekbone and stares at me. “He adores you, you know.” Liam adds and yeah, with the look Harry is giving me now it isn’t hard to imagine.

“ _He_ is right here, Liam.” Harry shakes his head and he looks a bit ashamed by Liam’s bluntness.

“And _we_ are going to go now.” Liam smiles, eyes crinkling and teeth bare. “You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah.” Harry nods.

“You too, Niall?” I look up surprised and nod too. Louis looks like he’s still trying to kill me with his murderous look but Harry acts like my human shield and Liam too is a big wall of defence. “Oh, got something for you, or well...” Liam fumbles in his back pocket and pulls out a piece of paper which he hands to me. “Harry told me all about him.” I read the top of the note which says ‘ _for Marcus’_ in clear writing. Oh Gosh, if I weren’t so gone for Harry, Liam would _definitely_ be my second choice.

“He’ll be over the moon.” I tell Liam with a grin as I put the paper back on the table. Liam then actually shoos Louis out of the door who suprisingly doesn’t pull that much of a fight. It’s probably because no matter how big Louis biceps are, Liam’s are much bigger.

“I’m really sorry for this all.” Harry whispers, his lips close to my ear making me shiver. I move my body so Harry can lie beside me. He folds his arm over my chest and one of his legs over mine. My koala. Or well, mine?

“It’s okay.” I tell him in all honesty. “Are we good? You and I?”

“We have a lot to talk about...”

He turns his head as he leans on one arm so his face hovers above mine. He looks at me intently and I either want to cry or melt. His eyes aren’t red anymore but it’s still not hard to tell that he’s been crying. He leans down but doesn’t close his eyes, I don’t dare either. All I can do is gaze into his bright green eyes and wait for his next movement.

I can feel his breath on my lips and I part them in anticipation. He breathes out a laugh that I inhale slowly. “I think we’re more than good.” He confirms, his voice barely a whisper as he nuzzles our noses together in an Eskimo kiss.

I can’t help myself as I reach my hands up to his neck and graze the nape of his neck, there where the roots of his hair start. I lean up the last tiny bit to catch his lips with mine. He sinks his body onto mine as he kisses me back like this is the last time we share this kind of passion. I know it isn’t though because I can feel him smile against me. Yeah, we’re good. He pulls away and I let out a winey noise as I chase his lips. He laughs quietly before he pecks me on the corner of my mouth softly.

“Is it true you’re stopping with you blog?” Out of all the things he could say, all the things he could ask me, he asks this.

“Yes.” Even though we’re good again, he and I, I can’t continue with it. It feels uncomfortable, I can’t post pictures of Harry and rant about his hot body or something like that anymore. I know Harry reads it and well, it’s kind of awkward.

“Is it because we’re a thing now?”

“We’re a _thing?”_ I try to sit up but it’s hard with another boy pressed up against you.

“Yes, I mean. I want to be.” He says, also sitting up and avoiding every part of me. “Like being boyfriends, going out, dating, in a relationship, going steady, being involved, being together, being exclusive, monogamous—“ He rambles until he’s out of breath. “Do you? Want that?” He glances sideways at me.

 _Do_ I want that?

 

 


	27. Chapter 27

Of course it’s not a question. I don’t want to be in a relationship with Harry. Why would I want a handsome boy with muscles everywhere and abs and two nipples extra? It’s not like he’s special or anything.

Ha! I’m just messing around. Gosh I’m funny.

“Yeah, I’d love that.” I grin. “But...” His face falls at my words and I have a hard time stopping myself to kiss it all better but I manage to keep my act up.

“But?” He croaks, as I’m silent for a few seconds. He probably thinks that I expect something big from him and no I don’t mean his dick, but all I want is one simple thing.

“Take me on a date. I don’t care what or where, just as long as we’re together and we _both_ know it’s a date.” I laugh as he smiles that funky lopsided smile at me. I did that, I made that smile appear; I made him that happy. I am amazing, no way to deny that now.

“I will think of something.” He promises. “But not now because I’m tired and you obviously need sleep and to be honest, all I want to do right now is kiss you.” He brushes my bottom lip with his thumb and my lips part in anticipation. He inches closer, his lips nearly touching mine and I close my eyes when I feel the pressure of his thumb disappear. His hand is on my chin now, his fingers trailing my jaw as I give him more access by pushing my chin up a little. His minty breath leaves my lips and only seconds later, his lips connect with the sensitive skin on my neck. He trails his lips over the most prominent vain before he goes back up to my jaw with a trail of butterfly kisses.

I bite my lip to stiffle a loud moan that’s threatening to come out. Harry knows what he’s doing to me, I know he knows because I can feel his smirk against my skin. He bites down then, not enough to leave marks but enough to drive me insane. I reach up to wrap my arms around his neck but I’m unable to as he stops me with his hands on my wrists and pins them over my head. I feel powerless but in a different way than earlier this morning. I like how he’s making me weak with kisses, how he’s controlling me in a good way.

“Harry...” slips out of my mouth followed by a whine low in my throat when his teeth graze the other side of my neck. He moves higher and before I can register what’s happening, his tongue trails the shell of my ear before he tugs my lobe with his teeth. I don’t bother to keep it in anymore as I loudly moan his name.

He hums against me, obviously satisfied with the effect he has on me. His large hands leave my wrists as he moves them over my arms to my shoulders and neck where he stills them as his mouth finally attacks mine. I’m not in the mood for sweet kisses so I part my lips immediately and dart my tongue out. He meets mine halfway with his so they can perform a dirty dance together.

My hips buck up involuntarily and I can’t help the noise escaping me when I feel his excitement. I’m just wearing a pair of boxer briefs so the friction I just created is almost unbearable. I feel hot all over my body and I need to get out of this jumper before I explode. I squirm underneath him, desperate because he’s either not close enough for me to completely get lost in him and not far enough apart from me to rid myself out of my remaining clothing.

His mouth leaves me completely as he gives me a chaste kiss on my cheek. He rolls of the sofa and walks towards my bedroom. On his way he pulls off his shirt and undoes his belt. I stare at him, unable to do anything but follow him with my eyes. The door opens and he enters my bedroom, I’m still on the sofa until I can’t see him anymore.

I gulp down a lump in my throat and take the glass of water from the table. I opt to pour it over my head to cool down but only take a sip anyway. I stand up slowly and make my way to my bedroom with shaky legs. “Breathe in, breathe out.” I tell myself before I enter the room.

Harry is in my bed like I expected him to be but he has the covers pulled over his body and tucked under his chin. His head is on my pillow, his hair falling over his face. He has his eyes closed and by the sounds of his light snores, I know he’s asleep.

I can’t say I’m disappointed about it because I know I’m not ready for where our snogging was leading. It was an in the heat of the moment thing and if he wouldn’t have backed off, I know I would have. I’ve had sex before but with Harry it’s different. I really _really_ like him and I want to build this up slowly even though it feels like we’re doing it backwards because we slept in each other’s beds and we’ve kissed many times before we even had one date. Can’t say I mind though.

I throw off my shirt slip in the bed next to _my_ sleeping beauty. I watch how his eyelids flutter a bit, a sign that he’s dreaming. I press my lips against his forehead and smile when he sighs before I turn my back to him and let my eyes fall shut.

A few moments later when I wake up, I feel much better than I did. I have no idea how long I slept but I know that the weight on my side is comfortable. Harry has draped his arm over my body and is holding me close to him. I feel his cold nose between my shoulderblades and I shiver by how it feels against my warm skin.

“Hey.” He whispers before he kisses my back. “You awake?”

I turn around to face him but make sure he keeps his arm around me. I rest my head on his pillow and stare sleepily into his eyes. They are bright and glassy with sleep and I’m sure it’s the best thing to wake up to. Not even his muffins can compete to what I’m experiencing now.

“Wow.” I whisper in awe, not tearing my eyes away from his. He squints his eyes and laugh lines are visible next to the corners of his eyes and I know he’s smiling. I once again congratulate myself because I caused this.

“You have colour on your cheeks again.” Harry states. “One of the things I like about you, your rosy cheeks. Makes you kind of cute.”

I should be offended because usually cute isn’t really a compliment for a guy but I can’t bring it up to protest. Besides, it’s a sweet thing to say and everything good Harry says about me, I should take the compliment and lock it away safely.

“What is usually the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?” He asks me as I brush his fringe out of his eyes. He smiles at me in a thank you way and I melt.

“Check my Twitter.” I reply him truthfully. “Or actually, on workdays Sophie calls me and yells at me that I have to get up. Then I check my twitter and my blog until I barely have any time left to shower and hurry to work.”

He hums under his breath before he lets go of me and gets out of my bed. I make pathetic grabby hands at him and he laughs at me. How rude. “Stay.” He says and I turn from a toddler into a dog. I stick my tongue out and pant as I make dog paws with my hands. He laughs louder and shakes his head when he leaves the room.

He comes back a minute later. His phone tucked under the hem of his boxers and mine in his hands. He’s tapping away on my screen with his thumbs. I watch him carefully as he hops on the bed, his eyes not leaving the screen of my phone.

“What are you doing?” I wonder as he settles himself against the hardboard, pulling the covers over his legs.

“Nothing.” He says but the secretive smile tells me differently. I glare at him playfully but he keeps his eyes on the phone until he lets out a satisfactory hum and hands me my phone.

I see that my Twitter is opened and that ‘ _I’_ tweeted.

 

_Niall_Horan:_

_Oh God, I wish I could wake up to Harry Styles. I bet he looks beautiful in the morning._

_Niall_Horan:_

_You’re so hot @Harry_Styles. I just want to kiss your face._

I look at Harry who on his turn is looking at me with a shit-eating grin. I try to give him an angry look but since he’s now full out cackling, I know I failed. He pokes my nose with his finger while I’m still trying to sort out my moody face but I give up and chuckle despite of myself as I look at his amused face.

_Niall_Horan:_

_@NarryxNouis: I thought I was going to delete my blog but I think I’m going to continue anyway._

_Niall_Horan:_

_@NarryxNouis:_ _Ha no. Only Narry. Narry is life. Louis is hot but Harry is much sexier. Narry. NARRY._

I laugh loudly at that. “I might consider Nouis.” I tease and before I know it I have a six foot tall grown boy on top of me.

“Take that back!” He growls at me.

“Why should I?” I huff.

“Because Louis is—because Louis is not right for you.” Harry explains, narrowing his eyes at me. I just simply raise an eyebrow at him and he sighs. “ _Fine_. And because Niall and Harry fits together and well, you’re my boyfriend and if Louis tries to take you away from me I will make sure his head is where his arse is supposed to be.” He sits up straight and crosses his arms but doesn’t get off of me.

“Hmm, if you say so.” I challenge but I can’t hold my laughter in any longer.

“No but seriously, you are mine, right?” His voice goes from loud and confident to tiny and insecure and I feel a little sorry that I made the Nouis joke.  
“Only yours.” I tell him and wrap my arms around his neck to bring his face closer to mine. I peck his lips a few times before I let go. “If that girl only knew _the_ Harry Styles replied to her instead of me, I think she’d scream so loud that we could hear her all the way over here.”


	28. Chapter 28

“Hey Ni, do you read fan fiction?” Harry asks. He’s spread out on my bed, once again in nothing but his, or actually my boxer briefs. We both just had a shower, apart mind you and I talked Harry into letting me order take away. He protested and wanted to finish the soup but because I showed him my best puppy eyes and told him I wanted to cuddle, he gave in. We’ll call that the power of the Irish.

“Mmh?” I rest my head on his broad shoulder, nuzzling my nose in his neck, basically making myself comfortable on my new favourite matress called Harry. He’s warm and welcoming with his nails gently scraping my back.

“Do you read those stories? You know those flicks fans write about the boys and me? They are called fan fictions right?” He asks again.

He knows how big of a fan I am so I shouldn’t even hesitate to tell him the truth but yet I feel a bit ashamed that yes, I’ve read stories about you and not only the PG kind. “Eh, I did. Sometimes on the occation. Yeah.” I stammer. If on the occation means basically every night then I’m not lying.

“I’ve read one once too. It was about Liam and me. I bullied Liam and I was a total brat and called him names and stuff but then we got detention together and kept texting each other, then we somehow fell in love.” He tells me animatedly with all the hand gestures and everything. I think about his bad summary a little before something clicks in the back of my head.

“Oh! I think I know that one, it’s called ‘it was easier to hate you than to love you’ right? Oh I love that one, it’s a shame she hasn’t updated for over a month!” In all my excitement, I’m sitting up straight now. It’s a bit of an uncomfortable position with one leg over both of Harry’s and my bum on the bed.

“So you read them _occasionally_ but you do check whether they’re updated or not?”

Uh oh. (Mc)Busted.

Harry smirks up at me. He has his eyes closed but it’s not hard to imagine the little twinkle he’d have if his eyes were open.

“I think I heard the doorbell.” I lie and get off the bed quickly. Not fast enough though because Harry catches my waist with both hands and pulls me back on the bed.

“Nu-uh, not getting away so easily.” He flips us around so that my back is flat on the bed and a giggle escapes me. He pins my arms above my head and for a second I think we’re going to repeat the best kiss I’ve ever gotten. I blink up at him and lift my upper body up the best I can but he doesn’t give in. His lips aren’t even close to mine as he talks again. “Do you write them too?”

Yes, yes I do. I have written a very sexual story as known as smutty about a boy named James and you basically getting it on after you picked me—eh I mean James up off the streets. James was heartbroken because his boyfriend dumped him and kicked him out of the house. You were a very hot and succesful but lonely businessman. First it was just casual sex but soon we developed feelings. We kept having sex of course but we ended up having a family and a marriage.

“Eh, maybe?”

He squints his eyes at me, seeing right through my lie. “What was it about?”

“Mmm, you hungry too?” I try to distract him and to get away from underneath him but he doesn’t budge, he simply grins and shakes his head.

“What. Was. It. About?” He asks again, this time drawing it out word for word. He blows a bit of hot air in my neck before he puts all his weight in his arms, fully hovering his face over mine.

“I-it w-as about eh—“ My mind doesn’t work so brilliantly when the person of my imagination is actually hovering over me, touching me, staring at me. I too realise that I’ve never gotten his appearance right. I can’t actually describe what he does look like though, it’s undescribable. Sounds a bit cliché, I know but it is how it is.

Lucious curls doesn’t describe his hair, green isn’t the colour to define his eyes. His body isn’t just toned and his hands aren’t just big. All the ways every fan describes him, how _I’ve_ described him, it’s not enough to sketch his beauty.

“Yes?” He urges me on, evil smirk plastered on his face, curious eyes sparkling with mischieve.

“About eh, you?”

“What about me, _babe_?” He not so gently rocks his bottom half against me as he emphasizes the last word. _Babe_. He’s seducing me to get answers and I’m close to spilling it all out but never ever will I tell him about my fan fiction writing past, he knows more than enough now.

I bite my lip as I try not to let him get to me. “Just you and a fictional character slowly getting into a relationship.” It’s true, he just doesn’t have to know the details about how he always topped me-- I mean James and how James always obeyed to his dirtiest fantasies.

“Was it a female character?” He cocks his head, still eying me intently, the corners of his mouth still quirked up.

I roll my eyes at him. “No Harry, I’m gay, do you think I’d write hetero stories?”

He shrugs. “Straight girls write gay stories too.” Ah, what a doll, he doesn’t have a clue what gay smut does to girls. He has so much to learn. Oh baby, welcome in my world now; the world of dirty minds and big imationations.

“Straight boys like to see girls kissing. God knows why but it’s true. The same works for for girls seeing boys kiss, it gets them all excited and worked up so they use their fantasy and write it out for other girls (and gay boys) to freak out over.” I explain as he nods, processing all this new information.

“So you wrote out your fantasy then?” He asks cleverly.

“A little maybe.” God, my cheeks are heating up again. Curse the Irish for being so pale and making it obvious when we blush. Yeah, Irish magic has it’s downside sometimes too.

“Can I read it?” His arms start to tremble and he gets off of me but not without taking me with him and pulling me with him so I’m now lying flush against his chest. His arms are wrapped lazily around my waist but I know if I try to get up, he’ll tighten them. I won’t try to get away from him anymore, even though he makes me flustered, I’m comfortable like this.

“No.” I tell him as I press my forehead against his.

“Awee.” He whines. “Why not? Maybe I can, you know, try to make it come true?” He smiles as if he knows how dirty my story actually is if the wiggle of his eyebrows says something.

Truth is... “You already are.” Besides every sexual fantasy I’ve ever had about him, I’ve always had the dream to be lying like this with Harry. Just cuddling and talking and stealing kisses every now and again. Just _being_ with him is something I never thought would happen to me. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that I’d ever meet him, let alone spend time with him, be his boyfriend. Sometimes reality is so much better than dreams, it doesn’t always ruin my life.

He smiles widely at me, dimples deep in his red cheeks. He leans up to me and wraps his arms tighter around me as he captures my lips in his own. I sigh against his lips as we kiss lazily and slow. I brush my hands through his wild hair and he presses his fingers in my skin as a sign of appreciation. I melt completely into his body and then...

The doorbell rings.

Now the freaking doorbell rings. When I needed it to ring, it didn’t and now I’m enjoying the moment and kissing my wonderful boyfriend, it rings. Stupid pizza guy not knowing when to bring our food.

I huff loudly before I peck his lips one last time before I go to open the door. The pizza guy seems my age, a helmet in his hand and two boxes of pizza in the other. He looks at me as if I was part of a band that just announced a world stadium tour but then I realise I’m only in my boxers. I quickly look down to see if the situation in my pants is calm and yeah, I’m in luck today, nothing to see there.

“Eh, one pepperoni and one low fat with extra cheese?” He says as he’s done ogling me and reads the receipt.

“Yep!” I open the door a bit further to get my wallet off the kitchen counter. “How much?”

The pizza guy doesn’t answer me and when I turn around, I see him standing with one foot in my apartment and gaping, blinking rapidly with his mouth wide open.

“Eh, how much?” I repeat my question but he still doesn’t answer me. I follow his gaze to see what he’s staring at. My kitchen and living room aren’t such a mess are they? And it’s not like there’s a goat in the middle of my—oh shit.

“Is that-- Harry Styles?”


	29. Chapter 29

It’s like everything happens in slowmotion, like a scene of a bad movie. Harry’s eyes widen when he comes eye to eye with the pizza boy. It’s too late to run away and hide, his tattoos make him unmistakable Harry and both him and the pizza boy know it.

“Hi mate.” Harry says, giving a little wave after he’s recovered from the shock. He’s in a boy’s flat in only his boxer briefs and there’s no way to cover that up. Well, he still could put some clothes on but I don’t think the boy can ever unsee it.

“Shit man, it really is you!” The boy says after hearing his voice as if the tattoos and his face weren’t a dead give away. “My sister is going to be so jealous.” The boy actually giggles and yeah, he can’t be straight if he laughs like that. _Wow Niall, stereotyping are we?_

“She’s a fan then?” Harry asks, making chitchat with the pizza dude. I don’t understand why because I want him out of here. Not just because he’s drooling over _my_ boyfriend but it’s awkward since Harry and I are in our underwear and I’m hungry.

“Yeah, we both are.” Pizza dude grins. “You’re her favourite and Louis’ mine but I’m reconsidering now.” He winks and then looks at me. “Though if _you_ were in the band, I’d _definitely_ choose you.”

I feel my cheeks flush a bright red and I cough awkwardly. I bet Harry regrets making small talk with the guy now. Pizza dude is hitting on his boyfriend and he can’t do anything about it because for the outside world, Harry is a cougar loving skirt chaser; _top shagger_. If this was a fan fiction I would flirt back with him so Harry would punish me by slamming me against a wall and make us have rough make up sex. But this isn’t a fan’s imagination, this is real life and there is no way I’d put my relationship with Harry on the line for sex, which by the way I’m not ready for yet.

“Yeah ehm...” I mumble, not sure what to do or say. The guy has absolutely no idea that my boyfriend is standing right in front of him. I can see something change in Harry though, his body is tensing up and his smile is forced now. My poor baby is jealous. I’d kick him out and tell him to shove his pizzas up his arse but I’m not a jerk. At least not yet because I might turn into one if the pizza guy keeps flirting with either of us. “The pizzas?”

“Oh yeah, right. Excuse me.” The boy says, picking up the receipt where he dropped it on the floor. “It’s seven pound forty.” He hands me the pizzas and looks from me to Harry and back to me again.

“Here.” Harry says, thrusting a ten-pound note in the boy’s hands before I can get to my wallet. “Keep the change.” _you filthy animal._ He is a bit edgy, his voice gives him away. He wants him out of the house as much as I do, maybe even more if that is possible. I can’t blame him, he’s caught in his boxers in another guy’s place who’s only in his briefs as well. It looks a bit compromising and every other guy would shrug it off and let it go but Harry is _Harry_ ; the famous supossedly straight singer.

“Thanks.” Pizza dude pockets the money while Harry takes the boxes from me and sits down on the sofa.

“Yeah eh, we’ll be eating our food now before it gets cold.” I walk the guy towards the still opened door.

“Wait! Can I get a picture of him?” He nods his head to Harry. “Or my sister will never believe me.” He gets his phone out but he is a bit clumsy so I push him out of the door before I slam it shut. I just hope he didn’t get a good shot.

“God, we’re never ordering from that place again.” Harry groans as I walk over to him. My insides flip a little at the ‘ _we’_ part. _We_ are never ordering from that place again. Sue me, it does something to me. He has made me his boyfriend but I haven’t quite wrapped my mind around it. How could I? I mean look at that piece of perfect on my sofa.

“Aren’t we?” I chuckle as I plop myself on the sofa next to him. My leg is pressed against his and our elbows knock together but neither of us seem bothered by it, I know I’m not.

“No. The guy was practically eating you up and he wasn’t even ashamed of doing it so openly. It’s not even flirting what he did. It was—no. Just don’t order food there ever again.” He frowns as he gets all worked up about it. It’s funny how I am fussing in my mind about how Harry is spotted half-naked with another half-naked boy and Harry doesn’t seem bothered by that.

“Harry, it’s not a big deal okay? I only have eyes for you.” I hold his chin and turn his face to look at me. Sure I felt very awkward with the pizza guy but we shouldn’t make a big deal out of this. If I should get jealous every time Harry gets eye-raped, I won’t have a life and I would turn into a big fat green monster, permanently.

“I know.” He sighs as he knocks his forehead against mine, slumping his body against me. “He just really got on my nerves. I finally got you and he thinks he can have a shot.”

I wrap my arms around him and kiss his shoulder. “Let it go, Bear. I’ve been crushing on you before I even met you so if you think I would trade you for someone else, you are kind of nuts.”

“I know...” He sighs. “Just got a bit annoyed with him, that’s all.” He sits up and picks a slice of my pepperoni pizza and presses it against my lips until I open my mouth. “By the way, did you just call me Bear or was I hearing things?”

“I did.” I mumble around a mouthful of food. Maybe I should’ve waited until I was finished because well, talking with a full mouth isn’t very charming. “You’re cuddly like a koala bear so it was either Bear or Koala and Bear sounds cuter.” I inform him after I swallow. (My food, stop thinking dirty.) “I’m all into the sappy nicknames and the overly sweet dates.” _Also koalas technically aren’t bears, I know bla-di-bla but my reasoning for calling him bear is still legit._

“Good to know.” He says, giving me another bite of the pizza. “I think I have something in mind for our first date.”

“You do?” I gasp. I look at him and by the sight of his smirk I know he won’t give anything away. “You’re not going to tell me anything, are you?” I ask flatly, trying to pretend that it doesn’t bother me at all, though I’m pretty sure my gasping a second ago has given me away.

“You’ve got that right.” He grins and winks. Damn boy, you’re no fun, thought being boyfriends means no secrets. I try my pouty face, jutting my bottom lip out and I look up to Harry with my big blue eyes. Harry laughs, not my intention with the puppy face and thrusts a slice of pizza in my hands. “Eat or that doofus was here for nothing.”

I give up. I know Harry must be good at keeping secrets seeing as he’s a closeted gay so he probably won’t budge. That and he didn’t seem fazed about my best puppy eyes. Maybe I could blackmail him. _‘Hey Harry, if you don’t tell you what you have planned, I’m outing you’_. Do you think that would affect our relationship?

Okay fine, I’ll let it go.

I’m only half-way done with my pizza but I’m not hungry anymore. Besides the whole worrying about the pizza guy situation, I think it wasn’t smart to eat a greasy pizza on an empty stomach. I suppress a nasty burp and groan as I let myself fall back on the sofa.

“Ate too much?” Harry asks before he places his greasy wet lips against my temple.

“I usually eat the whole thing but I forgot I was sick last night and haven’t eaten anything since yesterday.” I sigh, dropping my head on his lap.

“Do you feel sick now?” He wipes his hands on his bare legs before he cards his fingers through my hair. I close my eyes and relax.

“No, I feel fine ever since we made up. I just have a little stomach ache now.” I sigh. I feel Harry’s eyes burning on my skin. I know he’s looking at me to find out if I’m telling the truth or not.

“Something else then?” He questions. “I can see you’re not actually fine.”

I open my eyes for a brief moment until I see him staring right back at me. It’s kind of hard to speak your mind when it’s not on the Internet. Internet is like a secret hideout; you can do and say what you want because people don’t know you anyway.

“You know that the pizza boy took a picture of you, right? I don’t know if he actually got one because I pushed him out but what if he did get a picture?”

“I heard that he wanted to take a picture so I turned my back to him.” Harry says calmly. I feel his hand leave my hair and before I know it, my upper body is being lift up. Soon Harry’s legs are on either side of my body and my head is against his chest. He wraps his arms around me and rubs my stomach soothingly as he starts talking again. “There’s nothing recognizable to my back. My hair is messed up; I have no tattoos on my back or something so it could be anyone. And I think the picture is blurry since you pushed him out.”

“Okay.” I’m not completely satisfied with his answer because I know how this fandom works. They can make high quality pictures out of blurry ones and they know almost every detail of the boys’ bodies so they just might know it’s Harry’s bare back. Also, Harry has tattoos on the back of his arms.

“And maybe the picture won’t go viral and if it does and they somehow do recognize me, we can always say that I was hanging with my friend.” My chest tightens at that. Hiding our relationship is going to be hard. Harder than I anticipated.

“Yeah alright.” I mutter weakly.

“You know we can’t come out yet, that _I_ can’t come out yet. Besides, we’ve been dating for eight hours now. I want us to be in a steady place before I put my career on risk. In this stage anything could happen between us and I don’t mean it in a bad way because I like you an awful lot but if I was to be realistic, we don’t know much about each other so what if you find out something about you that you dislike? What if I turn the world upside down by coming out as gay and you break up with me?” His hands still on my body. “So if you’re having doubts about dating me, I understand but please tell me. Soon rather than later.”

I turn around in his arms. He’s looking at me with glassy eyes but he isn’t crying. I’m close to tears too but I force myself not to show him. “It’s going to be a tough road but I’m not having second thoughts. I want to be with you.”

He answers me with a lingering kiss on my lips. I know it’s to say that he wants to be with me too, that we’re in this together. I think we’re good for now, his kiss tells me more than all the words he’s ever said.

It’s kind of pathetic when I think about it now. I think I was literally lovesick because I got sick after the whole is-it-a-date situation and I felt after he stood up for me to his friends. Is it sad to be so attached to someone you met only a few weeks ago? It actually scares me because what if Harry and I get into a fight? What if he leaves me and never returns? What if he breaks up with me to be happier with someone else? I don’t know what I’d do but it’s scary how much of my health seems to depend on him.

We’ve only been together officially for a few hours now and we’re supposed to be in the honeymoon stage where everything is new, exciting and perfect. But why do I feel like everything can go wrong so easily and is it weird to love him already? Because I think I do love him but that would be too fast because how can you be in love with someone when your relationship only just started? Long-term friends can be in love with each other but Harry and I started talking about a month ago so how do I know what I feel? It can’t be love already, can it?


	30. Chapter 30

Last night Harry ended up spending the night at mine. Can’t say I mind because right now I’m waking up in the arms of my gorgeous man. I’m so distracted by admiring him in his sleep that I forget that I woke up because of my phone ringing until Harry frowns and groans, “make it stop.” I chuckle breathily and answer the phone.

“Hello?” I whisper.

“Niall, hey, why are we whispering?” Sophie wonders in a hushed tone.

“Because I have someone in my bed.” I tell her and by the gasp I hear from her at the other side of the line I know it’s a stupid thing to say. It sounds pretty dirty and if I was here, I would assume things as well.

“Oh my God!” She screetches. “Who? I thought you were crushing on Harry Styles?!”

I look beside me to see Harry blinking the sleep out of his eyes. I mouth the words ‘go back to sleep’ to him but he shakes his head. Instead, he throws a leg over me and wraps his arms around my torso as he buries his face in my neck. He places his lips on the sensitive spot on my neck and I’m scared of where this will go until he blows a raspberry.

“Harry!” I laugh out loud as I try to push his head away. It’s no use though because he’s literally clinging on to me.

“Oh my God!” Sophie screams again. “ _Harry_ is in your bed? Harry Styles? _The_ Harry? Harry, bachelor of the year? Harry, member of Skyway? Harry—“

“A bit louder, Soph, I think America hasn’t heard you yet.” I mumble and Harry laughs silently in my neck. Be nice, Niall, be nice, try not to be too moody even though it’s bloody eight in the morning. I sigh and glare at Harry for no reason but he’s the only one to glare at right now. He frowns at me and rolls off of me.

“But seriously, you have Harry Styles in your bed?” She asks again, this time her voice a little softer even though she’s cleary on the verge of squealing or what it is those girls do with those high-pitched voices of theirs.

“Soph, lets discuss this another—“

“Hi Sophie, why are you calling this early?” Harry interrupts me by snatching my phone from my hand. I try to get my phone back but the dude is simply too strong for me. Damn Harry Styles and your muscles. Okay, that’s not fair. I love his muscles, it’s lovely to look at and they make me feel safe when he wraps his arms around me but _damn_ them in a situation like this. I want my damn phone back. Damn.

“Work? Oh.” Harry answers Sophie who has probably explained that she’s calling to get me up.

I stretch my limbs and let out one final gigantic yawn before I sit up to get out of bed. But before I can swing even one leg over the edge, Harry has pressed me down again and sits on me. Well that’s... nice?

“Hey Sophie, did you like my brownies?” He asks then. “Yeah? Good. If you cover for Niall at work, I’ll bake you another batch, what about that?”

“No! No! No!” I shout, hoping Sophie will hear me. “That’s not necessary, I will be at work.” I squirm underneath Harry, trying to break loose from his simple hold. “Seriously Soph, I’m coming to work.”

Harry’s playful glint his is eyes disappears as his face falls at my words. I brush my hand over his arm to his hand to get my phone back and this time he lets me. I confirm once again that I will be at work today and hang up.

“I was hoping we could spend the day together.” Harry says quietly and I’m ready to burst out in tears by the sound of his voice.

“I wish we could.” I sigh as I pull him down for a proper cuddle. “But I have to work. If I don’t show up, I don’t get paid and I was sick yesterday so I have to go today because I can’t afford groceries if I don’t go.”

“But I can go shopping for you.” Harry protests. “Or I can pay your rent this month?” He adds helpfully but I shake my head, not having any of that.

“It’s very sweet of you but I can’t let you do that.” Just because Harry has a shit load of money, doesn’t mean I want to make use of him for it. It’s my flat and my groceries and I won’t take money from him or anyone who offers.

“But why not?” He pouts cutely.

I sit up with Harry still on top of me and kiss his lips. I slowly push him over with my lips still attached to his so that I’m on top of him now. I deny his tongue that wants to enter my mouth and nibble at Harry’s lips teasingly before I get up and run to the bathroom. If I don’t get dressed now, I will far for his tricks and stay home forever and let him buy me a pony.

“Because...” I start with my toothbrush in my mouth. “I don’t want you too. I don’t want your money. I can take care of myself and so I will.”

“Fine.” He sighs in defeat. “But can I wait here until you come back?” He’s cross-legged on my bed and has wrapped the bedsheets around his shoulders so the only thing I can see is his head. He bats his eyelashes at me as if I’d ever say no to an offer like that.

“Sure, make yourself at home.” I say and he lets himself fall back on the matress. I quickly wash up and pull on clean trousers and my work shirt. I decide to leave my hair down today and put my favourite red snapback on. I give myself a once over in the mirror and leave the bathroom. “I’m going now.” I yell as I gather my keys and wallet.

“Oh okay have a good day at—wow!” He looks at me as he stumbles into the living room in his boxers. I look around to see what’s so ‘wow’ but I see nothing but the usual. Harry is still staring but I notice now that his eyes are roaming over my face. I feel uncomfortable because the look on his face is too intense. I want to run away from it and giggle like a schoolgirl at the same time because Harry gives me that look. _Me!_

“Eh, I really have got to go now.” I motion with my thumb over my shoulder to the door but make no move to actually walk away and leave.

“I know.” He breathes as he walks over to me.

When he’s close enough, he grabs my neck gently as his face inches closer. I’m too stunned to do anything. I don’t close the gap but I don’t pull away either even though I should hurry up because there is no way that I’ll make it on time now. He brushes over my cheek with his thumb and bites away a smile as he tilts his head. I feel my snapback moving as I close my eyes and realise that it’s on backwards now. Then it’s only a matter of seconds before Harry’s lips find mine in a kiss that makes my knees so weak that I have to hold on to his biceps if I don’t want to collaps in a puddle of my own feels.

The kiss only lasts a few seconds but it literally takes my breath away. He pulls away and I hear him chuckle silently as I stumble a bit on my feet. I open my eyes and look right into Harry’s grinning face.

“You in a snapback makes me want to do stuff like that.” He shrugs as an explanation.

“I eh. Yeah.” I mumble, still taken aback by the most recent happenings.

Note to self: wear snapbacks more often but not when you’re already late for work.

Shit! Work!

“I’ve got to go.” I turn around before he lures me in again. “If you want to leave the house, there is a spare key in the kitchen drawer under the spoons. I’ll be back around one-thirty.” I blow a hand kiss and practically ran out of the door and out of the building.

I run all the way to work too so it seems like I really put effort in coming on time but actually I’m still in a bit of a rush from the kiss. It has me all hyper and worked up and it might come in handy because all the pend-up energy can be useful for stocking the store.

“Hi!” I yell as I run past Sophie into the store. Surprisingly I’m just two minutes late. I haven’t had coffee or breakfast though. Oh no, no breakfast and I have to wait till I’m done from work until I can eat.

“Explain, Horan!” Sophie demands, stepping into my personal space.

“Sorry!” I grin, not really sorry. “Not allowed to during in working hours.”

She gasps and clutches her heart with one hand and fists my shirt with the other. “Give me my Niall back!” She fake cries and I hesitantly pat her on the back before this gets out of hand. The manager must be around in the shop somewhere and I don’t feel like getting a warning again.

“Okay, I’ll explain but not right now and not here. You can walk me home, yeah?”

Sophie grins and pats my cheek before she goes back to work again.

 

The morning went by pretty quickly, thankfully and Sophie and I just walked out of the shop. I fish my phone out of my pocket and dial Harry’s number.

“Hey sweet cheeks.” A deep voice greets me. I feel my cheeks burn at the nickname and Sophie smiles knowingly at me.

“Hey eh, is it alright if I tell Soph about well... us?” I bite my lip. If Harry says no, I’m afraid that Sophie knows too much already because she knows he was in my bed this morning and I’m talking about _us_ when she’s standing right next to me. I’m not much of a smooth criminal.

It’s silent for a moment before Harry speaks up again. “Is she able to keep it a secret?”

I can understand why Harry is a bit hesistant to tell people. He’s in the most popular boyband in the world and if word goes out that he’s gay and in a relationship with a boy, shit will go down. But Sophie is my best friend and I trust her with my life.

“She is.” I tell him certainly.

“Okay, then go for it. But please be careful?”

“I will. I’ll make sure that no one else is around, yeah?”

“Yeah okay.” He sighs. I know he isn’t completely sure about this but Sophie already knows enough to pull the strings together and if I don’t tell her now, she will make her own story out of it and ask questions about it and we all know now that she can be a bit... loud.

“I’ll be home in half an hour.” I end the call and swallow the words ‘love you’.

Sophie looks at me expectantly, wanting me to spill my guts and go into detail about every single thing that happened between Harry and me but I’m not giving any. I’ll tell her the rough outlines of it because since the whole Harry thing, my private life has become more private and I like it like that.

I chuckle at her face and shake my head. I take her hand in mine and drag her to my favourite coffeeshop. “Can you tell me now?” She asks with pleading eyes.

I look around to see that there are only a few people in the place. I tell her to find a table in the corner and that I’ll order. She practically skips to a secluded table in the far back and plops down on the seat with a big grin. She reminds me of myself when I was younger and my mum took me to the McDonalds. We always went there if we had something to celebrate and Sophie looks exactly like that; a big ball of excitement.

“Can I take your order please, sir?” The dude behind the counter says and I order the usual. “Name please?”

“Niall _._ ” I say loud and clear. He scribbles it on the cups and I pay him before I step aside, waiting for my order.

Three minutes later, a skinny girl who clearly doesn’t enjoy her job calls out for “Noel” and I figure that that must be me. “Noel!” She calls out again, this time even more bored than the first time and when no one else reacts to the name, I step forward.

“That’s me, I guess.” I smile; just to tease miss ‘I’m-too-good-for-this-job’ bored face.

“Is your name Noel?” She asks, eying me up and down. “You’re a boy.”

I raise my eyebrow at her and then I gasp. I put my hands on my chest to feel up my non-existant breasts. “Oh my God!” I say, looking down. I grab my crotch as I stare at her. “What do you know, I _am_ a boy! _” Look at me Gepetto, I’m a real boy!_

The girl behind the counter rolls her eyes boredly. “Here.” She grumbles, shoving two steaming cups of coffee my way.

“Thank you.” I smirk. “And by the way, Noel can be a boy’s name too. One of those Gallagher brother’s name is Noel so don’t listen to Wheetus when they say that _her_ name is Noelle.” The girl glares at me before she goes on with an order for a girl named Emma, _if_ that’s even her name.

“You took your time.” Sophie states as she yanks me on a chair by my sleeve. Luckily I put the coffee down before it spilled.

“Yeah, got in a little argument with miss Grumpy-pants over there.” I tell her. “Anyway, what were we doing here again?” I pretend to think, tapping my finger against my chin.

“You were going to tell me about you and—“

“Shhh!” I cut her off before she can say his name. “Before I tell anything, you have to promise that you’re not going to freak out, that you will by silent and most important, that you will never speak of this with anyone else but me or him and only when no one else is there.” I hold out my pinky that she captures with her own without missing a beat.

“I promise.”

“Okay well, you might have figured this out but we like each other.” I give her a pointed look when she opens her mouth. She sucks her lips inwards and nods for me to continue. “We’re in a relationship, he’s my boyfriend and even though we’ve been hanging around and kissing ever since the concert that Saturday, we only made it official yesterday.” I leave out the details about the not date and the little encouter with the other boys yesterday morning.

“Oh gosh! Congrats, dude!” Sophie grins. “You said in your blog once that you would marry him one day and well, the chances have gotten bigger now!” She claps excitedly. I give her a little glare because she’s being loud but can’t help but laugh along.

“Yeah, we’ll see about that. Anyway, I have to go now. He’s kind of waiting for me at my flat.” As I stand up, Sophie attacks me in a hug before she literally pushes me out of the coffee place.

“Go, loverboy! Fly like the wind!” She twirls around with her arms wide. As I watch her, she mimes locking her lips and throwing the key away before she gives me a wink and a thumbs up.

 

I practically run to my flat in anticipation and it takes me three tries to get my key in the lock. My boyfriend is waiting for me, my _boyfriend_ , Harry Styles, _my_ boyfriend. I run up the stairs, taking them two at the time to get to my own door.

“I’m back!” I shout as I burst through the door. The flat stays silent as no one replies. A flash of disappointment shoots through my body and then I see it.

“Oh my God!”


	31. Chapter 31

“Harry? What the _fuck_?” Is all I can bring out as I accidentily drop my keys to the floor.

“Aloha!” Harry grins as he emerges from the kitchen, sunglasses framing his face and a Fedora on top of his head. He walks over to me like nothing unusual is going on here and pecks my cheek as he pushes a sugary cocktail in my hand. I open my mouth to say something but I’m too stunned to bring out actual words so I close my mouth and repeat the same action a couple of times.

I take in his presence as he walks away from me. He’s only clad in short black swimming trunks; he has no shirt on, no socks and even no shoes. You think that would be out of the ordinary but it actually makes sense if you’d know that my whole living room is covered in sand. My furniture is pushed aside and there is even a kiddy pool in the middle of the room.

Harry sits, no, lies down on one of the two large beach towels in the sand and sips from his own martini glass of probably alcoholic sugary sweetness. “You must be warm in all those clothes.” He states and I look down. Come to think of it, I’m actually sweating and the heat, not sure if it’s because the room is actually ten degrees hotter than usual or because Harry’s in his trunks, is actually a bit much. “Get on your trunks and join me!” He stands up and takes the glass out of my hand and pushes me gently towards my bedroom.

Luckily my bedroom isn’t made into a sand castle and my bed seems pretty sand free as well. Too gobsmacked to do anything else, I rid myself of my clothes and slip into my swimming shorts before I re-enter my living room. I’m still wearing my red Paris Saint Germain snap back backwards because I know what it does to Harry, though I’m not sure if I should be mad at him for turning my living room into a beach.

“Come lie with me.” It’s not exactly a question but the sweet tone he speaks in lets me know that I have a choice. I oblige nonetheless and drag my feet through the sand, letting it slip between my toes before I drop down on the towel that Harry has spread out for me. I sit down cross-legged and take the glass he offers me once again and take a sip.

“Gosh!” I shudder and scrunch up my nose. I’m a pint kind of boy. I enjoy the bitter taste of a cold beer on my tongue and this overly sweet cocktail brew thingy is the exact opposite. “What is this?”

Harry chuckles lightly as he looks up at me from his lying position. “Sex on the beach.” He tells me with a grin.

I feel myself flush bright red from my neck up to the tips of my ears and nearly choke as I just took another sip of the horrible, horrible drink.

“It’s the name of the drink.” Harry explains, amusement clear in his voice. “Good to know where you stand on that though.”

“I I’m ehh—“ I splutter, again not able to find words, let alone a whole sentence, it feels like every word is a thousand pieces puzzle that I’m not able to solve. What? I can’t help but think naughty things when Harry Styles is half-naked on a beach (in my livingroom) and talks about sex on the beach. I’m in the Skyway fandom, it’s our job to think dirty.

“Your skin is already red, do you want me to put sun lotion on you?” He winks, holding a bottle of sun block for pale skin. I bite my tongue and shake my head. There is no way I could handle that right now. “You sure? I’m good with my hands, you know?” He smirks, knowing exactly what he’s doing.

“I’m sure.” I mutter, taking the airplane necklace between my thumb and finger and play with it. I feel highly uncomfortable for the first time since I’ve really got to know Harry. I don’t exactly know why but I know for a fact that he’s staring at me from behind his sunglasses and that he can see how flustered I am.

“Hey, come here.” He opens his arms and spreads his legs so I can sit in between them. I hesitate for a moment but give in and crawl over. He takes my snapback off and wraps his arms around me and pulls my back against his chest. “Something the matter?” He murmers with his lips pressed against the top of my head. I put my hands over his and brush my thumbs over his skin as I shake my head. I honestly already feel a lot better.

“What is all this then?”I ask and find that I’m not at all mad or the least bit annoyed about the fact that I will find sand through my whole flat for months and in my bumcrack tonight.

“Our first date.” He exclaims like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Like if he just got down on one knee and asked me to marry him and I ask him what he’s doing. “I would’ve taken you to the actual beach but there will be a storm this afternoon and well, your place is a lot more private so we can be cuddly all we want.” He wraps his arms tighter around me for emphasis.

“Just a dinner would’ve done though.” I tell him but he clacks his tongue at me.

“Nope. Now you’re my boyfriend, prepare for a lot of suprises because nothing is normal when it involves me.” He grazes his lips over my neck and I squirm but I don’t feel like moving away from his warm body.

“But don’t you think filling my living room with sand and putting a filled kiddy pool is a bit much?” I genuinly wonder because well, my way to surprise someone is spontaniously standing on their doorstep with two bottles of champagne and get drunk.

“Why? You don’t like it?” He asks, now clearly worrying and I know it’s my fault because my reaction wasn’t quite a happy one.

“No, I do. I’m just amazed that you put so much effort in it.” I let go of his right hand to reach behind me and touch his neck. I play with a few strands of hair at the nape of his neck and sigh contently. “Sorry for my lame way of thanking you for this lovely date. I’m just not really good at the whole dating thing.” I tell him in all honesty.

“Believe it or not, I’m not really a pro either. One time I set up a date for a girl I fancied a long long _long_ time ago, put candles all the way from her house to a bridge and asked her to come outside but she said it was too dark and refused.” He laughs bitterly, thinking back of the memory. I don’t tell him that I know this already because I’ve heard him saying this in an interview once.

“Well, that was one stupid girl. She must’ve beaten herself over the head now that you’re all man and sexy.” Like seriously, who wouldn’t say yes if Harry freaking Styles knocked on your door and asked you to come outside with him? I would even say yes if he asked me to sit in a cupboard with him even though I’m claustrophobic.

“Oh well, I’m gay anyway so I don’t think it would’ve worked out between us eventually.” He smiles, kissing my cheek. “Besides, I would’ve been the biggest douche bag in the world and dump her over a text message after you’d crossed my path.” He’s now full on grinning and I can’t help but let my lips form into a smile as well.

“You just feel like you had to say that because your boyfriend has clear access to your crown jewels and can crush them if you don’t flatter him.” I grin and turn around to look at him. I take the sunglasses from his nose and put them on my own. I smile smugly at him as I fully turn my body around and wrap my legs loosely around his waist. I lock my hands behind his neck and look at him as he smiles lazily.

“You wearing my necklace and my sunglasses, what more can I do to make it obvious that you’re taken?” He wonders, stroking his non-existant beard. I mean the barely there facial hair because never in a million years would I make a closeted gay joke. _Taylor, Caroline, Cara, Nadine, cough._ I watch how his eyes shine with mischief as he edges closer. He takes my chin between his thumb and finger and moves it so my neck is on full display. “Oh, I know...” He mumbles huskily, lips already attached to my skin.

His teeth graze over the most prominent vain on my neck before he pokes his tongue out to wet the now reddened flesh. He blows cold air over the attacked skin, making me bite my lip to hide my moan. He then puts his lips on the place he’s discovered as my soft spot and sucks the skin into his mouth. I dig my fingers in his neck as he continues to heavenly torture me with his mouth. I gasp when I feel his teeth on that exact same spot before he pulls away with a satisfactory smile.

“Whenever that starts to fade, I’m going to mark you all over again.” He all but growls and all I can do is nod because holy shit, I can’t even. I’m not even ashamed of my arousal that’s quite prominent in my shorts right now and I know he feels it since I’m literally pressed up against him.

He reaches behind him to a cooler and gets out a plate of strawberries. Chocolate covered strawberries. Oh God, you’ve done so well on this boy. Anne, Des, I’m not sure what was in your food the night you made Harry but damn; you did one heck of a job.

He nudges my lips with the fruit and I open my mouth willingly. I wrap my lips around it and suckle the chocolate off before I bite down gently and hum with my eyes closed at the perfect combination of chocolate and strawberry. I open my eyes to see Harry watching me intently. I might have made a little show and the noises I made might have been a bit exaggerated but hey, he deserved it after his lovebite stunt.

“You’ve been home for over an hour and we haven’t properly kissed yet. Lets change that, yeah?” It comes out as a question but I know it’s not but that doesn’t keep me from stopping him with my finger on his already puckered lips. He looks at me cutely but clearly confused as I for the first time deny one of his kisses.

“You seem like a proper lad but I don’t kiss on first dates.” I tease, biting my lip for good measure before I take my snapback and put it on backwards again. I know it affects him in more than one way when he groans.

“But you’re already my boyfriend.” He whines, showing off his best pouty face. “It doesn’t count. We kissed before.” He tries, getting close again but I back away, not quite done with him yet. “And I marked you!”

“Well, farmers mark cows and sheep but you don’t see them sharing intimate kisses.” I state with a smirk before I try to get rid of the horrible image I just put in my own head. Harry too scrunches his nose in disgust.

“That’s nasty.”

“And legal in some countries.” Seriously Niall, keep your mouth shut because this is how you scare people away. This is why you used to spend all your time on the Internet because on the Internet it’s not weird to say these things. That’s one reason and the other is because I liked to spend my life Internet stalking Harry Styles. Who’s now my boyfriend...

“Well, you’re _illegal_ by looking this hot and not letting me kiss you.” He huffs, looking like a small child that isn’t allowed to eat candy before dinner. “One peck on the lips is all I’m asking.”

I smile at him, unable to say no to that look on his face and lean in in the meaning to give him a tiny little kiss on the lips. I fail miserably though because the moment my lips touch his, I’m melting into him like warm chocolate on an icecream Sunday. My eyes flutter closed as our lips move together slowly. The kiss lasts a minute or two before we pull away. He smiles up at me and removes the sunglasses so my eyes are visible.

“What’s possibly even better than kissing you is looking into your eyes after the kiss.” He whispers, gazing directly into my eyes. It takes all my effort not to look away under his intense stare.

“Corny.” I laugh half-heartedly because it’s not hard to guess that he actually means it.

“I am.” He captures my lips in another sweet kiss. “Strawberry?”

“Yes please.” I answer, already opening my mouth, anticipating the deliciousness that’s about to come. But imstead of feeding me, he bites the crown off the strawberry before he takes one end in his mouth. He looks at me expectantly and I get the hint. I lean in, capturing the other end of the strawberry with my lips. Our lips touch momentarily before Harry bites all the way through the fruit and pulls away chewing.

I swear this boy is illegal. _Drag me down_ and kiss me senseless.


	32. Chapter 32

It’s two weeks after the whole ‘why don’t we make a beach in Niall’s living room’ incident and there is still sand everywhere. Harry hired some company to clean it all up but I don’t think they were worth his money. Not that Harry could care less about that because he’s got so much that he could fill the Grand Canyon with it.

My four-year-old neigbour was fairly upset when he found out about the beach thing and demanded to know why he wasn’t invited because he wanted to bake sand castles with Harry. Or with Liam actually but because Harry was there, he would have been okay with his second favourite member too. The only way to stop Marcus from pouting was the note Liam left the day of the fight with Louis.

_“It says Marcus!” The little boy had screeched. “I’m Marcus!” He thrusted the note in my hands so I could read it out for him._

_Harry was sitting next to me, both on the floor with our backs against the sofa. Marcus was in Harry’s lap, the five-year-old really adored Harry and Harry seemed very fond of the boy too. The sight was endearing and it took me a lot of effort to focus on the note instead of two of my favourite boys in the world._

_It was Harry’s last day off for a while because he was about to get on the road and tour around England so he decided to spent his last bit of free time with me. When Julia knocked on the door to ask if I could watch Marcus, I wanted to say no because I wanted some alone-time with Harry because I have to share him with the rest of the world most of the time already. But Harry piped up after he made sure it wasn’t a horny pizza guy at the door, that we’d gladly watch Marcus for the afternoon._

_So there we sat, Marcus bouncing on Harry’s lap as he clapped in his hands and waited not so patiently for me to read the note Liam had written for him. I cleared my throat before I read it out._

_“For Marcus, my number one fan. Harry told me a lot about you and said you are the coolest kid in the world.” Marcus beamed at Harry with the biggest smile I had ever seen. “So, of course I would really like to meet you so you could teach me how to be cool just like you. I have some time off in two months, so if you see Harry, ask him to call me so we can play some football. Hope to see you soon, my friend. With a cool high-five from Liam.”_

_I think Marcus missed the most important part of the note because all he kept saying over and over that Liam is his friend. I never said anything about the call to meet up thing because knowing Marcus; he would come over every day to ask if Harry is here and if it’s time to call Liam yet._

We had a lovely day that day and Harry and Marcus even baked cupcakes together to make it up for not inviting Marcus for the sand party.

 

But right now, I’m home alone on this Friday afternoon and I’m bored out of my mind. Harry is in Newcastle with the band at the moment and I don’t feel like doing anything. I just feel like moping all day because I haven’t seen Harry in two weeks after spending all our free time together and it sucks big time. It’s like telling a heroin addict to quit cold turkey, they can do it but it feels like the impossible. We Skype whenever he has time but sadly enough that isn’t very often, him playing sold-out concerts almost every night.

I’ve been sleeping terribly the last fourteen days because I miss Harry’s warmth in my bed and his good night kisses and an arm around my waist to keep our bodies connected. It’s kind of sad to feel this way but I can’t help it. It’s growing to be a problem though because he’ll be going on a world tour soon and it will be impossible to fall asleep in the same bed together for months.

I groan and let myself fall face first on my bed but regret that when I inhale Harry’s scent that’s still caught in the sheets. I want to cry but stop myself when I realise how pathetic I’m being. Sure, it’s alright to miss your boyfriend but how sad is it to cry over him because he isn’t able to spend a lot of time with you? Besides we’ve only been dating for three weeks, I shouldn’t be _this_ attached already.

But I am though and that scares me. A lot.

It’s not that I regret of getting in a relationship with Harry, not at all but how will this all go when he won’t be home for months instead of weeks? What will happen when he can’t Skype with me a few times a week? Can I handle that? Do I want to handle that? How come that after three weeks, my head is already messed up and my heart is slowly crumbling?

Relationships should be starting easy, problems should come later when Harry starts leaving the toilet seat up or doesn’t put the lid on the toothpaste. Usually it takes months or years to tumble down from cloud nine but right now it feels like I’m with one toe on that particular cloud while the rest of me has fallen down at least three clouds.

Sure, I knew what I had gotten myself into when I started dating a hunky famous popstar but I never realised how hard it would be. How he’s already drawn me in completely and how not okay I am with him leaving me for such a long time. How on earth will I survive this? Last year pictures and videos were enough to keep me satisfied but now I know about the real deal, nothing seems enough now and pictures of a happy smiling Harry only make the situation worse. It’s probably insane but seeing Harry smile or laugh while I’m not the cause of it makes me jealous to the bone. God, I’m a sad excuse of a boyfriend.

To torture myself, I get my laptop from the nightstand and open Twitter. Like expected, there are pictures of the whole band of course including Harry everywhere. There are pictures of fans camping outside the hotel and one of a girl literally attacking Harry.

_Em_24_

_@Niall_Horan: Plot twist: you don’t want to blog anymore because you’re dating Harry_

_Em_24_

_@Niall_Horan: Bigger plot twist: You’re actually on tour with him right now._

My heart skips a beat because what? How _dare_ she think I’m his boyfriend?

Wait...

I’m completely freaked out by this bitch, I mean, girl, but it has me thinking.   
Thoughts cross my mind but I’m not sure what to do with it. I feel like going over there and surprise Harry but for one, I can never ever afford a room in the hotel he’s staying in and two, I don’t think Louis would appreciate my presence if I’d show up. Oh and the fact that that Em girl is suspicious and what if more people catch on what’s actually happening between Harry and me?

It’s either I act on my feelings and step into that train to Newcastle or I do what my brain tells me and stay home and sulk?

Well, three hours later I’ve clearly made my mind up and I’m well on my way to Newcastle, a dufflebag with clothes for two nights and my wash bag on the seat next to me and my cheek pressed onto the cold window of the train. I have my headphones plugged into my phone and the GooGoo Dolls blasting in my ears. Usually train rides lul me to sleep five minutes after boarding but right now it’s everything but soothing. Every station the train stops at I feel the urge to grab my bag and hop on the next train back. Something just doesn’t feel right, everything in my body says turn around but my heart is telling me to not think about everything wrong that could happen and just go with it.

Two stops before mine, two girls take the seats across from me and even though my music is on a deafening volume, I can still hear their excited babbling and ocassional squeals. They’re about fifteen or sixteen years old, one of them wearing a ‘future Mrs. Tomlinson’ shirt and the other one is wearing a white t-shirt with all the Skyway boys on them. It’s obvious they’re going to tonight’s show and that they’re more than just happy about it.

I turn my music down a little to eavesdrop on their conversation. It’s escalating quickly from how Louis will dump his rumoured girlfriend for ‘future Mrs. Tomlinson’ and how the other one is cool with any of the three in her bed. I refrain myself from punching her crooked nose because that might actually be doing her a favour and zone back out. The only one Harry is sharing a bed with is me and no one is getting a piece of him but me. So screw you you blonde bimbo. You suck! But not Harry.

The train soon comes to a stop and I’m at my destination. Or at least, I’m in Newcastle now and still it would be so easy to turn back around because I’m still not sure if this is the right decision or not but I can’t, not when I came this far. I have no idea how to go from here though because going to the venue doesn’t seem like an option since I don’t have tickets and Harry and the boys won’t show up outside anyway and I know how many girls are at the hotel, hoping just to catch a glimpse from one of the boys.

So the only think left to do is to let Harry know I’m here otherwise there would be no way to see him and that would be such a waste of all my money and effort.

“Hello?” Harry picks up after the second ring.

“Bear?”

There’s rustling on the other side of the line and I hear doors opening and closing before Harry speaks again.

“Ni, love, is that you?” Someone obviously didn’t check the caller ID before picking up.

“Yeah Hazzy, hi!” I chuckle, pressing the phone closer to my ear, afraid that people will hear his voice and recognize it or read his name on my phone.

“Hey!” He, my boyfriend, nearly yells. “How are you babe? I didn’t expect you to call today.”

I laugh loudly. “You like surprises though, right?”

“Only good ones.” He answers, chuckling as well and oh, I really want to see that smile in real life again. God, I’m so gone for that boy.

“Well, hypothetically, what would you do if you were in a famous boyband doing a world tour tour and your boyfriend happens to be in the same city as you are?” Harry is silent again and I can’t even hear him breathing. I wonder if he’s still there and check if the line is dead but it isn’t. “Harry?” I whisper, checking my surroundings because well, I actually said his name out loud.

“You’re _here?_ ” He breathes then and wow, I’m not sure if he sounds good surprised or bad surprised.

“Well, I’m at the train station but I can get the next train back and—“

“Oh no! No fucking way, I’m going to get Preston to get you! Oh my God Ni! I can’t believe I get to see you in a few minutes! I love you!”

 

 

Excuse me? What?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going on a holiday tonight until Monday August 10th. No updates until then!


	33. Chapter 33

The line is dead before I can answer. I don’t know how long he stayed on the phone, if he hung up immediately after the big bomb he just dropped on my heart or if he kept the phone to his ear, waiting for me to reply. It’s when the easy recognizable Preston stops his shiney black van only two feet away from me that I realize I still stand frozen on the same spot with my phone pressed to my ear.

“Niall Horan?” The guy nearly twice my size asks, already taking my bag out of my hands from me.

“Y-yes?” I squeak pathetically like I don’t know that’s my name or not.

“Thought so, you look smaller than on the picture Harry showed me though.” He smiles kindly, opening the door for me to the back seat and throwing my back in. As he pulls the door shut, I’m met with a bicep as large as my head and I know not to get on this man’s bad side. Might say I’m a bit intimidated. Just a tiny bit.

“Picture?” I frown as Preston hops in the drivers seat. He looks through his rear view mirrow and meets my eyes.

“Yeah.” He laughs, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he does so. “He asked me to pick you up and I asked how I could recognize you so he showed me the background of his phone. It’s a picture where he gives you a kiss on the cheek. It’s also the background picture of his iPad, his laptop and both his phones.” Preston laughs, roaring the car to life as he turns the key in the ignition.

I can feel the blood rush to my cheeks because I honestly never would have thought that Harry has a picture of us as his background. I knew he has that picture though because he took it three days before he left for tour. We had the biggest laugh that night and he kept snapping pictures of me and it ended with a picture of him kissing my cheek and me pouting my lips. It’s not my best picture, none of them are but it’s kind of cute in a way.

“I don’t know exactly what’s going on because I only catch little bits of the boys’ conversations but I know that you mean a lot to Harry even though Louis always gives him shit for it.”

I swallow hard at Preston’s words. Louis obviously still thinks nothing but bad things about me and Harry has been putting up with it for the past weeks, maybe even defending me and our relationship.

“Look, like I said I don’t know much about it and I don’t need to but traveling up to see Harry and if I have to believe Harry, you’re probably using all your money to do so and that makes you seem like a good bloke to me.”

I smile weakly. It still doesn’t feel right that Harry has to put up with Louis who is supposed to be his best friend. I don’t even care that he’s talking bad about me, he can think of me what he wants but he should direct all their anger or whatever it is he’s feeling, towards me, not to Harry because what can he do? Harry only likes me, I’m the bad guy in this messed up conflict.

A fancy looking hotel comes in sight with hurdes of fans behind barriers to keep the entrance open. The van stops and through the tinted glass I see about two hundred pairs of eyes looking in one direction, my direction. I know they don’t know me and I know before the door opens they probably think I’m one of the Skyway boys but I still get a horrible vibe and I want to vomit.

“They find you interesting because I picked you up in the boys’ car so they want to know who you are. I advice you to just keep walking until you’re inside. I’m right behind you.” Preston instructs as he’s sitting turned around in his seat. He looks at me a bit worriedly and I know it’s because all the colour has drained from my face. I’m absolutely terrified even though I’m nothing special because the fans don’t know who I am and what or who I’m here for. I sigh deeply when Preston asks me if I’m ready. I nod even though I’m really not ready.

Preston opens his own door and all the girls have already started screaming for attention. They will be so dissapointed when I come out instead of the boys or their hunky band. I chant to myself that it’s not a big deal, no big deal, I’m only Niall and a friend of Harry’s. Nobody knows me, it’s okay, it’s all right.

The car door slides open and now the screams aren’t muffled anymore. The girls don’t even stop when I pull my body out of the van entirely. I can’t be mistaken for any of the boys because I’m a blonde and even my snap back doesn’t cover my hair entirely. They can’t think I’m Liam’s best friend Andy Samuels either because he’s all tall, buff and muscular and hunky so why on earth are they destroying my eardrums?

I turn around to get my bag but Preston has already slung it over his own shoulder. “I’m behind you.” He tells me as he gives me a gentle push towards the crowd and entrance of the hotel. “Just keep walking and look ahead of you. Try to smile a little but don’t wave.”

I do like how Preston instructs me and even when girls try to reach for me I keep on walking. The only thing on my mind is Harry and that I’m about to see him and feel him and kiss him. The smile on my face comes easy now because I’m only a few meters away from my boyfriend and not even desperate screams for my attention and grabby hands can stop me. I’ve pushed through the crowd now and there are barriers seperating them from me. I’m safe and a weight falls from my shoulders when the sliding doors open.

That is until I don’t meet the eyes of my boyfriend but instead find a pair of blue ones looking directly at me.

“Hello.” His tone is cold and flat, making me shudder. All my excitement washes away as the boy in the red beanie takes a step closer. “What are you doing here?”

I’d roll my eyes at his dumb question but the way he looks at me tells me that it wouldn’t be smart if I did so. “I’m here to see Harry.”

Louis snorts. “I figured you didn’t came to see me. How can you afford a room in this place anyway?”

“I can’t.” I reply, attempting to be bold. “I will never be able to because I’m just some lousy Tesco boy who stupidly enough used all his savings that was meant for a new washing machine, on a long train ride to see his boyfriend. So if you don’t mind, I’d like to go see him now before you call someone to kick me out because I’m an obsessive fan only going after Harry’s money and fame.” I snarl.

“You’ve got quite the mouth on you.” Louis remarks but seems unimpressed. The only reason I haven’t shat my pants yet is because I know that Preston is still behind me and that he’ll stop Louis if he’d punch me. I hope. “I still don’t trust you for one bit.” The older popstar continues. “But for some reason you seem to make Harry happy so I’ll tolerate you. But if you pull one little stunt, I will make sure you get your balls served for dinner on a silver platter.”

“Harry doesn’t know I knew that you came, thinks he’s sneaky, walking away from us with his phone in his hand and the same goofy smile he always wears when he talks to you.” Aw, Louis almost sounds fond. “So I overheard him talking to you. I came down to wait for you, to tell you what I just told. Now have a good day.” The big bummed boy turns on his heels and walks away from me without another look.

That was rather interesting. So if I get this right, Louis still hates my guts but pretends not to for the sake of Harry’s happiness? Jeez, that boy should come with a manual. He probably wants what’s best for his best mate and youngest band mate but Louis’ grudge against me still feels kind of personal.

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding and zone back to earth when I hear the sounds of lift doors opening and a big grin replaces my frown. There he is; wearing a simple black t-shirt and tight black jeans. His bare feet are tapping against the marmer floor tiles as he strides towards me with the most beautiful smile that I have ever seen. The temptation to run in his arms and kiss him until we both forget our names is big but I know that it would be a risky thing to do since we’re in a hotel lobby and there can be fans or paparazzi everywhere.

“Hi Harry.” I fake a laid-back attitude. “You alright?”

His small falters a little but understand my faux coolness when I raise my eyebrows, silently telling him that we can’t be lovey-dovey right here.

“Hey man!” He says, giving me a one-armed hug. “I missed you so much.” He whispers with is lips pressed to my ear. He pulls away before I can hug him back. “Lets get your stuff up.”

Harry takes my bag from Preston with a big grin and I turn to thank the older man for his kindness. “Thank you for everything.” He takes my outstretched hand and shakes it with a wink before he pulls away and walks away.

“So, how was your trip?” Harry repeatedly presses the button next to the lift, obviously just as impatient to let our lips mingle as I am.

“It was good, thanks. How’s the tour going so far?”

The lift doors open and we step inside. The doors are barely closed or Harry is already pushing me against the metal wall. “I really, really missed you.” He says, voice hoarse and full with emotion before he presses his body against mine and kisses me deeply. It’s barely a sweet kiss, it’s rushed and messy and wet but I don’t care, I’ve been waiting for this for three weeks and ever since I’ve been in Newcastle, I’ve been desperate to have his lips on mine.

“Wow.” Is all I can breathe out when he pulls away and knocks our foreheads together. Harry laughs lazily and gives me a soft little peck on the nose that has melting my insides. I giggle, scrunching up my nose and wrap my arms around his waist. “We’re almost on my floor, love.” Harry says with his lips in my hair as he unwraps my arms from him. It has my heart aching a little but his sad smile gives away that he’d rather stay as intertwined as possible too. “Come on.” He says when we arrive on the twelfth floor, He doesn’t take my hand and I understand why but it’s so damn frustrating.

He grabs the keycard from his back pocket and unlocks a door. Very gentlemanly he lets me walk in first and holy cow, this room is bigger than my whole apartment. His room is kept surprisingly clean without clothes on the floor or shoes everywhere and his bed is perfectly made even though I’m pretty sure he hasn’t made it himself. There’s some fancy art on the walls and long dark green curtains frame the large window. I see how amazing the view is from up here, I can nearly see the whole city.

“It’s pretty cool, huh?” Harry says, wrapping his arms around me from behind. I lean back into his body and mumble some appreciative noise.

“Yeah.” I turn around in his arms. How corny it may sound but looking at Harry is much better than looking at the view outside the window. I wrap my arms around his neck and stand on my toes to reach his lips with mine. It’s kind of mesmerizing how our lips work together on their own accord, they just slide and brush and nip like they’re meant to do that.

Getting a little weak in the knees, I pull away. Harry chases my lips with his and gives me a lingering kiss that nearly has me begging for more. But I don’t because I’m a strong man and we strong men do not beg. We do whine though.

“Are you staying for the weekend?” Harry asks, running his long fingers through my hair.

“Only if it doesn’t give you trouble.” I hum, suddenly remembering my lovely talk with Louis. I don’t want Harry getting more shit because I’m here.

Obviously noticing my change of moods, Harry cups my chin, forcing me to look in his eyes. “I want you to stay.” He insists earnestly. “And I won’t get any trouble for it. Why would I?” I shrug. I don’t want to cause some bad fight between him and the other boys again. I did it once and I still feel terrible about it. “Hey come on now, what is it?”

Harry sighs, detangling himself from me and grabs my hand to lead me to the bed. He hops up and settles with his back against the headboard. I quickly toe off my shoes before he lays me down, my head in his lap facing the ceiling. He starts carding his fingers through my hair again, playing with my frindge, brushing it out of my eyes. I only notice now that I need a haircut soon.

“Come on darling.” He urges me to talk.

“I know Louis doesn’t agree with your boyfriend choice and I know that he likes to remind you that quite often. Preston told me.” I turn my head slightly to see Harry expressionless gazing the opposite wall. “I’ve been the cause of problems between you and him once and I don’t want it to happen again. I mean, it’s fine if he talks bad about me, I don’t care.” I half lie. “You don’t have to defend me because I know that ticks him off more.”

“Louis is a-- case.” I watch his adamsapple bop up and down as he swallows. “I’ve always poured my heart out about you to him. The day you loudly declared you didn’t want to have sex with me, he was there. When I had doubts if you really liked me, he was there. When I cried about our not date, he was there. It’s kind of my fault he has this bad view of you.” His eyes are watery but he doesn’t cry.

“If I hadn’t been such an arse, we would’ve been alright. The night of the first concert he and I hitted of fairly well so I know he’s a good guy and he wants what’s best for you.” I admit.

“He will turn eventually, you know? When he really opens his eyes and sees you in a different light, he will love you.”

 _Love_.

There is that word again, in a different context now but it reminds me of something I really didn’t think I would forget. Harry told me he loves me. How on earth can I bring this up without looking like a complete ass? ‘Hey Harry, what was that I love you thing about?’ It’s silent for a while and I’m thinking of ways to bring it up but I can’t be casual about this. ‘Oh hey, you said you love me, is that true?’

“Hey Bear?” I hesitate when he hums to tell me he’s listening. “You said—eh, is it true that...” I can’t. “Preston told me you have our picture as your background on nearly every electronical device you own.” Harry laughs as a blush creaps up his cheeks. Ah, that’s the cutest sight ever, Harry blushing and I made him.

“That’s... true.” He shows me his phone where there is indeed a picture of him giving me a kiss on the cheek. He reaches for his iPad on the nightstand and clicks on a button to lighten up the screen, there’s indeed the same picture. “It’s on my other phone, my laptop and my iPod as well.” He mutters shyly. “’S just because I miss you.”

My lips break out in a grin so wide that it hurts my face. “Cute!” I say, unable to stop smiling.

 

“And I might have stolen your black t-shirt with the three buttons.” He blushes a deeper shade of crimson. “I can pretend I accidentily picked it up while collecting my own stuff from your place but I didn’t, I purposefully took it with me.”

I think now is as good as time as ever to tell him that, “I kiss my necklace every night before I go to bed.” I’m sure the colours of our cheeks match now. But it’s true though; I really do kiss the aeroplane good night before I go to sleep.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” I tell him with a soft punch in his stomach to stop him from laughing at me.

“Hey!” He whines, rubbing the spot I just hit him with the hand that isn’t occupied with my hair. “I wasn’t laughing at _you_ , I was laughing at _us_.” He explains. “We look like a couple of teens in high school being in love with their boyfriend.”

 _Love_.

There it is again, this is my chance to confront him.

“Teens _in love_ , huh?”

Harry’s smile softens. “Well yeah, we sure act like it. Nicking stuff from each other, kissing what we have to remind the other by. Always wanting to cuddle and touch and kiss.”

Not the answer I was hoping for.

“What is love for you?” I ask, hoping for a better answer this time.

He’s still for a while, thinking about his answer. “It’s like the swell of your heart when you see him, like some adrenaline rush that makes your blood bump ten times faster. Knowing that it’s not just a crush or that you’re not only attracted to him but that you feel connected, you know?” He clears his throat, trying to get rid of the little rasp in his voice. It doesn’t work. “Knowing you want more than just fun, knowing that you want in on everything; good things but also problems and sadness.”

If his description is the definition of being in love, then I’m completely, totally and utterly in love with him. I’ve never known real love other than loving family members and friends but everything that Harry just said, is what I feel towards him.

“Then I think I’m in love with you.” I blurt, instead of asking him if he feels that way about me.

His hand stills in my hair and his body tenses. Well done, Niall, you stupid arse, you gave a twenty-one-year-old boy his first stroke.

“A-are you sure?” He croaks eventually.

I shrug, pretending that this is not a big deal. “I think so, yeah.” He stays silent. “I mean it’s cool if you don’t feel the same way, I don’t expect you to say it back or anything. I mean we’ve only been dating for three weeks so what is love at this point anyway, right? It’s too soon to say it and I know that but I’ve been crushing on you for such a long time and you crawled in my heart and made yourself comfortable there so you could say that I feel strongly about you and I think it’s love but I’m not sure so don’t rush in saying it back just because I said it. Let’s just forget I said it and just—well...”

“Babe.” He stops my rambling. “I said I love you on the phone, didn’t I?”

I nod. “But it was just a slip of the tongue, wasn’t it?” I do it too when I’m excited about something. Once, I lost my phone and one of my neighbours found it in the building and figured it was mine so she returned it. I had hugged her and said something like ‘oh my god thank you, I love you!’

Harry’s fingers move over my scalp again and I dare to look at him. He’s already looking at me with a fond smile before he speaks.

“Kind of, yeah but your subconscious always speaks the truth, they say.”

 

 


	34. Chapter 34

In my life I’ve never known anyone who is as much into cuddling as Harry Styles. I’m not complaining, hey, of course not! But he’s like a giant teddy that hugs back. He’s, thank god not as hairy as one but I think if he’d sell his body for hugs he would’ve been twice as rich as he is now. Okay, maybe not but he would sure earn some money if he asked a pound for each hug on the square behind the London eye, there where the street performers are. I think he’d get the biggest crowds. I know where I would be every day with money from my piggy bank.

Right now he’s arranged our bodies so that I’m half on top of him with my right leg between his. My head is on his chest with my hand next to it while his right arm is wrapped around me, tickling the skin where my shirt is ridden up softly, light enough not to make me squirm. He’s nuzzling his nose in my hair and he presses little kisses a top of my head and I can’t remember a moment where I was happier.

The silence isn’t uncomfortable and yet I feel the need to break it. We’ve been dating for three weeks and there are so many things that we don’t know about each other. I might’ve been a die-hard fan and I can’t deny that I still am but there are so many things that I don’t know about the person behind Harry Styles the popstar. But what should I ask? I don’t know.

“You’re thinking awfully hard.” Harry murmers, snapping me out my train of thoughts.

“What makes you think that?” I nor deny or confirm.

Harry chuckles lightly. “You’re clutching my shirt really tight.” He lifts his head of off mine. “And my nipple at that.”

I open my eyes to see that I in fact have quite the grip on his shirt and his left peck. “Sorry.” I whisper sheepishly, letting go if his shirt and rubbing the area I just gripped.

“It’s okay. I’m just not into being man handled; I rather am the man handl _er._ ” He says as he presses his fingers in my sides and flips me on my back before he hovers over me completely. He’s holding himself up with his arms and bites his lip.

I gulp, completely lost for words as I rake my eyes over him. I can see his chest and collarbones from where his shirt dips and I swallow. Hard. I rip my eyes away but looking at his neck isn’t much better. There’s one large vein very prominent and I want to feel it with my mouth. I’m about to travel my eyes up to his face when his lips literally devour my neck. I involuntarily moan and buck my hips as Harry sucks and nips on the skin of my neck.

“It was starting to fade.” Harry breathes heavily. He has marked me again like he promised the day he marked me on our living room beach date.

“Oh.” Is literally all I can say. I’m gripping his wrists tightly and this time I’m aware of it but I don’t losen my fingers around him. I don’t want to.

He’s inspecting his mouth work and I can see his eyes visibly darkening and it arouses me terribly. The tension between us is to cut with a knife and how frustrating this feels, it’s also so good.

“Would it be alright if—“ He searches my eyes. “If we went a step further? You know...”

He doesn’t finish his sentence as I’m already nodding my approval. Yes it would be alright, yes yes yes! It feels like I’m already high on my orgasm but nothing has happened yet. Not yet. That is until he presses his body completely against mine, our clothed crotches flush against each other and I moan loudly because I can _feel_ him. I’m not the only one who’s rediculously turned on.

Harry groans too. It’s pornstar-ish filthy but oh so hot and it turns me on even more. “We’re nearly always in our underwear and this is the one day we choose to stay fully clothed?” Harry breathes out a laugh and I can’t help to laugh at the irony either.

My hands decide to do something about it though and lift up the hem of his shirt. Harry sits up, giving our buldges a new sort of friction and holds his hands up so I can remove his shirt entirely. My mind floats with things I want to do to him, that I want him to do to me but I haven’t got anough courage to do it. I feel for some reason terribly inexperienced and insecure even though I’m not a virgin anymore.

“You okay with this?” Harry asks sweetly as he’s about to remove my shirt and I nod.

“Just—let’s go in small steps, yeah?” My voice wavers but it’s okay, I feel fragile yet very secure in Harry’s hands.

“Tell me when you want to stop.” He looks directly into my eyes and I briefly wonder what I was so insecure about two minutes prior.

Harry slips his hands under my shirt, roaming his fingers over my abdomen and trailing them up to my chest. He flicks his thumbs over my nipples and I gasp as I didn’t expect that move. His lust fillen eyes flicker to mine for a few seconds to see if it was a good gasp or not so I smile to stop his worries as I sit up slightly so he can rid me of the unwanted fabric of my shirt.

“Breathtaking” Harry whispers when I lie back down on the matress. He kisses my shoulder. “Gorgeous.” He kisses my other shoulder. “Beautiful.” In between my collarbones. “Handsome.” Next to my right nipple. “Stunning.” Above my abdomen. “Sexy.” My lower abdomen. “ _Mine_.” He then bites down there where my happy trail starts and flattens his tongue to lick all the way back up to my nipples. I groan loudly. He was so close to there where I need him most but he’s not giving it the craved attention. I feel tingly and hot all over my body and I know it shows with a bright crimson flush from my ears to my neck.

I get even more flustered as Harry reaches into my jeans and I reach my peak in both redness and _youknowwhat_ not even five minutes later. I would be emberassed that I couldn’t hold it longer but I’ve been so sexually frustrated about this boy for years now that I couldn’t help it. Besides, he was so much better than my wildest fantasies about him. And that was only his hand. I’d return the favour but his panting tells me that it’s too late for that now.

“You are amazing.” Harry gets up from the bed and removes his jeans and maroon boxers without hesitation.

So... This is Harry in full glory... Well kind of because he’s softening but holy macaroni on a stick he’s quite... impressive. I mean you’d easily confuse it with a tree or something. Okay maybe not, luckily, because that would hurt when we ever get to actual sex and I don’t think it’s ten inches, ( _you update accounts suck)_ but big would be an understatement.

Wait, did I just think I’d be the bottom? Oh who am I kidding? I so am not topping Harry. Which reminds me, I’m still staring at his nakedness and I think he noticed. He’s talking to me, isn’t he?

“... okay?”

“I’m sorry, what?” I quickly snap my eyes up to meet his and I can tell by the shimmering in his eyes that he’s laughing.

“I said that I’ll wet a towel and clean us up because I want to lay for a bit until dinner and I asked if you were okay with that.” He chuckles. “But you were kind of zoned out looking at mini me.”

Before I register my own words I blurt, “Well, it’s not exactly mini.” and slap a hand to my headd and wince. Jeez, I think I’ve just out done my level of awkward stupidness. I should inform Guinness book of records really.

“Thank you, now take off your pants.”

I cough because “what?”

“Take off your pants.” He repeats bluntly. He’s still completely naked as well I might add and there’s clear evidence of what we have been doing all around his crotch area.

“No.” I refuse. “You’re gonna stare at me because I stared at yours.” Well done, Niall, looks like you can be even more awkward. Seriously, is there an award for something like this? There should be. _And the award for most awkward human being ever existed goes to... Niall Horan_.

“I promise I won’t. I’ll go into the bathroom and make a wet towel and you can cover yourself up or something but seriously, keeping those pants on is quite nasty.” I’d applaud Harry for being so cool about all of this but that would make me receive a platinum awkward award.

“Fine.” I grumble at his already retreating back. I quickly wriggle myself out of my jeans and stained pants and cover my peepee with my hands.

“Can I come in yet?” Harry grins, hand covering his face but he’s peeking through the gap between his pointy and middle finger. He’s put some boxers on, navy blue ones and carries a similar one along with the towel.

“What if I say no?”

“Then it would’ve been too late.” He drops the whole I’m-not-looking-act completely and hops on the bed ungracefully. “So, do you want me to clean you up or will you do it yourself? Friendly reminder that either way, you have to remove at least one hand.” He says with a pointed look at where my hands cover my private parts.

“I eh—“ I start doubting between the two options.

“What are you afraid of? I’ve felt you so I have a pretty good imagine of what it looks like.” Okay so Harry is up in the running for the awkward award too. “Do you want me to get mine out again?” He’s already reaching into his boxers when I shout, surprising myself, Harry, the fandom and probably the hotel neighbours.

“NO!”

“Wow, that was clear. Do penises gross you out so much? I thought you were gay.” He’s smirking now and my evil glare at him doesn’t seem to affect him.

“Shut up, you dick!” I growl. He laughs.

“Oh, swear word on point—“

“You’re a wanker.” He raises an eyebrow at me and I slap my forehead. “I need new insults.”

“And you need to get cleaned up.” He’s already dabbing at me with the towel where I removed my hand to slap myself across the head. My head head. Not my _head_ head. Okay nope, that award definitely belongs to me.

He places his hand over mine that’s still covering my man bits up and guides it away. For some reason I let him. He carefully wipes at my skin and when he’s ready he even helps me dress into a fresh pair of boxers. They’re a bit large on me considering that they’re Harry’s but I don’t care, I like this kind of clothes sharing thing. I’d love to see him in my Ireland jersey some time. Oh god yes.

“See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Harry teases and I sigh, curling into his chest in shame. I don’t bother with a reply.

There’s a knock on the door but Harry doesn’t make any move to get the door. They knock again followed by a “Hey Haz, I heard Niall’s here, is this true?” The chirpy voice is unmistakable Louis.

Harry moves to stand up but before he gets out of the bed he kisses me sweetly. “He’s a good guy, yeah? Don’t worry.” He pecks me on the lips three times more and goes to open the door in his underwear.

“Lou,” Harry says sharply as the older boy enters the room without a look at Harry.

“So it’s true? He’s here?” Louis says, looking at me but talking to Harry.

“ _He_ is sitting right there so I think that’s your answer.” Harry says defensively and I really want to be in his strong arms right now because dealing with Louis today has me scared and tired. That, and the look Louis is giving me is murderous.

“Why is he in his boxers on _your_ bed?” he asks, not taking his eyes away from me. I thought I felt exposed fifteen minutes ago when Harry cleaned me up but even with a little bit more clothing on, I feel way more exposed. My hair is a complete mess and I’m still sporting a blush from recent activities so I think Louis knows the answer to his own question.

“None of your business, Lou. Besides, I didn’t ask you that question when I stumbled into you know who, who was wearing your bathrobe.” Harry smirks and Louis whips his head around to face his taller band mate.

“That’s different.”

“But not really.” Harry answers smugly.

I take this chance to gather my clothes and shrug them on. Neither of the two seems to notice, too entranced by each other. They’re bickering but I already zoned out on the conversation. I did it again, I caused another fight between Harry and Louis and I’m pretty sure Liam’ll be involved fairly soon.

Images of headlines fill my brain. _‘Niall Horan reason for Skyway break-up.’_ and _‘Harry Styles quits Skyway because of boyfriend_ ’. It’s not something I’d like to be known of, I’ll be haunted for the rest of my life and Harry will be miserable and sad because I ruined his dream of being a world famous singer.

I slip into my shoes and reach for my bag. Surprisingly calm I go to stand between the two and direct myself to Louis. “I’ll go home, I really didn’t want to cause any trouble. Harry means a lot to me, you know? I’m not letting him go because I’ve fallen too hard for that but I’ll try to stay away from you. I understand that you hate me but there’s no reason to let it out on Harry. So stop being an arse and make up.”

I turn to Harry and kiss him on the cheek. “I love you.” I whisper so only he can hear it. “We’ll meet up when you’re home, yeah?”

I don’t wait for his answer and ignore his fingers brushing my wrist and leave.


	35. Chapter 35

I run out of the room, down the hall and press repeatedly on the lift button when I get there. The numbers above the doors indicate that the lift is coming up to the fourteenth floor where I am now. Even though I’m running away from them, it hurts me that Harry isn’t coming after me. I don’t hear him call my name and he isn’t catching his breath because he ran so hard to find me.

The lift dings and without looking back I step in. Or at least I try to because someone is blocking my way.

“Niall, right? I didn’t know you were here.” It’s Liam, the least scary one between him and Louis, if you ignore his big muscles.

“Yeah, well I’m about to leave so...” I trail off, hoping he’d let me pass him but he doesn’t. Instead he steps forward, making me take a step behind and the doors close behind him.

“You’re leaving? Why? How long have you been here then?” He sounds genuinely curious and his brown eyes are big and sincere.

I shrug. “Two hours ago? The journey took longer than my visit but yeah, shit happens.” I smile weakly. “But I’d really like to get going now, so if you’d excuse me.”

Liam stops me from moving with a strong hand on my shoulder. “You look like you’re about to cry, mate. Did something happen between you and Harry?” He whispers the last part and looks around to see if anybody’s there who could’ve picked up on it. There’s no one and Harry is still not coming to get me.

“Not really.” I deny, not letting out more.

“Why are you leaving already then? I mean if your bag is an indicator, I would’ve thought you at least wanted to spend the night.” Liam points to the bag slung over my shoulder and looks me straight in the eye.

“I just don’t want to cause more trouble but obviously I do. I knew it was a bad idea to come here but I just missed him and forgot all about the possible consequences.” I mumble and end with a sigh, the fight between Harry and Louis still playing in front of my eyes. “Preston already warned me in the car ride from the station to the hotel about how Louis doesn’t approve of Harry’s relationship with me and that he sometimes gives Harry shit about it but I _just_ had the honour to witness it live.”I feel the walls around me crumble and the dam is about to break but I try my hardest to push back all the tears. “So I ran.” I continue, voice wavering. “Made clear to Louis that I’m not breaking up with Harry but that I’ll stay away from Louis as much as I can. I kissed Harry on the cheek and told him I’d meet him when he’s be home.” A single fat tear trickles down my cheek and I wipe it away furiously.

“I’m sorry for that.” Liam sighs. “You see, Harry is the youngest and the most vulnerable out the three of us. Especially because of his sexuality and not being able to date boys in public. He wants to be a normal guy with a normal dating life just like Louis and me but he can’t because our management doesn’t allow him to. So the two of us always want to protect him and see him happy but what Louis doesn’t seem to realize that ever since you two have been dating, Harry’s never been happier.” Liam explains and wow, I need time to process the new information.

We’ve never got around to talk about this, about how Harry has to stay in the closet for the sake of the band or whatever bullshit reason. I never realized that those rumours could be true, that their management really is _that_ tight. Because for some reason the whole female population of the Skyway fandom want the boys to be gay if they don’t have a shot at them. I just don’t understand why their management doesn’t let Harry be who he is, they’ve earned millions on them already so let him be, you know? But maybe I just don’t _want_ to undestand them. Come to think of it, one of the first texts he sent to me was something about how the brand Harry Styles wasn’t allowed to ask me out.

“Why are you still with your management?” I blurt, dying to know the answer because obviously all the boys care about Harry very much and they want him to live his life the way he’s supposed to.

“Because we’re under contract.” Liam says, his eyebrows furrowed.

“But can’t you just break it off? I mean when word gets out, you have people calling you all day about wanting to be your management.”

“I wish it was that easy but it isn’t. We’re under contract for another good year and a half and we can’t get out of that.” I nod in defeat. There’s nothing any of us could do about it and Harry has to live a fake life for at least a year and a half. It’s a twisted world we live in.

“Hey, why don’t you go book a room so you can cool off and see Harry tomorrow?” Liam suggests and I let out a humourless laugh.

“Can’t afford that, mate. Used all my money on the trip here and I have exactly enough left for the train ride home and besides, if Louis sees that I’m still here he’s going to either strangle me or Harry and he can do to me whatever he wants but I’m afraid he’s going to take it all out on Harry and that’s the last thing I want.” I step aside to press the lift button again and Liam lets me.

“You’re a good guy, Niall but Louis is too even if he shows it differently. It’s your choice if you want to leave but know that I can arrange a room for you to stay tonight if you want to.”

I smile at him but politely decline. “I really don’t think that’s a smart thing to do. Harry needs to sort things out with Louis and I don’t think that’s going to work if I stay around but thank you.”

The lift doors open again and Liam steps away. “Take good care, Niall and whatev—“

“Niall, you’re still here?” Out of the lift steps my boyfriend with tear brimmed eyes and he lunges forward to engulf me in a hug. “I’ve been looking for you to stop you but I couldn’t find you so I thought you already left.” He murmers in my hair.

My chest swells a bit because he _did_ come after me. “I’ve been here all the time. I was leaving but I ran into Liam and we had a long talk. I thought you were still in your room with Louis.”

Harry doesn’t let go of me and even hugs me tighter. “I wanted to go right after you but I couldn’t go in just my boxers so I had to get dressed first and then I took the stairs because I thought that it would be faster than the lift but you were still here and—“ He breaks. “I don’t want you to go Niall, I want you to stay with me for the weekend because it’ll take a while before we can go home and I miss you. Please stay? _Please?_ ”

“I want to stay with you too, Bear, you know that but I cause nothing but trouble in the band by just being here and I don’t want that. I don’t want to cause a fight between you guys because you’re best friends and in a band together and you’re on tour, you can’t use the pressure to choose between your friends and your boyfriend right now. Not that I force you to choose and I don’t think the Louis would but I know that it must feel that way and what about your management? Do they know we’re dating?”

Harry doesn’t say anything for a while, he only sniffles with his nose pressed into the crook of my neck. He tightens his grip on me before he pulls away just slightly. He’s still holding me with his hands on my waist.

“I told them that I like someone, a boy. They know I’m gay and they can’t stop me from dating boys.” He says but remembering Liam’s words, I know it’s not that simple.

“What will they do when they find out we’re dating? I mean Preston obviously knows about us and Louis and Liam do too and if our relationship really is going somewhere, what I hope, they have to find out sometime and then you need your best friends to stand by your side and until the problems in the band are solved, I don’t think Louis would be excited to defend our relationship and have our backs.”

“We’d be defending you if you didn’t use Harry.” Another voice sounds, Louis’, of course. Harry’s face hardens and he snaps his head to where the other guy is standing. I look too and see that Louis wears a scowl on his face matching his edgy voice. Oh jolly,

“He doesn’t.” Harry snarls. “If he did, he would’ve dropped hints to the world or post pictures of us together or made innuendos on Twitter or something.” Harry turns away from me but reaches for my hand and grips my fingers tightly. “There’s pictures of us kissing, Louis. Niall has these pictures on his phone too so if he wanted to do harm, he would’ve done it already.”

“He didn’t pursue you to kiss him on those pictures for nothing, Harry.” Louis remarks.

“No because he _didn’t_. I kissed _him_ , _I_ made those pictures of us.” Harry snaps harshly.

“Why do you think I use him?” I ask, my voice small and insecure, clutching to Harry’s hand as I wait for the response. God, I feel small.

“You want fame, fans, attention.” Louis states simply. “I’ve seen that video of you singing in a pub, you want more views, want more people to notice you so you can start your career with a bang because you dated Harry Styles and that will be talk of the town.”

“That’s fucking rediculous.” Harry swears. “Do you know what he wants? He wants a family, where he stays home for the kids and takes care of his husband. He doesn’t want the spotlight and he isn’t even proud of his voice.” Harry speaks the truth for me.

“That’s what he wants you to believe, Harry.” Louis says, sounding calm. “Do you think he’d go and tell you that he pretends to like you so he can gain fame and add you to his fuck list?” That makes me nauseaus.

Harry chuckles and shakes his head. “We would’ve had sex by now if that were true.”

“I caught him in your bed in _your_ underwear.” Louis states.

“And yet we didn’t have sex.” I say, helping Harry out. “And I really want to wait because I’m not quite ready for that.”I raise my eyebrow and smirk and Louis’ dumbfounded expression. “Listen guys, I—“

The lift opening again cuts me off and some smart looking man steps out. “I rang all of your rooms but nobody picked up. You need to get going now, you have soundcheck in forty-five minutes.” He says and steps back into the lift. “Get your stuff and be down in ten.”

Harry drags me away from the other boys. “You can go in the van, Niall and I are going to ride with Preston.” He says, already tapping away on his phone, probably to let Preston know about his plans. “Niall belongs with me and I don’t care anymore that my _best friend_ hates me for it.”

 

 


	36. Chapter 36

The whole ride to the venue is awkward even though it’s just Harry, Preston and me. I thought Harry would take advantage of the situation; cuddle up, hold my hand, kiss me and stuff like that but it’s none of the above and practically quite the opposite. He can’t be further away from me if he wanted to as he’s sitting with his body pressed against the car door. I tried holding his hand but I didn’t come further than brushing his leg with my pinky and he didn’t grab it, he didn’t even move or try to. He isn’t even looking at me, not even stealing glances, nothing.

Right now, soundcheck isn’t better. Of course Harry is on stage and I’m watching him from the coulisses but again, he never catches my eye or smiles at me and now I _know_ I made the wrong decision of not getting into the lift when I had the chance to or actually, coming here to Newcastle was one big mistake.

“That’s done guys, you can relax for a bit. The audience will come in in five minutes so I want you boys off the stage immediately.” Some guy yells. “You’re on at eight-thirty, it’s six-thirty right now so you have plenty of time to prepare yourselfs. You guys know the drill, list of the hair and make-up schedule is in your dressing rooms and please, eat something before you go on tonight.”

The three boys make their way of the stage. Louis walks straight ahead with a cold look on his face and Liam is behind him but he sends me a smile. Harry seems in no hurry at all. He hands in his microphone and earpieces and shuffles around for a bit. When he realises I’m still there, his eyes drop. I swear I can see disappointment on his face and I’m not sure if I have ever felt this hurt.

“G-good luck t-tonight.” I stammer, blinking away the tears. I just don’t undestand why Harry was sticking up for me back at the hotel and how _he_ insisted we’d take a ride from Preston and how he’s giving me the cold shoulder now. I know this situation is tough for him and I don’t expect him to be his happy lovely self but he doesn’t even try.

“Thanks.” He murmers back as he walks past me. There’s no kiss, no hug and not even a look that he shares with me on his way to where ever the fuck he’s going.

Never in my entire life have I ever felt this lonely. There are people surrounding me all the time, preparing stuff for tonight’s show. They’re laughing and joking amongst each other and I’m just sitting here, cross-legged on the floor until someone tells me to move but nobody does for the entire evening.

McBusted has just finished playing so it’s only a matter of minutes before Skyway is up. I can hear Liam and Harry talking but I’m not really listening. Louis is being called to the man who fixes their in ears and mics and he doesn’t look much happier than a couple of hours ago. The crowd is getting louder by the second and I’d feel the butterflies too if I didn’t feel so dead inside right now. Call me dramatic but I think there’s a cemetary in my body where my organs used to be.

The lights on stage go off and the noise of tens of thousands girls screaming fills the arena when a clip of the boys starts on the big screen behind the podium. From the corner of my eye I see the three Skyway boys huddled with their arms draped over each other’s shoulders. Even Harry is in the huddle so maybe they made up.

They stand up straight again as their band begins to play the intro of the first song. I’m in Harry’s direct eye-line but he either doesn’t see me or he’s ignoring me and I think it is the latter because I haven’t moved an inch since the soundcheck. I sigh and bury my face in my hands so nobody sees me cry, although, nobody even notices me so I don’t know why I bother.

 

The concert passes in a blur and all my eyes are trained on his Harry. There is nothing of his usually cheeky stage persona and he isn’t smiling very often and when he does it’s completely forced. He isn’t goofing around with the others and he doesn’t participate in the dance off that they’re challenged to do in one of the Twitter questions.

His heart and head aren’t in his songs at all and sometimes his voice breaks and he doesn’t reach all the notes. He’s distracted and not in it at all and that gets even clearer when his solo in Little Things is completely off key. Harry winces at the sound of his own voice and I wince with him because I know how heavy he will take this. For the remainder of the concert, Harry is even more distant and zoned out.

“Good show, mates!” Someone says from close to where I’m sitting. “Only Harry, you were off a couple of times tonight, are you alright?”

Harry thrusts his gear in the man’s hands and says “I’m fine” in a flat but harsh tone before he storms off.

I want to follow him but I don’t know if I shouldn’t, I don’t know if he still wants me to be here and if I’d make it worse by walking after him so I don’t. Besides, Louis is still chatting to people around me and I really don’t want to draw attention to myself. But then Liam is looking at me and motions to me and the direction of where Harry went off to. I look at him with my eyebrows raised and he mouths the word ‘go’.

I sigh but decide to man up because the only reason I didn’t go after Harry is because of my own selfishness. All I thought about is me, me, me but this isn’t all about me and Harry is probably just as conflicted about the whole situation as I am. So I stand up, ignore the rush in my head from changing positions so quickly and run after Liam mouths ‘dressing room.’

With a shaky hand I knock on the closed door of the shared Skyway dressing room. I knock again but Harry doesn’t answer or open the door. I take a deep breath and wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans before I hesistantly turn the handle and open the door and peek in. All of my worries about Harry being cross with me vanish when I see him sitting in front of the sofa with his phone in his hands. He’s obviously scrolling, probably through his Twitter or Instagram comments. His eyes are red and there are trails of fallen tears on his cheeks.

Finally acting on my instincts, I hurry over to him, sit down on my knees and wrap my arms around his shoulders. He tenses a little at first but breaks down completely after a moment and drops his phone as he folds himself around me.

“I screwed up everything.” He sniffles in my shirt after his crying died down a little. “The concert, the band, my relationship...” He then pushes his body away from me as if he suddenly remembers that we’re not in good terms.

“You didn’t.” I tell him but he’s already shaking his head before the words come out.

“Don’t lie.” He spits harshly. “If I didn’t, why are my Twitter mentions flooded with how bad I sounded tonight? If I didn’t, why aren’t the other boys here? Why isn’t Louis here to comfort me? If I didn’t screw up, why weren’t you singing and dancing along backstage or kiss me when you wished me good luck?”

“I don’t know, Harry...” I cast my eyes down. “I don’t know.” I repeat, tears spilling over. It’s horrible to see Harry like this and I wish there was something I could say but I have no idea what to do to make him feel better.

“I don’t know how to fix it. The concert is over and I’ve messed up and now people all know how horrible I sounded because there will be videos all over the Internet but that’s already done and I can’t change that.” He swallows. “But how do I fix things with Louis? How do I fix things with _you_?”

I dare putting a hand on his folded ones and look at him again. He isn’t looking back at me but I want him to. “Harry, could you look at me please?” He shakes his head. “Please?” I try again but he doesn’t budge. I sigh sharply and take my hand back, frustrations taking over. “You’re not even looking me in the eye. Do you want me to leave or something?”

“Look, Harry.” I say, standing up. “I don’t know how it feels to be you and to have the pressure of the world on your shoulders but I know how it is to lose friends over your sexuality or in your case your relationship. When I came out, my parents were super supportive, my whole family was but when I told my friends, they were afraid of me or something, they stopped hanging out with me and made clear they didn’t want to do anything with me.” I confess. “I can’t let that happen to you, even more because your best friends are also your band mates. You need them and they need you and with me around, you’re getting more distant every day.”

Harry is still looking at the floor but his expression has changed from cold to something deeper. Sadness, hurt, I don’t know.

“Seeing you fight with Louis got the best of me and that’s why I left. You need to sort things out with your friends before you guys become Skyway and Harry Styles. You shouldn’t let me stand in the way of a good friendship and a succesfull band. I don’t want to be in the way of something that good so I promise you I won’t anymore.” My lungs tighten in my chest and suddenly it becomes hard to breathe. “I’m going to go home now and I don’t want to hear from you until you’re good with Louis again and if the only way he takes you back as a friend is to break up with me, please don’t hesitate to do so.”

I crouch down one more time to press a kiss on his forehead. I take in his features, because chances are that this will be the last time I see him from this close. Even like this, he’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. His stage clothes are a rumpled and his hair is a complete mess. His eyes are red and tired looking and his nose is runny but still I’ve never seen anyone more gorgeous.

“Good luck.” I whisper for the second time tonight. But this time it means so much more and this time I can’t hold my tears back when I say those words. “Make things right with him.” I choke. “Don’t hesitate.”

Harry stays silent and still doesn’t look at me. He didn’t react to my lips pressed against his head so I won’t torture him by kissing him on the mouth like I want to for possibly the last time.

“Goodbye, Bear.” I’ll see you again one day, hopefully.


	37. Chapter 37

I’m in the train from Newcastle back home to London and I’m trying everything to hold back the threatening tears. My chest hurts from pend up emotions and my breathing is irregular. I feel like screaming and destroying everything around me but I hold it back because getting arrested is one of the last things on my wish list right now. And now my train was delayed so I missed my connecting train because I couldn’t get on the direct line and instead of the three and a half hours I was supposed to be traveling it’s now almost twice as much because of course it’s just my luck.

I know leaving Harry for him to sort things out was the best decision but once again I doubt if it really was the right thing to do. Should I have been more selfish and stand for want I want? Should I have told him that I wouldn’t leave him ever unless he wants me to? Should I have stood up against Louis more? I don’t know, I really don’t know and I can only hope that this is what Harry needs and that he will call me in a few weeks from now telling me that they all made up and Louis accepts us but deep down inside I know that the chances of that happening are very slim.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and as a habit I pull it out to check the message. I get a sparkle of hope that it may be Harry but it’s just Sophie. Sighing I open the message and read it. Sophie says I have to check Twitter and that instantly worries me because she usually isn’t so active on Twitter. Did Harry tweet something?

With my heart constricted in my throat I open the Twitter app. The tweets are loading and I feel more anxious by the second. It feels like ages even though it’s just a matter of seconds until all the tweets are loaded. My mentions and DM’s are flooded but I don’t bother to read them, I’m looking to see if Harry tweeted something but I find nothing.

The train comes to a stop in Stevenage, the last stop before I have to get out at London King’s Cross. From there it’s only a ten-minute walk to my house and reality hits me hard in the face again because I’m without Harry. I should’ve been in Newcastle until Sunday night and it’s now Friday or actually Saturday since it’s just passed midnight and I’m all by myself.

My phone buzzing in my hand indicates a new message and again I feel a rush through my body in the hope it’s Harry but again no luck. It’s Sophie again this time asking me if I’ve checked Twitter yet with a lot of question marks. I shoot a quick text back asking what’s there to see and not even a minute later I get one back saying ‘the picture.’ So I go back to Twitter once again and click on a few pictures that are captured with ‘Harry today’ even though I really don’t want to see him if it’s not in real life.

He has changed clothes since the concert. He’s not wearing his sweaty kiss shirt anymore but instead a black shirt with three buttons. _My_ black shirt with three buttons, the one he had stolen the night he collected his stuff from my place. I feel a headache coming up because Harry shouldn’t be wearing that shirt, he shouldn’t because he has to think about his friendship with the boys instead of me. He also shouldn’t because the fact that he wears my shirt means that he’s thinking of me because I just _know_ he didn’t just slip it on. He _knows_ it’s my shirt he’s wearing and it’s not an accident because he was so proud when he told me he stole it.

I cough a bit and sniffle back a few tears, pretending to have a cold. The train isn’t full but there are people and I don’t want them to see me cry so I am looking forward to the moment I step foot in my flat. I hope I still have chocolate or ice cream around because I need it. And loads of it.

I give up searching for the ‘oh so important’ picture when the train stops again. I sling my bag over my shoulder and walk to the nearest exit. The train station is busy and people are smiling and I really want to punch their faces because there is no reason to be smiling for me so there shouldn’t be a reason for them either. I shake my head to myself with a sigh and leave the station and walk to my flat.

It takes me more than the usual ten minutes even though I’m desperate to get home. I just don’t have the energy to move my legs faster, even lifting my feet is nearly too much. I’m drained, physically and emotionally. I’m so emotional but I haven’t got a chance to let it all out yet. I’m slightly dreading the moment I will burst out in tears because I don’t know when I will stop again. It’s a good thing I have the whole weekend to recover from my yet to come break-down but I feel like I need more time, like three weeks instead of two days.

I search for my keys in my bag and groan in frustration when I realize they must be on the bottom. Tears are already making their way down my cheeks and I don’t bother to hold them in anymore. My vision is starting to get blurry but somehow I still mananage to get the key in the lock. I crawl up the stairs, three high and sit down when I’ve reached the final step to catch my breath. I’m full on sobbing now so I don’t know why I try to keep my breathing under control because it’s no use anyway.

With shaky arms I barely lift myself up. With the keys still in my hand I open the door to my own place and throw them across the room along with my dufflebag. I let out curses of frustration and toe my shoes off only to grab them from the floor and throw them towards my keys and bag. There’s not much strength in my arms anyway so it doesn’t do any harm to my pictures on the wall or the crappy Ikea art.

I decide to spend the night on the sofa. It’s less comfortable than my bed but it feels better to sleep on a ratty old sofa than to sleep alone in a bed that’s made for two. A bed that still smells a bit of Harry even after washing the sheets. I could have been cuddling up to Harry in his hotel room right now but I’m not. I’m alone in my own house upset and alone.

“Niall?” A voice startles me and for a moment I think I’m hearing things that aren’t there until I see where the voice comes from. I blink once, twice and take a step closer to the dark silhouet in my living room.

“What are you doing here?” I ask after I making sure there is really someone in my flat, standing right in front of my coffee table. I shouldn’t have asked it so harshly but I can’t think straight and my voice is strained with sadness.

“I—I’m scared, Niall.” He’s standing there with his hands burried deep in his pockets. His head is down but his eyes are still piercing right through me. His hair is falling messily across his forehead. It’s so long and it suits him so well, even tangled and half covering his face.

“Harry, what....” I don’t know what to say. Harry is in my house. I don’t know how, I don’t know why but he is here, he really is here.

“I’m so scared.” He repeats, voice thick with tears. There’s only a meter or two between us and I feel conflicted. I don’t know whether to close the gap or to stand where I stand so I choose the latter, afraid of what will happen if I do bridge the gap. The room is dark, no lights are on and I can’t be bothered to change that.

“You left.” Harry continues. “You left and I just sat there watching you leave. Louis came in right after you went home and he was shouting at me, or you, I don’t know but he was shouting. Liam then came in and forced Louis to sit down. He asked me to explain why I was crying so I did, I explained what happened before you left. I told them you went home for our own good but then I realized that you leaving wasn’t for my own good. You leaving would only make Louis happy bot not me.” He presses his eyes shut, another tear escaping. His brows are furrowed as if he’s in deep thoughts.

“Harry, I—“

“No.” He cuts me off. “Don’t say it’s for the best because it isn’t. Do you really want to let him win?”

“This isn’t about winning, Harry.” I say, getting a little bit pissed off. I wasn’t selfish for once and it was possibly the hardest thing I’ve done, to leave Harry, to take a little distance and now he’s gone and screwed it all up. He shouldn’t be here. “You shouldn’t be here.’

“D-do you not want me here?” He asks insecurely. I would be lying if I said I don’t want him here with me because that’s actually all I want, him here with me, preferably much closer and less upset.

“I do but...”

“Then what’s the problem, Niall? Because I don’t understand!” He says with his voice raised. He looks like he really doesn’t understand why I left him there tonight.

“The problem is that you are throwing away a great friendship because of me. You’re putting your band at risk by dating me and I don’t want that. You dreamt about making it big and being a professional singer and now you are and you’re risking it all.” I answer tiredly. Harry takes a step closer to me, the distance now less than half a meter. “I don’t know Louis or Liam for that matter but it’s obvious they care about you. They are your friends, your bandmates and you need them and they need you. You have a big career and you’re getting bigger every day. Do you really want to explain to the whole damn world that you messed up because of a stupid fight about a boy? No Harry, you can’t let it all slip away. You should dig your nails in it and make up with Louis and don’t let it all go.”

“So you want me to give up on you instead?” He breathes. He seems more angry than upset now but the tears are still evident on his cheeks and jaw.

“I want to make you happy.” I scoff. “I really try to do what’s best but you don’t seem to appreciate that.”

“I thought what you wanted is to be with me, through good and bad times and right now is not the best time and you leave.” Harry is standing in my personal space now but he’s not touching me.  
“I left because you need space to sort things out with your friends. Do you really think you can have a good sit down with Louis and sort things out with him when I’m around? Of course not because he despices me, Harry. He bloody hates me and soon he’ll hate you for liking me.” I cry out. _For loving me_.

“I know Louis doesn’t hate you.” Harry says, resting his forehead against mine. I cast my eyes down, unable to look him in the eye. “He just doesn’t trust you but it’s not that he hates you.”

“He doesn’t?” I ask breathlessly when Harry lifts his hands to cup my face. He wipes at my tears with his thumbs.

“He doesn’t.” He confirms before he captures my lips between his. Our lips don’t move, they’re just nudged between the other’s and I taste the salt of both of our tears. “They can’t hate you because I love you.” Harry says after he pulls away slightly, our lips barely a milimeter apart and despite everything the corners of my mouth pull up in a little smile. “We still have a lot to talk about, you and I and the boys but I want to talk about you _with_ you. We’re all adults here and we have to act like it for once, all of us.”

“When do you want this to happen then?” I ask.

“Come back to Newcastle with me tomorrow so we can sit down and talk about it on Sunday.” He says, wrapping his arms around me and pulls me in his chest. I feel his lips press to the top of my head and I sigh, hugging him back tightly.

“Are you really a hundred percent sure that is a good idea?” I murmer, pressing my fingers in his back.

“Not sure of anything but I want this, Ni. I want to make things right with the Louis but I want to be with you too and this all sooner rather than later.” He cards his fingers through my hair and I close my eyes.

“I’ll come with you.” I decide then. I have no idea how I get back Sunday night because I’m completely broke but I’m sure something can be arranged.

“Thank you.” He squeezes me tighter before he takes a step back and grabs my hand to intertwine our fingers. “We’re going to work this all out, yeah? Together.”

I nod in affirmation but then I realize... “How did you get into my flat?”

Harry cackles a laugh and the sound is music to my ears. It’s been a while since I’ve heard that laugh and seen those adorable laugh lines by the corners of his eyes. His dimples are on full display and in a snap of a finger a rush of happiness seeps through my body.

“You remember our beach date?” He smirks, eyes twinkling with mischief.

“Of course, I still find sand everywhere.” I pretend to sound annoyed but I can’t keep up the façade and crack a smile.

“That day you told me to take your keys from the drawer in your kitchen and I did. I’ve just never put them back.” He grins proudly before he lets go of my hand and scoops me up bridal style and another bit of my masculinity crumbles when I actually squeal. “And I might have hit some red lights and I drove a _bit_ faster than I should have. Though you’d be home before I got here because it’s much longer by car than by train. Worried shitless when you weren’t here.”

“Fucking trains” I mumble. “Now put me down!” I demand but I’m laughing so it doesn’t come across very threateningly. “Harry, seriously!” I giggle when he presses his fingers in my ribs teasingly. I squirm in his arms but he seems to have no trouble in keeping me up. He walks into my bedroom and literally throws me on my bed. Before I can do anything he’s already straddling me and slipping his fingers through mine to pin both hands above my head.

He laughs quietly at his yet to make joke before he sings into my ear. “And let me kiss you.”


	38. Chapter 38

To say I’m blissed out would be an understatement. It’s Sunday morning and I’m slowly waking up. I’m wrapped up in Harry’s arms and I can feel his lips pressed to my shoulder. I shuffle backwards just a little to find more of Harry’s warmth even though I feel overly hot already. He’s naked because after last night he hadn’t bothered to put his underwear back up, unlike me.

Before you think we had steamy hot sex, we didn’t. Well we did, kind of but only with our hands and mouths and wow that was more than I bargained for. I think I’m still high on my orgasm and I can’t remember a time I have slept this good.

“Babe, are you awake?” I whisper but he doesn’t respond. I guess he isn’t awake then.

I reach for my phone under my pillow and see that it’s a bit past nine in the morning. I don’t know what time we’re expected, or _he_ ’s expected to be in Newcastle but I’m afraid that I’ll get shit from everyone if Harry is too late.

“Bear, wake up.” I say, my voice a little over a whisper. I roll in his arms to face him and kiss his nose. He scrunches up his nose a little, seeming to get in a hazy state of consciousness. “It’s a quarter past nine, wake up.” I nuzzle my nose against his in an Eskimo kiss and feel his arms tighten around me ever so slightly.

“No...” He whines, barely awake and if anyone would ask, I’d deny that I giggled at that.

“Sorry.” I try to sound apologetic but I am not really, waking him up is a fun thing to do if he always responds like this if he’s being woken up. Every time we slept in the same bed together he woke up before me and I can say that this is a nice change.

“Thought you hated mornings.” He slurs as I brush some of his hair from his face. I trace his cheekbones with my pointy finger and trail down to his slack lips.

“Still do but I just feel hapyy and I had the best sleep in the history of sleeps.” I explain softly, waiting for him to open his eyes but he keeps them closed. I card my fingers through his hair and smile at how his lips turn into a lazy smile.

“Wanna cuddle.” He mumbles and pulls me even closer. I wrap my arms around him and rest them low on his back where I come to realize again that he is completely naked. It shouldn’t make me as uncomfortable as it does. “What?” He breathes when he notices that I don’t really make a move to slot into him.

“You’re... naked.” I state him the obvious and he breahtily laughs at that.

“You didn’t seem to have a problem with that last night.” He says cheekily and I blush. I know I shouldn’t have a problem with it because he is my boyfriend and we did naughty things twice now and I’ve seen him, all of him. I’ve _tasted_ him and now I act like a virgin lesbian. “Sorry.” Harry says, his eyes open now. “Didn’t mean to make you this uncomfortable.”

“It’s fine.” I smile, gazing into his eyes. “I don’t know why I’m being like this either.” I give him a quick peck, aiming for his lips but catching the corner of his mouth before I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and walk towards my closet to get a fresh pair of underpants for Harry and throw them at him.

“Niall, did you—did you enjoy it?” Harry slips on my four leaf clover boxers and stands up awkwardly. “I mean, did you feel like I pushed you into it?” Guilt flashes over his face and I practically run up to him and tangle my hands together in his neck.

“No. I wanted it just as much as you did. As I can recall, _I_ was the one undressing _you._ ” I feel my blood rush up to my cheeks and I know I resemble a strawberry now.

Harry’s arms are by his sides, afraid to touch me. I can see he still isn’t convinced by my answer. I grab his wrists and guide his hands to my sides before I reach up to his neck again. I play with a few tufts of his hair in the nape and smile up at him.

“If I didn’t want to do what we did last night, I would’ve said no and pushed you away and I know you’d respect that. I wanted to and yes I enjoyed it.” I pull him down so we’re knocking our foreheads together. “You’re doing nothing wrong and you didn’t do anything wrong last night but I think I’m just not used to see all of you, still have to get used to idea of you naked in my bed.” I chuckle but it’s true, I can’t wrap my head around the fact that this beautiful man wakes up next to me and that we do naughty things together and will do even naughtier things someday.

“Promise to say it when I make you uncomfortable or when you don’t want to do stuff?” Harry says, his voice pleading. Obviously he still feels guilty. Guilty for nothing.

“I promise. Now I’d like a kiss goodmorning if you don’t mind.” I grin but it only lasts a second because Harry has enveloped my lips with his own. He kisses me slow and sweet and it’s making me tingle all over my body.

“Goodmorning my love.” He murmers huskily after he pulls away and presses our bodies closer. I move my arms from his neck to his back and rest my head on his broad shoulder. He trails his fingers up and down my spine and I relax completely into him.

“Morning.” I sigh contently.

“What if you take a shower and I make us brunch?” He kisses the top of my head. “Sounds like a good plan?” I nod even though I really don’t want to pull away from his embrace. I’d like to stand like this forever and ever. And ever.

“Don’t have anything but toast and cereal though.” I tell him, still not letting go.

“I’ll figure something out.” He unwraps my arms from his body and steps away after he squeezes my hands and brushes his thumbs over my knuckles.

My shower takes only a minute or five before I jump out and change into fresh clothes. I dry my hair and contamplate wether to style it or to combe it quickly and let it down. The smell of food makes this decision easier so I decide on combing it quickly and ruffling it up a bit so I don’t look like a proper nerd with a middle parting.

“Smells amazing.” I state when I walk into the kitchen. The TV in the living room is on a music channel and Harry is softly singing along to a Bruno Mars song.

“So do you.” He grins, stretching an arm out. I walk closer and he wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me into his side. “You like French toast yeah?”

Even if I didn’t like it, if your super hot boyfriend offers you French toast, you take French toast. “Love it. I’ll make us some tea.” I pull away from his warmth and put the kettle on. I grab two mugs, careful to avoid the Skyway mug I usually drink my tea from and put tea bags in each of them.

Turns out that Harry’s French toast is the best ever. Sorry mum but Harry really outdoes you. I even catch myself moaning after I swallowed my first bite. Harry looks at me smugly but he doesn’t comment on it, thankfully.

After breakfast Harry takes a shower and comes back fifteen minutes later in another one of my shirts. He chose another black one and I’m not really sure if I washed it. Gosh that’s gross.

“You have to excuse me for this but I’m not sure how often we can do this until tomorrow so I’d like to take advantage of you now.” He steps close to me and takes my chin in his hand. I sniff, hopefully descretely and thank heavens, I smell my laundry detergent. “So if you’re alright with it I’d really like to kiss you for the next couple of minutes.”

Speechless I just close my eyes and part my lips in anticipation. His breath mingles with mine and I really feel the urge to close the minimal space between our lips but he has full control with his hand on my jaw. He swipes his thumb over my lips and kisses my cupids bow. I let a needy whine escape my throat and I feel how Harry breathes out a laugh. I whisper his name, wanting his mouth on mine desperately but before I’ve finished breahting out his name, he nibbles on my bottom lip ever so gently.

I clutch my hands tightly on the front of his shirt to try and get him closer but it’s useless since I have no strength at all right now. Harry swipes his tongue over the lip he just abused with his teeth before he finally kisses me fully. There’s nothing sweet about this kiss, nothling like the sugary sweet kiss we shared earlier. It’s all about passion and hunger and lust and I feel myself swelling in my jeans. Harry’s kisses are great. It sounds so lame saying it but I don’t know how else to describe them. He’s a good kisser, that’s for sure.

He presses his bottom half right against mine and I groan. It’s so easy, the way he winds me up but I don’t want to do anything more than kissing right now so I pull away, not wanting to let this stituation get out of control. I feel dizzy and drunk as I blink my eyes open and adjust to the light. Harry’s pupils are blown and his eyes are more black than green now. I know I kind of riled him up too if his look is anything to go by.

“Sorry.” Harry looks at me, not understandingly and frowns. “For eh...” I bite my lip.

“Oh no, I’m glad you pulled away when it got too much for you. Don’t apologize, it’s a good thing.” He smiles, pulling my chin up. “I would’ve been upset if you’d let me have my way against your will.” He brushes his lips against my forehead and pulls away completely.

“I think we should go soon.” He tells me and oh yes, right, we’re about to face the other two members of Skyway soon. Oh the joys of life.

“Are you sure that I should come along?” I don’t want to crawl back but I’m honestly scared of what will happen when Louis sees me.

“Yes.” Harry says confidentely. “I need you.” I sigh and shake myself out of my selfishness. I have to come with Harry to Newcastle and I can’t let him solve this crap alone. All three of us have made mistakes so all three of us should be there. And Liam of course because it seems like he is the only reasonable one.

“Okay. Lets go the—“ I get cut off by my phone blaring Skyway’s Drag Me Down and Harry smirks at me. I might want to change my ringtone sometime soon. “Hello?” I answer turning away from Harry’s laughing face.

“Niall, why didn’t I get some kind of freaked out reaction?” Sophie asks, confusion clear in her voice.

“Because I’m not freaked out?” I lean against the counter and Harry comes to stand in front of me, not laughing anymore. His face is just blank. I mouth ‘Sophie’ to him and he nods but doesn’t move.

“How can you not?” She all but shouts. “I’m not even in the picture and I freaked out.”

“Soph, what are you talking about?” I notice Harry scanning my eyes and I shrug before I put the phone on speaker.

“Are you close to a laptop?” she asks and I say that I’m not but Harry gets one of his phones out and asks her where to look. “Go on Niall’s Twitter.” She orders.

Harry hands me his phone and I log in on my Twitter. “Yes, now what?” Harry lays the phone with Sophie talking on the counter and takes the other phone out of my hands and places it on the counter as well. We both hover over the devices and wait for the following instructions.

“You follow that account yeah? What’s it called, let me look it up...” It’s silent for a few seconds before she continues. “Ah yes, ‘ComeinmeHarry’”

I blush as if it’s my own account when Harry looks at me disbelieving. Welcome to the wonderous world of the Skyway fandom where every fan wants to get dirty with you. Ironically I have the chance to get down and dirty with him and I denied him penetration three times now. Wow that sounded direct. Even in my own head.

“Eh, yes...” I mumble, searching for the account on my timeline. She tweets about every five minutes so it isn’t long before I find her.

“Scroll to yesterday’s tweets until you see ‘Harry with unknown boy.’ and click on the picture.”

My heart is hammering in my chest. They can’t. They couldn’t have... With shaky fingers I scroll down to yesterday’s date and stop when I find the tweet Sophie is talking about. Harry notices my nerves and slides his hand over my back and squeezes my hip encouragingly and I click on the attached picture.

“Found it?” Sophie asks quietly and I nod, forgetting that she can’t see me.

“Yeah, we found it.” Harry answers for us.

“I mean it can be brushed off as friendly but you’re smiling quite lovingly at each other.”

It’s true. We’re quite far apart from each other. At least far enough but we’re smiling at each other, grinning even and I know exactly when this was taken. It was in the lobby at the hotel yesterday when Harry came out of the elevator and we both had to contain our excitement of seeing each other. I thought we did a good job but seeing this picture it tells me differently.

“Maybe it’s just me because I know you two are together, that I see how in love you are on that picture and the fans still think Harry is straight, right? So I’m probably over reacting.” Sophie rambles on the other side of the phone.

I look up at Harry but I can’t read his face. “We’re just two friends excited to see each other, yeah? I mean there must be some pictures of Liam and Andy like that as well.” I try and Harry’s face softens. ‘Thanks Soph, we’ll call you back soon.” I end the call and turn my body to Harry.

“I’m not ready for us to come out. For _me_ to come out.” Harry ducks his head.

“You don’t have to. We look like friends having a good time. There’s no picture of us kissing or holding hands or whatever and there was a picture of you and Cheryl Cole in some magazine earlier this month so I think you’re good.” I take his hands in mine and trace my thumb over his fingers.

“I thought we were going to make things right this weekend and now this happens.” Harry says sadly. “I’m so sorry for dragging you into my life.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want, you could follow me on Twitter @SanneL


	39. Chapter 39

“Were you out of your freaking mind?” It’s the first thing I hear when we enter the same dressing room I left Harry yesterday. There wasn’t any time left to go to the hotel since Harry’s already fourty minutes late for soundcheck.

“Louis, calm down.” Of course it’s Liam who puts a hand on Louis’ chest to stop him from attacking Harry, or me, or the both of us. Louis is absolutely raging, it’s written all over his body and yes, it’s intimidating but no, I won’t run away again, not after last night and this morning. It wouldn’t be fair to Harry and it won’t make this situation any better, I understand that now.

“No, I will not calm down.” Louis spits, shrugging away from Liam although he doesn’t come closer to us either. “We have a show tonight, Harry and you go after _him_ and don’t come back until now? You missed soundcheck so it will be a question wether you’ll perform well for the fans tonight but who am I kidding, you’re already pleasing _one_ fan.”

Harry snorts out a laugh before he kisses me full on the mouth. There’s nothing sweet or loving about it, just a hard smack of his lips against mine. “Are you jealous, Louis? Is that it? You called it off with your girlfriend a few months ago because it wasn’t really love but now you act like this stupid insensitive prick because I found what you didn’t have?” He smirks and for the first time I’m not attracted to the twitch of his lips like that. I’m actually a little disgusted by it.

“Harry...” I breathe out, hoping he gets the hint and stops whatever he’s playing at. But he doesn’t and only digs his fingers deeper in my side. I’m pretty sure there will be four bruises just the size of his fingertips right above my hip.

“Don’t fool yourself, Styles.” Louis laughs bitterly. “What you have right there isn’t love.” He vaguely gestures between Harry and me. “Just another fucked up fan who wants nothing but fame and recognition by fucking you.”

Anger boils up inside me but I try my best to stay calm. “How dare you say that what we have isn’t love? Do you know me? No. Do you know anything about our relationship? No. You don’t know shit so don’t pretend that you do.” I burst, clenching my fists into a ball until my knuckles turn white. I will not hit him, I will not hit him. I chant like mantra in my head.

“I know all about your kind.” Louis directs himself to me now. Liam has come to stand behind him, hopefully to hold him from hitting me or whatever he’ll do to remodel my face. “You act like you’re interested. You’re sweet, kind and oh so lovely but you’re a predator, waiting to claim what’s yours and once you get it, you’re done. The hunt is over and you go back to what you were doing before.”

Something tells me that it’s not all about me anymore. It seems to me that Louis has been in the situation he just described, that he was in love with someone, or at least liked them enough but they did it just for the sake of fucking Louis Tomlinson. I feel symphaty and I can’t be angry with him anymore. Sure, he shouldn’t act like a damn son of a bitch but I know he didn’t deserve what he’s been through.

“That’s what happened to you, didn’t it?” I ask, daring to untangle myself from Harry’s tight grip on me and stepping forward just a little bit.

“None of your fucking business.” Louis growls, stepping up to me. He’s maybe half an inch bigger but to me the height difference seems immense.

“Look, Louis, I don’t know what happened to you but I’m not going to hurt Harry, not intentionally at least because I’m sure there will be time when I hurt him but he’s going to hurt me too but that’s healthy I think. But I really really like Harry and I’m not going to change my mind about that.” I feel how Harry links his pinky with mine but other than that he stays at a distance, encouraging me.

Louis’ walls crumble around him visibly and Liam has stepped back from him too, obviously trusting him now. Louis appears to soften now but it’s all keeping up the appearances as he comes close to my face before he breathes,

“At least I’m not a fag,” and pushes me so hard that I stumble to the floor and just like that all my repect for Louis Tomlinson is gone.

Surprised by my own strength all of a sudden, I jump up and stride up towards Louis. I feel the eyes of Liam and Harry on me but I don’t care. “By calling me a _fag_ , you call you best friend one as well, did you realize that?” I grab Louis’ shoulder to turn him around and face me and instead of the anger I thought would be written all over his face, his gaze is completely blank and unreadable.

“I guess you didn’t.” I continue. “Do you have any idea how much trouble and worry we have caused Harry? Not just you but me too. You haven’t been supporting him and I’ve caused him pain too and I’m aware of that. But at least he gives me a chance and I’ve taken it and I’m doing my best not to mess it up again and I think I’m doing alright but you have to give me a chance too. I don’t ask you to like me but just try to understand that I’m not going anywhere and that Harry and I are together. I’m a fan, of course I am and I won’t deny that but that doesn’t make me the person you described me as.”

I turn around from him and meet Harry’s eyes. He’s staring at me and I don’t know whether it was a smart move to fall out to Louis like that or not. Harry looks conflicted and not happy at all and that hurts me the most but I know better than to run a way now.

“I’m sorry.” I apologize but I’m cut short when someone barges through the doors to tell them the schedule for the night. They’re due for dinner now and make-up in an hour and concert time right after. Louis and Liam leave the room and now Harry and I are alone again. I’m about to apologize again when Harry takes a deep intake of breath.

“Thank you.” He says and curls an arm around my waist. He kisses my forehead and presses me in his side. “Is it okay if I want to be alone now?” He questions.

“Yeah, of course.” I stand on my toes and kiss his cheek before I leave.

I think I’ll go for a breather outside as well. Only now I realise how suffocating it was in that room. The tension was unbearable and I have no clue how I survived without getting a panick attack. You see, I’m claustrophobic and I can’t handle large crowds or small rooms and even though it was neither of that, it still gets me a little angsty now. Oh God, what’s just happened? Fuck, I need to get out of here.

I decide to make a run for it to some back door or something. I need to get out of here, I need to feel fresh air and feel something else than this carpetted floor. I run and run and try to remember the way we came in here but I can’t. I don’t recognize the doors or halls and I feel like my panic is getting the best of me.

“Niall!” I faintly hear my name but I keep on running. My vision is starting to blur.

“Hey!” They say again but I don’t stop. I can’t stop.

“Niall, stop!” They say and I feel a hand on my elbow stopping me. It’s Louis and he’s probably the last person I want to see right now.

“I need—“ I start panting. “Fresh air. Now.” It’s getting harder to breathe. “Let me go Louis, please.” I beg, tears trickling down my cheeks. He needs to let go of me, I need to get outside.

Louis doesn’t let go of my arm but starts running. I have no choice than to run along through the halls with him. He opens doors and tells people to move until he opens one last door and rushes outside. He pushes me onto the floor and I easily slide down the wall. He’s hovering over me and it making me even more anxious. He’s crowding me, probably going to punch me.

“No Louis, no!” I don’t have it in me to shout again and this is all I can manage to croak out in defence.

Louis bends through his knees so he’s eye-level with me and puts his hand on my chin and turns it upwards. “Look at me, Niall.” He says and I just do it, he’ll probably get angrier if I don’t. “I want you to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, can you do that?” I close my eyes and try to do as he says. It’s hard at first but I grow in a pattern after a minute or so. The pressure from Louis’ hand on my chin leaves but soon I feel a body close to my side. 

“I’m sorry.” Louis speaks after a long moment of silence. I’ve calmed down a little and started breathing normally again. I open my eyes and turn my head to the side to look at him but he has his head down, scraping in between the cobblestones with a stick.

“There was this guy once, Jake and he was a fan of us.” Louis starts again, his voice hoarse. “Before him I had never been interested in guys but somehow he spiked my interest. He was good looking, even a straight man could tell so and he had his charms and his easy way of talking so he soon lured me in.” He hums out a breathy laugh. “He sang and played guitar for me all the time and he even wrote me a song. He crawled under my skin in tbe best way ever and he had me fell for him in no time. We kissed backstage at a concert for the first time and I realized then how head over heels I was for this boy.” He swallows thickly, his eyes never leaving the stones.

“He soon asked me to help him get in the picture, get youtube videos of him out. I even went as far as begging our tourmanager to have Jake be our supporting act but they already had picked Five Seconds of Summer back then, so... He still was really sweet when I told him he couldn’t be on stage with us but I felt so sorry for him that I gave into his sexual needs and...” Louis chokes out a sob as he crushes the little stick in his hand. “Right after, he simply thanked me for everything and I haven’t seen or heard from him ever since. At least not face to face but I’m sure you’ve read something from him slacking off our band in the press.”

Things start to click in my head. “The guy you just talked about was Jake Bugg?” I ask carefully, Louis nods.  
“I tried preventing Harry from making the same mistake that I made. Harry knows about Jake and he knows what happened but he wouldn’t listen to me. Harry is my little brother; I didn’t want to see him hurt. I tried to like you, I really did but then things happened and my trust in you was completely gone. I’ve tried talking Harry out of getting into a relationship with you, said nothing but bad stuff about you but Harry wouldn’t listen and flew right into your arms.” He wipes at his eyes tiredly.

“I understand now.” I fiddle with my fingers. “I mean, I think I do but I’m not like Jake and I really don’t want fame. I hate singing in public and that video you saw was recorded at my brother’s wedding who begged me to sing. I was drunk and didn’t know it was recorded. I don’t know what I can do to make you change your mind about me but I’m in on this for the long run and I won’t leave Harry unless he wants me to and even then I’ll still fight to stay. But if Harry likes me half as much as I like him, he will never ask me to leave.”

I look at Louis again and this time he looks right back at me. His blue eyes are still rimmed with unshed tears and as he speaks, some droplets get caught in his lashes. “He broke my heart and maybe Harry is right and I am jealous because I realized that there’s a chance that you’ll never break his heart like Jake did with mine. I’m really happy for him but it’s eating me alive that I don’t have someone like that in my life.” He sniffles before he breaks down in sobs. “I’m a terrible friend and I’ve been an absolute arse to the both of you.”He curls in on himself and I feel so sorry for him that I wrap my arm around his shoulders and pull him close.

“There will be someone like that for you, I’m sure about that because you are a good guy, Louis.” I squeeze his arm a little.

“I’m sorry for calling you... fag earlier. I’ve never fallen for a boy after Jake so I guess I’m just relieved that I’m not gay or something because that would make things even worse with all the fans claiming ‘I told you so.’ But I really shouldn’t have called you that and I really am okay with people being gay, Harry is my best friend after all. I mean I hope he still is.”

As if the devil played with it, Harry stumbles through the door looking worried but as soon as he spots us a relieved smile takes over his features. Louis is still pressed against me, his head on my shoulder and his hands tangled together in his own lap.

“Lou, are you okay?” Harry croutches down in front of us and Louis head snaps up.

“I’m so fucking sorry Haz, really, I’m so sorry.” Louis spits out as he jumps up to wrap his arms around Harry’s neck. “I’m sorry.” He whispers in Harry’s neck over and over again. Like this, Louis looks like a young kid, insecure and vulnerable and maybe inside he is that kid but he is also a very good friend, wanting to protect his mates.

Harry looks at me, surprised before he wraps his arms around Louis. I wink at him and press a kiss to his forehead before I stand up, leaving the two of them to sort things out for real this time.


	40. Chapter 40

“Hi.” Harry greets after they’ve finished the concert and make their way through the corridors. Louis gives me a nod with a gentle smile and walks past me with guilty eyes with Liam in tow. It was quite noticable how tired Harry and Louis were during the concert but they gave everything they had, that’s for sure. They were good, as usual but it was more chilled. Harry wasn’t running around or dancing much and Louis didn’t chase after Liam with water bottles or silly string.

Harry is careful not to be too affectionate as he leads the way to their dressing room with his pinky hooked through my belt loop. He keeps giving me those sideway glances so I know how much he’s dying to kiss me right now. I grin back at him, those sheepish full-toothed smiles that couldn’t get wiped off my face even if I got run over by a bulldozer.

“How are you?” I ask as he opens the door and leads me inside the now pretty familiar room.

“Could be better.” Harry answers and bites his lip before he releases it and presses them against mine. He kisses me countless of times, every kiss sweeter than the other though they don’t last long. They’re chaste but meaningful. “ _Now_ I’m good.” He grins before he pecks my lips another three times.

“You cheeseball.” I slap his chest half-heartedly. Harry just smiles down at me.

“How are you and Louis?” I ask then, now a bit more serious as I take his hand and sit down on the two-seater. Harry sits down next to me and snuggles up. His warmth is radiating off of him but I don’t have the heart to push his sweaty form away.

“We’re good, I mean I think we are.” He noses right behind my jaw as his words echo against my skin. “We talked it all out, we hugged, we cried but we both apologized and he told me about your conversation with him.” He pauses, blindly searching for my hand with his fingers. “I’m sorry I didn’t catch up on anything, I mean you had a panic attack and I sent you away.”

“There wasn’t anything to pick up on, really. The real anxiety came after I left the room, a bit of getting lost in my own head I think, I don’t know. Don’t blame yourself okay?” I press him on the heart. I feel him nod.

“Do you want to go home?” Harry asks after ten minutes of silence. “We haven’t got a show until next Friday and it’s Saturday now. I think the others are going home as well.” He lets go of my hand to fish his phone out of a discarded pair of jeans in the middle of the room. It’s the ones he wore before the show. “Oh, Liam’s already on a plane to Hawaii with his family. How the hell did he do that so quickly?” He chuckles, sending back a message.

“Home is better than a hotel I think. Though the hotel bed is bigger than mine.” I tell him, figuring that home is my house and not his until,

“It’s not bigger than mine.” He offers me a hand and yanks at it to pull me close. I’m a bit in shock by his rough moves but he soothes it all by sucking gently on my bottom lip. I breathe hard in his mouth, giving everything to hold back a moan. His hands trail over my back to my bum until they reach my thighs and without a lot of effort he hauls me up. In a reflex I wrap my legs around him and hook my ankles together as I clutch his neck for dear life.

“Hmpf.” I whimper as he shamelessly roams his hands over my bum. I tighten my legs around his waist and scrape my teeth over his tongue in my mouth.

“Dear God Ni...” Harry groans, releasing his hold on me. I however don’t let go of his neck and let my legs stay where they are. “Babe, seriously, you need to get down on you knee—feet, I mean feet if you don’t want me to come in my pants.” Harry says, completely flustered as he holds my waist with firm hands and pries me off of him.

“Oh eh, sorry...” I mumble awkwardly as I take a few strides backwards as soon as he sets me down on the floor.

“It’s fine.” Harry smiles, having found back his composion. “Strangely enough you have no idea what effect you have on me. I know I brought it up myself by lifting you up but damn!” He adjusts his trousers a little and I can only imagine how uncomfortable he must feel with his penis all tucked up in his underwear. I mean I’ve seen how big it is and well, it even hurts me thinking about how it must feel to have a package that big wrapped up tightly beneath skintight fabric. So I muster up all my courage and drop on my knees. I look up at him, a blush covering most of my face and bite my lip.

“No babe, it’s alright, you don’t have to.” Harry splutters but I just reach out and pull his close to me with my fingers hooked in his pockets. “God, don’t look at me like that.” This time I flutter my lashes twice and make a show out of licking my lip and releasing it from my teeth. I trail my fingers across his zipper making Harry whimper.

It goes fast after that, I tug his trousers and briefs down and don’t bother teasing him as I take him in my mouth. No clue how it fits but it does and Harry is moaning and swearing and sweating and it only takes a little bit of time before he warns me with a tug on my hair and pulls out of my mouth.

“Shit babe!” Harry growls, shrugging off his shirt to clean my cheek before he kisses me hard and roughly, pressing the aftermath against my thigh. He reaches in my jeans to help me out with a few strokes while his kisses grow sloppy and slow. “You’re amazing.” He praises me and I can’t help to feel a little smug about it. Can’t say I’ve given many blowjobs but I’ve learned a lot in fan fiction. Sue me, they have good and well written sex scenes. _Sometimes._

“Hidden talent.” I state with a smirk

“Hmm, I can tell.” He smiles brightly. “Lets go home now. I want my own shower, my own bed and you in them both,” He steps out of his pants completely and trades them in for a pair of jogging bottoms, no underwear, just loose fitting jogging bottoms. He searches through his bag and takes out a white shirt to pull on. “Want something else to wear?”

I shake my head. “No thanks.” I feel filthy and dirty, yes but wouldn’t it be suspicious if he and I both leave the venue in _his_ comfortable clothes?

The car ride back to Harry’s is basically Harry sleeping on me. We’re riding with Preston and I don’t think the man gets enough credit for his work. He is their bodyguard but he acts like our personal assistant. Harry only has to ring and Preston is by our side, Preston even gave me his number _just in case_ , he’d said.

“Thank you so much, Preston, really, thanks a million!” I say, looking at him through the rear view mirror while in the meantime I’m trying to gently wake up Harry.

“Only doing my job, kiddo.” Preston smiles and no, even he doesn’t give himself enough credit. I’ll make sure to force Harry into giving the guy a week off or something. First things first though because we just pulled into Harry’s driveway and Preston is pressing in the numbers to open the gate and Harry still doesn’t seem to be waking up.

“Come on, Bear, you can sleep more in a minute.” I massage his scalp with my fingers, making Harry hum. Aha! He’s awake. “Gotcha.” I mumble in his hear as I remove his heavy head from my shoulder.

It takes me a promise of a shitload of kisses and a piggybag ride to the front door that Harry finally opens his eyes and thanks Preston for bringing us home. He slowly gets out of the car and waits for me with tired eyes. “Well then.” He smiles mischieviously. “I’d like that piggybag ride now.” I sigh and walk around him so I stand in front of him. He wraps his arms around my neck and practically climbs me like a tree until I put my hands under his thighs and help him the final bit up my back.

“I liked this more when you carried me.” I grumble, taking the few strides to his door. I let go of him and he slowly slides down and fiddles in his pockets for his keys.

“I liked it more when I was asleep on you.” Harry slurs, clearly more asleep than awake. “Wanna sleep on you again.” He puts his head on my shoulder, which I don’t think is comfortable for him since he’s considerably taller than I am. Surprisingly he manages to unlock the door and we stumble inside. I wrap my arm around his waist and tickle his ribs under his shirt with my fingertips but he’s too much asleep to bat my hands away.

“Hazzy, we need to get upstairs and into bed first, then you can sleep on me.” I guide him to the stairs but he doesn’t make a move to actually lift his legs up to walk up the stairs. “Seriously, I’m too tired to carry you all the way up. If you don’t walk at least a tiny bit yourself I’ll just leave you here.”

“No...” He whines. “Don’t leave me.” I actually hold back a chuckle at that because he sounds like some drunk sixteen year old who doesn’t want to face his hangover alone in the morning.

“Get a move on then.” I set my foot on the stairs but Harry stays motionless. “Fine, you asked for it. I’ll be sleeping in your bed, by the way and you’ll be cold and alone right here.” I untangle him from my body and walk all the way up. I don’t hear his footsteps following me and I wonder if he really is asleep already.

Once in his bedroom I open his wardrobe and open the drawer where I know he puts his underwear. I pick a pair of grey boxer briefs and strip down naked to change in clean underpants. That shower will have to come tomorrow. I contemplate on searching for a shirt to sleep in as well but don’t bother to since I like the scrub of the sheets against my skin and I like to feel Harry’s body against mine without any fabric between them. And about that... Harry still hasn’t come upstairs and I figure I really can’t leave him there so I peek down from the hallway and see Harry lying at the bottom of the stairs, exactly like how I left him. I sigh and pad downstairs and sit on the third step from the bottom and stroke Harry’s back.

“Come on, Haz, only thirteen steps and you’re up there. Remember how you wanted your own bed? It’s only a few meters away, if you sniffle carefully you can almost smell your pillow.” I whisper in his ear. He grumbles a bit and yet again I know he’s awake. “I’ll be with you in bed and we can cuddle and I will brush my fingers through your hair until you’re asleep. I’ll even make another attempt of making you breakfast in the morning, just please come up.”

Harry looks up at that and grins tiredly. Without missing a beat he walks up the stairs and once he’s up, he looks at me with an evil smirk.

“You coming then?”


	41. Chapter 41

I’d like to say that Harry Styles is one big pain in the ass but watching him sprawled out on the bed like this makes all those thoughts vanish. It’s morning now, or at least I think it is. The sun is shining through the curtains and I feel like I’ve slept a good few hours. I’m lying on my side creepily watching Harry who still seems to be in a deep slumber. He’s on his belly with one arm tucked under his head and the other draped over my waist. It’s an endearing sight at the least but I promised the fucker breakfast so breakfast he’s getting breakfast. If I _accidentily_ poison him, it’ll be all on Harry himself.

I resist the urge to kiss his slightly parted lips and slide out of the bed. I tiptoe towards the bedroom door where the hood of a dark green hoodie is hanging off the handle. It smells fresh and Harry-like so I shrug it on and relish in the warmth it’s giving me. I look behind me to see Harry still sleeping peacefully before I slip out of the room and pad downstairs.

I look around in the kitchen. I know Harry trusts me now but it still feels like I’m prying if I go and look through all his cabinets. He wants breakfast though and the guy clearly doesn’t have a maid or a cook so I have to do it myself. I sniffle the fabric of the hoodie, hoping it’ll give me sudden cooking skills but I don’t think it’s working.

I open his fridge. It isn’t really stocked but what do you expect from someone who travels more than he’s home. Besides that, he’s been spending time at my house before he went on tour. He’s been paying for my groceries and filling my fridge even though I always tell him not to. “But I’m eating off of you so I might as well chip in.” He had said. He hasn’t literally been eating off of me, like making my stomach into a cheese platter or a chocolate fondue or something. But the last week before he went on tour he was at my house non-stop and we spent every dinner together.

Eggs. There are eggs in the fridge that aren’t expired yet. It can’t be hard to cook eggs, right? You just crack some eggs in a pan and scramble them and then something with milk and a bit of seasoning with pepper and salt, right? To be sure I want to look it up on the Internet but then I remember that my phone is in bed with Harry. Why can’t my phone be cooking breakfast while I lay in bed with Harry?

“Ugh.” I rub my face before I get too jealous of my phone and decide to just go for it. If it fails, at least I tried, right? It’s the thought that counts and he should be happy that I didn’t kick him in the balls after last night’s stunt where he ‘suddenly’ had the energy to walk up the stairs after I promised him breakfast.

Anyway, half an hour later, I walk back towards the bedroom balancing a tray with eggs on toast and two cups of steaming hot tea. I think I did quite well, making scrambled eggs, well, after I picked all the tiny bits of eggshell out of the pan and burned my fingers a couple of times.

In the bedroom I place the tray on the nightstand next to ‘my’ side and get back up on the bed. I crawl closer to Harry’s sleeping body and trail my fingers across his spine. I know Harry loves it when I do this so when he keeps breathing evenly and doesn’t even hum or arche his back I know he’s really asleep this time.

“Oh baby, your tea is getting cold...” I whisper in his ear, not so accidentally brushing my lips against his lobe. Still I get no response so that only leaves me one thing.

I swing my leg over his body so I straddle his bum before I snake my arms around him. I bury my face in his neck and squeeze my arms and legs in a much too tight hug. “Harry... breakfast is ready.” I hum before sucking a lovebite right there where his neck ends and his shoulder begins.

“Harry sleepy.” He mumbles, slowly starting to waken. I laugh at his childish words.

“I made you breakfast.” I tell him again but he doesn’t open his eyes. “Fine, I’ll give you another lovebite but on a place where you can’t hide it so easily.” I brush my lips against his neck and lick one of his sweet spots right under his jaw. I graze my teeth over it and suddenly Harry seems to get the message.

“I’m up! I’m up! It’s too hot to wear turtle necks.” He shoots up, sending me tumbling off of him, landing on the bed luckily.

“Hello to you too, Sunshine.” I grumble as I fake a pout. “I’ve been making you breakfast and this is how you treat your loving boyfriend?”

He looks from me to the tray behind me and his eyes widen. “You really did make me breakfast!” He exclaims surprised. “I didn’t think you’d actually do so.” He quite literally attacks me as he lunges forward and wraps his arms around my neck to pepper my whole face with kisses. I squirm because I rather have his lips on mine than get his slobber all over my face.

“Yeah yeah I love you too, now eat. I think I did pretty well.” I duck away from his grip to put the tray on his lap. I’m quite proud of my creation. Sure, it won’t get me on Masterchef or a star above my door but it’s the most decent meal I made in a long long time.

 

“Mmm.” He swallows after his first bite. “It’s delicious.” He licks his lips before he bites off another piece of toast.

“Yeah?” I perk up, enjoying the first compliment on my cooking ever.

“Mhmhm!” He nods enthusiastically. “Here.” He presses the egg on toast against my lips and I take a bite.

Turns out, I’m an egg on toast genius.

“You’re doing this more often then.” Harry grins after washing his last bit of toast away with his tea. “I mean this can’t go to waste.”

“That would be a shame, wouldn’t it?” I tap my chin with my index finger. “I think we’ll just have to wait and see.” I set my empty cup down and snuggle into my pillow. Harry mumbles something about me starting to be a good pretty little housewife before he plops down with his head on my tummy and closes his eyes again. I should be offended, shouldn’t I?

“Why are you even this awake at eight AM?”

I reach for my phone beside me and check the time. I thought he was shitting me but it really is only a few minutes past eight. What the hell is happening to me? Why am I awake? Why am I awake and not the grumpy piece of shit I always am at this time? The world is going down, isn’t it?

“I honestly don’t know.” I answer carding my fingers through his unruly mop of bed hair. Out of habit I open Twitter and read through my timeline. And soon I realise that it’s not the smartest thing I’ve done this morning.

My timeline is alright, people posting pictures of last night’s show and gushing about how good Louis’ bum looked in those tight black trousers he wore last night and how insane Liam’s high note in rock me was. It’s when I scroll through my mentions that my heart stops momentarily. I see loads of tweets of the same link to an article on Sugarscape and I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help but click on it.

 

 

_**Did Harry Styles get himself a gay best friend?**_

****

_Awww bless, Harry Styles has been spotted with the not so natural blonde Niall Horan a couple of times lately. How the two know each other is a mystery to us too but it isn’t the best kept secret in the world that @Niall_Horan on Twitter is a massive Skyway fan and has has a crush on our dear Hazlan for the longest time._

_The nineteen year old doe-eyed rosy-cheeked pale Irishman, yes, he is Irish and we sure as well want to hear him whispering naughty things in our ears, has never hid the fact that he is very much gay and wouldn’t mind playing some ping pong in Harry’s overly tight jeans._

_“I wouldn’t mind finding out if Harry’s dick really is a ten inch monster.” He tweeted once. “Either with my hands or my mouth, I really wouldn’t mind finding out.”_

_Do you think Niall has done his research already or has Harry a strict ‘no groping below the waist’ rule?_

_And what did we spot around Niall’s neck? Is it Harry’s good old airplane necklace or are we just imagining things? Harry has been seen without it lately and I think we’ve finally found out where it went. Is it a good luck charm from a friend to a friend or is it luuurve?_

_We’re dying to find out more about the interesting friendship bewteen the two. Or friendship? We secretly hope that there’s more between these two better than average looking boys. Also, if we can’t have Harry himsef, we’d rather drool over our favourite long-haired boy with another fit boy._

_Keep us updated and we’ll keep you updated because we’re fairly sure that this won’t be the last of our new favourite ship Narry. Ahoy captain._

“Harry?” I breathe shakily. “Haz?” Tears are forming in my eyes. I look down to see Harry fast asleep on my lap. I srunch my eyes closed, willing the tears away. I scroll down my phone to see a lot of curious tweets from my followers, asking if it’s really me with Harry in the pictures and if I’m the same Niall they talk about in the media.

There’s no way to change my profile picture to one that isn’t me since my photo is now everywhere. Deactivating my account is only suspicious and denying everything won’t make it any better. I don’t know what to do, I only know that it’s a mess right now.

“Niall, babe?” Harry fists the hoodie I’m wearing as he snuggles closer to me. With my hand not holding the phone I squeeze his body closer to me. I can’t contain my sniffles and the quiet sobs turn louder. “Ni, what’s wrong?” Harry is quick to change positions with me. He’s now sitting up against the hardboard and holding me against his chest. “Shhh.” He hushes, pressing his lips to my forehead.

“We messed up.” I croak out.

“What do you mean?” He whispers, his lips moving against my skin. I open the Sugarscape article again and show it him. I try to read his face while he reads it, his eyes scanning the page as he goes paler and paler.

“What do we do, Haz?” I wonder softly, trying to comfort him the best I can with my arms wrapped around him. We’re holding each other now, I’m pressed against his chest with his arms around me, while he rests his head on top of mine and my arms are around his body.

“I don’t know, babe. I don’t know.”


	42. Chapter 42

Sunday passed with a lot of cuddling and trying to comforting each other. Harry tried his best to be brave and probably for my sake he pretended not to worry about everything but it was obvious that he was very restless because of the article. He was zoning out constantly and every now and again he had this face on, all frowns and empty stares. It’s horrible to see him like this but there’s nothing I could’ve done to make it better.

It’s Monday now, Harry and I went to my place last night so I could get to work on time today. We even went as far as putting our hoods up and wearing sunglasses even though no one was around. Although I didn’t notice it either when they made that picture of us where we smile lovingly at each other. Paparazzi and fans can be everywhere. It’s kind of scary and it freaks me out a little. I feel watched constantly. Like Big Brother only there’s no grand price at the end.

It’s morning now and my phone rings. I’m already awake, or actually not sure if I slept at all.

“Hi Sophie.” I greet my best friend as I swing my legs out of bed and sit on the edge.

“Hey Ni, coming to work today?”

I sigh. “Yeah I’m coming to work, see you in an hour, yeah?”

Behind me, I feel Harry press himself against my back, wrapping his arms around me. I lean back into his embrace.

“Alright, see you in a bit!” Sophie ends the call and I throw my phone on my pillow.

“Good morning.” Harry mumbles with his lips pressed to my neck. His bedhair tickles the side of my face and I quite enjoy the feeling of it.

“Morning.” I tilt my head to the side so I can give him a kiss on the lips. For a second I’m wondering if this is still part of the so called ‘honeymoon phase,’ waking up with Harry and us being all cute and lovely, if I say so myself, or if we’ll manage to keep this up forever. I’d like the latter if I had a say in it.

“Looking forward to work?” He asks and I raise an eyebrow as to ask if he’s kidding me. He smirks, bastard.

“I’m going to hit the shower.” With pain in my heart I unwrap myself from his hold and gather a clean pair of pants and jeans and my working shirt.

“Can I join?” He asks cheekily and I’m close to saying yes and have a hot and steamy make-out and more session but I have work in fourty five minutes and I can’t be late and I’m pretty sure that I would never make it on time if Harry joined me for a shower. I’m not sure if I would get clean either.

“No.” To tease him I sway my hips on my way towards the bathroom.

“Can I watch?” He tries and when I look over my shoulder, I see him grinning with his dimples on full display. I ignore him though, I think that’s the best thing for me to do if I don’t want to end up spending more time in the shower because of a... situation.

Ten minutes later I’m all fresh and clean and dressed. I step out of the bedroom and head to the kitchen to find Harry in one of my jogging bottoms sipping a cup of tea as he leans against the counter.

“Someone cleans up nice.” He wiggles his eyebrows when he sees me. He pushes his body from the counter and hands me a cup of tea as well after he gives me another sweet peck on the lips. Gosh, all those people always fangirling over Harry’s pink and plump lips, be jealous because they taste and feel better than you can ever imagine. It’s crazy, I actually live the life of a fanfic character but for me it’s real life. If I didn’t know better I’d swear my life was all fiction. I mean, never in a million years is Harry Styles gay and would he be interested in an average boy like me. But look at us now, dating and romancing and doing all the cute stuff they do in those stories too.

“Are you going to be alright today?” He asks, carding his fingers through my damp hair. “Call me when it gets too much or something yeah?”

“I will.” I ensure him, downing the rest of the tea in one go. “Are you staying here today or going out?”

“No idea what to do so I think I’ll stay here if that’s alright with you?”

I stand on my toes to kiss him on the mouth before I go and gather my keys, snapback and sunglasses. “Of course, I see you when I get home then. Make yourself at home but don’t you dare to turn my house into a beach again!” I warn, though my threatening tone is useless since I can’t muffle the chuckle that escapes me on time.

“I’ll try.” He laughs, eyes sparkling in entertainment. I love seeing him smile like this, it’s very rare lately. These kinds of smiles are my favourite on him, the real ones, those where his eyes crinkle and shine. Where his lips curl beautifully and where his dimples are carved deep in his cheeks. The laughs where he gets rosy cheeks from, the laughs where I can’t help to smile along. Those are the real Harry smies, not the ones he forces upon himself lately.

 

“See you in a few hours then. Go back to bed, you can use some sleep.” I kiss him for the last time this morning and push him in the direction of my bedroom again.

“Yeah I suppose.” He’s too tired to struggle and the big boy act falters as soon as his body hits the matress. He closes his eyes and within seconds he’s asleep. He looks so vulnerable and sad that it aches my heart to leave him like this but I have to go to work otherwise I can’t pay my rent or shop for groceries even though Harry would be nothing but pleased to pay for everything.

The whole walk to work I keep my head down. I feel like I’m being watched again. I know I’m being silly and overreacting to this whole thing but I’m slightly anxious. I’m the talk of the Skyway fandom right now and with their millions of fans, there’s a big chance that I come across one of them and what if they recognize me? People are shipping us but people hate on us too, what if I come across one of the latter?

I’m so deep in my thoughts that I walk past Tesco. I only notice it because I recognize the sound of Sophie’s voice.

“Niall?” She shouts to get my attention. I whip around to see my best friend standing there with a bagel in each hand.

“Oh hi!” I force a smile and walk back to her. She wraps me up in a hug and hands me the bagel.

“How are you?” She wonders, trying to see past my sunglasses. I don’t bother to take them off until we’re inside; I rather not have her reading my face and see right through me at the moment. I’m too afraid I’ll burst out in tears from the weight of all the worries on my shoulders.

“I’m alright.” I tell her. It’s not really a lie. This morning it seemed like nothing happened, like there wasn’t some article speculating about Harry’s sexuality and me being the cause of it.

“You look like a ghost though.” She states, hugging me once again. “Lets get this morning over with. I’m coming back to yours today.” I open my mouth to protest but she doesn’t let me. “I don’t care if he’s there as well, you both need someone to take care of you so I will.”

“Yeah okay.” I say in defeat. “Thank you.”

Work went pretty fast. Luckily there weren’t so many people in the store during the whole morning and every time there was a customer close to me, I ducked my head or looked the other way. I hope this whole phase goes by soon because I’m tired of being like this. I never went out of the way for a little talk with our customers but right now I’m just too scared.

I take Sophie upstairs to my flat with me and turn the key in the lock to open the door. I hear a bit of chatting and I recognize both voices, one of them of course being Harry.

“Babe, I’m home!” I announce as I kick my shoes off and drop my keys and sunglasses on the table next to the door. “Sophie’s with me.” I say, going into the living area with my best friend in tow. “Hey Louis!” I greet the other boy on the sofa. He and Harry are playing some Playstation game. Never knew I had a Playstation. I probably don’t.

“Hey babe, how was work?” Harry pauses the game and walks to greet me with a chaste kiss. “Hey Sophie, you alright?” He nods to the girl in the doorway. She’s clearly impressed with the fact that two third of Skyway is in my house. That Louis Tomlinson of Skyway is in my house. I am too actually but I’ve learned not to show it.

“Hi Niall.” Louis says with a nod in my direction and walks over to Sophie to shake her hand. “Sophie is it? I’m Louis, nice to meet you.” He says politely. Sophie only grins and blushes.

“I asked Lou to bring my Playstation, is that alright?” Harry asks while he strokes my back with his whole hand. Yes darling, everything is alright as long as you keep doing this. Want to release a hurdle of cows in my building? Sure, as long as you keep stroking my back.

“Yes of course. Anyone something to drink?” I head to the kitchen after Louis and Sophie sat down and told me they’d like some tea. Harry trails behind me to the kitchen.

“Louis was concerned about me, about us.” Harry says as soon as we’re alone in the kitchen. “He called me to say he was coming over and when I said I was at yours he forced your adress out of me. I hope you don’t mind he’s here.” He puts water in the kettle and turns it on. As if it’s his house and not mine he gets four mugs out of the cabinet above the sink and puts a teabag in each of them

“Sophie was practically the same.” I tell him. “Has Louis read the article then?”

Harry shrugs. “He hasn’t mentioned it but I think so. He’s been a bit weird and overly concerned about me today.” He sighs and opens his arms for me to fall into. I wrap my arms around his body and melt in his embrace. I love how tall and broad he is, it makes me feel safe.

“Sophie has been careful not to mention you or anything about us all morning. I didn’t know we had such a bad vibe around us but if our best friends demand to take care of us, I think we really don’t hide our fear enough.”I chuckle half-heartedly.

We stand there hugging for a bit, not pulling away until the water is boiling. “Did you sleep a bit while I was at work?” I ask as I watch how Harry makes our tea. I get the milk and sugar out so Louis and Sophie can fix their own since I don’t know how they like it.

“Yeah a little, Louis called at ten so I think I’ve been knock-out for two hours or so. How was work?”

“Fine, I guess.” I murmer. “Nothing happened, not that I know of at least.” I say hesitating. “I’m just scared all the time, Haz, and I’m not even sure _what_ I’m afraid of.”

“I wish I could do something to fix it.” Harry says, slotting our bodies together. “I just don’t know what. Maybe I should be spotted with a girl on my arm or something. Maybe I can get Cara or Rita to work along.”

I say nothing. To be honest I really don’t feel like seeing Harry on the cover of some magazine arm in arm with a girl. I know he’s gay, I know he’s mine and he’ll never cheat on me but it really doesn’t feel right. But he is right, it might be a way to get everyone off of our chests, or off mine anyway. I just don’t know what’s worse, a rumour about the two of us that is true and can out us or a rumour that’s everything but true and leaves me with pain in my heart? Fine, it’s obvious what would be best for us but I just don’t want that.

“I would be just spending a night in a club with them like we used to. I usher them out and in a taxi so people can take pictures and they will forget all about you.” I know he suggests it for all the right reasons and he means what he says, that nothing would happen between them but how would you feel when the boy you love gets linked with every woman he’s out with?

“Yeah eh, maybe Louis or Sophie has another option.” I say quickly, grabbing two mugs and heading to the living room.

Louis is chatting away and Sophie is listening intently and nodding when the occation is there. I put their tea down on the table and walk back to get the sugar, milk and a packet of biscuits. Harry still hasn’t moved from his spot against the counter.

“You don’t think it’s a good idea, do you?” He says when he hears me coming near him. His head is bowed down, eyes glued to the floor but I can see the corners of his mouth turned down.

“I don’t know.” I tell him honestly. “It hurts seeing you being linked with other people. Even if they’re girls and therefor no threat.”

“I’m sorry for suggesting it, it was a stupid idea. It was the first thing that popped into my head. We’ll think of something else.” His shoulders are slumped and his body language is all together miserable. Well done Niall Horan, you did it again.

“You know what, if we can’t think of something else this week, we can try your plan.” I tell him as I take his face in my hands. He looks at me, a sparkle of hope in his eyes.

“Are you sure? If you’re really against it we won’t do it.” He gazes straight into my eyes and I nod slowly, trying to hide the fact that I’m actually really really against it.

“We’ll do it.”


	43. Chapter 43

The rest of the day goes slow. We’re playing video games although no one can beat Louis in Fifa. Usually I’m a very sore loser but Harry is massaging my shoulders so I can’t really care about anything else right now. He mutters encouraging words in my ear but it’s no point, I’ve lost again. But I’m sure if we’d play a game where we have to find specific pictures of Harry on Tumblr, I’d win and Louis would stand no chance. Unless he’s secretly some Tumblr wizard checking out pictures of Liam.

Come to think of it, Louis and Liam would make a lovely couple. They’re both single and handsome and sexy and—okay, get a hold of yourself, Niall, you have a boyfriend. I think they’re my OTP. Actually my OTP is Narry, yes that’s Harry and me but other than that, I ship LiLo. It would be a bit sad for Sophie though because she obviously fancies the pants off of Louis but I’m not sure if he likes her too, if he thinks about liking or loving people in this stage of his life.

“Niall?”

Oh right, what were we doing?

“Hmm?” I hum, snapping out of my daze. I blame Harry and his amazing hands. Gosh what those hands are capable of. Damn, focus Niall, focus!

“I said that we should have a sleep-over.” Louis says excitedly and Sophie nods. Of course she does.

“We can’t all fit in my bed though and my sofa isn’t big enough for two people either.” I explain.

“We can go to my house, I have two guest bedrooms” Harry chips in. “I’ll bring you two to work in the morning, it’s no problem.” He adds with a reassuring smile after seeing my apprehensive look.

“Is that a good idea though, you bringing us to work? What if someone sees us? Don’t we want to avoid that?” Honestly I just want to stay home with Harry next to me in bed and lots of cuddling. I don’t care what Louis and Sophie do, maybe they could call Liam and hook up for a threesome, I don’t know but I just have a bad feeling about going to Harry’s.

“I have tinted windows or Louis could bring you.” Harry says, more of less putting his foot down. Great.

I know I’m acting like a true girl here by not saying what I feel and mean but Harry is my other half, isn’t he supposed to see or feel that I don’t feel good about his plan? We’re all over the Internet now. We should lay down a little, right? Harry doesn’t want to come out yet and I’m not ready to be thrown out in the big scary world as the one who’s pinned darling Harry down. I just have a really bad feeling about going out of the house right now and I can’t really explain it but it makes my hands clammy and my throat closed up a bit.

But Harry is looking at me with these eyes that mean business and I feel like I have no choice. “Fine. Let’s go then.” I huff annoyed. I stand up from the sofa and storm off to my bedroom to gather some stuff. Gosh, I’m so freaking irritated, why don’t they take a hint? Am I the only one who thinks it’s not a good idea to go public with Harry? And call me weird but I think that even the thirty-second walk to Harry’s Range Rover _with tinted windows_ is public and him dropping us off at Tesco tomorrow in his car _with tinted windows_ is a damn stupid move. But hey, who am I to have a say in all this, right? I’m just Niall, Harry’s boyfriend and that’s why my opinion doesn’t matter as much as the others’ because my boyfriend is famous and of course he knows best. I know I’m being a stroppy bitch but _ugh._

Angrily I snatch a bag from the bottom of my wardrobe and shove some clothes and other necessities in it. It’s the first time I’ve packed for a night over at Harry’s because we tend to ‘borrow’ each other’s clothes, I’m pretty sure I’m wearing his pants right now.

“Niall?” It’s Sophie with a soft voice. “Are you okay?” I ignore her and shrug her off when she puts her hand on my shoulder. “Niall?” She tries again. Seriously, what is with these people?

“Fuck off.” I spit harshly. She probably means well but I’m not in the mood for people talking to me. She understands and walks away quietly. _Thank you._

I let myself slide down against the wall and groan as I bury my face in my hands. I feel a bit guilty for being so mean to Sophie but I really didn’t feel like talking to her because I know she’ll take Louis’ and Harry’s side.

Another person enters the room and the heavy footsteps indicate that it’s either Harry or Louis. The body presses next to me. It’s Harry, I can smell it. God that sounds freaky.

“What’s wrong?” He asks softly, trying to position me in his lap. I don’t give in; I already gave in too much by not pushing him away. “Come on babe, we agreed to talk to each other about what’s in our heads.”

“Doesn’t matter anyway.” I mumble, trying to stand up. But Harry catches my waist mid-air and brings me back down. I’m on his lap now and he’s wrapping his arms around me. Never did I think the day would come that I don’t want his arms around me but right now, I really want for him to let me go.

“Why would you say that?” He presses me tight against him and kisses my temple. I want to cry.

“Because it’s true. Let me go!” I try to break from his grip but he’s stronger than me. How freaking lovely. _Fuck you, Harry Styles with your big muscles._

“Niall, what are you on about?” He pushes, his voice a bit less gentle than before. Is he getting annoyed with me? Good, maybe he’ll leave me alone.

“Let’s go yeah? Your super safe car with tinted windows is waiting.” This time I manage to get out of Harry’s embrace. I grab my bag from the floor and barge into the hall where I put on my shoes and get my keys. “Come on, lets go. Lets go out ourselves to the world, shall we?” I yell to no one in particular.

“Niall, seriously, what’s the matter with you?” Harry finally snaps. “Want to explain your little tantrum?”

I feel like I’ve reached my boiling point. “No! I just don’t see why it’s such a good idea for us to leave the house together? And above all, you dropping us off at work tomorrow, seriously, how do you get rumours going?”

“Niall, we came here together yesterday, so why can’t we leave together today?” Harry sounds exasparated.

“Because there are people everywhere. What if they see you and me together? I thought you didn’t want to come out of the closet yet? You weren’t ready, so why bring the attention to us even more than there already is?” I burst. Harry looks at me confused. I can see Louis and Sophie from the corner of my eye watching us. Great, our first fight and we’re not even alone. Will this be our life from now on?

“Is that what this is all about? Me staying in the closet, not publicily aknowledging you as my boyfriend?” He’s angry now, his expression is cold and harsh and his voice matches it. Good, that makes two of us then.

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not ready for that either so guess why I’m flipping shit about going out of the flat together?” His features soften as he, my frustrating but beautiful boyfriend sighs. “Come on, say it, I’m insane, aren’t I?”

“Of course not.” Harry shakes his head as he walks up to me. He takes my face in his hands and brushes his thumb across my warm cheek. “But you should know that like ninety percent of the time I go around unnoticed. Besides, no one knows I’m here and no one knows you live here so the chances are very slim of us getting spotted if we leave the house together.”

“I’m just scared, Haz.” I admit and melt into Harry’s body as I wrap my arms around him and snuggle close. “I’m so scared.” I repeat. “This morning at work I was even afraid to look up or look people in the eye.”

“I’m sorry baby, I didn’t know that.” He presses. “But you should continue your life like you always have. Dating me should be like dating any other boy.” I snort. That’s easier said than done.

“People know about me now and people are already suggesting things that are closer to the truth than most think. I’m afraid that they will trick me into saying stuff or anything like that. I’m scared that girls will harrass me because I turned their favourite gay.”

Harry huffs out a laugh at that. “You didn’t turn me gay, sweetheart.”

“Yeah, do you have any idea how a fangirl’s mind works? I do and sure, not all of them are like that but there are some crazy ones that will do anything to get a shot with you.” I pull away from Harry when I feel a hand on my shoulder and one rubbing my back. I look up to see Louis and Sophie smiling softly at me.

“If anyone asks you something boyfriend, Harry or Skyway related, just don’t answer it or anything you don’t want to answer for that matter, just don’t. Call us, call Preston if they don’t leave you alone, even if we’re not around. There’s always something we can do.” Louis says, squeezing my shoulder before he takes a step back.

“And I’m there for you as well. I know I’m not a six foot tall muscular giant but I can always help you escape and hide.” Sophie adds before she too steps away.

“I’m sorry for the way I acted.” I apologize to all three of them, most to Harry and Soph. “I was having a panic-attack and I’m not sure how to deal with it, it’s all new to me.”

Harry kisses my cheek sweetly. “It’s fine babe but _please_ tell me if you feel it happening next time so I’ll understand you better.” I nod and pucker my lips for a peck, he grants my wish and we hug for a bit.

“So what are we going to do now then?” Sophie breaks the silence. “Are we staying here? Because I can call around for airbeds or something.”  
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. It’s time to get this stupid anxiety over with. Like Harry said, I basically have nothing to worry about, most of the time he walks around, he doesn’t get noticed so why would today be different?

“No, we can go to Harry’s as long as he doesn’t drive us to work tomorrow.” I look up from Harry, who nods to Sophie who grins to Louis who winks. “Everyone ready then?” They all grab their shoes and other belongings and we leave the flat.

I still don’t feel good about this but I need to get over it. My heart is hammering in my chest as we walk down the stairs. I’m next to Louis, Harry is behind me and Sophie is next to him. I made sure not to walk next to Harry just out of pre-caution and I’m pretty glad I did because holy shit.

“I think I’m going to have another panic-attack.”

There are people _everywhere_.


	44. Chapter 44

I can faintly hear high-pitched screams and shouts for attention, I can feel hands on me that must belong to either Harry, Sophie or Louis but I can’t tell them apart. My vision is blurry and I feel like I’m going to faint. I feel sick to my stomach and cold sweat is running down my spine. I feel all the blood draining from my face and my head is aching dully.

“No no no.” I mutter, using all my power to turn around and stumble back up the stairs. I need to get out of here, I need to get back to my flat, where no one can see me, where I’m safe.

My breathing is fast and irregular and I feel the need to rip my shirt off because my chest feels constricted and I feel trapped inside of myself but something in the back of my head says that I can’t do that right now because there are people with cameras and recorders and phones, people who are watching me every move right now.

“Niall.” I think I hear a voice calling my name. “Niall.” The voice is clearer now but I can’t make out whom it is. “Come on, let’s get you upstairs.”

I feel an arm around my back and another one under my knees and soon I’m lifted off the ground. I try to struggle against it, wanting to let me go. I need space because it’s getting harder and harder to breathe but they don’t let me go no matter how hard I try to push them away.

“Get off, let me go!” I yell in panic. I feel tears streaming down my cheeks and I can’t do anything to stop them.

“Niall, listen to me. You’re back at your place, you’re safe.” The voice mutters as I feel them laying me down on a soft surface. My head is on a cushion so I assume I’m on my sofa or bed. I’m safe, I’m safe, I’m safe. I close my eyes but it doesn’t help me breathe. I need to get my shirt off, I need this pain in my chest to disappear, I need my heart to slow down. I need my world to stop spinning.

I sit up as far as I can with the tiny bit of strength that’s left in my body and rip off my shirt before I lie back down with my eyes wide open. I stare at my ceiling and try to ignore everything that’s going on around me.

“Baby, are you with me?” The voice asks and even though I can’t see him clearly, I know it’s Harry. His silhouet is too close to me though and it’s freaking me out.

“No, no. Back off, please no!” I squeeze my eyes closed as I roll on my side and curl my knees up to my chest. I feel Harry’s hand on my arm but I can’t handle that. “No, please stay away, no!” I sob. I can’t handle anyone touching me right now. I need space.

I can feel Harry moving away from me and finally there’s some room for me to breathe. I try to let my body relax a little so my limbs will stop hurting. My nausea fades away slowly and my little by little my breathing steadies into a regular pace. I shiver, suddenly feeling cold from all the adrenaline leaving my body but I’m still drenched in sweat. I open my eyes slowly and scan my surroundings. I’m indeed on my own sofa and there’s a glass of water placed on the table in front of me. I reach out for it with a shaky hand and bring it to my lips, letting the water ease down my throat.

“Is it okay for me to come closer now?” I search with my eyes for where the sound of a broken voice is coming from and spot Harry pressed against the wall opposite from me. He is pale and tired looking.

“Y-yeah.” I breathe, sitting up a bit. Harry shuffles closer and now I can see his eyes brimmed with unshed tears, his bottom lip swollen and bruised. He stays about three feet away from me and winces when he bites his lip. “You can sit.” I say, pulling my feet up.

“Are you sure?” He asks and I confirm with a nod. Once he’s sitting on the other end of the sofa, I shuffle up so I’m close to him and rest my head on his shoulder. “I’m okay now.” I breathe in his neck, feeling all the tension drip from my body completely now.

“T-thank God.” Harry whispers shakily as he wraps his arms around me carefully while hiccups escape his mouth. He’s crying. I look up to find his green eyes glazed over with tears. There are tears falling down on his cheeks and dripping off his chin and the sight is absolutely heart breaking. I brush his hair out of his eyes and knock my forehead against his as I let my tears fall freely all over again.

“I’m so sorry.” Harry mumbles, tugging on my leg so I straddle his lap. He grabs the back of my neck with both hands and presses his lips against mine. He kisses me fiercly and I try to match it but something in the way he kisses seems off.

“Haz.” I mutter against his lips, trying to pull away, he keeps me close. “Harry stop.” I manage to create a few inches between our faces and see thart Harry still isn’t out of tears. I wipe his cheeks with my thumbs and let my fingers roam his beautiful face until they land on his lips and Harry squeezes his eyes shut. I let my eyes fall to where my fingers rest and really notice how badly bruised his bottom lip is. “Shit, Harry.” I gasp as I slide out of his lap.

“Ni, it’s nothing.” He lies, wincing as his lips move. I ignore his weak protests and grab a back of frozen chicken nuggets from the freezer in the kitchen. I come back to find Harry with his head tipped back against he headrest and his eyes closed.

“Sorry, this is going to sting.” I warn before I press the frozen bag wrapped up in a tea towel against his mouth and cheek. Harry groans and clenches his hands into fists. With my free hand I grap one of his wrists and kiss his knuckles, “What happened?” As far as I remember he was perfectly fine before my panic attack.

I pull the nuggets away so Harry can talk. “It’s fine.” He sighs with a shrug. I glare at him for not telling the truth. “I wanted to help you back up here but you tried to push me away.” I did this?

“I did this to you?” I stare at his lips wide eyed. “Shit Haz, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s alright.” He lifts my head with a finger under my chin. “You were in an anxiety attack, I know you didn’t mean punch me.” He says in all seriousness. I _punched_ him? “It’s fine babe, I promise. I’m still perfectly capable to kiss you.” He smiles a little bit as he guides my face closer to his.

“Did I hurt you somewhere else?” I want to know and pull away.

“Seriously Love, it’s fine.” He says, leaning in again.

“So I did.”

“Niall, let it go.” He orders sternly but I can’t let it go. I hurt my boyfriend; I punched Harry Styles in the face. Now _there’s_ a headline.

“Where. Did. I. Hurt. You?’ I demand. Harry sighs, knowing he can’t win this.

“Just my chest and my lip.” Harry shrugs as if it’s nothing before he tries to get me to snuggle into him.

“Lift your arms.” He does and I pull his shirt over his head. Great. There’s a spot below his collarbone that starting to bruise and it matches the size of my fist perfectly. Perfect. Damn freaking perfect.

“Don’t blame yourself because I don’t blame you either.” I shake my head. How can I not blame myself for punching him? _Hurting him._ And badly too. “If anything, _I_ am sorry.”  He continues. “Because you were right, I didn’t listen to you and practically forced you to come with me but honestly Niall, you have to believe me, I really didn’t know they were all out there.”

“I know.” I kiss him on the nose before I pull him up and drag him towards the bathroom. I know he really didn’t know there were people out there. He wouldn’t risk going out if he knew. I unbutton his jeans and help him out of it along with his underwear.

“What are you doing?” Harry asks but I just turn the shower on and push him under the water before I remove my own trousers and pants and step in with him.

“You always take care of me, I’m going to take care of you now.” I grab the shampoo bottle, _his_ shampoo bottle and squirt some in my hands before I look up to Harry’s amused eyes. “Not like that.” I chuckle and relish that feeling in my chest. Gosh, I missed that. Harry huffs and crosses his arms and I laugh even more at his stubborn and childish face. It only takes a few seconds before I fall into a laughing fit and Harry joins me soon after.

“No idea what’s so funny.” Harry says after he’s calmed down a bit. “But I’m glad to see that beautiful smile back on your face.” I positively beam at him and he smiles brightly back at me.

“You’re amazing, Bear.” I peck his lips carefully before I squirt some shampoo in my hand again since it washed away last time. I reach up on my toes and card my fingers through his hair, watching how his eyes slip closed and how he moans softly. I bite my lip as I try not to let that sound get to me and spread the fruity shampoo through his curls equally.

“Guys?” Someone shouts from the other side of the door and shit! I totally forgot about them.

“Is Niall alright?” Sophie shouts.

“I-I’m fine!” I yell back, biting my cheeks to stop myself from laughing again. I don’t know why, it’s not even that funny but it’s just amazing to laugh after a stressful day like this. I swear I’m not on drugs.

“W-we’ll be right out!” Harry bellows back. And I swear I hear Louis say something about how he doesn’t wants to know what we’re up to in the shower. Awkward.

We quickly finish our shower and dry off. I hand Harry a pair of clean boxers from the stack I aways keep in the cabinet under the sink for situations like these and open the door.

“Eh, hi.” I greet Sophie and Louis sheepishly. They look at us nervously.

“You might want to sit down for this.” Sophie says and my heartbeat quickens at her edgy tone. I reach behind me and find Harry’s hand. I lace our fingers together and try not to squeeze his hand too hard since I’ve damaged him too much today already. Harry and I sit down on the sofa, our tighs pressed together and our hands on his leg. Sophie and Louis look at each other before they look at us.

“We might have done something stupid.”


	45. Chapter 45

Oh gosh, what did they do? I’m not sure if I want to hear it. I’m contemplating on putting my fingers in my ears and sing a song to turn off their talking but that would be rude and I am kind of curious about what they did. But I’m nervous and the pressure on my hand tells me that Harry is equally as tensed as I am.

Did they out Harry? Did they tell them about our relationship? Every doom scenario is crossing my mind. Did Sophie flash them or did Louis get his bum out? Did they kiss? Did they announce that they’re dating? Wait, are they dating? No they can’t be dating. Did Louis call Jake Bugg a twat on camera? Did he officially declare war with Jay or Max or whatever his name is from The unWanted?

“What the hell did you do?” I hiss anxiously.

“Well... I slapped a photographer.” Sophie starts carefully. “He was saying rude things about you guys and called Niall names and assumed things and he wanted to get past us to get to you so I accidentily smacked him in the face.” She explains. “Okay maybe it was on purpose but still, I bet my hand stung more than his face did.” She looks at her hand and grimaces.

I stare at the girl I used to know wide-eyed. Sweet little innocent Sophie used violence? What’s happening to this world? Well kudos for her though.

“And instead of pulling her off of him, I punched him on those nose. His glasses cracked right in the middle and he kind of had a bleeding nose.” Louis adds, seeming more proud of his actions than Soph was. He does have the decency to blush though. “Oh, maybe it’s broken!”

“Well, that will be some headline tomorrow.” Harry says, looking from one towards the other, shaking his head. He is kind of smiling and his grip on my hand isn’t bone breakingly tight anymore. Oh, I should probably release a bit of pressure on his’ as well.

“I already called Paul. He wasn’t happy because he’s finally together with his wife and kids, who came over to London but he’s coming over as soon as he can. I think you have some explaining to do, since the reason I might have broken that lad’s nose is to defend you two.” Louis says, sitting down on my coffee table across from us. I need more chairs if having people over will be a recurring thing now.

“He already knows about us.” Harry says.

“But chances are that he wants you guys to explain your situation to Mr. Walters.” Louis sighs, eyes scanning Harry carefully. I look at Harry to and see him frowning.

“Who’s mister Walters?” I ask, rubbing my thumb across his.

“Just this important guy from our management. He’s kind of the person who makes all the big deals and stuff.” Louis tells me when Harry doesn’t say anything. “He always says that he can make us and break us.” He says with a blown up voice. “And Harry here is afraid he will break us.” I look at Harry to see a sad grimace on his face. Louis is obviously speaking the truth and Harry is afraid that if his sexuality comes out, it will ruin the band and their dreams.

“Oh Bear.” I kiss his cheek, he winces. Oh yeah, forgot that I bruised my boyfriend. “Sorry.” I apologize in a whisper as I put the now half defrosted bag of chicken nuggets on the corner of his mouth and cheek. He doesn’t protest this time.

“I’m just not ready for this.” Harry murmers and tips his head back on the sofa and groans. “Besides, I really want to introduce you to my family before anything else happens, I need their support before I screw up my whole life.”

“Dude. You’re not going to screw your whole life up. You’re not going to screw the band up because if anything, we’re right behind you. And you have Niall and Sophie and our whole team. Haz, you’re going to be just fine.”

“Sorry Lou, I’m not in the mood for cheering up, you and I both know it’s not going to be as easy as you make it sound.” Harry says with an unconvincing half-smile. “Thank you for getting yourself in trouble for us though.”

“No problem.”

“Yeah, it was actually kind of fun, it was the first time I actually hit someone.” Sophie beams and that finally forces a real smile out of my boyfriend. “I have a question for you guys though...” She wavers, cheeks going pink.

“What is it?” I lean forward to put my hand on her knee to reassure her that whatever she wants to ask, it’s okay.

“You’re half naked and still kind of wet and it’s kind of distracting.” She points out, avoiding eye contact with both Harry and me for all it costs. Ohh, does she like what she sees? Wait, no eyeing my boyfriend up! “What?” Her cheeks literally flame when I cock my eyebrow at her. “I’ve seen this on photos on the Internet, I’d never expected I would see this in real life.”

“Oh. Do you want me to get half naked too then?” Louis grins cheekily as he pops the button of his jeans open.

“Dude no!” I protest. Louis Tomlinson is about to take his clothes of and I’m saying no? What has happened to my life? Maybe I should get myself a check-up at the doctor’s. “K-keep your clothes on. Please!”

“What? Why? You’re gay, right? I thought you appreciated the male body.”

“Louis!” Harry warns now. “His boyfriend is right here!” He points to himself before he wraps his arm around me possesively. Oh nice, _now_ I’m starting to like this.

“So? You’re gay too so you both win!”

“That’s--disgusting Lou. No!” Harry laughs and Louis grins just as hard back at him.

“Got you to laugh though.” He says with a wink, closing his jeans again. Sophie’s flustered face reminds me that Harry and I are still in just our pants so I stand up, take Harry with me by the hand and drag him towards the bedroom where I’d like to do some different stuff than just getting dressed. Don’t blame me, all this talk about being partially naked got me in the mood.

I rummage through my drawers and throw a shirt and a pair of sweats on the bed for me to wear and look for something for Harry but when I turn around I see that Harry already has one leg in the jogging bottoms. Cute.

“I was going to wear that.” I tell him and he shrugs, continuing getting dressed in my clothes.

“You look better in my stuff anyway.” He opens a closet door and stands on his toes to get something from the back of the top shelf. “Here, wear this?” He hands me a pair of his sweat pants and a tank top. They’re his and I never knew he kept those there.

“Got more stuff up there?” I laugh as I get dressed in his clothes. At least I smell much better in his clothes and it doesn’t even bother me that the pant legs are way too long for me and that his tank top makes my nipples show. I get why he likes his clothes on me now.

“Other than a suitcase worth of my clothes? No.” He smiles as he pulls me close with his arms wrapped around my waist. “I love you.” He hums only for my ears to hear. He looks at me with such intensity that I can only close my eyes and kiss him tenderly.

I wrap my arms around his shoulders and press myself even closer to his body. Harry rests one hand on my lower back and brings the other up to my face where he strokes my cheek with his thumb. He knows how much of a weakness this is for me, and if he didn’t know, the sigh I let out as our lips part for only one second would betray me.

Our lips find each other again and I moan quietly into his mouth as his tongue finds mine. My whole body is on fire with want, lust and most of all _love_. Kissing Harry bubbles up an undescribable feeling inside of me and I feel like I can explode with butterflies and flowers and rainbows sometime soon. It’s addictive and Harry’s passion is my biggest craving.

It’s only when there’s a knock on my bedroom door that we pull back and I see how badly bruised Harry’s lip and cheek still are. Me practically eating him up has probably helped with the pain he must feel. How considerate of me. Although, he kissed me first. Or did I kiss him first? Oh I don’t know, I’m still too dazed from this kiss to think straight. Or gay. What am I even going on about?

“Harry? Paul’s here.” Louis says, knocking again.

“Coming!” Harry yells back, not taking his eyes from me. “God Ni, you get more beautiful every day.” He says incredulously, voice barely a whisper. I blush and look down, unsure how to take a compliment like this.

“We should eh—“ I motion to the door.

Harry lifts my chin up and I look directly into his serious gaze. “In two weeks, after the UK leg of the tour is over, will you please come and meet my family? I want them to meet you, show them how proud I am to have such a beautiful and wonderful man I have as my boyfriend.”

I don’t know how it’s possible but I feel my face heating up even more. “Are you sure?” I don’t know why I ask him that and yes of course I want to meet his family, I’m just overwhelmed I guess.

“Very sure.” He says without missing a beat. “So please come home with me to Holmes Chapel. We can arrange something that we don’t have to travel together, we’ll figure that out by then but please Niall? It’s important to me that my family meets you and I want to meet yours too someday. If you’re ready that is.” He adds quickly.

“I’d love to meet your family and for you to meet mine too.” I tell him, melting from the puppy eyes he’s giving me. Harry smiles widely before he kisses my forehead and squeals a little unmanly but equally as cute.

“Come on now guys.” This time it’s Paul who interrupts our cute boyfriend time and we’re directly pulled back into reality.

“Lets go then.” Harry says softly, putting a gentle hand on my hand as he guides me to the door. “Remember, Paul is on our side no matter what.”

I open the door to find a very concerned looking Paul. I always knew that he protects the boys the best he can but I never realized how personally involved he is with them. He really takes care of them and the look on his face right now shows how much he loves Harry and probably the others too.

“Are you boys alright? Niall, how are you? I brought you valerian, herbs that help you relax and calm down.” Paul rambles, looking from me to Harry and back.

“We’re alright, Paul, Niall’s alright.” Harry says, carding his fingers through my hair once.

“But thank you.” I blurt. “For caring and coming over.” Paul nods at me like it’s the most normal thing in the world. It isn’t for me but there are a lot of things I’m not used to, like the huge crowd in front of my building.

Paul hesitates for a bit before he turns to all four of us, Louis and Sophie have come closer. “Well, the police is here to get the street cleared out. Louis, I need you to come with me to set things straight with that pap guy, Sophie, you should probably come too because you were involved as well. Now you’re friends with Louis and Harry, we’ll make sure to help you as well.” Sophie looks at me and I silently motion that I don’t know what’s become of our lifes either.

“Harry, you’re free to go home and take Niall with you right now but we have to sit down and talk with our team somewhere this week. Niall, I think it would be a good thing if you came as well.” Paul continues.

“But—“

“No Harry, no buts. You either have to come out soon or we have to do something to stop the rumours. There already are videos and pictures circulating the Internet of how you carry Niall up the stairs and the fans are basically exploding about it.”

“Are they saying good things?” Harry wonders insecurily.

“It’s a mixture of good and bad things. Some say it’s cute how you carried your boyfriend and some say offensive things about how they hope you aren’t gay.” I wince at Paul’s words and I feel Harry tense beside me. We would be stupid and naïve to think that everyone would be okay with our relationship even though for the outside world, Harry still likes women, but it still stings that people are against us as a couple.

“I’m setting up a meeting somewhere this week, I will inform you about it and I trust you to let Niall know when and where we’re meeting.” Paul looks at Harry. “Think about what you want, together. We’ll convince Walters to let you come out if you’re ready for that and we’ll think of a solution if you aren’t. Important thing is that you decide this together.”

“Okay.” Harry says. Suddenly he’s all small and vulnerable, crumpled into a fading shadow of his bright personality.

“Lou, Sophie, you coming? We’re going to fix some photographer scandal.” Paul leaves us with a squeeze of our shoulders. Louis and Sophie hug us and smile sadly before they too leave my flat.

I’m left with Harry’s loud breathing in the otherwise painful silence. I look up next to me to see my broken boyfriend, his eyes empty and his skin pale white and I don’t know what I can do to make him better. Even though Paul says we should decide this together, it’s actually only Harry’s choice to make. Whichever he chooses will give us a hard time. Either he has to parade around with a girl he doesn’t love or we come out and we’ll get scolded at.

But it’s Harry’s career and Harry’s life; I’m just a part of it.


	46. Chapter 46

It’s way past midnight and I can’t sleep. Harry is next to me in my bed, we’ve decided to stay here instead of going to Harry’s because I’m still anxious about getting followed and swarmed by people I don’t know. Harry is on the far end of his side of the bed and I’m on mine, my knees over the edge as Harry and I are lying back to back.

All night I’ve been torturing myself by googling my own name and checking Twitter to see many rude things written about me. I can’t stop reading even though I know I should. There’s a hole in my chest that’s growing bigger and bigger by every negative comment I read and I’m holding in my sobs, trying not to wake Harry up.

 

 _Niall_Horan: Harry and I are just friends_. _(sent three minutes ago)_

 

Only three minutes later, my name is already trending worldwide and I’ve gained a couple of hundred thousand followers.

 

_Niall_Horan: Yes I am gay but that doesn’t mean that Harry is just because he hangs out with me. (sent one minute ago)_

There’s no point in denying my sexuality since I’ve always been open about it. It would be strange to announce to the world that I’m straight when I’ve been openly lusting and blogging over and about boys for the last couple of years.

 

_HarryNiallLover72296: @Niall_Horan That sucks, I could’ve sworn you were dating. I really love you together._

_xxSMxx: Niall_Horan I don’t believe you. In every picture or video, there’s love in both your eyes._

Unfortunately these positive comments are rare in my mentions. I don’t get why people hate me so much. Is it because I’m gay? Is it because I’m ‘friends’ with Harry or do they see me as competition? Those people, they don’t know me, how can they loathe me so much when they haven’t even met me or know my personality? Am I that much of a disgrace?

“Niall, stop.” Harry’s clear voice startles me. I thought he was fast asleep. In my shock I drop my phone to the floor and I reach out to get it but Harry stops me by pulling me more into the bed with his arm around my chest.

“Uh?” Is all I mutter out.

“Don’t deny anything, don’t confirm anything, just don’t.” He says, grabbing my cheek in his hand and turning my face to look at him roughly. “Have you been on Twitter all night?”

I shrug and card my eyes down. “Yeah.”

“But why?”

“Remember after Red or Black? When you got send hate and you wanted to know why?” He nods. “That’s why. People hate me Harry, people hate me and I don’t know why.”

“They don’t ha—“

“Don’t try to deny it, Harry. People literally tweet it; I hate you. They even tweet it in capitals.” I feel tears prickling behind my eyes, anger and sadness boiling up inside of me. I want to break things and just break down the house but the other part of me wants to be held by Harry and cry until the sun rises and even after that.

“They don’t hate the real you, Niall. They don’t know you like your friends do, like I do. They’re jealous of whatever they think we have and some people are so _fucking_ narrow minded that they hate on everyone who likes their own gender.” Harry says sternly, even throwing a curse word in which either says he’s upset or angry.

“It still hurts. I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?” I whisper the last part, emotions getting the best of me.

“You didn’t. If you were a girl, they would equally be as rude as they are now. Doesn’t matter what you do or say. What matters is that you don’t take their comments too hard. It’s not you as a person they dislike, it’s you, ‘Harry Styles’ possible love interest.’”

It doesn’t make me feel any better. What he says makes sense but everyone still hates me, everyone apart from a handful of people.

“Why were you awake?” I ask, changing the subject.

“Couldn’t sleep. The moment we got into bed, you shuffled away from me. I’ve been reading Twitter as well actually, that’s why I knew you were awake, I saw your Tweets.”

I want to point out that he had been in quite a bad mood before we went to bed but I realise that I could have asked him what’s wrong and that I could have taken him in my arms instead of him taking me in his arms. Instead I ask, “why were you on Twitter?”

“Wanted to see what the fans say about us, you and me.” He says as he sits up against the hardboard. “We need to decide whether we want to come out or not and I thought that maybe the real fans could help me out so I’ve been looking up Tweets with ‘Narry’ in it.”

“And?” I wonder nervously as I move to sit in between Harry’s legs, the way I know he loves sitting with me. I rest my head back against his shoulder and grab his arms to wrap them around me. Doesn’t matter that it’s like forty degrees celcius in my bedroom.

“People love us.” He says and I can hear a smile in his voice. “There are fake pictures of us kissing and holding hands. There are people who have whole accounts dedicated to us. There’s a war going on between ‘Narry shippers’” he lets go of my hands to air quote, “and not Narry shippers which I shouldn’t support but secretly I love it.”

I try to smile but I fail and it’s a good thing Harry can’t see it. I know for a fact that the majority of the people don’t love us together.

“How would you feel about us coming out? Not now, not tomorrow but after we’ve been to our families.”

Excuse me, what? What happened with I’m not ready to come out?

“W-what?”

“I don’t know how or when and of course we have to wait for Mr. Walters’ approval but Skyway’s true fans love us or at least support us so why should we stay hidden?” He raises his voice in excitement, euphoria clear in his words.

Coming out means no girl pretending to date Harry, which is a big pro because I really don’t want some skinny model hanging off _my_ boyfriend’s arm. It also means the freedom to go out on dates, to visit him wherever and whenever I want.

Unfortunately there are cons as well. A famous boyband member coming out is a big deal so his boyfriend, me, is a big deal. There will be people wanting to meet us, wanting to take pictures. There will be large crowds and suffocating situations.

“Are you really ready to get your sexuality out in the open?” I ask him, tilting my head a bit to look at him. Harry bends down and kisses the corner of my mouth.

“If it means that I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not anymore, then I am. Besides, I can show the world the man I think of as the love of my life.”

The love of his life? I, Niall Horan am the love of his, Harry Styles’ life? We haven even been dating for three months and he already thinks of me as the love of his life? Do I think of him as the love of _my_ life? Sure I love him an awful lot and I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life together with him. That does make him sound like the love of my life, doesn’t it? But can you really say that after nearly three months?

“How do you know that?” I ask, playing with his slender fingers.

“How do I know what?”

“How do you know that I’m the love of your life?” I question.

“You don’t think I’m the love of _your_ life?” He asks, pulling his hand away from my fingers.

“I hope you are.” I tell him honestly.

“That’s good enough, isn’t it?” He replies, kissing my temple.

“But I mean, we only just started dating. What if we’ll get into some big fight or what if you think higher of me than I deserve? What if this honeymoon phase passes and all that remains is kissing because we know that’s normal for couples to do. What if the passion disappears? What if you stop loving me?”

“Hold it right there!” Harry stops me from saying anything else. He pushes me forward and turns me around to face him with ease. “We can conquer every fight, we know we can. Of course I think highly of you and I know that you won’t ever disappoint me.” He swallows. “In such a short time we’ve been through a lot and I’m pretty sure we’re past the honeymoon fase and I still kiss you because I want to, because I can’t stop myself. I feel that with you, the passion will always remain and the thing I’m most sure about is that I will never ever stop loving you.”

He holds my cheeks in both hands and looks me straight in the eye. His gaze is strong and he doesn’t blink for longer than could be considered healthy. He’s showing me how sincere he is, how much he believes in his own words.

“Okay. Then maybe we should come out.” I tell him and he kisses me deeply. _Yep, the passion is still there._


	47. Chapter 47

“Well, I’m going to work now.” I announce more to myself than Harry, who’s watching me with tired eyes. “Yep, I’m on my way now.” I say but don’t move away from the window. I’m trying to look down to see if there are people outside the building but I can’t see the entrance.

“Ni, I really think you should stay home.” Harry tells me as he tugs on my hand, trying to get me on the sofa.

“It’s been four days, it’s Friday now and I haven’t left the house ever since. Besides, I can’t pay my rent and stuff if I go on skipping work like this.” I sigh. To be honest, I don’t want to go to work because I’m still scared as shit but I want to leave the house. These walls are coming down at me from being inside so long. It’s weird though because I used to spend all my spare time at home.

“Quit your job.”

I pull my hand away from his with a force. “Because that will help me pay the bills.” I roll my eyes as I walk past him. I grab a jacket and my umbrella; the weather’s turned British again; cloudy, rainy and miserable.

“You know I don’t mind helping you out, I can pay for you.” I know he means well but how can he expect from me that I take money from him?

“Harry, I told you this before, I will _not_ take your money.” I don’t care he can fill a gazillion swimming pools with one hundred pound notes, I’m not taking money from him. I don’t even take money from my mother, which she always tries to slip in my pockets when I visit or when she comes here. I’m living on my own, I moved out and living indipendent but how can I do that when people hand me money all the time?

Wow I sound snobbish.

“But what about you wanting to be a manly housewife? Cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids...” He questions.

“We don’t have kids, Harry.” I sigh. “And no, we’re not getting kids anytime soon, we’re both only twenty-one.” I add when I see his thoughtfull gaze.

“Wasn’t planning on getting children soon either. I want to wait at least five years before we start a family.” He sighs. “But you still can be the sexy man who takes care of me when I get home, who cooks in nothing but an apron and sings while he cleans.” Harry steps closer to me and takes my umbrella and coat and throws it on the floor before he takes myhand in both of his.

“You’re in the middle of a world tour, Haz, what do you expect me to do while you’re away. I’d be utterly bored without a job. I can’t chase around dust bunnies twenty-four hours a day and bake cakes all week so much that we can build a ford with it in your backyard.”

“But what if we make _my_ backyard _our_ backyard?” He suggest and what? Hold it right there.

“What?”

“What if you move out of this flat and come live in my house and make it our house?” Is he serious about this? The look in his eyes tells me that he really is serious.

“Harry, Bear, I love you but no.” I tell him, reaching my hand up to cup his cheek.

“But think about it, you don’t feel safe here anymore, no one knows where I live, you have all the privacy in the world.” He places his hand over mine on his cheek and leans into it before he takes them both away and kisses my fingers.

“Harry, I can’t afford my share of the house. You make millions and I make barely two hundred pounds a week.” I tell him softly. I can see that he disagrees with every argument I have against his proposal.

“Exactly, I make millions so why should you worry about money? Babe, I earn enough to support you, me and the whole British army.”

Giving up my job sounds so good right now. I mean I hate it, it doesn’t pay that well and I’m too scared to even go there. But I can’t do that, can I? I can’t let Harry pay for everything, that’s not fair and what if... What if we ever break up? We only started this relationship about three months ago. With the pressure on us, I wouldn’t be surprised if Harry just snaps one day and breaks up with me. I mean, I’m not quite the ideal supportive boyfriend with my panic attacks and hissy fits.

“No Harry, I can’t. I will go to work and then I come home to this place, my place and I will kiss you for hours and hours because I’m going to miss you like crazy after you leave for another two weeks this afternoon.”

“Just think about it, yeah? Maybe you’ll change your mind, if it’s not today, maybe tomorrow or next week.” He reaches up to my neck and presses his fingers intos the sensitive skin there. “Now... About that...” He smiles cheekily before he brushes his lips over mine softly, barely enough to call it a kiss. I whimper pathetically. “You’re already two hours late for work so why don’t we get a head start on all the kissing?” He growls huskily.

“I—“ I get cut off by Harry brushing his tongue across my bottom lip. “No Harry I—“ He bites on it now. “Seriously Har—“ He presses his body extremely close to mine.

_Oh what the heck! Fine! I give in._

I dig my nails in his bare sides and push myself inapropriately close. Harry’s hands trail down to haul my legs up and I jump up before I attack his lips hungrily. Harry takes a few steps and suddenly I feel my back pressed against a hard surface. I wrap my arms around his neck, keeping his mouth against mine as he pushes me harder against the wall.

Last year, I wrote stories about Harry pressing me against walls and now I’m actually living my own fantasy. Gosh you have no idea how often I’ve gotten off while fantasizing about what’s happening right now.

Harry lets go of my legs and trails his hands up under my shirt. His fingers roam the now exposed skin, avoiding all my ticklish spots. Every part of my body is on fire, I feel a burning sensation from head to toe and this rush goes through my veins but I can’t say out loud what I want. The only thing I can do when Harry pulls away is huff out a breath before his lips are on mine again.

“Gonna miss you.” He mumbles against my mouth. “So much Ni, gonna miss you so much.” I whimper as my reply to his words. I’m going to miss him too, maybe even more than he’s going to miss me but I’m struggling to say that out loud and I’m not sure if that’s because of how turned on I am or if it’s the sharp sting in my heart reminding me how much it blows that Harry will be leaving me. Again.

I wish I were a better boyfriend. Like seriously, I can’t even say back how much I miss him. Not that it’s to describe in words how much. But he deserves those words, especially after I told him I don’t want to move in with him. What if he thinks our relationship is going nowhere? Shit I’m a mess.

“Babe?” Harry breathes and suddenly I notice his lips aren’t on mine anymore. “Something wrong?”

“No, nothing’s wrong. I’m fine, it’s fine, nothing’s wrong.” I ramble a bit too quickly. “Why would there be something wrong?”

“Well...” He starts, slowly guiding my legs down to the floor. “You stopped moving your lips and is quite hard to kiss you when you don’t kiss me back.” Harry explains and huh, when did I stop kissing him? Oh right, that must have been the moment when I became an even lousier boyfriend.

“I’m sorry.” I try to wind my arms around him again but he stops me.

“Sorry for not kissing me back or not telling me what’s the matter?” Harry raises an eyebrow. I hate it when he sees right through me.

“Do you _really_ think I’m worth it?” I ask him and he looks at me like he doesn’t understand it.

“Worth what?”

I shrug, “everything.”

“Niall, seriously. I’m coming out soon because I want to be with you, I’m introducing you to my family, I’m asking you to move into my house. Do you really think I have doubts about us?” He nearly yells in frustration.

“No, but—“

“But what, Niall? Do _you_ doubt about us?”

“No!” I shout quickly. “Well not really, I don’t doubt you or us but I doubt myself. I feel like it’s only a matter of time before I do something that makes you want to dump me.”

“Babe, do you hear yourself right now?” He huffs out a laugh. “You thinking you can stuff up our relationship is like the cutest thing I’ve ever heard. Besides cheating, I don’t think there’s anything that makes me want to stop dating you.”

Is it possible for a human heart to melt? If so, I need to put mine in the freezer as soon as possible.

“If anything, I’m worried that you’d want to break up with _me._ ” He continues. “I mean, I’m on the road a lot, I come with a package deal involving two other boys, a management and media _and_ I keep pushing you into things you don’t want to do, like moving in or going outside or keeping you in today.”

“Yeah but I know you mean well.” I tell him.

“And I know you do too.” He brushes his fingers across my hairline. “So stop worrying, yeah? We’ve got three more hours before I have to leave and I want to spend it either kissing our cuddling.”

I smile up to him and wrap my arms around his waist as I rest my head on his shoulder. How odd of a couple are we? We go from ‘fighting’ about money and houses to snogging fiercly until the point I actually want to have sex with him, then we, or I, stop kissing and we express our fears and worries before we switch in full on cuddle mode.

“We’re a mad pair.” I chuckle and Harry presses a kiss on top of my head.

“Mad but unbreakable.” He says before he pulls away. “Unless you cheat on me.”

I then snort so loud that the tea I drank this morning almost comes back up through my nose. “Don’t be stupid.” I finally have the boy I’ve been crushing on for ages so I would have a sick mind If I’d run off with someone else. No thank you. Harry is mine and only mine and no one is taking him from me. What if we broke up and I had to see Harry parading around with some boy named Matt. No, that doesn’t sound right at all.

Mine mine, all mine. Mine.


	48. Chapter 48

Yeah, so I got fired... It had something to do with not showing up for two weeks or something of that nonsense. My boss clearly doesn’t know a thing about the Skyway fandom and my anxiety. Sophie has tried a couple of times to talk him out of it but he fired me without mercy anyway. He had called me up and said, “Horan, I don’t know if you were planning on it but don’t bother showing up at all. You’re fired.” And hung up.

I haven’t told Harry about it yet because I’m pretty sure he’ll provide me with money and food and all other good stuff. It isn’t as ideal as it sounds, you know? A rich boyfriend who takes care of you in every way he can. Okay wait, why am I so against this? Hmm, lets put it down to principles. I have them. I guess.

So Harry doesn’t know that I don’t have a job and only have a month’s worth of rent left on my bank account and I only have that money because Harry bought all the groceries the past week. He even bought a ‘big spoon and little spoon’ bedsheet and pillowcases. Really the cutest thing ever.

I’m trying to find a new job but it’s hard when you’re sitting at home and don’t dare to step foot out of the door when you’re on your own. Sophie is helping me out a lot by taking dinner with her from the store or taking me out to the coffeeshop. I feel all right with her next to me and it isn’t as scary as I thought it would be but still, I’m afraid to go out alone.

Right as I’m about to google ‘work where you can stay at home for but no sexual call boy’ there’s a knock on my door. I push my laptop aside and walk over to the door where I look through the peephole. It’s Julia, my next-door neighbour.

“Niall, thank goodness you’re home. Have you had the chicken pox?”

“Eh hi, Julia.” I say, taking a step back, opening the door a bit further. “Yes I’ve had them?”

“Okay good. Hey, why are you home before noon on a weekday?” She asks when realization hits her.

“I got fired.” I mumble with a sigh but I don’t have time for self-pity when Julia lets out a squeal that feels a little bit out of place if you ask me.

“That’s amazing!” She hugs me. I don’t hug her back because again, I don’t share her enthusiasm about me being jobless. “So, are you looking for something else?”

“I am but—“

“Okay that’s good. I want to hire you as Marcus’ babysitter for Mondays through Thursdays. I’ll pay you eight pounds an hour. I will drop Marcus off at nine and I will pick him him up at four or you can be at mine at nine if you don’t want him in your house all day.”

Before I can protest for her wanting to give money to watch my five year old neighbour, she waves her hand in the hallway and soon enough, Marcus is there clutching his Teddy bear. The little boy’s face is covered in red spots and his tired eyes are glazed over with tears.

“Can I please stay with you?” He asks sadly and how could I say no to that face. “I promise I’ll be good.” He looks up at his mummy for confirmation and she nods back at him.

“Sure, mate.” I ruffle his messy hair. “But Julia, you really don’t have to pay me.”

“I do, it’s not a favour, it’s a job therefor I will pay you. I found a job and my husband works fulltime and I don’t want to put Marcus in a daycare during the holidays. In a month he will be back at school but we will find a solution for you when we cross that bridge. For now, you are officially hired as Macus’ babysitter. You start tomorrow, by the way.” She grabs my hand and shakes it before she picks Marcus up and walks back to her own flat.

Okay, so I have a job, I guess. No need to hide it from Harry anymore. I look at the time, seeing it’s eleven thirty. I know Harry had a concert last night so I’m afraid I wake him up if I call him now so I decide to call him later today.

I decide to make myself some French toast. Harry has tought me how to do it but I need practice if I ever want to make him other breakfast than scrambled eggs on toast. I also know how to make pancakes and muffins but the last week I still have been sticking to my good old bowl of cereal. But I have the ingredients, Harry made sure of that so I will use them and practice of my breakfast skills so I can show off to my boyfriend.

I scramble four eggs and add a bit of sugar and cinnamon after the eggs are clutched properly. ‘you just have to follow your feeling, do what you think will taste good.’ Harry said when he was teaching me last week. He had guided my hand awkwardly since I’m left handed and he’s right handed but it worked because I haven’t ever had tastier toast than the one we then made. I reckon it’s because it’s made out of love.

There’s a knock on my door. Thinking it’s either Sophie with the groceries or Julia forgetting something, I put the whisk down and open the door. Turns out, it’s neither of them.

“Hey.” A handsome young man stands before me. In one hand a box of chocolates and in the other a bouquet of Lillies.

“Hello?” I greet back apprehensively.

“You probably don’t recognize me but I’m Eric.” He smiles at me.

“Have we met before?” I try not to be rude but indeed I don’t recognize him, although he does have something familiar.

“Once.” He nods. “I brought these for you.” He hands me both the chocolates and the flowers and I’m lost for words. Why would someone bring me flowers and sweets and how did he get up here? Does he live in the building?

“Eh, thank you.” I nod, trying to smile politely. “What do I owe these for?”

“I’m asking you out on a date.” He says and I choke. He what? “Tonight at Rosie’s.”

“You’re handsome and you’re probably very nice so it’s an honour that you want to take me on a date but I’m sorry, I can’t go.” I tell him as I try to give back the stuff he just gave me. He doesn’t take it back and walks into my personal space. Talking about uncomfortable.

“I know you’re gay, Niall.” He smirks.

“So?” I shoot back. “That doesn’t mean I go on dates with every boy that knocks on my door with flowers and chocolates.”

“And why is that? Are you taken?” He’s still smiling, it’s like he knows something and that freaks me out. Does he know about Harry?

“N-no.” I lie.

He grins and brushes my cheek with the back of his hand. I’m too dumbfounded to do something about it. In my head I’m screaming and biting off his fingers but in reality I’m completely frozen.

“Hmm, that’s good.” He hums, watching me intensely. “I knew that the you and Harry thing would blow over. I will treat you like you deserve.” He lifts my chin and places a kiss on my forehead, causing bile to rush up my throat.

“E-excuse me?” I whisper, my throat dry and painful.

“I delivered you pizzas weeks ago.” Eric says and things start to click. That’s why he looked kind of familiar. The only differences are his clothes and his styled hair. “I tried to take a picture of Harry but you slammed the door in my face so I didn’t have evidence. So I gathered a group of my close friends; the fans, the photographer who your friends punched and a few more people. I wanted to corner you because I had a feeling Harry would dump you when you were practically forced public and if you’re single, it turns out I was right.”

Eric seems proud and very smug about it. Sadly for him, he doesn’t know half about it but who am I to correct him? I can’t out Harry or our relationship, we’ve discussed this and we will do it on our own terms after we’ve visited our families.

After I blankly stare at him he speaks up again. “So what do you say? Do you want to go on a date with a real man who knows how to treat his boyfriend?”

If I wanted that, I would’ve gone on a date with Harry. Okay that’s not true because I want that but Harry is unable to take me on dates. But anyway, this guy is the main cause of my anxiety and fear to go outside and now he’s here asking me on a date? Who the hell does he think he is?

Harry instantly didn’t trust this guy when he came to deliver our pizzas and sure, I didn’t either but never would I have thought he would pull off this stunt that’s caused me a lot of fear, that has the media on Harry’s lip again, I mean he even said in an interview that he definitely isn’t bisexual. Sure he isn’t because he’s fully gay but it inquires that he’s straight. Anyway, this Eric dude is the reason Louis and Sophie have to go to court for the punching case. Sure maybe it isn’t Eric’s fault that they punched the guy but if he hadn’t called him or whatever, it wouldn’t have ever happened.

And now he has the guts to show up at my doorstep and aks me out? I’d like to do things to his guts right now and I don’t mean the pleasant stuff.

That’s why it’s kind of surprising when I nod at Eric and say, “Pick me up at seven.”


	49. Chapter 49

Of course I’m not going on a date with Eric, are you crazy? I don’t know why I said, yes. I don’t have a plan or anything but I sure need one. I keep trying to reach Harry but he doesn’t pick up the phone and now I’m slightly running out of time.

“Come on, pick up, pick up your damn phone.”

“I’ve picked up my damn phone.” My phone laughs at me. Wait...

“Harry?!” I yell as I shoot up from my sofa.

“Yeah babe hi, what’s up?” He asks calmly. It’s hard for me to answer properly because I’m on the verge of tears. I’m panicking so much that I could cry right now.

“Haz?” I sniffle, squeezing my eyes shut as I walk across the room and back.”I got myself in trouble and now I don’t know what to do.” My voice rises at the last word.

“Hey babe, first of all calm down okay? Breathe.” I hear him breathing in and out and I follow his guidance with my eyes closed as I let myself fall back on the sofa. “Now, tell me step by step what happened.”

I take a deep breath as I try to go by everything that happened this afternoon. It’s a bit of a blur but I try to catch Harry up the best I can over the phone. It’s hard because all I want to do is cuddle up to my boyfriend right now.

“A few hours ago there was this guy with flowers and chocolates at the door and he gave them to me and I asked him why and he said that he was here to ask me on a date because he’d treat me better than you would ever do.” I pause to get a reaction out of Harry but apart from his irregular breathing there’s nothing. “I didn’t recognize him but then he told me who he was. Remember that time we ordered pizza and the guy wanted to take your picture? It’s him, Eric. He also set up the whole crowd and stuff two weeks ago and now he’s going to be here at seven and I don’t know what to do.”

Harry sighs right before there’s a knock on my door. Shit, is Eric here already? I rush to the door to look through the peephole. My heart slows down when I see that the guy outside isn’t Eric.

“It’s a good thing that I’m here then.” Harry says as he opens the door with the key he still has. He looks at me with a tired smile and his phone still up to his ear. “Hi babe.” He ends the call and reaches out an arm for me so I can slot my body against his. That’s it, I’m done for. I heave out a sob as I bury my nose in his neck.

“I--, s-so s-sorry.” I mumble and tighten my grip on Harry’s white t-shirt.

“Come on, let’s get us inside and settled on the sofa first.” He says, easily ushering me inside before he shuts the door. I sit down quietly and fiddle with my fingers. I feel guilty even though I really wasn’t going on that date with Eric.

Harry sits down against the armrest like always and sits me down between his legs. He uses his hands to press my back against his chest before he links one of his hands with mine and uses the other one to card through my hair. He presses a gentle kiss against my head but I need more than that so I twist my head a little and hope he gets that I want to be kissed. Luckily for me, my boyfriend is a genius and kisses me properly.

“You know,” I start with my voice hoarse either from crying or kissing, “that Eric guy also set up the photographer that Sophie and Louis punched. He set up everything. He’s the reason for my anxiety and I want payback so I said yes to a date with him.” I feel Harry tense against my back. “I wasn’t actually planning to go on a date with him but I hadn’t got an actual plan to take revenge on him either.”

“Your best revenge would have been saying no to him.” Harry says smartly and of course he’s right but I couldn’t think rational when Eric told me he was the pizza guy. My blood boiled and I wanted to laugh at him that no, he would never treat me better than Harry does and no, he would never ever stand a chance with me.

“Sounds logical.” I sigh in defeat.

“It does, doesn’t it?” Harry mumbles. “Ni?” I turn my upper body the best I can to face him. “Did you really not want to go on a date with him? Because I get it if you want a boyfriend who’s home more often and who doesn’t get you in situations like—“

“Harry, no.” I cut him off. “I love _you_ and I want to be with _you_ and you only.”

He doesn’t seem completely satisfied with my answer and he seems to doubt me. It hurts that he doesn’t trust me on my word but of course I gave him every reason to doubt me, I mean I said yes to a date with Eric even though I didn’t mean it. I wouldn’t be very happy either if the roles were reversed.

“I swear Bear, I’m only yours and I definitely don’t want to be someone elses.” I want to kiss him but I don’t know if that would be crossing the line at the moment.

“Then move in with me.” Harry pleads with big eyes.

“Harry, we’ve discussed this...”

“Ni, _he_ knows where you live and he knows or knew about us and I’m scared that he will take advantage of it, of you. I want you to be safe, you’re my everything and I really don’t think you’re safe in this apartment.”

My heart melts at that. I’m his _everything_ but I can’t move in with him, can I? We’re only dating for such a short period. Ugh, I’ve been over this so many times and I can’t come up with any other reason than well, none actually. Not a good reason anyway.

“But Harry....”

“Please Niall, I’m begging you.”

I feel like I would break his heart if I said no and I can’t do that to him, not after the stupid mistake from earlier. Harry looks so sad and genuinely concerned about me and he isn’t even mad at me, it’s all worries and fear.

“Are you sure you want me in your home?” I ask, needing to know he’s absolutely sure about this.

“Yes. I want it to be _our_ home instead of just mine.” He states, his voice a bit brighter than before. He sits up straighter and moves my legs to the side over his leg. He places his large hand right above my knee and holds my face in the other. “It would be a dream come true,” he continues, “coming home to my boyfriend every time after a tour. I want our clothes to mingle in our closet and pictures of both our families on the walls. I want my pillow to smell like you and I want to see my toothbrush next to yours in our bathroom.” He knocks his forehead against mine and looks me deeply in the eyes, waiting for my answer.

“I still can’t cook, I’m a little bit messy, I have a horrible mood in the morning sometimes, I forget to put the toilet seat down and I don’t put the lid back on the toothpaste. I have bad breath in the morning, I hate—“

“It’s all part of who you are and I take whatever you give me, morning grumpiness included.”

“Are you really, really sure?” I ponder.

“Niall...” He sighs but a chuckle escapes his lips as well.

“What? I need to be sure before I say yes.”

An enormous grin then breaks out on his beautiful face and I know I made the right decision. Why did I hestitate for so long again?

“You’re saying yes? You’re actually saying yes?” Harry jumps up from the sofa, my face still in his hand as he brings me up as well before he kisses me when I nod that yes, I’m moving in with him. The grin he’s sporting makes it hard to get into the kiss but it has its charms like this as well. Harry wraps his arms around my waist and lifts me off the ground with ease before he spins us around, our lips still attached to the other’s.

“Oh my God I need to tell my mum.” Harry puts me down and fishes his mobile from his pocket.

“Babe!” I laugh, putting my hand over his. “Calm down!” He chuckles a bit as well and rests his head against my shoulder. It must be an awkward position for him since he’s quite a bit taller than I am. Damn his never ending legs and torso.

“Sorry.” He nuzzles his nose in my neck, making me squirm.

“We need to sort a few things out before we tell anyone about our plans.” I tickle the back of his neck and he steps away but gets a hold of my waist with those giant man hands of his. “My mother doesn’t even know about us, does yours?”

“Kind of...” He tells me. “She knows there is someone special in my life but I haven’t talked to her in a few weeks so I haven’t actually told her about that special someone being you.”

“Mine doesn’t even know about anything. Surprises me she hasn’t called actually.” Now that I think about it, it’s quite weird she hasn’t at least messaged me about the rumours of Harry and me. She sure reads the news so she must have caught up on something.

“We can call her, if you want to? Do you have Skype, does she have Skype?” He asks. If he had a tail he would wag it, he’s that excited.

I send my mum a quick text if she has time to Skype with me and soon enough I get a Skype call on my phone. With my heart hammering in my chest I answer, blocking Harry out of the vier until I’m ready to show him to my mother.

“Hi mum.” I greet her sheepishly.

“Is that my son I see? He looks like him, sounds like him but how would I know, I haven’t heard from him in far too long.” Mum huffs but I know she’s not really that annoyed with me.

“Yeah mum, hello. Remember me, your youngest?” I wave at the front camera of my iPhone.

“It’s been so long Niall. How is my baby boy?” Oh good she’s getting all sentimental now. That’s not embarrassing at all with Harry snickering in his hands beside me.  
“I’m fine mum, thanks. I actually wanted to Skype you for a reason...” I trail off, looking at Harry for confirmation. He nods at me and squeezes my tigh with his hand.

“I figured.” She grins.

“Mum, I’m in love with someone.” I bite my lip, waiting for her reaction. It’s not like I expect her to be mad or whatever but it’s always a nervous moment when you’re introducing your other half to a parent, even via the Internet.

“And who might that be?” She pushes, the laugh lines by her eyes visible from smirking.

I zoom out and Harry presses his face closer to me until we’re both in sight for my mum to see.

“Honey, are you playing with your cardboard cut-out again?”

“Mum!” I hiss as I feel my cheeks flame. The fact that I have a lifesize Harry cut out has been hidden from him for a few months now and I wanted to keep it that way but no, of course my mother would change that.

“I’ve come to life.” Harry cackles and my mother joins along unashamedly.

“I hope my son treats you better than he did with the cardboard you.” Mum raises a suggestive eyebrow that I choose to ignore. “But it really is true then? My son is dating the real Harry Styles?”

“Yes ma’am.” Harry nods and this time I blush for no reason at all.

“Aha, that’s nice.” Mum looks closely into the camera. “I want to meet you properly soon though. You are not getting away with a Skype meeting. I need to know if you’re really a good boy like my son always said you are. You really are handsome so he’s got that right.” _Thanks mum, that’s not awkward._

“I’m sure we’ll meet soon, miss...”

“Gallagher for you. Until I’ve approved of you in real life, then you can call me Maura.”

“That’s alright miss Gallagher.” Harry answers politely, a charming smile clearly flattering my mother.

“Mum, there’s something else.” I cough in my fist before I continue. “Soon, Harry and I will be sharing a house.”

It stays quiet for a minute and I feel Harry tense beside me. He’s obviously scared of my mother’s judgement. She has nothing to say about my life anymore, I’m twenty-one and living on my own, for now, but my mother’s opinion is quite important to me as well. Not that it would stop me from going to live with Harry.

“How long have you guys been together?” She asks then.

“Three months, madam.” Harry answers for me, acting calm on the outside for my mum but his fingers pressing in my tigh tells me that he’s actually not the calmest person in the world right now.

“Isn’t it a bit soon to move in together after such a sort time?”

“No mum.” I watch Harry as I speak instead of looking into the lens. “We’re ready for it.”

“Harry. I don’t want to be rude but could you give my son and me some privacy?” Harry nods without words and kisses my cheek and whispers ‘I love you’ in my ear softly so I’m the only one to hear those words.

“Nialler, are you sure you’re ready for this big step? You’re only twenty-one, so young and are you really in love? Three months is nothing. Your father and I divorced after—“

“I’m not you nor dad, mum. I want this and I have thought thoroughly about it. It’s what I really want right now and I’m going through with it.” I’m starting to loose my temper. It’s partially why I moved out. I love my mother with all my heart but she can drive me crazy sometimes. I’m twenty-one, soon to be twenty-two and not a little kid anymore. Sure, lets not mention my poster collection and Skyway dolls in the shoebox under my bed.

“What if you break up?”

I laugh at that. “We won’t mum.” I go on before she has a chance to interrupt me. “And if we would, we will cross that bridge when we get there but we’re in love and this is what we both want.”

“I hope you won’t regret this.” She sighs. “You’ll always be my little baby, even when you’re forty and I know you think I’m doing this to annoy you but I don’t want my son to get hurt.”

“I know you still want to look after me but I’m a grown man, mum.” I tell her, getting a bit emotional by seeing her sad frown. “But I love you and that will never stop okay? And I do love it when you take care of me so I will come to Ireland soon and let you pamper me all you want.”

That puts a smile on my mother’s face. “If that’s your way to get out of your dishes duty then forget about it.” She laughs. “But I will have your favourite deserts and tea and I will pepper you in hugs and kisses.”

“I love you, mum.”

“I love you too, Nialler.” She says. “Bring Harry over soon, will you?”

“I will. Bye mum!”

I end the call and slump back against the sofa. “Harry?” I call out for my boyfriend, wanting nothing more than feel his warmth against me.

“It’s seven o’ clock.” Harry says, walking towards me on the exact moment that the bell rings, indicating that there’s someone downstairs pressing the buzzer there, wanting to get buzzed into the building.

At least the guy is punctual.

 

 


	50. Chapter 50

I look at Harry, unsure of what to do, unsure of what he wants me to do. He seems to think for a moment before he says “buzz him in.” I look at him quizically because what? Do I have to get that prick back in my home again?

“What?”

Eric buzzes again and Harry takes my hands in his. “Just do it, please?”

This time I decide not to question him and press the button to unlock the door downstairs. I look back at Harry again, wanting to ask what his plan is but I don’t have time to let the words out of my mouth because Harry is kissing me. Hard. With his hands gripping my cheeks and his body pressed tightly against mine. Oh my gosh the posessiveness in this kiss is such a turn on and wow, right now I have no idea what my name is. Call me Al for all I care.

Harry pushes his tongue in my mouth demandingly and sloppy and it’s nothing like his usual sensual kisses. It’s rough and painfully sexy. He pulls away with a tug on my bottom lip with his teeth and growls “ _mine”_ before he disappears into my bedroom. My God, the fire in his eyes makes me want to jump on him and do naughty things with both our bodies.

Holy crap I’m dizzy and well, aroused...

There’s a knock on my door and I need to breathe in deeply a few times before I can as much as walk to the door. My hand is shaking as I reach for the handle and I know my face is still red from the deadly kiss I just shared with my boyfriend.

I open the door and reveal a nervous looking Eric with this time a single red rose in his hand. He looks handsome, no point in denying that with his black dress pants and crisp white shirt but damn, I just received the hottest kiss in the history of hot kisses and there is no way I would ever give that up. I’m not stupid. Well, not _entirely_ stupid.

“Hi gorgeous.” Slimeball Eric says, eying me up and down without any trace of shame. “Ready to let me rock your world?” I shudder. No thank you, I’m more ready to rock your nose with my fist. Wow, calm down Al, I mean Niall, you’re not a violent boy. A horny one right now maybe but the cause of that is not standing before me right now.

“Well eh...” I swallow. What am I supposed to do now? Couldn’t Harry have let me in on his plans? “C-come in for a second.”

“Hmm sure, sexy.” He smirks before stepping foot in my house. I close the door behind him and look down when I see Eric staring at me. Either this is his way of looking ‘sexy’ and ‘mysterious’ or he is planning a cold bloody murder in his head. Oh my I hope it isn’t the latter. “Dinner starts at eight though so we shouldn’t take too long here.” He walks up to me and I take steps back until I’m pressed against the door. Eric cages me in with his hands on both sides of my head and leans in. “I only need ten minutes.” He whispers with his lips hovering over mine, nearly touching.

“U-uhm, Eri—“ Before I can finish my sentence, I see Harry behind Eric and I relax, knowing that I’m safe now.

“Hello there.” Harry taps on Eric’s shoulder with a nasty smirk and the guy visibily pales. I see Harry’s hand grip the back of Eric’s shirt and tear him away from me. He lets go and stands in Eric’s personal space. “What are you doing here, _pal_?”

Eric looks from Harry to me and back to Harry again. “I was eh—“ He jerks his thumb towards me. No he wasn’t.

“I don’t think so.” Harry literally hovers over the guy even though the height difference isn’t that big and if Eric wasn’t such a pathetic asshole, I would’ve felt sorry for him.

“But...”

“No mate, no buts, only your sorry one that I’m kicking out of here right now.” Harry pushes Eric towards the door with a rough hand. “Oh and let me give you a tip; don’t ever show yourself around me or _my_ boyfriend ever again, understood?”

Harry seems calm and composed but for a fact I know that he’s enraged. The lines in his face are harsh and his eyes are venomous. I can see Eric gulp, his adamsapple bopping up and down. “Y-yes.” He stammers, sneaking a glance towards me. I go to stand behind Harry who immediately wraps an arm around my waist protectively.

“And if I hear so much about this in the press, don’t forget that I know where you work and that my team can make sure that you will never ever get a job again. Got it?” Eric nods. “Now get out of my eyes and get out of our lifes.”

Eric looks at me again. Big mistake. BIG mistake.

“Get your eyes off of him.” Harry growls, striding towards the now ghostly pale boy. “You have three seconds to get the fuck out or I will hurt you so bad that you might want to have an ambulance ready.”

I have never seen this side of Harry. Sure I’ve seen him angry but it’s nothing compared to this. His voice is low and threatening, matching his words. It doesn’t frighten me because I know Harry would never hurt me but if I were in Eric’s shoes, I would be shitting my pants.

Eric whimpers, literally whimpers, making a sound and everything before he hurries out of the door, leaving it open in his rush to get out. Harry grunts something and slams the door shut before he turns around and walks past me. He walks to the window and stares down, probably seeing if the guy really is leaving. Harry’s fists are clenched by his sides and I see his shoulders going up and down from his rapid breathing.

“I’m sorry.” He croaks out all of a sudden. Why is he sorry? I made this mess, not him.

“What are you sorry for?” I drag my feet towards Harry’s tensed body. His back is still to me and he flinches visibly when I put my hand on his back between his shoulder blades.

“I shouldn’t have left you alone with him.” He drops his head and shakes it. His body is less tensed now and I hope it is because of me rubbing circles on his t-shirt covered back. “He was touching you, he was so close and nearly kissing you.”

“I’m so—“ I try to apologize but I can’t finish my sentence.

“I wanted to rip his head off.” Harry spits out. “I’ve never been so angry. I almost lost myself there, knowing I almost failed to protect you _again_.”

I wrap my arms around him and kiss the back of his neck before I rest my head against him. He doesn’t cover my hands with his but he does lean back just a little.

“I shouldn’t have made such a mess. It was my mistake for wanting revenge without having a plan. I never should have said yes when I clearly had no intentions whatsoever to go out with him. I wanted to hurt him but I had no idea how and I don’t know why I didn’t push him away when he came so close. I really felt sick when he backed me up but I couldn’t’ do anything to stop him.” I confess. I don’t know why I wasn’t strong enough to do anything I wanted to do to that guy; kick, slap, punch... I was thinking about all of it but I didn’t do it.

“This guy caused you a panic-attack.” Harry sighs and pries my hands away from his body. I’m hurt, I think I really messed it up now until Harry turns around and guides one of my hands to his heart. It’s racing.

“I’m still so angry with this guy.” He continues. “I want to do things to him that would put me in jail. I didn’t see his face when he was backing you up but I know he meant no good at all and the way he leaned in to you... God...” He cuts himself off and slumps down on the sofa.

“Babe...” I whisper, not knowing what to say at all.

“Nobody is allowed to touch you like I do. Nobody is allowed to look at you like I do.” He growls. “Fuck, I’ve never been this infuriated as I’m now in my whole life.” I can tell by his swearing how pissed off he still is and I can’t blame him. I would go mad too if I saw someone leaning up to kiss him.

His anger towards Eric makes me feel safe and protected, knowing that whenever Harry’s with me, no one will ever harm me. Too bad he is a world famous popstar touring the world for six months. It’s painful when I think about it so I try to not think about it. It’s hard though because the end of the England leg of the tour is nearing and only a few weeks after, he’s off to woo the rest of the world without me.

“Sorry for losing my temper.” Harry says quietly, his voice a little softer than before.

“No, you don’t have to apologize, if anything I should apologize for dragging us into this shit.” I sit down beside him, keeping a little distance between our bodies but Harry is quick to change that as he pushes me down so I’m with my head on his lap, gazing up at his beautiful face as he looks down at me.

“Lets just hope this is all over now. Louis and Sophie won’t get charged because our management paid a decent amount of money to that pap guy to not press charges and keep his mouth shut and you and I will be moving in together where no creep knows where to find you.”

He slides his hand under my shirt and trails his cold fingers over my abdomen. The coldness shouldn’t be as pleasant as it is but I feel myself pressing my cheek into his stomach and catch myself wishing he wasn’t wearing a shirt but believe it or not, I’m too prude to ask him to get rid of the annoying piece of fabric between his muscled tummy and my warm cheek.

“Sophie and Louis are free of everything?” I ask, only just now registrating the words Harry said when I was concentrating on everything but his talking.

“Yes. No court, no charges, no nothing.” Harry smiles for the first time since seven o’ clock.

“That’s good news!” I hum. Harry is using his other hand to brush through my hair, swiping it across my forehead.

 

“Yeah.” His word fades away in silence. We’re gazing at each other, staring even maybe. He looks very fond and it makes me happy that I’m the one he looks at like this. He’s literally the most beautiful person in the universe and I can call him my boyfriend. I know I’m being a sappy girl but just look at him! And he has such a good heart too. I don’t know why I deserve him but I’m selfish enough to take all he gives me.

“I love you.” The words slip out of my mouth so easily as I tuck a stray curl behind his ear. He leans into my touch and stills his hand now on my ribcage.

“I love you too. Very much so.” He turns his head to kiss the inside of my wris and my hand palm.

It’s been too long since we kissed and the electricity is almost unbearable so I sit up a little straighter, now my bum in his lap and lock my arms behind his neck as I press my lips against his. He responds to me immediately and slides his other hand under my shirt as well while he devours my lips with feverish kisses.

It isn’t raw and rough this time, he’s back to sensual and loving kisses but it isn’t less hot, especially not with his hands on my bare skin. I reposition myself without breaking the kiss and now I straddle him.

He pulls away slightly and looks up from my dishelved shirt to my eyes. His eye twitches a little, silently asking for permission to take it off so I lift my arms and so he can pull it over my head wich he loses no time in doing so. His eyes rake up and down my now naked upper body and I feel myself blush but his cheeks are pink as well and for some reason that makes it less uncomfortable.

“I wish you could see yourself right now.” Harry says quietly like it is a secret. “I think you have no idea how sexy you are.”

It’s true. I don’t quite believe that I’m sexy but everyone would get an inferiority complex while sitting on mister sex-on-legs’ lap.

“I—can you?” I play with the hem of his shirt, wanting to get him out of it so we can shift our attention to his body instead of mine. It’s not that I’m really insecure about my body, not anymore but it’s not that I like to focus on it. Luckily Harry oblidges quickly and helps me to get him out of his shirt so we’re now both bare from the waist up, the only thing on our torsos are our necklaces.

I brush his collarbones with my fingers, enjoying the feeling of his hot skin against my cold fingers. Goosebumps are starting to form on his body and his nipples harden. Harry is watching me intentely but I’m more concentrated on my fingers on his torso. I trail my fingers down and draw circles around his nipples without actually touching the hard buds. Harry shifts underneath me and I can feel why.

A rush of bravery makes me lean forward and kiss right below his ear before trailing down his neck with feather light kisses. When I reach the end of his neck and the beginning of his chest, I suck the skin into my mouth and swipe my tongue across it before I blow cold air on the now purple bruise I created.

Harry gasps and moans quietly the entire time and shifts me with his hands on my waist to a better position in his lap. Our clothes covered parts are pressed together and the feeling arouses me even more. You can’t blame me for rocking back and forth on his lap, creating more and more friction, dying to release.

“Babe... Niall stop!” He moans, trying to hold me still with firm hands but I’m too into this now and continue to circle my hips, nearing my release. “I’m gonna come if you don’t stop. Oh God.” He pants and it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard. So wound up and sexy. So desperate and frustrated and _I_ made him like this. You don’t understand how proud that makes me.

“Me too.” I moan, my voice low and unrecognizable. I scratch my fingernails across his chest, leaving red marks that will fade by the end of the night.

“Ughhh Niall...” He moans, bucking his hips up, hard. I know he’s coming undone and that’s enough for me to slip well past the edge too.

Harry puts a hand on the small of my back and the other on the back of my neck as he guides me down so I’m lying flat on the sofa. He kisses me then, all soft, tender and sweet and when he pulls away, he looks like pure bliss.ss

“Lets get to bed.” It’s only eight and I haven’t had dinner yet but I’m more tired than hungry so I let Harry pull me up and lead me to the bedroom. Once there, Harry pushes me on the bed gently and tells me to stay there before he walks away. I can only hope he hasn’t got plans on getting off a second time because I’m not even back on earth from my first high yet.

My hopes are answered when Harry comes back, dressed in one of my clean grey Topman boxers. He hands me a wettened towel and grabs a pair of fresh boxers for me out of the drawer before he kisses my head and goes to lay on his side of the bed with his back to me. I know he does it because he knows how uncomfortable I feel if he’s watching me clean up.

I swiftly remove my dirty underwear and clean my downside with the towel before I slip the fresh pair of boxers on. I lie next to Harry on the bed and trail my fingers down his arm so he knows that I’m ready. He turns around, his eyes already heavy and sleepy as he sports a tired smile.

“I’m not going to see you again before you get back from work tomorrow.” He mumbles, guiding my head to his chest. I wrap my arm around his waist and snuggle up close.

“Oh, yeah about that...” I can’t believe I forgot to tell him that I don’t work at Tesco anymore. “I got fired.”

“Fired?” Harry sits up a little to look at me but I don’t remove my head from his chest.

“Yeah. I didn’t show up for two weeks and now he has me fired but don’t worry because—“

“I can finally fully take care of you now.” Harry says, sounding more happy than anything else.

“No Harry I—“

“You can move in with me this week and I will set up a meeting to get your name on the lease along with mine and you will finally stop complaining about me wanting to spend money on you.” Harry hugs me and no, that’s absolutely not the case. Well, I do want my name on the lease but I still really don’t like the idea of Harry paying everything for me.

“Harry, stop it.” I sit up now as well to look him in the eye. Harry seems a little taken aback by my harsh tone. “Sorry I shouldn’t have snapped at you but you will not be paying for everything, I’ve got a new job.” I tell him seriously.

“A new job?”

“Yes. I will be taking care of Marcus Mondays to Thursdays, nine till four.” I answer. “I wasn’t going to take the money but Julia, his mum insists that she wants to hire me, so...” I shrug.

“Oh...” Harry replies quietly. “So you won’t be moving in anytime soon?”

“I still want to.” I cup his cheek in my hand and brush my thumb across his rosy cheek. “As long as you don’t mind Marcus there every now and again. I can watch him at their place but—“

“No, I don’t mind!” Harry replies so fast that it makes me chuckle. Eager boy.

“What if we say that next month will be the last time I pay rent here?” I question.

“What if we say that this month is the last month you did?” He shoots back, his eyes hopeful but mischievous eyes sparkling. “What if I call a moving company to box all your stuff and move it to _our_ place, lets say next Monday?”

I gulp. Monday is fast. Really fast. But what have I got to lose? Nothing, right?

“But you’re in Scotland for the weekend, will you be home on Monday?” I ask and Harry grins.

“I will make sure I’m back. Besides, you have the key.”

“I do?”

“Yes, I put it on your keyring a month ago and the combination of the gate is on a piece of paper in your wallet.”

I look at him in amazement. Is he joking or what? I feel like getting my keys and my wallet to see if he’s really telling the truth but for some reason I don’t even doubt him.

“Thank you?”

He laughs, kissing my lips. “So, Monday?”

“Monday.”


	51. Chapter 51

So Monday arrived and Harry isn’t here yet but Marcus is, all drowsy and still half asleep. Julia just dropped him off with his stuffed monkey and a bag of toys. I’ve babysat Marcus two times so far and I feel bad for taking money from Julia especially because all Marcus does is sleep and complain about his itch. The poor boy’s chicken pox have gotten worse, he even has them in his ears and mouth and therefor refuses to eat. He’s very clingy and wants to sit in my lap all the time and who am I to say no to that adorable little face?

“From tomorrow on, we will be spending our time together in my new house.” I tell Marcus. I’ve already discussed this with Julia over the weekend and she was almost ecstatic about it. Harry’s—no, _our_ house is on her way to work so she can easily drop off her son there. Also she told me that she knew the rumours were true but she promised not to tell anyone.

“New house?” Marcus asks, looking up at me with big eyes before he puts his little thumb in his mouth. Julia usually doesn’t allow it but I can’t tell the little ill boy off now.

“Yeah, I will be living in a very big house and Harry lives there too, you remember Harry?” I sit back on the sofa and put my legs on the coffee table. Marcus leans back in my chest contently and rests his socked feet on my legs.

“Liam too?”

“No buddy, I’m sorry, just Harry and I.” I chuckle as he sighs loudly.

“Oh.” He replies, not a little bummed out.

Only a few moments later, Marcus is fast asleep on my lap when the front door opens, revealing my tired but oh so sexy looking boyfriend. He opens his mouth to greet me but I quickly hint him to be quiet with my finger on my lips and pointing to Marcus. Harry nods and walks over to me, plopping himself next to me and drops a kiss on my lips.

“You okay?” I ask him quietly as he nuzzles his face in my shoulder and closes his eyes.

“Yeah, just tired.” As if on cue, he lets out a big yawn.

“Go to bed for a bit then. The movers will be here in two hours I think so you have plenty of time to get a little nap.” I kiss his hair softly and he hums.

“I can just nap here, you’re a much better pillow.” He mumbles, already halfway there to the wonderful words of dreams.

“Babe,” I whisper, Marcus is squirming in my lap on the verge of waking up, “just go to bed, I will wake you in a bit.”

Harry huffs but sits up straight, he rubs his eyes and I nearly want to give in. “Why can he sleep on you but I can’t?” I know he’s teasing but he looks so cute that I feel sorry for sending him to bed. Luckily he stands up and leaves to the bedroom without giving me as much as a look or I would have definitely given him his way.

“’M hungry.” Marcus mutters after a couple more minutes of dozing, his face pressed in the crook of my neck. “Pancakes?”

“You sure you want pancakes? Because I haven’t learned to cook them yet, we’ll have to ask Harry and he’s asleep right now.”

I feel sorry for having to wake Harry up but Marcus says he really _really_ wants pancakes and it’s the first decent meal he will be having in a while and besides, he looks too cute to say no to with all the red spots on his already innocent puppy face. Harry wouldn’t mind, would he?

I set Marcus down on the floor and take his little hand in mine and together we stride to the bedroom to wake up pancake master Harry. My heart melts immediately by the sight of my sleeping beauty still completely dressed on his side of the bed. It’s like he just fell down face first and fell asleep like that. It wouldn’t surprise me if that is what really happened, seeing the state of him coming in half an hour ago.

“You sure you don’t want something else?” I whisper to Marcus. “I make very nice eggs on toast.” But Marcus isn’t having that.

“I like pancakes more, Niall, please?” He asks cutely and I melt like ice cream on a hot summer day.

“Yeah okay, pancakes it is.” I sigh and sit down on the little bit of space left on the side of the bed. I put my hand on Harry’s back and rub him softly. I feel so incredibly guilty but I know how heartbroken Marcus can look, especially after I told him that Liam won’t be living with us.

“Harry, baby wake up.” I say softly, wanting to wake him up as gentle as possible.

I hear Marcus giggling and when I look behind me I see Marcus quietly laughing in his hands. “He’s not a baby.” He tells me then, still not done laughing. “He’s more than five years old, he’s a big boy.” The blonde boy shakes his head at my stupidity.

“You’re right, how dumb of me.” I play along. “Wake up big boy.” I say next, rubbing a little bit harder from Harry’s right shoulder to the other one.

“No...” Harry croaks, his voice groggy from sleep and weeks of touring.

“Harry not listening to Niall? I bet Liam would listen.” Marcus says smartly and for a minute I believe doesn’t approve my boyfriend choices. “Maybe Liam can make me pancakes?” He then offers like it’s the brightest idea ever.

“Call him.” Harry mutters, his cheek pressed against the mattress. His face didn’t even make the pillow and his feet are dangling off the bed. “Phone’s in my pocket.” And from the light snores escaping his mouth, I know that Harry is back asleep already.

“Call him!” Marcus gasps, jumping up and down with the stuffed monkey in his hand. It’s the most alive I’ve seen him in a while.

I wriggle my hand in Harry’s front pocket, for once cursing the super tight jeans he’s wearing all the damn time and kiss his temple once I get the phone. I’m tempted to go lie next to him and stare at his sleeping figure but I have Marcus to watch and I’m not that creepy. Okay I am that creepy but that’s none of your business.

I scroll through Harry’s phone while walking back to the living room, passing names like James Corden and Kate Moss until I stumble upon Liam Payne. Well not literally but his phone number. For some reason I feel nervous calling Liam because he is Liam freaking Payne of Skyway and I know he’s been in my house and everything but I can’t believe it, it makes me a bit giddy too.

I press on the call button and put him on speaker right away so that Marcus can hear it as well. The boy has climbed in my lap again but has his nose nearly squashed against the telephone screen.

“Hello?” The famous voice says on the other side of the line.

“Liam, can you come make me pancakes?” Marcus blurts before I can say anything else. Liam chuckles but I know that he has no idea who he’s talking to.

“Hey Liam, sorry, it’s Niall and Marcus.” I start, not knowing how to go on next.

“Oh hey, how are you doing? Are you with my best pal Marcus? I am very jealous of you, Niall.”

“You can come, Liam! You can come!” Marcus squeals excitedly, bouncing on my lap hard enough to get some damage done on my kneecaps. “And then you can make us pancakes!”

“Sorry, we wanted pancakes but Harry hasn’t taught me how to make them yet and he is asleep. Marcus suggested that we’d call you and Harry allowed us so here we are, practically begging you to come and make us some pancakes.” I help Marcus explain. It would be very cool if Liam actually came, he would make one of his biggest fans so happy. And Marcus too.

“Will I be there just for cooking purposes or do I get to play with my best mate as well?” Liam asks, emphasizing ‘best mate.’

“No you can play!” Marcus screeches, grabbing the phone in his chicken-pox-covered hand. “Right, Niall? Liam, he can come play?” He looks up at me for one second before he looks back to the phone, checking to see if Liam’s still there.

“Sure he can but remember that it’s moving day and you have to help carrying boxes.” I say faux sternly.

“Liam can help. Liam is stronger than you.” The little boy on my lap states smugly. That’s lovely, I know Liam is all bulked up and all but my muscles are decent. Decent for a twelve year old but still, decent.

Liam’s kind laugh sounds through the phone and I feel myself smiling with him. “I was about to call Harry to offer my help anyway. I’ll come over, I take it you’re still at your old place, Niall?”

“Yeah, you can find us there.” I tell him, feeling a bit giggly because I invited Liam Payne over to come play and he agreed.

“Okay, I’ll see you in a bit then.”

Marcus and I say our goodbyes before the small blue-eyed boy decides he needs to take a nap because he needs to be fit for when Liam comes. He slides off my lap and waddles over to the bedroom. I follow him quickly and watch how he helps his small body on the bed. My heart melts in a puddle of feelings down my stomach when he shuffles close to Harry, his bright smiling face only inches away from Harry’s. He curls his legs to his chest and closes his eyes but his smile doesn’t fade. I need to take a picture, the sight before me too endearing to let go of. I dig deep in my pocket and grab my phone out, opening the camera app and crouching down a little to get the perfect angle. I take the picture and stop the urge to put it on Instagram and Twitter. I do put it as the background of my phone because well, cuteness overload.

For moments long I stare at two of my favourite boys in the world until the downstairs doorbell goes. I tiptoe out of the room and press on the button to speak through the intercom. Better safe than sorry, right?

“Hello?”

“It’s me” one third of Skyway announces, “Liam.” He adds as if that wasn’t clear enough.

“Come on up.” I press the button to buzz Liam up and in no time there’s a knock on my door.

“Who is it?” I shout, walking up to the door to look through the peephole. Liam is standing there, fidgeting with the zipper of his jacket.

“It’s me– eh Liam.” He makes a funny face then, one where he scrunches his eyebrows in confusion and yeah, I should open the door instead of spy on him. “Hey, I came to cook and play!” Liam laughs the moment I open the door. I like his humour. He’s definitely in my top three favourite Skyway boys.

“Yeah hi, come in!” I try playing it cool. “Marcus and Harry are asleep in the bedroom, shall we wake them up?”

Liam looks conflicted. “Are you sure? I mean they need their sleep.”

I shrug, I took a picture so I don’t mind waking them up. Besides, “Marcus would want to be here and he’d kick my leg if I didn’t wake him up while you were here.”

“Yeah eh, okay.” Liam says hesistantly, as he shrugs his jacket off. He hangs it over the back of the sofa and swings his arms back and forth. “Shall I start on the pancakes then? You’ve got all the ingredients?”

I open some cabinets and the fridge to pull all the ingredients out. “Harry always makes sure to keep my fridge stocked.” I tell Liam for no apparent reason at all. I just don’t know what to say to him. He’s Liam Payne, _Liam Payne_ , he wouldn’t like my boring old life stories. The only thing interesting in my life is that I’m dating Harry Styles but that’s old news. “Okay well eh, I’m going to wake them up then.” I smile shyly as I walk backwards to the bedroom, savouring the sight of Liam Payne in my kitchen. God I sound like a fanboy.

Harry and Marcus are still laying the way they were when I left them. Marcus still has the corners of his mouth turned upwards and Harry is still sprawled out like a sack potatoes. A sexy sack potatoes of course.

I decide to let Harry sleep for a bit but I wake Marcus up. “Buddy, wake up.” I whisper, scooping the smaller boy in my arms. I walk out of the room with him before I break the news. “Guess who’s here?”

In no time, Marcus is awake and wriggles his way out of my hold. “Liam! Liam’s here? Liam’s here? Where is he? Where’s Liam?” He rambles. In his rush to find Liam, he runs right past Liam who’s watching the five year old with amused eyes. When the whirlwind that is Marcus passes me, I stop him and lift him up with my hands under his armpits. I hold him in front of me like that beast in the Lion King and then his little body tenses up.

“LIAM!” He gasps, holding his arms out for Liam to take him over from me. I mentally thank Liam because my decent muscles are burning.

“So _you_ are Marcus?” Liam questions, inspecting the boy’s face. Marcus nods. “Are you sure you’re Marcus?” Liam raises a thick caterpillar eyebrow.

“It’s me Liam, I’m Marcus! Really, tell him Niall!” Marcus looks at me expectantly.

“Yeah Liam, this is really him.” I pat Marcus on the shoulder and the boy looks back at Liam again like as to say ‘I told you so.’

“Oh wow...” Liam sets Marcus down on the kitchen counter. “I never expected someone _this_ cool.” Liam shakes his head like he just can’t believe it. The guy should be an actor. _Wait!_ No I take that back, he has to put his voice to right by singing. In Skyway. My favourite songs. With my boyfriend. And Louis.

The two ramble along, talking about everything and nothing but I’ve already zoned out. I bet Liam’s going to be a good dad some say. He looks lovely with a child. Not that I would ever give up Harry because Harry looks even better with kids than Liam does. I’m just a little star stuck by Liam mother peeping Payne.

I let the two be and go check on the handsomest boyfriend in history of all handsome boyfriends. He’s still soundly asleep and it seems like he hasn’t moved an inch. Something stirs in my stomach because after today, I will be waking up to this face every day. Well, the days he isn’t on tour or doing promo stuff but it is the thought that counts, right? Also, if he isn’t in bed with me, I can put my cardboard cutout of him in bed next to me.

I giggle to myself; that gives me a thought. I get down on my knees, not to do dirty stuff but to get the cut out from under my bed. This is ace! With the human-sized but fake Harry in my hands I go over to my side of the bed and put it under the sheets, very close to Harry.

“Harry...” I whisper in my most sensual voice. Not that I have one but at least I try. “Harry, wake up baby.” I murmer, hiding behind the bed. “Hazzy, come on Bear, you need to get up now.”

I can hear him murmering incoherent words in his half sleep. So I give it one last shot. “Haz. darling, I want you and I want you _now_.” He opens his eyes and it happens fast after that. He screams out, loud and harsh before he falls out of the bed, hitting the floor with a loud thud.

_Whoops!_

That wasn’t the plan but oh well. I can’t contain my laughter anymore, the funny feeling bubbling up until I start laughing so hard that my stomach aches.

“You—your—“ I wheeze, I really can’t form words. I’m so out of breath that my head feels like it’s going to blow up but I can’t stop laughing. Practical jokes should be my new thing.

“Niall you _dick_!” Harry’s still on the floor and so am I but on the other side.

“I thought you’d want to see what I will wake up next to from now on.” I’m slowly calming down so I crawl over to Harry on hands and knees. It sounds sexier than it actually is. I plant myself on Harry with my knees on both sides of his waist.

“You’re going to wake up next to a cardboard cut out of me?” Harry looks at me with a grumpy frown.

“The days you’re home I’m not.” I grin. “But I like to see your pretty face so I figured you might too.”

“No.” Harry huffs, rolling over so that I’m not on top of him anymore. “You were talking so I thought I’d see you next to me and I was all prepared to that but then I opened my eyes and _boom!_ There I was, looking at myself.”

“I’m sorry babe, it was just a little joke.” I apologize. I hope he buys it because I didn’t mean that at all. I’m not sorry for one bit.

“It’s not even a good picture of me.” He sighs. “I’m sixteen there and didn’t know how to control my hair yet.” He wraps his giant man arms around me anyway and pulls me back on top of him. I can’t help to kiss the tip of his nose.

“Every picture of you is a good one.” I say. Cheesy, I know but I don’t care because Harry loves me anyway. I lean down and close my eyes. I feel Harry’s breath on my lips and his grip on my waist tightening before he pulls his hands away completely.

“Did I spend too much time with my bandmates or do I really hear Liam?” Harry asks, ignoring my puckered lips.

“Hey, I was about to kiss you.” I pout frustrated. I wanted a kiss.

“And I thought I would wake up next to you only minutes ago. Things change!” He smirks smugly before he smacks my tiny touchy to get me to stand. I oblige like the perfect boyfriend I am and hold my hands out to help Harry up as well. He then lets go of of me and walks out of the door. I can’t believe he just leaves me without a kiss. What a nerve on him!

As if he read my mind, Harry rushes back in and grabs both my cheeks before he plants a hard and absolutely not tender kiss on my lips. Yeah, that wasn’t what I was hoping for but I least I got something.

I follow him out of the bedroom to the kitchen where we find Marcus still on the counter, cheeks flushed red and covered in flour. Liam is pretty much the same and it looks like they’re having a good time. The smaller boy is munching on a piece of pancake while his eyes follow Liam every move. Liam is singing a song that I don’t recognize and I’m pretty sure Marcus doesn’t either but he’s bopping his head and swaying a little to Liam’s musical voice.

I feel Harry behind me. His torso is pressed against my back as he pulls me in with his arms around my shoulders. I lean back and look up. “Thank you for making me happy.” Without Harry I wouldn’t have had Liam in my kitchen making Marcus one of the happiest boys alive. Without Harry I wouldn’t have had real happiness and love and I’ve got that now.

“I love you.” He nuzzles his nose against mine before he kisses me.

Yeah, this is pure happiness.


	52. Chapter 52

“Yeah so this is it. What do you think Marcus?” I ask once the movers leave the house after bringing all my boxes in. I was a bit hesistant about hiring people to move my stuff over but Paul had arranged this and told Harry that they were thrustworthy. Paul and Preston have been and still are our rocks during the whole time Harry and I have been dating so I believe every word they say now. I also think that we should do something to thank them but that is something I will have to discuss with Harry.

“I think he’s not that impressed.” Liam chuckles. He has Marcus on his hip and the little boy has his head on Liam’s shoulder and his arms around his neck. “He’s been asleep ever since I picked him up. He was making grabby hands at me when we first got here and I feel like some kind of Grinch if I say no to that face.” Liam explains and I laugh.

“Basically the story of my life.”

“I thought the story of your life was obsessing over me?” Harry smirks as he enters the living room with three steaming cups of tea, a glass of juice and a plate with cookies on a tray.

I feel myself blushing even though I don’t want to. I don’t want to give that smug bastard the satisfaction of seeing me go all red.

“Oh shut up.” I glare at him, crossing my arms against my chest. Douchebag Harry just keeps smirking. I don’t like him anymore. Okay, that’s a lie. I’m so in love with him that I have to reset my heart after looking at him for more than five seconds. Is it silly that I still feel like I’m dreaming and that I’m waiting for my alarm to go off? That would be some major plot twist if I still wrote fan fictions.

“And you’ve got to live with me forever now. Poor you.” He grins as he sits down on the sofa, putting the tray on the coffee table. Before I can sit next to him, he pulls me down on his lap with his slender fingers pressed into my shirt-covered hips. I still can’t get over his hands and what they do to me. Non-sexually. Although... Yeah lets not think about this right now.

“Yeah, I think I’ll call the movers again to bring my stuff back. I think I can arrange something with the land lord in my old building...” I tease back, pretending to think about it.

“Oh no you don’t.” Harry says quickly. I know he knows I’m teasing but something in his voice gives it away that he’s actually at least a little bit afraid that I would move out. Yeah as if. Can you imagine me leaving Harry? No, me neither.

“You’re right. You’ve got me wrapped around your finger. I’m whipped.” I turn my head and stick my tongue out to Harry who catches it with his teeth before he encloses his lips around it and presses his own tongue against mine.

“Eh, guys?” Liam.

Oh yeah, that’s right. We weren’t alone in this room. Darn. Would it be rude to shoo Liam out?

“Niall? Why are you in Harry’s lap? You’re too big.” Marcus drawls sleepily and oh yeah, there’s a little kid with us as well. See, this is what happens when Harry kisses me, I forget about everything. We create a little bubble, trying to ignore everyone and everything around us. Unfortunately, there’s almost always someone with a needle around to pop it, this time it were Liam and Marcus. Marcus isn’t even allowed to play with needles.

“We’re being romantic.” Harry answers for me, circling his arms around my waist and pressing a kiss on top of my head. I swear I can hear angels sing right now.

Marcus looks up at Liam from his position on Liam’s lap and scrunches his nose. “Are we being romantic too?”

I swallow down my laughter as I wait for Liam to answer. He’s been so great with Marcus the entire day and they’ve been chatting about the most random things but Liam seems a bit lost now. Of course he isn’t romantic with Marcus, that would be disgusting and absolutely sick but I know he doesn’t want to hurt Marcus’ feelings and even I have no clue whether Marcus has a crush (as far as that goes for a four year old) on Liam or whether he just completely idolizes him.

“Do you want it to be romantic?” I try, hoping it will help Liam figure out what to say.

Marcus simply shrugs. “I don’t know what romantic means.” And just like that the conversation is over. Thank heavens.

“Do you want your juice, buddy?” Liam asks, also relieved that he didn’t have to answer the question.

“No.” Marcus rubs his red, puffy eyes. He looks completely and utterly knackered and I’d put him to bed but Julia is due to pick him up any minute now. “I’m itchy, Liam. Make it stop, please?” His voice is whiny but not in a bad way, I know he feels ‘yuck and icky’ as he puts it and I feel sorry for the little fella.

“Your mum will be here in a few minutes.” Liam looks at me and I nod at him in confirmation. “She will wash you and I will tell her to put that special lotion on you that takes all the itch away.” He taps Marcus’ nose cutely with his index finger. I cuddle more into Harry’s chest as I watch the interaction between the other two boys.

“Can’t _you_ do that?” Marcus asks as the bell rings, indicating that there’s someone at the gate. Harry gently pushes me off of him and walks to the telephone specially there for the gate and high tech screen next to it to see who’s there.

“Hey Julia, let me open the gate for you,” he says and presses a button. “It’s your mum, Marcus.” Harry says all chipper. I know he loves the boy at least half as much as I do and he wouldn’t at all mind for him to stay longer but it’s obvious that Marcus wants to stay with us, or actually with Liam, so he acts like Julia being here is the best thing in the world since she will want to take her son home.

“Yaayy!” Liam grins excitedly. “Your mum’s here!”

The little show Harry and Liam just put up only makes Marcus frown and snuggle more into Liam. The latter sighs and rubs the five year old gently on his back. It’s safe to say that the adoration Marcus has for Liam is mutual.

“Hey come on, I’ve got you something.” Liam says, standing up and taking Marcus with him. He has no choice but to do so since Marcus has a dead grip on his neck. “Harry, can I borrow a shirt?” Harry raises an eyebrow but nods anyway before the two other boys walk out of the living room.

I then go to open the door to let Julia in and she wolf-whistles the second she steps into the house. “Impressive.” She nods appreciatively, looking around with curious eyes. My boxes are still everywhere but she seems to pay no mind to that. “Even this hallway is bigger than your old flat.” She chuckles and it’s true. Julia still lives with her husband and son in their flat, which is the same size as my old one, and suddenly guilt washes over me.

“I know...” I say silently, burying my hands in my pockets as I bounce on my heels.

“Babe? You’ve got to come see this.” Harry half yells from the living room and I’m grateful for him breaking the tension.

I walk to the living room with Julia trailing behind me and I’m met with one of the cutest things ever. Liam is wearing Harry’s shirt and sure, that’s not a big deal but he has Marcus on his hip again and the blonde is sporting a beaming smile from ear to ear with his small body drawning in the shirt Liam was wearing until five minutes ago. His shoulder is peeking out of the collar and the only other parts of his body sticking out are his head and his feet.

“Look mummy!” Marcus screetches proudly, “present from Liam because I’m his best friend and I didn’t scratch my itch all day!”

“It’s true!” Liam nods as he walks towards Julia. “I’m Liam, nice to meet you.” He shakes Julia’s hand and she gladly takes it, looking at the boy. I think Julia is secretly a fangirl. You see, she isn’t as hysterical and flirty as when she met Harry but she sure looks quite astonished. Yeah babe, two-thirds of Skyway is within a three meters radious of you.

“Julia.” She introduces herself. “I hope Marcus didn’t bother you, I know how big of a fan he is of you and he tends to get a bit too excited sometimes.” She smiles in the hope that Marcus has been a good boy.

“Absolutely not. The four of us had a lovely day together, didn’t we?” Liam looks at the small boy with a big toothy smile. Marcus nods but the grin has left this face and he looks heartbreakingly sad all over again. The chicken pox only adding to the effect. “What is it buddy?”

“Can I stay with you?” He asks quietly, studying Liam with glassy eyes. To be fair, I’m ready to cry as well. It’s too cute and yet upsetting to watch. I let myself lean back against Harry who has come to stand behind me. He wraps his arms around me and I put my hands on his.

“Marcus, we need to get you home. We’re having chicken nuggets for dinner.” Julia interferes.

“‘M not hungry.” Marcus croaks, clinging on to Liam for dear life. He puts his face in Liam’s neck and the older boy tries to comfort him by swaying them a little and putting a large hand on his tiny back.

“Hey buddy?” Liam stage whispers, mouth close to Marcus’ ear. “If you promise to eat your food and get healthy again so all the itchy spots go away, _I_ promise that we will have a sleepover some day after I get back from traveling.” He proposes and Marcus looks up at him with big eyes. “But you have to get all better first. Can you do that for me?”

Marcus nods, determined to get better now. “I can do that, Liam.”

“Good, I thought so. Niall and Harry have my number so when all the red spots have gone away, you tell them to call me, alright?”

“Okay,” there’s a smile on Marcus’ face again, “but I have to go home now so I can eat my nuggies, sorry Liam, we can’t play anymore.”

Ten minutes later, Marcus is gone hone with his mum and Liam plops down on the sofa and groans. “Would you judge me if I had a little cry right now?”

“That boy really is something, isn’t he?”

“Found an empty spot in my heart and made himself at home there.” Liam answers emotionally. He wasn’t lying when he said he wanted to cry and I like that about him. He’s so sincere and everything he does comes straight from the heart.

“He tends to do that. I was almost begging Julia to let him stay the first time I babysat him.” I chuckle at the memory. It was only half a year ago but it seems longer than that. Marcus has grown much since the first day I saw him and everytime I see him I love him a little bit more. But how could you not love him? He’s the most charming little boy in the world and he doesn’t even try.

“He even gave me his shirt.” Liam smiles. “He said that because I gave him mine, I should have his. It took me a lot of sweet talking to stop him from being offended that I didn’t pull it on.” I can only imagine Marcus huffing and pouting at Liam and Liam explaining that it doesn’t fit on him.

“I bet it did. He has this look that you want to do everything he asks you.”

“I should ask him how he does that.” Harry interrupts us as he sits between Liam and me with four take-out menus. “Now all cute boys aside, except from me,” modest, Harry, very modest, “what do we want for dinner. What would Louis want for dinner?”

“Louis is coming?” Liam asks.

“Yeah, he called to see how the moving went so I invited him over. Was that not a good idea? Do you want me to cancel him?” Harry looks at me even though I wasn’t the one asking the question.

I know things between Louis and I are all right. We’re not exactly friends but I’ve only seen him once after we made up so you can’t expect a blooming friendship.

“No, it’s okay, he can come.”

Harry lets out a sound of relieve, “I’m glad you say that because he’s here in five minutes.”


	53. Chapter 53

Louis is—I don’t know. He seems off. He’s quiet and a little pale and not all the bubbly ball of sunshine he always appears to be. His beard is longer than a stubble and the bit of hair I can see, pushed back by a beanie looks greasy. He steps into the living room and sits down on the edge of the love seat. Harry sets down a fresh cup of tea on the table for him and that seems to snap Louis out of it a little.

“Harry, mate! How are you?” Louis asks as if they haven’t seen each other the day before.

“Pretty good, thank you. Finally brought my boy home.” Harry gently presses his fingers in my shoulder before his grip lessens. He looks at me before he dips down slightly to press a kiss to my temple. My stomach flips either because of _my boy_ or the little kiss and it feels so good. It’s like little fairies sprinkling love dust all through my tummy. God, I’m gay.

“Good for you mate!” Louis then looks at me. “You too congratulations! Hope you feel much safer here than in your old home.” I blink at him. Louis is being nice to me. Sure, he was nice to me the last time I saw him but I thought maybe he changed his mind about me, again. “So how have you been?”

“I eh, I’m quite alright thank you. Yourself?” I answer, still a bit dazed about Louis ‘sassmaster’ Tomlinson niceness.

“Pretty good, mate. Pretty good.” Louis full on grins though it doesn’t seem earnest. “You probably heard that the paparazzo guy didn’t press charges so that’s one headline in the tabloids less.”

“Yeah eh, Harry told me. That’s great news!” I tell him, his happiness having its effect on me too. My heartbeat is slowing down to just a little over average. I’m feel good knowing that Louis hasn’t changed since the last time and that he’s on our side now. He seems genuinely happy for Harry and that we’re now living together.

Louis zones out again and the tension is building up. I’m wondering if I’m the only one who feels that way. I don’t know for how long we’ve been silent but I do know that I won’t be the one breaking it. I do know that I will be the one running away if someone else isn’t talking soon.

“I’m so sorry for being a dick.” Louis apologizes for the second time in a couple of weeks before he stands before me, pulls me off the sofa and engulfs me in a big fat giant bear hug.

I slowly wrap my arms around him and pat his back. I must say he does smell good, better than I thought when he first entered the house looking a bit like a caveman without a bat. “Louis, you’ve apologized already, it’s okay.”

“No. No it’s not.” He says sternly before Harry interrupts him.

“Let’s move this back to the sofa, yeah?” He puts his hand on my shoulder and pries me out of Louis’ arms. Is this guy really jealous of Louis-really-nice-smelling-Tomlinson? Ahh baby, you shouldn’t be. You smell good too.

Harry sits down on the corner of the sofa and takes me with him. I don’t end up in his lap this time but I’m tightly pressed against him and my back is for a part against his chest. Louis sits back down on the loveseat and puts his elbows in his knees, hands claped together as he leans forward so he’s a bit closer.

“Look, I’m really sorry for the way I’ve been treating you. There isn’t a good excuse for it but I want to explain myself.” Louis swallows before he continues, repositioning himself with his knee on the cushion so he’s fully facing me. He has explained himself before, didn’t he?

Liam makes a noise but Louis hushed him. “It’s alright, I told him about Jake.” He coughs a little uncomfortably. “Yeah so you obviously know how that went and I really thought you’d pull the same thing to Harry. I thought you would either break up with him and enjoy the attention you’d be getting or that you’d try to use him for your own fame. Harry has tried to explain so many times about how that’s not the case with you but I didn’t believe him, I still had the Jake scenario fresh in my mind.”

“It’s alright I understa—“

“No, let me finish please.” Louis interrupts before I can forgive him _again_. “Harry has talked to me so many times but love makes blind, you know? I never would’ve thought that Jake did what he did so of course Harry wouldn’t believe my arguments. I was determind to convince him to break up with you.” He looks down, cheeks red of shame. “Back then, I didn’t see the love in his eyes, the way you look at him like he’s the inventor of chocolate. After we talked, I realized that not everybody is going to end up like me; broken, sad and confused.”

Ready to cry, I look at Harry who sends me a secret smile.

“Through my darkest times I’ve always had the support of my best mates and it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t return that to Harry. But I owe it to you too because you make Harry happy and that’s all I want for my little brother. And—I hope I’ve gained a friend in you as well because I really like you.” Harry looks at him, judgingly. “As a friend!” Louis quickly corrects himself. “You’re really good to Harry and it’s obvious that you truly love him so I want to get to know you a bit better. I want to know the man behind my best friend and I want _you_ to know that I’ll have your back, always.” He lets out a long breath. It looks like it’s really been bothering him.

“Thank you.” I tell him, putting my hand on his knee for a second. He looks like he needs to be comforted. “I know you have my back, our backs. You punched a pap on the nose, Louis. That says a lot.” Louis laughs loudly at that and it’s nice to see something else than a frown on his face.

“It means a lot to us.” Harry says after his laughter has died down a little.

“It really does. I’m glad you’re okay with us and I yeah, I’m most of all glad that Harry has his friend back.”

“You’re just glad that we’re not fighting anymore because you were afraid that the band would break up.” Louis teases and damn me for my pale complexion betraying me once again. I hate blushing this easily.

“So, what did I miss?” Liam claps his hands together as he steps into the room. Oh I forgot about him not being here. I was so entranced by Louis’ heartwarming little speech. _Oh my God_ , Harry, Liam and Louis are all here. Oh my God, I’m in a room with all the members of Skyway and one of them is my boyfriend and holy fu—

“Just Niall fangirling over us.” Louis says and everybody laughs. Even Harry. Traitor.

“You’ll get used to it after a while.” He smirks, squeezing me close. _Thanks Harry, buddy._

“If you’ll excuse me, I have to go and unpack a couple of boxes now.” I push Harry’s hand from my waist and stand up.

“Did you bring your poster collection too?” Louis asks and how did he know—

“ _Harry!_ ” I turn around to glare at the dickhead I call my boyfriend who smiles, looking more innocent than he actually is.

“Yes, darling?”

“You told Louis about my—never mind.” I turn to Louis. “No I didn’t bring my poster collection. I’ve burned it down and used the expensive lightner that Harry gave me for my candles to light it, and then I threw that in too along with his favourite t-shirt.”  
“No you didn’t.” Harry gasps.

“No I didn’t but I could have. Actually, I’m thinking about it right now...” I tap my chin.

“Niall...” Harry whines. “I’m sorry I told Louis about your posters. Don’t burn my shirt, _please?”_

“Babe,” I take Harry’s chin in my hand and urge him to look down at himself. “You’re wearing that shirt.”

Louis laughs again, loudly this time and Liam’s face lights up at the sound. I think Louis hasn’t laughed like that in a while. “You’re perfect for each other.” He says, beaming.

Harry makes a kissy-face at me and yeah, I reckon we are perfect for each other.

 

 


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still no actual smut. Maybe that'll change, I'm not sure yet.

Being with Harry is easy, for the most parts at least. It’s hard when he’s away for a couple of weeks and I’m not allowed to come over or he doesn’t have a long enough break to come home. But yeah, being with Harry is easy and so should it be to have sexual intercourse with him. So why am I so nervous?

Harry is home after two weeks in Northern Ireland and currently lying in _our_ bed reading the newspaper. He prefers an actual paper instead of reading it on his phone or iPad and with a glass of orange juice and an empty plate on the side tables on both sides of the bed it’s a pretty domestic sight. I’m brushing my teeth, leaning against the doorframe of the ajoined bathroom, watching him.

This morning we had a proper hot snogging session and it was obvious where it all was headed but I pulled away with the excuse I was hungry. I’m scared. Not scared of actually having sex but scared that I’m not good enough, that I don’t live up to his expectations or standards.

“You’re dripping, babes.” Harry snaps me out of it, pointing to his own chin. Oh yikes, there’s toothpaste foam on my chin and oh, on the carpet as well. That’s going to leave a stain. I quickly step over to the sink, spit and rinse.

“Ni, can you come back here for a minute?” Harry calls out. He’s still in bed, the covers pooling around his waist and he looks like absolute heaven.

“What’s up?” I try to go for casual but my heart skips a beat.

“I’m sorry if I came on a little too strong.” He scratches the back of his neck. “I get aroused so easily by you and it’s really hard to stop sometimes but I really don’t want to do anything you don’t want so you need to be honest with me when I go too far for your liking. Please tell me if you need me to stop.”

I sit down on the bed, crossing my legs as grab his hands in mine. “It’s not that I wanted you to stop. I really liked where it was going this morning but I got scared. Not because you’re pushing me because you’re not. I just--” God, this is embarrassing.

“What is it?” Harry squeezes my hand.

“What if I’m not good?”

Harry nearly chokes. “ _Babe._ ” He easily tugs me on his lap. “I’m not allowing you to doubt yourself like that, do you understand?” I nod but it’s not like I can help it. “So if I understand you correctly, you want the same things I want but you’re insecure about how you’ll perform?”

Oh my God. I groan. “Basically.” And it’s stupid because I’ve had sex before.

“Oh Jesus, come here.” He kisses me sweetly, hugging me tight as he presses his lips against mine. I let my body relax into his and only hold myself up with my arms.

It gets heated pretty quickly. The sweet kisses turn into a long dirty one with a lot of tongue and a bit of teeth and Harry flips us over, him on top and me flat on my back. He rubs our crotches together making me want to scream that _please I need more_ and I’m pretty sure Harry knows it. He knows what he’s doing to me but this time he isn’t smug about it.

“This alright?” He asks, panting against my lips. I nod, the only sound passing my lips are moans. “You tell me when to stop, yeah?” I nod again. I don’t think I’ll be stopping him any time soon. He kisses my jaw up to my earlobe and down my neck, his hands roaming my upper body, fingers teasing. I push my lower body upwards, against Harry and I feel _everything_. I hook my thumbs underneath the waistband of my boxers and push them down. I want this. I want Harry.

 

 

“Are you going to break up with me and tell the press about us now?” Harry asks cheekily as he climbs back into the bed after cleaning us up and throwing the towel in the hamper.

“I would slap you in the face if I weren’t so damn comfortable now.” I keep my eyes closed as I cuddle up to him. I wrap my arms around his torso and put my head on his chest.

Harry chuckles silently before it dies down completely. He clears his throat before he asks “how are you feeling?” in the most caring and sweet way ever. It makes me fall for him all over again.

“Good, I feel good.” I mumble, ready to pass out for the night.

“Sore?”

“A bit, not really I think. I don’t know, tired.”

“Alright, yeah go to sleep then.” He stays still completely, doesn’t even put his arm around me like he usually does and I know something’s off. Great, was I that bad in bed? I mean I haven’t had loads of practice but he reached his high with me so I think it couldn’t have been that terrible. Right?

“Harry?” I whisper after a few minutes. Harry’s breathing is still irregular so I know he’s awake but I can’t help to lower my voice. Maybe it’s the intimacy of the conversation I’m about to have with him or nerves or I don’t know, gosh I need to get my head sorted.

“Hmm?”

“Harry how bad, I mean how eh...” I want him to hold me and assure me that it’s all fine but he does nothing. “Did I mess up?”

“What do you mean?”

“Was I really that bad?”

“Niall...”

“At sex, was I really terrible?” I blurt, it’s not like he’d catch up on my babbling anyway.

Harry reaches for my chin and tilts my head so I’m forced to look at him now. He’s reading my eyes, I can see his eyes flicker from my left to my right and then he frowns, “are you serious?” He asks incredulously and I flush from head to toe at his dumbfounded expression. “Oh my God, you _are_ serieus.”

“Well ehh—“

“Sweetheart, did you not hear the noises I made or how I moaned your name when I came?” He sits up straight, my chin still in between his thumb and index finger. His mouth is open as he waits for an answer. I’m not quite sure how to answer it though because sure I heard that and it gets me riled up when I think about it but well, I don’t know.

“Yeah but.”

“But what, Ni? It was the best experience I’ve ever had,” he pauses, slowly removing his hand from my face, “wasn’t it good for you? Was I not gentle enough?”

He was very gentle with me, I smile when I think about it. It was so romantic, the way he almost seemed to worship my body, kissing everywhere his lips could reach. His hands caressed me to make me relax, distracting me from the pain that I never felt. Him muttering adoring words close to my ear as he panted in my neck, trying to make it the best time of my life and it all worked because it damn sure was the most intense pleasure I’ve ever felt.

“You were, it was perfect.”

“Then what is it?” He blinks slowly as he looks at me, his frown not completely dissapeared.

“I kind of wanted to cuddle but you didn’t wrap your arms back around me.” I admit, looking at my hands in my lap. I pick my thumbnail as I wait for humiliation, that Harry hates cuddling after sex, telling me I smell bad or that he rather has me to sleep in the guest bedroom or at least take a shower first.

“Oh...”

Oh? Is that it? Just oh?

“Yeah... I’m sorry, I’ll spend the night in the other bedroom.” I make my move to leave but Harry stops me.

“Why would you do that?”

“I thought you wanted—“

“Well you clearly thought wrong.” He interrupts me. “Come here, babe. Please?” When I look back at him I see him waiting with his arms wide open.

“Are you sure?” I ask for comfirmation. I don’t want to do something he doesn’t want.

“Are you kidding me?” Harry breathes out a laugh, “there’s nothing I’d want more right now. The reason why I didn’t hug you back is because I was afraid you regretted it. When I got in bed after I freshened us up, I leaned in to kiss you but you ducked your head and closed your eyes.”

Oh my God I did what? I am such a dick.

“You tried to kiss me?”

“Yep, but you put your head on my chest, like you didn’t want me to.”

I crawl back on the bed, sitting in his lap. I must admit that my lower back area is kind of feeling uncomfortable but I ignore it, wanting to kiss the life out of my boyfriend. So I do, I kiss the life out of him and enjoy the sigh that escapes his lips and the way his arms wrap around me and tighten around my back like I wanted him to.

“I always want you to kiss me, silly boy.” I nuzzle my nose against his, sharing an Eskimo kiss.

“Hey,” he whines, “who are you calling silly here? You are the one who thought you were terrible at sex.” I feel the heat rise to the tips of my ears as I punch his shoulder half-heartedly.

“Well, you thought I regretted it so you’re the silliest.” I mumble, putting my head on his shoulder so I have easy access to his neck. I scrape my teeth over the bruise I sucked earlier tonight and he shivers.

“We’re both a little stupid and that’s why we’re a match made in heaven.” He squirms, pushing me away only slightly so I can’t tease his neck anymore.

We’re silent for minutes or maybe hours, I’m not exactly sure but it’s comfortable because we’re both lying down on the bed again and Harry’s properly cuddling me and brushing my hair with his hands and dropping a kiss there occasionally. My eyes are drooping but I don’t want to give in, no matter how tired I feel. I need to get up in only a few hours because Julia will be here to drop Marcus off and we’re signing the lease this afternoon and Harry’s house will become our house. I can’t believe how fast all of this is going.

“So after next weekend, I’ll have a couple of weeks off and I was hoping if you’d like to come with me to Holmes Chapel to meet my family.” Harry says then and I can feel his heartbeat go slightly faster. “We can go from Friday to Sunday, the days we don’t have Marcus.” He adds.

“I’d like that,” I tell him honestly, “I hope they’ll like me.” Insecurity kicks in already. I definitely want to meet his family and I want him to meet mine but oh my word, the nerves!

“As long as I’m happy, they’re happy and my mum practically loves everyone and my granddad always told me to go for blondes and there’s my auntie Gina who always tries to set me up with every boy she knows, even if they’re not gay and my causin Rico will protect you from everyone who’ll try to come near us, he is like six foot ten and he has giant muscles and my grams will love how easy you blush and tell you how to make her favourite cookies and then makes you promise to keep the recipe a secret until you have children of your own.” Harry rambles with a grin. “Gemma will interogate you with questions and she’ll try to trick you but as long as you’re completely honest, she’ll do no harm and my dad won’t show any emotion but if he asks to come watch a game with him, that means he likes you and my stepdad will hug you the moment you walk in but that’s normal and—“

“Your family seems amazing.” I laugh, kissing him on the lips to stop his rambling.

“They really are and now you’ll be part of the family too just like my sister’s boyfriend is.” He practically beams, nearly glowing in the dark.

“ _My_ mum will probably pinch every bit of you to see if you aren’t really a poster or the cut out.”

Harry laughs at that, no idea how serious I am, “she wouldn’t.”

“She would.”


	55. Chapter 55

“Mum, Robin, this is Niall, my boyfriend,” Harry introduces me to his mother and stepfather. Their expressions are cold and distant as they eye me down.

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you.” I try breaking their icy stare as I put out my hand for them to shake. Neither of them takes it.

“You picked _this_ guy?” Anne scrunches her nose, “you’re gay, Harry, couldn’t you have come home with someone manlier? Look at this guy, he’s small and skinny and he looks like he’s only in for the money to buy decent clothes. Look at what he’s wearing, ripped jeans and a white t-shirt. Haven’t you told him to dress decent? And what about his hair, his dark roots are showing and he defnitely needs a haircut. God Harry, I didn’t raise you to be a homo but I thought you’d at least have some taste in picking boys.”

“Yeah, what happened to Louis anyway? He was a proper guy, treated you well, I know he punched you occassionally but you deserved that anyway.” Robin adds.

Harry dated Louis? Louis _punched_ him?

“You dated Louis?”

Harry shrugs, “yeah but only for a year, wasn’t a big deal anyway.”

“It _was_ a big deal, you were going to propose to him but then you fucked it all up and fell ‘in love’ as you put it with this weasel.” Anne says.

“It just happened,” Harry shrugs, slipping his hand out of my grasp and in his jeans pocket.

“It just happened,” Robin mocks him before his palm connects with Harry’s cheek. The sound of the slap is hard but Harry seems unfazed by it. There’s a red print already forming on his pale cheek but he stays still. “It just happened,” Robin smirks.

“You’re not going to defend me?” Harry asks, looking down at me. I look up at him and then to Robin who has inched closer now. I don’t stand a chance to a guy like him. What am I supposed to do?

“I can’t.” I tell him.

“You can’t?” Anne cocks an eyebrow and I shake my head.

“I can’t. The money isn’t worth getting beaten up.”

Harry stares at me for what feels like hours before he ruffles my hair. “I guess this is the end then,” he says.

“I guess it is.”

“And you know what, Niall?”

_Niall_

_Niall_

_Niall_

I start awake. Next to me is Harry, driving with one hand on the wheel and the other in my hair. His eyes alternate from looking at me and looking at the road. What happened?

“You fell asleep,” Harry answers my unspoken question, “think you had a nightmare. Are you okay?”

A nightmare, it was all just a nightmare.

I feel my heart slow down into a normal pace as Harry’s hand detangles from my hair. I quickly get a hold of his hand and twine our fingers. I close my eyes for a moment or two and focus on my breathing. Just a nightmare, it was just a nightmare.

“Has your stepfather ever hit you?” I blurt the question without thinking about it.

Harry looks at me, wide-eyed before he spits a “no!”

“And Louis?”

“Niall, no, of course not. What is this about?” Harry says annoyedly as he tries to pull away from my grasp.

“I don’t know,” I answer ashamed, tightly holding on to his hand. I can’t have him pull away now. I need to feel him, I need to feel that I didn’t lose him.

“Was it the dream?” He asks, voice kinder now. I shrug.

“We were at your family house and you introduced me but they hated me. They said bad things about me and asked what happened to your relationship with Louis. You were going to propose to him before you met me. Your stepdad punched you and said that Louis used to hit you as well. I didn’t defend you and you broke up with me.” I feel tears prickling the corners of my eyes as I think back on the dream. I leave the part where I was in it for the money out.

“Hey now, don’t be upset,” Harry says soothingly, eyes scanning the road quickly before he looks at me again. “Robin never hit me, I never dated Louis, _ugh_ God no and my family will absolutely love you. _I_ love you.” Funnily enough, hearing Harry say it like that, it calms me down a lot. It’s not that I really thought that the things in my dream actually happened but I guess I needed confirmation of some sorts. “You ready for it then, cakeface?”

Suddenly forgetting all my nerves, I choke out in laughter. “ _Cakeface?”_ Oh my God! That might be the funniest name I’ve even been called. Cakeface, oh gosh, stomach cramps from laughing too hard. Ouch! I can’t stop laughing though, oh God, what this boy does to me.

“What?” He asks, looking offended. Wait, is he really offended? Got... to keep... my laughter... in... Can’t... do it...

“ _Cakeface,_ ” I splutter, “you called me cakeface.” I’ve got to start breathing normally again before I faint with of the lack of oxigen. What is air?

“ _What?”_ He repeats, eyebrows raised like he doesn’t understand it, “it’s a pet name. It’s cute,” he huffs.

I thumb at the corners of my eyes, brushing away some stray tears. Gosh that was hilarious!

“Why were you laughing?” He asks seriously.

“Cakeface is just—“ I cough, covering up another bubble of laughter, “I know babycakes or I maybe doll face but cakeface is new for me.” I choke. I close my eyes and bite my lip because looking at Harry’s offended puppy eyes isn’t helping right now.

“Well I like it.” I can clearly hear the pout in his voice and I can imagine his silly frown and puckered bottom lip. It’s cute, usually but so hard to deal with when you’re just getting out of a goddamn laughing attack. It really did feel like an attack, it creeped up on me and took over my whole body.

“Y-yeah I like it too baby just, just have to get used to it I think.” I take a deep breath and let it out before I open my eyes. Looking through the windshield I can see Harry’s mum already standing in the doorway waiting for us. She knows that I saw her as she’s waving now so I politely wave back and turn to Harry.

“Do I look okay? Should I have worn something else?” I finger the hole in my jeans. My heart is thumping again, the image of Anne slating my style flashing through my mind. “What about my hair? I should’ve went to the hair dressers, it’s getting long and the roots are showing and—“

“Niall stop it,” he grabs my chin and forces eye contact, “I picked out your clothes this morning because I think you look good in them. I like your hair like this and my family honestly couldn’t care less when your last haircut was. Just be you and they’ll love you. You’ll be fine, _we’ll_ be fine.”

“You sure?” I wonder, trying my heardest to be convinced.

“Absolutely. Now, let’s do this, _cakeface_ ” he smiles, leaning over the gear to give me a simple peck on the lips. He unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out of the car and I do the same. Harry walks around the car to take my hand and he leads me down the little path to the front door.

“Harry, sweetie I missed you so much!” Harry’s mum exclaims as she urges Harry into her arms and hugs him tightly. Harry hugs her back one-armed as he’s still holding my hand with the other.

“Missed you too mum, you alright?” he murmers, kissing her on the cheek.

“And _you_ , can’t say I missed you but I think I _will_ miss you after this weekend. Niall, right?” She greets me, as well with a big warm hug that I can’t help but melt in to. I now know where Harry has his hugging skills from. The flowery perfume is radiating off of her but not in a disturbing way, it’s kind of welcoming actually. I like this Anne a lot better than dream Anne already.

“Y-yeah, it’s nice to meet you.” I tell her when she pulls back. She has this warm smile and absolute sincere eyes and I recognize bits of Harry in her.

“Gosh, you are a looker,” she then says suddenly, examining me. I try not to feel too uncomfortable but then Harry talks...

“ _Mum_! You’re married, don’t ogle him.” He pulls me in his chest protectively. Is he jealous of his mum? Really? This boy has some issues. Cute issues but issues nonetheless. “Mine,” he mumbles under his breath. I squeeze his hand that _yes, I am yours but you need to get a grip now_.

“He’s a bit young for me, Harry,” Anne chuckles, still looking at me. I wouldn’t mind if she stopped doing that really, I feel exposed and I hate that, “I’m just saying that you picked a handsome boy. I might be in my forties but I still can appreciate young beauty.”

My body feels hot all over but not in the good way that Harry makes me feel. It’s uncomfortable and I want to hide now. I want to use Harry as a shield and I’m sure if I ask nice me he will gladly let me.

“Something tells me Harry and his plus one have arrived,” a deep manly voice sounds before I can see the source of it. Then the man I recognize as Anne’s husband appears behind his wife in the doorway, “I just have one question; why are we standing here and not taking this inside?” Just like Anne, he wears a bright smile and there isn’t a trace of the cold man of my dream.

“Because, _Robin_ , your wife hasn’t stopped drooling over _my_ Niall,” Harry grumbles. _My_ Niall. I like that. Welcome back butterflies in my tummy.

“I must say that I completely understand her,” Robin’s eyes land on me and he winks, “I mean look at the boy, he looks so fine and delicate.”

“Oh my God, seriously? Fuck it, we’re leaving, come on Niall,” he tugs on my hand as he walks towards the car again. Were Anne and Robin being serious? I thought they were joking, no matter how awkward it all was for me.

“Harry sweetheart, we’re just messing with you,” see, they were joking! “please come inside, I have tea and cookies and I haven’t seen you in months,” Harry opens his mouth to interrupt but Anne counters him quickly, “TV doesn’t count and neither do magazines.”

“Just quit with the staring and drooling and everything,” Harry says slowly, a small smile playing on his lips, already unable to hold his grudge against his mum, “I mean it.” He adds faux sternly and then they all laugh and I laugh along for the sake of it.

“Come on kids, tea is waiting.” Robin walks inside, Anne following in his tracks and I let out a sigh, drawing Harry’s attention to me.

“Tell me that it is at least an ounce better than your dream,” Harry says, eyes pleading. “It wasn’t very pleasant but at least nobody got hit and we haven’t broke up and I still love you.”

I chuckle at the love of my life as I put a hand on his warm cheek and brush my thumb across the smooth skin. “It’s much better,” I smile as Harry lets go of my hand to place it on my lower back and pulls me against him. “It was a little awkward, okay a lot awkward but they seem like lovely people really.” I craddle his face and nuzzle my nose against his. Harry closes his eyes and sighs.

“They’re not like this all the time,” he breathes against my lips, “at least I don’t hope so because I don’t feel like competing against my own mum and stepdad for your love.”

“You’d win anyway,” I grin, “they’re very likable but there’s no competition. You’d win from anyone actually. I don’t think there’s someone more lovable than you are. Besides that you’re also very handsome with the most stunning body ever and you’re sweet and caring and the best at cooking. I love you Harry, I love you loads.”

“I lov—“

“He used to say that to his cardboard as well.” Another voice sounds, a voice that I know very well. I don’t have to look to see who it is but I do so anyway. I can’t believe it, how is she here? She’s supposed to be back in Ireland, not in Chesire Engand. Maybe I don’t sound happy about her being here but I am, I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that she’s here. In flesh and bones. Oh my God!

“Mum!”

“Hey sunshine!” She smiles brightly, opening her arms and I waste no time in pulling away from Harry (I don’t even feel guilty about that) and running into my mother with a little too much force. I somehow manage to keep us standing upright as I squeeze her tight against me.

“What are you doing here?” I ask incredulously, “how did you get here? When did you get here? How when what, how—“

“Harry invited me.” Mum says, stepping away just a little bit.

“Harry invited you?” I breathe, looking behind me to see Harry standing there with pink tinted cheeks. He has his head bowed down but he is smiling and if it’s possible I love him even more than three minutes ago. He invited my mother without me knowing it, it’s so incredibly thoughtful and the best surprise I’ve ever gotten.

“He did, three weeks ago. He paid for my ticket and when I was leaving this morning, he had a car waiting to pick me up and bring me to the airport.” Mum tells me but I’m still watching Harry. He’s getting smaller with every word my mum says. His shoulders are slumped and his face is now completely turned towards the ground where he looks at his own shoes with the tiniest hint of a smile.

I can’t believe he did this!

“I’m paying him back, you know?” Mum snaps me out of my trance, “he told me that I shouldn’t worry about it and that he doesn’t want me to pay him back but I will, I can’t take his generousity.”

“You and Niall are the same when it comes to that,” Harry speaks up for the first time, his voice is low and fond, “Niall hated it when I bought him things, he even went as far as sneaking a pound into my jeans pocket for the chocolate bar I bought and he ate.”

“That sounds like my boy,” mum says, patting my back.

“You raised him well, miss Gallagher, but you have to understand that I don’t want your money. Approving of our relationship is enough payment for me because Niall is worth more than every penny in the world.”

“Harry, come here for a second,” mum orders kindly. Harry does as she says and stands in front of her. “Now crouch down a little,” Harry looks at me and I shrug, I have no idea what mum’s plan is either.

She takes his face in both hands and “if you call me miss Gallagher one more time, I will pay you back the whole journey, including the car, driver and a fee.”Relieve spreads through my body. I didn’t even realize how tense I was until this very moment.

“It’s a deal!” Harry agrees with a big toothy grin. He looks like a boy instead of a grown man. His eyes are shining bright and the enormous wide smile is taking up almost all of his face. It’s cute and endearing and he looks way too innocent. There’s no worry in his face, no frown or lines on his forehead. It’s the best look on him.

“Now, lets get inside. It’s going to rain soon and I’m not planning on getting my hair wet. I spent a good three hours at the hair dresser’s yesterday because I wanted to make a decent impression on the boy that has had my boy wrapped around his finger before they even met.”

“Mum!” I groan _. Please don’t tell the story about how I used to kiss my posters good night and how I spent hours talking to cardboard Harry, telling my deepest secrets, please mother, spare me_.

“Oh don’t you worry about a thing honey, Anne has lovely stories about Harry as well,” mum smirks like she knows things, probably having heard a few of those stories already. “So before Niall moved to London....”

“Time to go inside, mum. Off you go!” I shoo her with a gentle push towards the open front door.

“Hey,” Harry whispers once my mother is inside. He reaches for me and wraps his arms around my shoulders as he knocks his head against mine gently.

“Hi,” I breathe, inhaling his scent. We use the same shampoo and bodywash now but yet it smells different on Harry’s skin than on mine, better.

“Ready for embarrassing story time?” Harry asks retorically.

“I just hope she didn’t bring any pictures.”I mumble until my lips are too occupied to talk any further. Harry kisses me sweetly, caressing my lips with his.


	56. Chapter 56

“I can’t get over that picture of you with your head in the fishbowl,” I squeak, already rolling away in fear of his revenge for bringing it up again. He went tickle monster on me once and I don’t doubt he’ll do it again but the photo really was the cutest, it was Harry standing there with _straight_ hair and an empty fishbowl on his head. Or well, he had his head _in_ the bowl.

“I was nine and wanted to see how Sandy lived,” Harry huffs, crossing his arms as he sits with his back against the headboard of the bed.

“Out of all Spongebob characters you chose Sandy? Why not Squidward or Patrick?” I laugh at how Harry frowns.

“Squidward was a meany and Patrick’s just plain dumb,” Harry answers, “Sandy was sweet and smart. I like Sandy.”

“And Sandy’s a girl, seems like you were already accepting your feminine side,” I stick my tongue out and nearly bite on it when Harry grabs me by the waist and smacks me flat against the bed. He straddles me and pins my arms above my head. _Mama mia. I want you to rock me._

“Oh yeah?” Harry growls, lips close to my ear, “tell me again how you refused to swim without a bikini top on...”

“It wasn’t like that, I thought it was normal,” I squirm, trying to get free from his grip. Okay I may not try my heardest because Harry on top of me is quite the sexy sight but still, “I had swimming class with girls only, they all wore bikinis or bathing suits, I was the only one without a top on.”

“You were a cross-dresser,” Harry smirks, “Maura has promised to show me the picture of you dressed up as Cinderella when we come visit Ireland.”

“I was eight and Greg refused, I was the good kid, I always did what my mum said.” Okay it was not quite like that, I _really_ wanted to dress up as Cinderella for Halloween, it was also the first time I dyed my hair to blonde. “Oh and by the way I _loved_ the video tape of you declaring your love to Leonardo di Caprio.”

“It was _not_ a declaration of love,” Harry mutters, sitting up straight but not moving from his spot on my lower tummy.

“Oh but I think it was,” I tease. It was a video of eleven year old Harry watching the Titanic, he was sitting on his knees, nose nearly pressed against the television screen. He obviously knew what was coming next and began shouting to ‘Rose’ that she should make room for Jack, that she shouldn’t be so selfish this time and let him on the floating door with her but Rose didn’t listen to the poor boy’s chants. Harry began crying hysterically and cussing at Rose because he couldn’t believe she let go of him. Harry promised Jack that if it was him, he would’ve made room for Jack and that he’d show the man what real love was.

“Shall we start about how you used to slobber all over your posters of me?” Harry says evilly, making obscene movements with his tongue, which would _really_ turn me on if he weren’t doing it to make fun of me.

“No, lets not, lets talk more about you wearing your sister’s panties to school.”

“I lost a bet!” He exclaims, “I lost and I was dared to wear my sister’s underwear for an entire day and I don’t back out of dares,” he says, putting up a proud façade.

“Oh I hope Gemma has more stories tomorrow,” I grin. Today we spent with Anne, Robin and my mum, we stayed in all day, telling stories and playing games and ordering in. Anne had prepared a whole meal but we had too good of a time that she didn’t want to spent her time cooking and decided to eat it another time and just order some pizza. Tomorrow the rest of Harry’s family will be there and I’m not at all that nervous anymore. Anne and Robin are lovely people so I don’t think their family could be that bad. Besides, Harry and my mother are here too so I’m not worried about a thing.

“But did you really kiss your posters back home?” Harry asks, now seriously wondering. I can see in his eyes that he really wants to know. There’s a lie on my lips, all ready to roll off but I swallow it back down.

“Maybe.” I turn my head sideways on the pillow, not wanting to look at Harry anymore. It’s stupid, I know it is and Harry probably thinks so too. What grown boy kisses his Harry posters when he goes to sleep? Gosh I could strangle my mother for telling him this.

“You totally did, didn’t you?” Harry turns my head with ease but I refuse to meet his eyes as I stare at the ceiling. “Hey, I’m not making fun of you, alright? I’m sorry.” He climbs off of me and lies beside me. He blindly searches my hand and locks our fingers together.

“I don’t do it anymore you know...” I tell him and Harry chuckles but I see no humour.

“Wouldn’t think so, I hope my real lips are a good substitute for my paper ones,” he says and as I look at him sideways, an easy smile is stretched over his mouth. He catches my eye and his smile fades slowly and I hate being the cause of that but I can’t bring myself to smile along right now.

“Hey babe, what’s the matter?” He then asks carefully as he snakes his arm underneath my body and pulls me against him. I put my head on his chest and my hand on his stomach, playing with the hairs beneath his belly button.

“It’s awkward to talk about this,” I tell him in all honesty. I never forgot how Harry pushed me away the night we kissed in the Jacuzzi for the first time. I went all fanboy over him and told him that I couldn’t believe that I kissed Harry Styles. It hurt him how I thought of him as the popstar and not like a normal human being. Sure, Harry is everything but normal but I understand now how he felt so I really don’t like to bring up my past.

“You know I don’t judge you,” Harry mumbles into my hair, nozing a bit before droppng a kiss there.

I think the problem is that I judge myself. I want to leave Fanboy Niall behind me and focus on the future, to build a relationship with Harry without me thinking every once in a while that _I got Harry Styles_. It’s still unbelievable that a person like Harry has noticed me to begin with and befriended me and fell in love with me. I mean it _is_ Harry Styles, world’s most wanted bachelor even though he’s long off the market. He chose to spend his life with _me_ and that still leaves me lost for words because I can’t believe it, after all those months I still can’t believe it.

“I really don’t want to talk about it, I’m sorry,” I sigh, retreating my hand.

“Yeah okay, that’s fine,” Harry sighs, “but don’t turn away from me now.” He already knew that I wanted to roll over and shut him out and my heart flutters a little because he knows my habits.

I fidget a bit with the sheets covering us in Harry’s bed back at his elderly home as I grow uncomfortable. Harry’s hand is still on my back and I know he isn’t asleep or he would’ve pressed me tighter against him, he’s a cuddly sleeper, but there’s a silence and I don’t know what to do with myself. I want to tell Harry that I feel stupid now I look back on my time as a fanboy and that I feel even more stupid that I still am one. But I can’t, I can’t tell him that. He would think that I still think of him as the famous singer, which I do not. Or do I? I just don’t know how to feel about it anymore. I don’t doubt my love for him, never have but after my mum telling about me kissing my posters, I realize that I’ve always loved him, even before I even met him and it’s suddenly hard to separate _that_ kind of love with the kind of love that I feel now, or am supposed to be feeling.

“Harry?” I look up from where my head is perched on his shoulder. He opens his eyes slowly and waits for me to continue. “Can—can I kiss you?”

His eyes bore into mine and he’s looking at me in confusion. I don’t know either why I asked to kiss him instead of just doing it. His frown makes place for a saddened face as he nods, “yeah, yeah of course you can,” he whispers before tilting my head up with his thumb and index finger.

“I love you Harry,” I tell him, voice hoarse before I do the only thing that makes me forget about the whole world, I kiss him.

Harry’s mouth is pliant as I cover his lips with mine. He lets me take the initiative this once and only moves his lips when mine tell him to. It’s strange, kissing him like this because usually he’s the one in control and I actually like that better than the way it is now. He kisses me back, that’s not the point but I miss the fire and passion behind it. Our kisses are never simple and it always stirrs something in my belly but right now it’s nothing. I feel nothing.

I kiss him harder in the hope to get that fluttery feeling. Hungrily I attack his mouth, literally shoving my tongue in when I get the chance. The warmth of his hands leaves my back so I kiss him even harder, ignoring the way our teeth clash. It’s only seconds after that that Harry sits up and forces our lips apart as he grabs my head in his hands.

“Niall what are you doing?” He questions as I feel a familiar burn behind my eyes. I’m not going to cry, I won’t, I can’t, I shouldn’t.

“Kissing you,” I say, ready to dive back in but he stops me.

“What’s going on?” He urges, eyes roaming my face.

“Nothing, I just want to kiss,” I half lie.

“Niall...” he sighs, “just tell me what’s going on. Please.”

“I don’t know,” I admit in a small voice, “it’s suddenly a mess in my head and I figured the best way to forget is kissing you because I always lose track of everything when you kiss me so I kissed you but it wasn’t working and then you stopped me but I didn’t want to stop I want more but you didn’t kiss me back properly and now you’re not kissing me at all and—“ I crack, “I don’t know why I’m being like this Harry.”

“Do you know what the chaos in your mind started?” He asks me, carefully sweeping my fringe to the side and wiping my tears away with his thumb.

“The whole poster thing,” I say quietly, “I’m not like that anymore. I mean I don’t think so but what if I am? I haven’t thrown away all my posters, I get nervous when I’m in one room with all three of you, I drink tea from my Skyway mug, I can’t believe I’ve met your mum, that I’m going to meet your entire family and I can’t believe that I’m with _you_ ,” I pause to take a breath, “when we first kissed I freaked out because I kissed _you_ and I still can’t comprehand that you and I kiss on a daily base now so what if I still freak out about you every so often because you’re mine and I’m yours and I don’t understand anymore.”

I don’t know if my rambling makes sense, it doesn’t to me but it’s off my chest now and I feel the silliest I’ve ever felt in my life.

“Niall, who am I?” He asks, his hands firmly placed on my shoulders.

“Harry,” I say, not quite understanding his question, “my boyrfriend.”

“What do you like about me?” Sounds his next question and I don’t have to think long about my answer.

“ _Everything_. You’re sweet and caring. You’re sensitive and protective. You’re a _great_ cook and funny, most so when you’re not even trying. You’re great with Marcus and my mum loves you. You’re stubborn and I love the way you pout when you don’t get your way, you’re—“

“What is my best quality?”

“If I have to pick _one_ , I’d say that you always know how to calm me down, that you make me smile in the worst situations,” I tell him, realizing that I suddenly don’t feel so woozy anymore.

“In the past six months, what’s the best thing that’s happened to you?”

“You telling me that you loved me for the first time,” I sigh, thinking back about the great memory. He had dropped some hints before he actually said it and I didn’t know whether he really meant it or not but turned out he did and still does.

“Babe,” he starts calmly, “did you notice that none of your answers involved me being a singer or my fame?” He questions, a glint catching his eyes. He smiles at me, grabbing my leg to pull it over his so that I’m on his lap. “What were you so worked up about? Did you really think I thought of you as Niall the fan?”

I shrug, “ _I_ thought of myself as Niall the fan,” I swallow, taking my necklace between my fingers and toying with the paper plane. “It all came back you know? I was afraid that I still saw you as “ _the”_ Harry Styles instead of the person behind it.”

“But you don’t,” he states simply, “you once said that you had a crush on popstar Harry but fell in love with the real Harry and I can see that it’s the truth. You’ve changed so much babe, whether you like it or not.”

At first I was the one to convice Harry that there was more behind fanboy me and now it’s the other way around; Harry telling me that the fanboy part of me has shrunk to a minimum.

“I’m sorry for going nuts,” I apologize, now tracing his collarbones with my fingers, “I really lost it and it overwhelmed be a bit I think.”

“It’s okay,” he takes my hand and kisses the palm, “you still need to work on opening up to me but I’m always here to help you with it. Just try to talk before you start bruising my lips next time, yeah?” He grins cheekily.

“Yeah,” I place a feather light kiss on his lips, barely touching him. Back to being cheeky, I grin inwardly.

“You goof!” He cackles, fingers tickling my back as he reaches up to my neck. He guides my face closer to his before he kisses me, properly this time. It immediately ignites the feeling that I was looking for when I kissed him. It’s that undescribable feeling that nobody has ever explained well enough in words. It’s not a tickle, not a flutter, no electricity or fireworks, it’s so much more than that and you can’t understand it unless you’ve felt it.

“I know you’re the calmer and stronger one out the two of us but you know I’m always there for you too, right?” Harry lies down with me on his chest before he answers.

“I know you are and I will need you when we come out.”

“Are you nervous?” I ask quietly, shifting a bit so I’m not completely on top of him anymore. I get comfortable with my head next to his on the pillow and my arm wrapped around him.

“Yeah,” he breathes as he turns his head to me.

For a while, we’re just staring at each other. His eyes are soft and warm as he reaches his hand up to cup my face. He traces my cheek, then my cheekbone and my nose before his thumb trails across my bottom lip. I close my eyes, letting the relaxation take over me. I feel safe and warm and _me_ and it’s the best feeling in the world.

“Get some rest, love. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow,” he murmers quietly as he wraps his arms around my torso and pulls me close. It’s not long before sleep takes over me.


	57. Chapter 57

“Good morning Sunshine,” Harry mutters in my hair softly. His morning voice croaks around the edges and it drives me crazier than it should.

“Morning Hazzy,” I whisper, trying to bring my body even closer to his. I’m basically already wrapped around him but it’s not enough, it’s never enough. I’ve been awake for a while and wanting more body contact ever since I woke up but Harry was still asleep until a few seconds ago and I didn’t want to wake him up for selfish reasons.

“How’d you sleep?” He slurs, voice thick with sleep. Ever since we’ve been dating and I woke up next to him, I can’t help but smile at the fact that I’m the only one who gets to hear, see and feel him waking up. It’s one of the best things in the world.

“Good enough,” I tell him, teasing his neck with a little kiss, “you?”

“Always sleep well when you’re next to me.”

Gosh, how I love this cheeseball.

“What time is the family coming?” I ask, breathing out a yawn and enjoying the goosebumps that form on Harry’s chest.

“Around noon I think,” he says lowly as he pulls away from me. Before I have time to let out the whine in the back of my throat, Harry rolls on top of me and bites my neck playfully.

“Har—we can’t, no...” I half say around a moan. This boy is too much of a temptation and I can’t bring myself to protest. He has me aroused in a matter of seconds and I would’ve been ashamed but I’m passed that phase ever since the day at the hotel in Newcastle.

“And we won’t. Just returning the favour of what you did to me last night,” he growls as his teeth make contact with my over-sensitive earlobe, “you tease me, I tease you. Simple as that.” His actions and words go straight to my groin and I give up any resistance. Maybe if I play my cards right he’ll actually give me some. Hmm yes, I like that thought. Time to step up my game.

“Mmmm Har-ry...” I moan, not much acting required because he actually feels _so_ good, “feels so nice, ugh,” I crane my head, giving him more access to my neck. I open my legs in the hope Harry goes to lie in between them but he doesn’t. Hey, can’t blame me for trying. I’ve had a taste of him and now I’m addicted. _Don’t try to make me go to rehab no no no._

“Oh no, _naughty_ ,” Harry grunts, locking his eyes with mine. He’s just as aroused as I am, I can tell by the look in his eyes but it seems like he has more self-control than I do. “You’ll have to wait until we’re home, tonight,” he promises.

“But home is wherever I’m with you,” it might be a song quote and a desperate attempt to get in his extremely tight red boxer briefs.

“Nice try handsome but still no,” he says finally before he drops a (too gentle) kiss on my adamsapple. “Now you might want to take a cold shower and when you’re finished, I’ll make sure to have your breakfast ready in the kitchen.” He gets off of me and he not so gently yanks me off the bed. He pets my bum twice as he ushers me out and towards the bathroom. “I’ll put a towel and some clothes on the toilet, now off you go.”

Still quite annoyed for not getting any form of relieve I give him a glare before I strip down stark naked and hop in the shower, not breaking eye contact until I close the curtain. A minute or two in, Harry still hasn’t joined me and I give up on hoping and wash my hair and body myself. _Damn freaking tease. I should call the police on him because in my eyes he has just commited a crime._

Five minutes later I’m done with being in the shower all by myself and step out. I eye the clothes while brushing a towel through my hair and notice that the only thing that’s mine are the blue jeans, the rest is all Harry’s: Harry’s navy boxers, his maroon t-shirt and even a pair of his socks. I know Harry likes seeing me in his clothes and I have to admit that I _love_ wearing them. Apart from them being comfy, they’re _his_ and I feel like this is his way of claiming territory, apart from the love-bite he still renews when it starts to fade. I’m Harry’s and only Harry’s and that’s so goddamn wonderful that I can’t even. Just—we’re boyfriend goals.

 _You can’t even? You can’t even what?_ I remember having that discussion with Sophie, her telling me to finish my sentence. I still don’t know the end of the sentence but I do know that I don’t care because I’m drowning in a puddle of my own feels.

Yeah, anyway... I quickly throw on the clothes Harry laid out for me and search for my washing bag to get my toothbrush and some toothpaste. I leave my hair down today in the hope that Harry will play with it like he always does when I haven’t bothered to put any product in. He hates messing up my hair when I’ve styled it and he absolutely refuses to run his hands through it no matter how pathetically I whine. I do tame my locks a little by running a comb through it and then fluffing it up a bit by ruffling my hands through the sides and done is my It-was-no-effort-but-secretly-it-was-a-little-hair.

Remembering the promise of breakfast, I practically run downstairs, ready to delve into whatever Harry’s made me today but I’m stopped as I reach the bottom of the stairs. Not by Harry but there stands his long-haired female version. If I were straight, I’d definitely want to take her out. Eyebrows on fleek by the way. Okay, I’m _really_ not straight and that’s probably a good thing because she doesn’t look very pleased to see me. Oh God please stand me by. If I have to believe everything from the Internet; Twitter, Tumblr, I’m in for some serious trouble.

“Hi, eh I’m Niall. Gemma right?” I stick out a shaky hand but she doesn’t even look at it.

“The infamous Niall,” she cocks a very well shaped eyebrow, “a little birdy told me you’re dating my baby brother.”

“That’s eh—I’m well ehm...”

“ _He is_ , now drop the tough guy act, G.I. Jane,”

So there _is_ a God. He goes by the name of Harry Styles. Apart from sexgod he’s also _godgod_. Good to know.

“Need to see if the guy is worthy enough to date my little ickle brother don’t I?” She asks retorically, her gaze flickering briefly to Harry before it lands on me again.

“No, not really. Now if you excuse us, we’re having breakfast in the kitchen. You’re more than welcome to join if you can be the _lovely_ sister who I’ve missed.” Harry literally tugs me into the kitchen where Anne, Robin and my mum are already seated with plates full of pancakes.

“Geez Harry, what happened to your sense of humour?” Gemma snaps, following us to the kitchen. Harry pushes me down on an empty chair and suddenly I’m glad we haven’t done anything when we woke up because ouch to my poor bum because he _dumped_ me in the chair quite roughly.

“It’s dead when it comes to people bitching to Niall,” Harry says before he gets interrupted by his mum.

“Language Harry!”

“I thought I sent an invite for it’s funeral but I guess you didn’t get it,” he simply continues, putting a plate of pancakes in front of me without looking. Anne keeps a sharp eye on her two children and my mum is unreadable. Robin is all set to put an end to this ‘fight’ but Anne holds him back with a hand on his wrist.

“I was just having some fun, I didn’t mean to scare the little chicken,” Gemma replies, her tone is light but the insult not so.

“Gemma, seriously, if you don’t cut it out right now, we’re leaving and you can forget about coming along on tour,” Harry growls, “Niall’s had enough shit, _sorry_ mum,” he quickly apologizes for his bad word, ”from Louis who he is friends with now by the way and he doesn’t deserve to have anything bad said about him. It’s fine if you want to ask questions but can you be normal about it? I want my sister and my boyfriend to get along because I need the both of you when the whole world will come crashing down on me when I drop the bomb and announce that I’m gay.”

“Harry I—“

“Also, the world’s going to be tough on Niall, maybe even more than on me and I hate it. That’s why we need all the support we can get and I count on you to have our backs.” Harry finishes, his breathing having sped up to above normal. I stand up from my seat and guide Harry down. Anne hands him a glass of water and I stroke his hair before I turn to Gemma, who doesn’t look so intimidating as when I first saw her on the stairs.

“Look, I know you probably aren’t a bad person and you can ask me every single thing you want to know about me but all I’m asking now is to respect our relationship, whether you like me or not. I make your brother happy,” I look down to see Harry nod in confirmation, “and that’s what’s important, right? I can’t force you to like me but Harry soon needs his family more than ever and most of all his mother and his sister. Please keep supporting him through the bad times too.”

Gemma takes a step forward, I can’t read her facial expression but it doesn’t look like she will hit me anytime soon so I don’t flinch back. Suddenly she sticks out her hand and looks at me expectantly, “I’m Gemma, you must be Niall, my little brother’s boyfriend.” She smiles in a hopeful way and I know she’s trying to start all over.

“I am, yeah. Nice to meet you,” I smile back, putting my hand in hers and shake it.

“Okay Niall, I have a few questions for you but it’s only fair if you knew things about me too,” she says, retreating her hand, “as you know, my name is Gemma and I’m Harry’s big sister. I also have a boyfriend who couldn’t come but told me to say hi, I’m protective over my brother, I always stick by my family and I will always have their back, through rough times especially. Oh yeah and I hate saying sorry even though sometimes I am,”

“And _this_ is my sister,” Harry stands up with the large smile he’s recently known for, “forget the bitch you met half an hour ago...”

“Harry Styles! _”_ Anne scolds, “I can ground you, you know? You’re under _my_ roof and you know how I think about swearing.”

I look at my mum because even though she looks like a lady, she can swear like a sailor. It’s amazing. She winks at me, probably knowing exactly what I was thinking. Harry smiles faux innocently, even going as far as batting his eyelashes at Anne before he hauls Gemma in for a hug. “Missed you,” I can hear him say from where his face is pressed in her neck.

“It’s always been like this with those two. One minute they pull each other’s hair and the next they’re cuddling and completely inseperable,” my mother in law comments, looking fondly at her son and daughter. “Time like these where we’re all together, I refuse to believe that they both have lives of their own now, that they don’t need their whiny old mum.”

Harry and Gemma look up from their hug simultaniously. Harry smiles at me, the secret one saved for _my_ eyes only where Gemma sighs, “I think it’s time Haz,” Harry hufs a bit, eyes shining with a playful glint before he struts over to Anne, Gemma right on his heel.

“Mum, how old are you turning again? I forgot but I need to know if I should buy a card with thirty-two or thirty-three on it.” Harry starts as Gemma continues easily,

“Yeah mum, Lindsay from Aerobics class thought you were my sister.”

Harry plops down in Anne’s lap easily, wrapping his long arms around her neck as he pecks her cheek repeatedly. “And you always make the best lemonade, do you think you can make some later today? I bet Niall’s going to love it. I always try to make it at home but it never turns out as good as when you do it. I guess I miss the touch of mama love.”

As far as I can remember, Harry has never tried to make lemonade at home but I’ve only lived with him for a very short while so maybe it’s yet to come. Either way, I’m craving fresh lemonade now.

“And mum I know I’m out a lot but you know that I sleep best after a mother daughter cuddle. You give the best ones.” Gemma adds, wrapping her arms around Anne’s shoulders, sandwiching her in some kind of weird hug.

“Alright, alright!” Anne laughs and like a choreographed movement, Harry, Gemma and Anne look from me to my mum and back to me again.

What? What did I do?

“Ehm, I love my mum...” I say with a sheepish smile, “she’s... great?”

We’re just not so affectionate towards each other but I love her and she loves me and we know it. I actually don’t know why but it is how it is, I think I’m not really a hugger. Well, Harry would obviously protest because we cuddle a lot and I _love_ his snuggles.

“But he loves me most anyway, so...” Harry grins, getting out of the family cuddle and pulling me out of my chair. I gasp when he sits down on the chair himself because what a nerve on that guy, just because he’s stronger he thinks he can take my place? I don’t think so oh—He then pulls me on his lap and wraps his arms around my waist. _Much_ better.

“But you were talking about coming out, do you have planned when that will be?” Gemma asks, kneeding her mother’s shoulders.

“No not really, I mean management doesn’t know anything about our relationship, I think. Our team knows, most of them anyway and the guys obviously and I know I should discuss this with them but I don’t think I will,” Harry says slowly. I can’t see his face but I feel by the press of his fingers in my waist that he’s not completely comfortable. I try to shift a little, to give him more space but he holds me tight and I can’t move.

“Harry, do you think that is a good idea? Your management knows what’s best for you, shouldn’t you talk things through before you go public?” Robin asks, his voice is caring and his expression is worried. Even though Harry isn’t his son, he cares for him like he is his own blood.

“No you don’t understand!” Harry starts, speaking louder than usual. I thread my fingers through his in the hope to comfort him a little. “If I talk to management, they’ll tell me to stay put for another year or so. A gay boy is supposedly not good for sales and a gay boy isn’t a role model and if there would exist something like a straight course, they’d put me on it. They don’t want me to come out but I want to flaunt Niall to the world, you know? I want to take Niall on a date, I want to take him to my favourite restaurants or to the theatre but because Niall isn’t a girl, I’m not allowed to. But I want to...”

My heart breaks at the end of his little speech. We’ve been fantasizing about dates and where we’d go and what we would do. He said he wants to hold my hand wherever we will go and kiss me on the middle of the streets. He wants to take me on holiday to LA and do silly tourist-y stuff together and I knew it bothered him that we’re not able to do it all but the way his voice just wavered, I can practically feel how much it hurts him.

“Whatever you’ll do, you always have us to fall back on,” Anne says and that warms my heart a little. Robin and Gemma nod quietly.

“You have us too,” mum adds, “me, your brother, Denise and your dad. The lads back in Ireland would support you and your cousins, aunts and uncles. Everyone cares for you, Ni and if you two need a getaway, my door is always open.”

“Thank you mum,” I smile, knowing that I just have to ring and we’ll be welcomed with open arms.

“So you haven’t decided how you’ll come out yet?” Gemma asks and I shake my head but on that right moment Harry talks...

“Well eh, the EMA’s are coming soon and I _really_ want you to acompany me...”

_You want what?! I just, like--, EMA’s WHAT?_

“...as my date...”


	58. Chapter 58

“It’s the EMA’s, the the the EMA’s and I aaaam going as his date, as as as as his date,” I sing rather loudly as I clean the dinner table. We’re back at our house in London. I’ve had a great time in Holmes Chapel with my mum and Harry’s family. Gemma has warmed up to me and the rest of his family were an absolute delight. I even made great friends with his Nan who adored my accent. It reminded her of her friend Lucy who had passed away five years ago. When Harry and I were ready to leave, Anne hugged me and told me that Harry’s in luck to have someone like me and I might have muffled some tears away in her dress. Saying goodbye to my mum was emotional because I do miss her a lot but Harry promised that we’ll visit soon.

“Cakeface, you know I find you and your singing very cute and everything but it’s getting a bit annoying,” Harry smiles innocently as if not to hurt my feelings, “but I’m glad you’re excited.”

Okay, I might have been singing my own version of Little Mix’s DNA for five days straight now. It surprises me that Harry’s calling me out on it just now. If the roles were reversed, I would’ve kissed him roughly to make him shut up _aaages_ ago. But well, maybe that’s just a crazy wild fantasy of mine.

Also, he hasn’t stopped calling me cakeface and it’s actually grown on me. It doesn’t make me giggle anymore, it’s kind of cute because he says it with such fond eyes that I melt every time the name leaves his lips. Besides, I _really_ love cake and I know for a fact Harry does too.

“Where are the EMA’s held?” It’s the European Music Awards, so I think it’s Europe but Europe is quite big. I wouldn’t want to walk around it.

“The Netherlands,” Harry answers and oh, that’s a bummer. Why couldn’t it be anywhere romantic like Paris or somewhere warm like Barcelona where Harry can flaunt his perfect abs and I can stare at it _openly_ all I want?

“The country where cannabis and prostitution is legal?” I scrunch up my nose, walking into the kitchen to put the empty dishes in the dishwasher, “there where the weather is as shite as it is here?”

“Basically,” Harry answers, trailing behind me. He hops on the counter and watches as I load the dishwasher. “But we can take the waterbike and cruise through the canals of Amsterdam or we can go to the park and watch street performers. Not everyone is a stoner there. Nor a prostitute by the way.” He defends.

“No, those who aren’t wear wooden shoes and eat cheese all day,” I grumble.

“They were second in the World Championships football a few years ago,” Harry shoots back with a smirk.

“Well...” I got nothing “ehm I’m not a big fan of the orange colour.”

“Do you not want to come then?” His smirk grows wider and he knows he’s got me because of course I want to come, I’m not _entirely_ stupid. I’m sure The Netherlands is nice... in it’s own special way.

“Don’t be silly,” I huff, turning the dishwasher on and slamming it shut.

It isn’t long until the EMA’s, only two weeks and I’m already buzzing. I’m nervous, yes but the excitement clearly has the upper hand in my emotions. I’m absolutely ready to come out because I know Harry will be right beside me and will be forever. I can’t wait to parade the red carpet with his hand linked in mine. I know I won’t be able to get the shit eating grin off my face the whole day and I’ll be inwardly flipping the bird to everyone and sticking my tongue out because Harry is mine, bitches.

I’m suddenly pulled out of my daydream when something solid and wet hits my tongue and how is that even possible? I squeeze my eyes shut before I open them and I’m a tad bit startled when Harry’s face is only inches from mine.

“You were sticking your tongue out, I thought it was an invitation for mine,” he explains like it’s the most normal thing in the world. He hops off the counter and makes his way over to the living room. The cheeky fucker adds a bit more sway in his hips like he knows I’m staring after him. I always do that though, it’s impossible not to look him walk away. I’ve managed to keep the drooling to a minimum today, thankfully. I rush after him and before he can turn around I smack his tiny arse and squeeze it up for good measure. Harry gasps, shocked. “I thought your arse was inviting my hand to grope it,” I walk past him, keeping my head high and sit down on the sofa. 3- 2- 1—

“You’re going to pay for that,” he literally jumps on top of me, momentarily knocking all breath out of me before he sits up, his bum on my stomach. He’s holding himself up slightly though, I know he doesn’t want to put his full weight on me.

“And how? May I ask...” I bat my eyes, hoping he’ll fall for the doe-eyed puppy thing and go easy on me. I wrap my arms around his neck, innocently staring at him with a half-smile.

“You’re absolutely impossible,” he then grumbles finally. _Victory!_ Mental fistpump done.

“I love you,” I add, leaning up to kiss his nose. I’m such an adorable boy. _Ew_ yikes, what happened to the times that I hated to be called adorable? I used to get that all the time when I was younger, ‘ _you’re seventeen? That’s so cute!’_ Since when is being seventeen cute? You’re fifty-two? Awww so adorable. _No! Just no._

“Hmhm, tell me that again after the stylists are done with you. Lou Teasdale will be here any minute now,” he grins, an evil glint in his eye. Wait what, stylists?

“Stylists?”

“Yeah you know, those people who make your pretty appearance even prettier,” he gets off of me and sits down on the opposite side of the sofa. He pointedly looks at his watch and wipes the ‘dust’ off his clothes. Within seconds I’m in his lap, my knees bracketing him on either side of his legs.

“Why? _Why_ are they coming here and _what_ are they going to do with me?” I fist his shirt, stretching the collar a little but I don’t care, I demand an answer!

“You’ll be going through a fitting of various clothing styles and like the model that you are, you’re going to show them to me and together we’ll decide what you will be wearing at the EMA’s.” He says smugly, prying my hands off of him and keeping them in between his insanely large hands. His hands still amaze me, they’re so big and always warm and his fingers are so bendy— _NO!_ Now is not the time, you’re angry with him and his amzing hands.

“And you’re telling me this only now _because?_ ” I ask.

“Because if I told you a week ago, you’d be all frowny and grumpy until after the fitting. And sue me but I like your smile way more than your pout,” he taps my bottom lip with his index finger while he still holds both my hands in his left one.

“That is _not_ true,” I lie. Damn sure I’d be ‘frowny’ and ‘grumpy’ because I hate clothes shopping. Well the shopping isn’t that bad, I hate fitting them. I always buy clothes and I’ll try them on when I want to wear them. If they’re too big or too small, too bad, I’ll wear something else. Sure, it has cost me a lot of money before but I don’t want to try on the damn clothes!

“Oh and what’s this then? A happy face?” He smoothes out the crinkle between my eyebrows. “Babe, I know you don’t like it but it still needs to be done. And you might want to get used to it because it’ll happen before every big event and I’m planning on taking you to many,” he finishes, brushing his nose against mine before he drops a little kiss on my lips.

He’s planning on bringing me to more events? _Big_ events? Oh God, meeting celebrities! Is he sure he wants to bring me? No, I’ll behave, I think. Harry’s survived fanboy me and that says all really.

“Where else do you want to take me?” I ask like a little child just having agreed to one piece of candy instead of a bag full.

“The Brits, VMA’s, Teen Choice Awards, Kids Choice Awards, movie premieres, album presentations that sort of thing,” he lets go of my hand and grabs my sides, rubbing them soothingly before he steadies his hands there, “that is if you want to come of course, it’ll always be _your_ choice because I will always want you there with me.”

Oh, _swoon!_ He always knows what to say, doesn’t he?

“Easy choice,” I slide one leg to the other side so I can cuddle into Harry. I grab one of his hands and play with his fingers and the ring on his middle one. He easily adapts to the new position and slides his free hand in my hair. My head is resting comfortably on his chest and I in- and exhale deeply. I love his smell, it’s boy mixed with man and a little bit of cologne. It’s almost intoxicating and the way he plays with my hair combined with his scent is nearly lulling me to sleep.

Until... all peace is rudely interrupted by an annoying buzzing sound. I’m _this_ close to whining to Harry to make it stop when he kisses my head and slips out from underneath me. That’s not what I wanted.

“Lou and her team are here,” Harry announces, opening the gate for them with the press of a button, “don’t bite their heads off, alright?” He blows a cheeky hand kiss and goes to open the door. I wish I could hold a grudge against him.

Not five minutes later Harry comes back. In his hands a large _large_ sack that has me curious. Behind him are the woman I recognize as Lou Teasdale and two other ladies who I don’t recognize. Lou comes in with a rack of clothes, multiple outfits on different hangers. One lady is carrying some kind of suitcase, _oh dear lord don’t let it be a beautycase_ and the last one is holding a camera.

Something strikes my mind then. “How does your management not know we’re dating?” I look around, “I mean the boys know, your security knows, almost your whole team knows, _they_ know,” I vagely suggest towards the women in the room, “how come management doesn’t know?”

Harry simply shrugs, “don’t know. You’d think they pay attention but they don’t really. Paul deals with everything that happens on the road and he works for our management but he’s actually _human_. He really cares about us and I’m pretty sure he knows almost everything that happens, whether he’s there or not. I asked him if he could not tell his bosses and he gave me his word that he never would unless I ask him to.”

“Does he know what you’re planning? At the EMA’s?” I ask him curiously.

“He knows that I’m bringing you and like I said, he knows _everything_ so I think he’s got it pretty much figured out that I’ll be holding your hand on the red carpet,” he smiles reassuringly.

“So you’re the lucky fella Harry’s put his hooks in,” Lou cuts in with a grin, surprising me with a hug, “You’ve got taste Haz, looking good this one,” she bashfully looks me up and down once she’s pulled away and I feel my cheeks heat up. _Awkward_!

“Yeah this is him, the pictures don’t do him justice, do they?” Harry says and my stomach flutters as he beams proudly. It gets me everytime when he talks about me. It’s unreal how he can make it seem like every little thing about me is perfect.

“Not at all,” Lou agrees, “we’re just going to dress him right and if he allows me, I’d like to give his hair a little trim and dye it to a different shade of blonde. I like how his roots are showing so I want to keep that, it brings out his gorgeous blue eyes.” Lou runs her hands through my hair and straightens it between her middle- and index finger.

“What do you say babe? Are you ready for this?” Harry asks, coming to stand a little closer.

“Yeah,” _I guess_.

“Alright, handsome, lets start with your hair. I want to cut it a little shorter so the focus lays on your beautiful face.” Lou says, tugging on my wrist as she walks towards the kitchen where she sits me down on a stool. The lady with the suitcase comes in and opens it. _Thank God_ it’s filled with hair supplies and not make-up. I might be gay but I’m still a boy-- no, a _man_.

“Wow, yeah okay uh sure,” I stumble, overwhelmed by everything.

“Don’t worry love, I’m going to take good care of you,” she smiles softly.

I hear Harry growl something incoherent from behind me and before I register him coming closer, he kisses me deeply. It’s messy, sloppy and posessiveness is seeping off of it. If I weren’t surrounded by women, I’d be _so_ turned on. Possessive Harry, yes please.

Lou laughs, slapping Harry on the arm half-heartedly as he steps back. He doesn’t laugh back or even smile. He just glares at her, fire clear in his eyes. Lou coughs, “alright _Niall_ , let’s get you ready for the EMA’s with your _boyfriend_ Harry.”

It’s odd to have my hair done professionally. Sure, I’ve been to a hairdresser before but I’ve always dyed my own hair. Now I have foil in my hair because she wants to make some layers darker than the others or something. I never knew my hair had layers. In the meanwhile I hear Harry discussing my clothing with the other lady. He’s been disapproving more than he approves so that brings me joy; less to try on!

“Alright love, I’m finished with your hair for now. You can go to Olivia and Harry to try out some outfits but I need you back in this stool in forty minutes to wash your hair out.”

I hesistantly slide of the stool and make my way over to the living room. Various outfits are spread out on the coffee table and the sofa and my heart drops to my feet. _Too_. _Much._

“Mmm, you look sexy,” Harry says once he spots me and I, the mature adult that I am stick my tongue out. “Okay, here are the outfits that I approved of, you can pick out the ones that you like now and then you can try them on.” He hauls me in by the waist and damn, I can’t put my head on his shoulder because of the damn dye and foil and _shit_.

“I’m not a yellow person,” I tell Harry and the lady- Olivia? when I look at the shirt of the first outfit. One down, loads more to go. “those letters have a light shimmer, no I don’t like that.” That shirt was hidious, did Harry really approve of that one? I thought he had taste... The third one isn’t bad, it’s quite nice actually; black jeans, white shirt and a black blazer. “I like this one, I tell them.”

“It’s a bit... basic, isn’t it? Not really eye-catching?” Olivia says, “what about that one?” She points to a red polo and beige kakis. Looks like something I’d wear when I was seventeen.

“Don’t want more attention than I’ll already get, basic is good,” I huff. Harry squeezes my waist gently before he helps me.

“I think he’d look amazing in it, you should try it on babe.”

I purposefully don’t take the clothes by the hanger in the hope I’ll crinkle them a bit because I feel like it. I hear Olivia gasp and I suppress my smirk. That’s what you get for trying to make me wear _yellow._  
Ten minutes later, I walk back into the room fully dressed in the actually pretty comfortable clothes. I’m not quite sure how they know my sizes but it all fits very well. Harry sits on the comfy chair and he’s the only one I focus on. His eyes trail from my socks over my jeans to my upper body and back down.

“I think this is it,” he says quietly. “Not too casual, not too dressed-up and you look damn sexy in it. _Shit_ Niall! I think I will have to swat all the girls and some boys away from you. You’re always really sexy but you’re completely irresistable like this. I can’t even imagine how you’ll look with your hair done. And I shouldn’t fantasize about it when we’re not alone,” he finishes cheekily as he stands up and crosses the space between us. He grabs my face and kisses me. I can tell he’s turned on and I have to say, _yes baby!_

“Alright, Harry will pick out your shoes for you with Samantha,” that must be the other lady I assume, “you can change now and hand me the clothes and after that, Lou will probably expect you back in the kitchen.” Olivia orders after Harry’s pulled away.

Harry gives me another peck before he growls in my ear, “you’re so keeping those clothes after the EMA’s.”

Yeah, I am _so_ keeping so those clothes.


	59. Chapter 59

_This is the day this is the day this is the day this is the day!_ I’m not freaking out, not at all. I’m very calm and collected and who am I kidding? It’s not even my anxiety that’s playing up, I’m completely over-excited for this. Harry has already made me sit down and drink a cup of tea and I wasn’t allowed sugar in it. I called him dad, he kissed me to prove that he is not my father. That’s all the affection I got today.

We’re in Amsterdam since this morning but I haven’t seen anything except the airport and the hotel we’re staying at. We had to take the back entrance of the hotel due to the many fans outside so nobody has spotted us. I think. That all will change soon though because _EMA’s baby!_ I can’t wait for us to walk down the red carpet; Louis, Liam and Harry with his boyfriend, _me!_ If it’ll go as well as it does in my daydreams, we’ll have a blast!

“The car will be here in twenty minutes, get your clothes on!” Harry practically orders. I had to sit around in my boxers because that stylist girl was afraid I would spill food or something on my white shirt. Would I ever?

Harry’s been tensed and a little snappy all day. I don’t blame him for being like this but I don’t know what to do either. I can’t comfort him because he shrugs away from my hugs and he doesn’t listen to anything I say. Again, I understand why he’s acting like he is because the world is about to fall upon him, he will come out as gay and _everyone_ will have an opinion about it. Some won’t care, some will like it but some will hate it and _that_ is the scary part. Harry never comments on hateful stuff thrown to his head, not in real life, not on Twitter but it _does_ get to him and sometimes he needs a full day to recover from that.

I do what Harry says and change in my outfit. Lou Teasdale has already come by to do our hair earlier and hadn’t made an effort to tease Harry or to compliment me because she as well knows not to do anything to provoke him right now.

I push my legs into my black jeans and put my shirt on. As I put the blazer over it, I watch my reflection in the mirror. I check my teeth for remnants of my pizza even though I _just_ brushed them, all clear, nothing to see there except my perfectly straight pearly whites. Overall, I don’t look too shabby, if I say so myself. I think I look quite red carpet worthy right now. Except my socks since I have yet to put on my shoes.

“You ready?” Harry asks, storming out of the bathroom. _Oh wow!_ I haven’t seen him in his gear yet but damn! He looks absolutely stunning in his printed (but overly expensive) Burberry shirt. He’s wearing a black blazer with a flower pin and black jeans with dress shoes. We kind of match and sue me for finding that cute.

“Almost, Bear, just have to put my shoes on,” I sit on the bed where my scarily white shoes are waiting for me, ready to step in and tie the laces.

“Well, get them on then! We have ten minutes left and you aren’t ready yet!” Harry all but yells. I ignore the harsh tone he spoke with and just get my shoes on.

“All done!” I exclaim, smiling big. I turn around to show myself to him but when I get back to where he was standing before my spin, Harry is already at the door and not looking at me. _Ouch_ , just a little crack in my ego.

“ _Finally_ now get over here because we need to get downstairs in the lobby to meet the other boys,” he opens the door before I can reply. I quickly get our passes that allow us in the venue off the table and run after Harry down the corridors.

“Harry?”

“ _What?_ ” Hmm, another blow to the stomach.

“Whatever happens, remember that I love you, okay?”

“Okay.” _I love you too cakeface._

The rest of our journey downstairs goes in silence. I have to jog every other ten seconds to catch up with Harry’s fast pace but we made it and Liam and Louis are already waiting for us.

“It’s the hour of the truth!” Louis says with a grin, “you ready for this?” Harry ignores him and walks right past the boy and I shrug, faking a small smile. “I take that as a ‘not really’ then.” Louis mutters and sits next to Harry who has made himself (un)comfortable in one of the armchairs.

“Can you _please_ sit in your own space?” Harry snaps, getting up and stomping towards another chair.

“He’s been like this all day, it’s nothing personal,” I tell Louis, filling the space next to him.

“Yeah I know,” he sighs, “I’m just a little worried about him. In the past years I’ve been in a band with him, he’s never been like this. At least not for a full day.”

“He’s about to shock the world by revealing his sexuality. I’m not world-famous but I know what coming out is like and if I think about how nervous I was when I came out to my parents, I can only imagine feeling a million times worse. I understand why he is like this,” I tell him and Louis sighs again.

“Yeah, well—“

Louis doesn’t get to finish his sentence when Harry interrupts, “if you two are done talking about me, we can go now and let the rest of the world do the gossiping for you.”

Looking up, I see Liam walk out of the hotel exit and into a black van and Harry is quick to follow. Louis and I get up, Louis giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze before we walk out of the exit and into the van. Harry has squished himself in between Liam and the window. I slide in across from them and Louis sits next to me. The back of my mind is having a field day because _ohmygod_ I’m sitting in a car with Skyway but the rational thinking part of me takes over and keeps me calm.

“It’s a five minute drive,” Paul explains from the front seat and I have no idea how he got there but that’s not important right now. “Liam, you step out first, Louis go right behind him and Harry and Niall, you are last.” I look at Harry but he has his eyes on the road next to him.

“You don’t do interview questions and you don’t talk to anyone except each other,” Paul continues, “Harry and Niall, you can take pictures together but there have to be pictures of Skyway as a band too. While you are waiting for Harry to be done with that, do not interact with anyone outside the barriers.” I nod. “So is everything clear for everyone?” There’s a chorus of yesses from everyone except Harry and soon after, the van comes to a stop. “This is it, you get out of the car here, you walk around the corner and that’s where the red carpet begins. Good luck to everyone and have fun!”

The door slides open Liam jumps out. Louis winks at us and puts on an easy smile before he too gets out of the van, climbing over me to get out.

“We’re next,” I nearly whisper.

“We are,” for the first time in a while Harry locks his eyes with mine. I see fear, insecurity and absolute angst there and I hate it. There’s no confidence or the usual strength in his eyes and it scares me.

“Should we—should we go after them?” I croak, nerves suddenly washing over my body.

“Yeah... let’s go.” Harry gets out of the van and I do the same. Harry is waiting for me this time and I take his twitching hand.

_This is it._

Around the corner, here in Amsterdam history will be written. Harry and I will walk the red carpet with our hands intertwined and even though we won’t say anything or state out loud that we’re dating, everyone will know it. The media will catch up and then the fans and soon the whole world will follow.

I’m scared, utterly afraid but it doesn’t matter because Harry and I are together and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Our families have our backs, the band and the whole crew has so there’s nothing in our way now. We’ll deal with management later but they’ll be too late to stop us because we’ll be out and everyone wil have seen it. There will be no cover-up story or photoshopped picture of Harry with a girl because Harry is holding my hand and cameras will capture that on live television and it’ll be viral before management can say anything.

This is our moment, _Harry’s_ moment where he finally can show his true self. Harry is gay and being a loyal boyfriend to his partner for months already. There’s no girls, no womanizer image, none of that. _This_ is the real Harry Styles, the boy who has been carrying a secret for the past five, almost six years, a secret that shouldn’t have been a secret at all because to speak with his own words, love is love.

My hand is sweaty, Harry’s is too so I squeeze hard to keep our fingers tangled together. But there is a struggle and suddenly Harry’s hand is no longer held in mine and when I look up, Harry looks like he’s about to cry as he shakes his head. What is happening? Why is he shaking his head and why has he stopped holding my hand?

“Harry?” I reach for his hand again but he flinches away.

“I’m sorry...” He chokes on his words before he rounds the corner.


	60. Chapter 60

I’m standing here, watching the love of my life rounding the corner on his own. The moment we were about to show our love for each other to the world is gone. Harry has walked out of my sight and he has taken my heart along with him. What did he mean with _‘I’m sorry?’_ Are we over? Did he break up with me? I’m left with a lot of questions and a broken heart.

“Excuse me sir? Could you move along please? You’re holding everything up and Rihanna is about to arrive,” a man says and my brain half registers his words. I nod, not even impressed by a star like Rihanna a few meters away from me because I just lost the one star that I care about.

I give the man my entry pass, no idea why I do it but at least it’s out of my hands now. I walk towards the direction we came from and go along the line of waiting cars. The hotel is close by and it’s the only place I can think of going. I’m in a city of a country that I’ve never been to, I have no money nor do I speak the language. All I have is the hotel room key card so that is where I go.

It’s cold and I’m shivering all over. My head hurts terribly as if the knife that has been stabbed through my heart is now cutting through my head repeatedly. I want to scream but I don’t have the energy to do so. I want to cry but even that is too much to ask from my body. It hurts. Everything hurts and I want it to stop but I don’t know how. My escape from pain has always been Harry for as long as I can remember. Even before we started dating, I used to scroll through the pictures of him that I had saved to make me smile and it always worked but if I picture his face right now, it only makes the hole in my heart bigger.

I don’t understand why he brushed me off so easily. He had been snappy all day but I thought it was just nerves but turns out that he didn’t want to go through with it, with me. Was that only kiss today a kiss goodbye? Then why did he take me here? Why did he bring me to _fucking_ Amsterdam if he would dump me on the same night? I don’t understand. What did I do to disappoint him so much? Is he ashamed of me? Is that why he left me standing there?

I don’t know for how long I’ve been walking or how I found my way back but I’m at the fancy Hilton hotel and there’s a man stopping me with his white-gloved hand on my shoulder.

“...sorry.” I look at him, not knowing what he said because of the foreign language and the fact that I wasn’t actually listening.

“Excuse me?” I ask with my voice unsteady. The man has kind eyes and he seems to understand that I don’t speak Dutch.

“I can’t let you through that door, you might want to try a bed and breakfast, they’re pretty cheap around here,” he says, clearly not impressed by the expensive clothes that I’m wearing. I fish my key card out of my tight jeans pocket and show it to the man who responds with an “oh,” and a bow. I walk in without another word.

The man working the lift looks at me with a raised eyebrow and probably the only reason why he doesn’t ask questions is because of his, not genuinely meant, politeness. As I show him my key card so he knows what floor I’m on and can push the right button I wonder how he would look at me if he knew that I was Harry Styles’ boyfriend. Would he treat me differently or would he still put on that fake smile that looks more like a grimace? It’s something I’ll probably never know.

When the lift reaches the twelfth floor, I get out without looking back. I get to our room, _Harry’s_ room and unlock the door. My heart stops immediately.

There are flowers everywhere, scattered around the sofa, table and floor and for a minute I think I have the wrong room until a woman’s voice calls out “mister Styles?” from out the bedroom. I follow the sound of her voice that leads into the bedroom and I’m met with more flowers and a woman in chambermaid uniform. “Oh, you were not supposed to see this yet,” she says then, hiding something behind her back.

I stare at her before I take a look at the room. It’s decorated with tulips, roses and lilies and a lot of cut out hearts. There’s a big one in the middle of the bed with ‘I love you’ written on it. Next to it is a stuffed bear holding a picture of Harry and I smiling at each other. Written on it is ‘Now the world knows that you’re mine. xx your Bear.’

So he _was_ planning on coming out today if this says anything. Why did he change his mind? Why am I suddenly not good enough? More unanswered questions that I’m not sure want to know the answer of.

“Shouldn’t you be at the show? It must’ve started by now,” the woman asks but I don’t feel the need to answer her. After seconds of silence she asks if she should leave but I don’t answer that either. I don’t care what she does or where she goes. I cared about what Harry did and where he went but then he did and went without me. The woman then leaves but not before she reveals a stack of more cut out hearts that she was hiding behind her back and I only see now that there is stuff written on those too.

I don’t know what to do. Should I torture myself by reading those hearts or should I ignore everything? I want to get out of here. I want to leave behind everything that reminds me of Harry but I have nowhere to go and not a single penny in my wallet. Harry has been spoiling me rotten and he would actually get a little pissy every time I told him I wanted to pay for groceries or buy my own clothes. ‘ _I have money and I want to spend it all on you.’_ He’d always say and every time I gave in.

I sit on the bed, carefully avoiding the flowers and the paper hearts and untie the laces of my shoes before I slip out of them. I undo the jeans and shrug them off before I fold them neatly, followed by the blazer and shirt. I open the suitcase that we haven’t unpacked yet and get out my own clothes and my own pair of boxers that I know Harry was planning to wear since he never wears his own anymore and I never wear mine. I change my underwear and slip into my own clothes. The only thing I’m wearing that belongs to him now is his necklace but I can’t let go of that yet.

I get out of the bedroom and hurry through the seating area towards the kitchenette. It seems the only place that isn’t all romantic looking. I slide down the wall and bring my knees up to my chest. The throbbing in my head has softened and the physical pain is quickly replaced by emotional pain and there is no way I can stop my tears from falling now.

_Why? Why? Why?_

What did I do to make him back out? It was his idea and everything was his plan and he was so sure of himself, of us that we could make this together. He knew what he was doing he said and now I’m sitting here alone crying about everything that should have happened but didn’t. We both have been fantasizing about holding hands on the red carpet and how he would kiss me if Skyway won an award. He would dodge every question about us and just smirk mysteriously. He wanted the world to know about me, _about us_ yet he wanted to leave them guessing.

But none of that happened. I don’t mind that I’ll be left alone by the media and press for the rest of my life and that I didn’t get the spotlight I thought I would get, I’m actually quite happy about that. The thing that hurts me is that Harry’s love for me is not so unconditional as I thought it was.

I know coming out was a big step for him but he really wanted to, for him and for us. _Love conquers all_ , he’d said. But was it really love that he felt for me or was I just a big experiment? Did he really mess up my heart and head to test out his own feelings? His sexuality? He knew I loved him. He probably knows that I’ll never stop loving him, not even after this stunt.

I want to be in his arms forever and never leave his side but how can I do that without him wanting me there? He needs space from me and I need space from him to get my never-ending feelings for him locked up and far away from my heart.

 _Fuck_!

 

                                                                                                           

 

My head is heavy when I wake up. I’m comfortable and warm but I have a hard time opening my sore eyes. I hear shuffling in the room and heavy breathing. Maybe Harry is still nervous and is stressing out. Maybe I didn’t do anything yet to change Harry’s mind about coming out at the EMA’s.

“Harry?” I mumble, throat painful.

“ _God_ Niall, are you alright?” His voice is rough too and now close to my head. I finally manage to open my eyes into little slits and as I expected, Harry is by my side on the floor next to the bed. He looks like a downright mess with his hair partly covering his forehead and eyes. He is shirtless and that is as far as I can see without having to move my throbbing head.

“Harry, it’s alright...” I sigh. “You don’t have to be nervous, I will be there ‘till the end, you know that.”

I hear his sharp intake of breath as he looks at me worried, “even after—“ he pauses and swallows visibly, “after what I did?”

“Whatever you did can’t be that bad,” I tell him, “just relax a little before the EMA’s tonight yeah? It’ll all turn out, I promise.”

Right after the words leave my mouth, Harry starts crying uncontrollably and all I can do with so little energy in my body is to brush my fingers through his hair. He grabs my wrist and puts his head in my palm as he mutters strings of “I’m sorrys.” What is he sorry for? What did he do that has him so shook up like this?

It takes him a good minute to calm down before he’s able to speak again. “Last night when I came back... I didn’t expect you to be here. I thought you had left but then I saw you curled up on the floor and I went to lift you up and carry you to bed but when I touched you...” he chokes on a sob, “your whole body started shaking and you were crying but you wouldn’t wake up. I called in a doctor and he put a Valium pill under your tongue and helped me getting you into bed. You had a panic attack in your sleep.”

That explains my sore body and my burning eyes. I had a bad dream; Harry letting go of my hand at the EMA’s was all just a dream. _Thank God!_

“Just a bad dream...” I mutter, getting to sit up. “Just a—“ but then I see the flowers, the hearts and the teddy bear, just like the ones I dreamed about and _fuck_ no! No no no no! “NO NO! NO! You left me, you went and left me!! It really happened, you let go of my hand and went, you went alone. You went... without me.”

“Niall I was scared, I panicked I—“

“What did I do, Harry? What did I do to make you see that I’m not worth this trouble? What did I do?”

“No Niall you didn’t do anything—“

“I gave up my life for you. I gave up everything and for what? It’s all for nothing!” I shout over the sound of my heart breaking. “I want nothing more than to spend my life with you, it’s all I wanted since five years ago when I first saw you on TV. Then we tweeted and we met. We kissed and started a relationship, we moved in together, we had _sex_ and you gave me hope that my dream would come true. That you’d be mine forever but now something happened and you realized that I’m not the one that you want and I don’t know what it is.”

“It’s nothing like that. Niall _please_ you have to believe me,” Harry says, wanting to take my hand in his but I refuse.

“No. I need to get away, I need to be away from you because I’m so in love with you that it kills me inside and now I need to find a way to fix that some way.” I can’t repair my heart with him so close to me. He broke it and with every second longer with him in the same room it breaks even more.

“But Niall—“

“No Harry. It would be selfish if I’d stay because I forced my way into your life once and I’m not doing that again.” I get out of the bed and stand at the complete opposite side of the room. “You know I’d never ask you this but I don’t have any money on me right now and I’ll pay you back as soon as I can but could you please get me a ticket home?”

“We can work this out, please stay with me. Please Niall, _please._ I love you,” Harry is crying again and so am I. But we can’t work this out, not together at least.

“Don’t say that. It makes it even harder to get over you and that task seems impossible already.” _I love you_. He doesn’t love me. If he did, he wouldn’t have left me alone. He would’ve taken me with him and do everything we talked about from the hand holding to the smirking and the kissing. But he didn’t and his ‘ _love_ ’ for me isn’t what he thinks it is.

“I don’t _want_ you to get over me. Don’t break up with me, Niall please don’t. Give me another chance, I’m begging you. _Please!_ ”

“I’ll ask Paul for a ticket in the morning, you can stay here, I’ll spend the night in the lobby.”

“ _Please_ Niall...”

“Thank you for the most amazing months of my life, Harry. You were the best thing that ever happened to me.” With shaky hands I reach around my neck to unclasp the necklace that I have never taken off since the second time he gave it to me. I stumble back to the bed where Harry is and put the necklace in his hand.

This is it; the dream that has always been too good to be true is over. I decide to give myself one last blow to the stomach by wrapping my arms around his frame and tucking my head under his chin. I inhale deeply and relish his amazing scent. He wraps his arms around me carefully but tight and I can feel his tears fall on the top of my head.

After seconds or minutes, I pry myself out of his arms before the strength to do so is gone.

“I know I’m not the one to make you fully happy but you’ll find the one who will. I’m sorry I failed. But thank you for making _me_ happy.” Through my tears I can barely make out the love of my life standing there with the paper plane necklace clenched tightly in his fist. “Goodbye.”

I put my head down and stride towards the door of our room. Harry isn’t behind me and when I look back one last time, he’s on his knees on the bedroom floor with his face buried in his hands. “Don’t let me go,” he hiccups but I have to. I need to let him go, it’s better for the both of us.


	61. Chapter 61

For the past few weeks I’ve been staying with Sophie and making too much use of her and her mother’s hospitality. I’ve been watching Marcus at Julia’s house and there I met the new people in my old apartment. Ironically they are a happy gay couple.

I know Harry is leaving for their North American leg of the tour soon, tomorrow, if I’m correct so that will give me the oportunity to get my stuff together. He’ll be gone for two months so I can stay in the house for a good eight weeks before I find a place of my own again. Even thinking about it makes me cry. It’s been four weeks. Four weeks since I last saw Harry, since I last heard his voice and felt his warmth. Four painful weeks that have been dragging by slowly and I’ve been an absolute mess ever since. I’ve been crying a lot because after two days it fully sank in that I lost Harry, that I lost the love of my life and that there’s nothing I can do about it.

Sophie has been the biggest support ever, just like she is now as she puts a cup of tea on the table in front of me and squeezes herself between the armrest and my side.

“I’ve got something to show you,” she starts, “you can do with it whatever you like but I think it’s important that you see it.” She grabs my hands and entertwines our fingers comfortably as she unlocks her phone with the other. She opens the Twitter app and thumbs across the screen until she finds it and holds it in front of my face.

_Harry_Styles_

_This is for you, you know who you are. .x Bear (send 23 hours ago)_

I swallow down the lump in my throat, _Bear_. I used to call him that. He was my Bear and I was his Cakeface. What does he mean with this tweet? Is it a message to me?

I look at Sophie for the answers of my unasked questions and all she does is press her phone in my hands. “It’s not all, Ni. Log in on your own account,” she orders but her voice is gentle. I haven’t been on Twitter for the longest time. Even when Harry and I—when we were still together, I didn’t go on much but the last weeks I have been purposefully avoiding it.

I look back to the telephone screen, trusting my best friend and I log in on my own twitter account.

_Carlz___

_@Niall_Horan: Yayyy Harry is gayyy! You finally have a shot! (sent 3 minutes ago)_

_Sannirinne__

_@Niall_Horan: Oh my GDJKAS have you heard? Harry Styles is gay!!! OMG you must be so happy! (sent 2 minutes ago)_

 

My Twitter is flooded with messages like that and they keep coming and coming. What happened? What do they mean with ‘Harry is gay?’ How do they know? What do they know? Did he really out himself?

 

_HayleyM_209_

_@Niall_Horan: OMG! Look at this! Harry saying he’s gay. HE’S GAY! OMFG!_ [ _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bo2WEcBu-qM_ ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bo2WEcBu-qM) _(sent 30 seconds ago)_

 

My heart is very close to pounding out of my ribcage. Harry admitted his sexuality? But why? Why now? Four weeks after he left me, four weeks after I left him in Amsterdam and went home.

I can’t help it, I’ve been keeping a distance from every video of picture of Harry but I need to see this. I need to know what this is all about. I open the url and tighten my grip on Sophie for support. It’s probably another fake montage of Harry saying something he didn’t actually say. A video where they rip his words out of their context. Harry can’t have admitted his sexuality.

_It starts with a black background, with ‘Harry Styles coming out’ contrasting against the darkness in white letters. It fades into the actual video. Skyway is standing there, Harry on the left side of the screen. He looks terrible, his make-up doesn’t mask the dark circles around his eyes and the grey colour on his tired face. He isn’t even smiling or looking interested like he usually does. There’s a light stubble on his chin and above his upper lip and his greasy hair is bundled up in a bun._

_“Harry,” the woman turns all her attention to him and the camera zooms in a bit more. “There have been many rumours lately about your relationship status and foremost about your sexuality. So what is up with that?”_

_Harry doesn’t even miss a beat, doesn’t blink an eye before the truth is slurred out, the words slowly escaping his lips, “yeah, for once the rumours are actually true. I’m gay.” There’s nothing vague about his answer, he doesn’t talk around it. He straight out said he’s gay._

_“How long have you known? Are you seeing anyone?” The woman asks and Harry gives a curt nod, not answering her question._

_“That would be all, thank you,” he says and attempts a smile before he turns and walks away. The clip ends with the other boys caging him in protectively. Louis is walking in front of him and Liam behind him. Preston and Paul on either side of him._

It’s real. It’s REAL. Harry is out of the closet. Everyone now knows that Harry likes boys. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe he did it. And his tweet, ‘ _This is for you, you know who you are. .x Bear’_ all makes sense now.

“Oh my God,” is the first thing I manage to croak out.

“He’s out Ni,” Sophie says quietly, her thumb stroking what she can reach of the back of my hand.

“But why?” I don’t understand.

“Why do you think? He came out for _you_!” She says, taking the phone from my hand and putting it on the table.

“But—“ I can’t believe it. I don’t—why? How?

“Niall, listen to me! Harry loves you, always has and he still does and I know something in you doubts that but if you really think about it, you _know_ that there is no question about his love for you. I understand how upset you are about him leaving you at the awards and you have every right to but give him a chance to explain and _then_ make your decision whether you want to stay with him or run out of his life forever.” I never want to run out of his life. I never wanted to but did I really have a choice?

“I-- I can’t...” There are tears prickling in the corners of my eyes but I try to ignore them, blink them away.

“Why can’t you? Give me _one_ good reason why you can’t give him a chance to explain.”

The first and only thing that comes to my mind is “he left me.”

“And then _you_ left _him_ without hearing him out.” Sophie untangles our hands and stands up. “He cried the night you last saw him, he _cried_ and he asked you not to let him go. He left you that night and I can only imagine how much that hurt you but you left him too but with the intention to never return again! Niall, give the guy a chance to explain. Not only for his sake but for yours too. Hear him out, get your answers, get your heart back.”

It sounds so easy the way she puts it. It sounds so simple but it’s not and I have no idea how to explain. Of course I want my answers and if I could, I would gladly take Harry back as my boyfriend but something in my head says no, don’t do it.

“I want to, but—“

“Get your shoes on!” Sophie orders. “Mum, I’m going to drop Niall off, can I take your car?” She already has the car keys and drops my shoes in front of my feet before I can protest.

“Soph, I can’t do this.” I say exasperatedly.

“You _can_ and you _will_. Now get your shoes on because I will drag you in the car without.”

Completely overwhelmed I do as she says and step in my shoes right before she literally drags me off the sofa and in the car. She starts the engine as I pull the passenger door closed and we’re gone before I’ve even put my seatbelt on.

The drive is silent and I’m nervous. I recognize things from the neighbourhood and I know it’s not even two minutes before we’re there.

I’m going to see Harry again. I’m going to see Harry and I look like a pile of rubbish. I’m going to have to talk to him but my voice is hoarse from all the crying. Maybe I’m going to touch him again and maybe I’ll be able to tuck my head under his chin and I smell like cheap supermarket showergel.

 _Fuck_! I shouldn’t be worrying about all this because I’m only going to get some answers, that’s all I’m going to do so I shouldn’t worry about how I look, sound or smell. Just going to get answers, nothing more, nothing less.

“I believe we’re here?” Sophie startles me out of my thoughts. _We’re here_. We’re right in front of the gate. It’s our house, Harry’s house and I can see his car and the lights are on so he’s home. _Shit_. I can’t do this.

“I can’t do this,” I voice my thoughts.

“Nonsense. You’re going to get out of this car, get into your house and talk to him. Call me if you want me to pick you back up,” Sophie leans over me and opens the door before she undoes my seatbelt. “You can do this Ni, you can do this.”

“You’ll be here when I call you?” I ask just to be sure.

“Within five minutes, ten max,” she plants a kiss on my hot cheek. “Go on Ni, you can do this.”

“Thank you.” I mutter quietly as I slide out of the passengers seat. I slam the door shut and Sophie drives away before I can turn around and get back in.

 _I can do this. I will do this._ It’s just Harry. Why am I so nervous? I’ve known Harry for eight months, we were boyfriends for most of that time, he’s the sweetest person I know, there’s no reason for my shaky hands and dry throat.

I slowly type in the combination of the gate and watch how it opens. I take a deep breath and drag my feet towards the front door. I still have the key and I’ve been carrying it around in my pocket because I was afraid someone would find it and break in. It’s a crazy thought but you never know with people these days.

I can hear my heart thump in my ears as the door unlocks. I can nearly feel my blood rushing through my vains as I hear _his_ voice.

He’s shouting. There’s another male voice, one I don’t recognize, also shouting.

_“How on earth could you do it? Didn’t you think about the consequences?”_

_“I told you! I needed to! It was suffocating me!”_ Harry.

_“Your sales will drop, Harry! You will lose fans, you’re putting your career, and those of the other boys on the line for nothing!!”_

_“It wasn’t for nothing! And the other boys knew and encouraged me!”_

_“What was it for then? I don’t see a boyfriend around! I can’t sell a fucking homosexual! Think of all the girls--”_

I’m done. I’m done hearing this—this _asshole_ talk to Harry like this. He has no right to attack him on his sexuality or his decision to come out. It’s _his_ life and no one has the right to control him. I’m angry. No I’m _raging_ and storming into the living room where I can see Harry, tears streaming down his pale cheeks, his body completely covered in my clothes and across from him I see the back of a balding man in a grey suit. The worn-out and broken look on Harry’s face hurts more than anything right now and my mouth takes over my mind as I put my hands in my sides and raise my voice to be heard over the other guy shouting.

“What the _fuck_ are you doing in my house and who gave you the fucking right to talk to Harry like this?”

Both Harry and the man look at me like a deer caught in the headlights. I can only concentrate on Harry, his sad appearance cutting a knife through my already broken heart. He looks nothing like the boy I know, he looks lifeless even. He mouths my name before his mouth drops open. He’s shaking, I can see that his legs are close to giving out.

“C’mon, you need to sit down,” I say, quieter now as I rush to his side. I ease him down on the sofa with my arm around his waist and sit down next to him. I can’t pull my arm back, not even when he’s steady and sitting. I just can’t.

“ _Your_ house?” The other guy, the dickwad says incredulously.

I put on my dirtiest smile as I answer “yes, _my_ house. _Our_ house and I’m asking you politely to leave just this once or I will call the police on you.”

“Who do you think you are?” The man narrows his eyes at me and I feel Harry lean more into me.

“I asked you first but I didn’t get an answer either did I? But the name is Niall and I’m also a homosexual as you like to put it. I’m his boyfriend as a matter of fact and I just heard you talk to Harry in a way I do not approve of and I’m pretty sure I can report you for discrimination.” I don’t know what’s gotten into me. The courage is fake and I’m bluffing all my way through this but I need this man to get away from Harry. He needs to leave and the sooner the better.

“Fine. But I’ll be back and this isn’t over yet. Your management will drop you and I can assure you that without us, soon you won’t have a record deal anymore.”

The guy straightens out his fancy jacket and leaves. I hold my breath until the front door slams shut and release it when Harry whimpers from beside me. The broken sound rings through my ears and I forget all about why I came here in the first place. Fuck answers, Harry needs me.


	62. Chapter 62

I don’t know what time it is. I know that I should send Sophie a message that I’m alright but I can’t bring myself to move. Harry has finally stopped crying and whimpering. He is awake though, fully cuddled into me, fiddling with the hem of my shirt, causing his cold knuckles to come in contact with the bare skin of my hip every now and again. He’s blinking slowly but other than that there are no signs that he’ll fall asleep anytime soon and to be honest, I don’t really mind.

We haven’t talked, not really. Harry has breathed out my name a few times and I calmed him down by whispering that it’s all going to be alright. That’s all that we have exchanged. I’ve been combing my fingers through his hair all night and my hand is getting tired but I don’t stop. I can’t stop. I _won’t_ stop. I love him.

I love him so much that I don’ know what to do with it. It’s crazy, overwhelming but also the best feeling in the world. But does he feel the same way for me? Would he cut off his arm to save my life? I always thought he would but doubts have been taking over my mind. Ever since Amsterdam I’m not sure about anything anymore.

“It was mister Walters,” Harry murmers barely audible, breaking the silence. His voice is low and broken, “the man, who was here when you came in. He’s the head of our management.” He swallows. “I came out, yesterday. I told some interviewer that I’m gay—“

“I saw that,” I tell him with a sigh, “it was very brave of you.” Now isn’t the time to question him about his motives.

“It was eating me alive. I lived in a secret for so long and it made me lose you, the best thing that ever happened to me and I couldn’t do it anymore...” Emotion takes over his words as he starts crying again. “I’ve been so lost without you and I didn’t know what to do... And then Louis said that I should just come out because that was the only thing he could think of to win you back so I did and then Walters came tonight and he threatened to drop us as a band and our record label and the boys—they don’t deserve this. It’s all my fault and I’m scared, I’m _so_ scared I messed it up for them...”

“Hey,” I grab his chin, forcing to turn his face so he’s looking at me. The look in his eyes is horrible and fear is written all over his face. I hate it. I hate when he’s looking like that. “You’re not alone in this. I know the boys have got your back and your whole team has. I know they’ll stick with you no matter what and like you said, Louis _wanted_ you to come out and Liam too. You discussed it and they agreed.”

There are still tears running down his cheeks but the sobbing has died down. “We’re all going to lose our jobs. I’ve taken away their careers for my own selfishness.”

“Hey Harry come on,” I pry his hands from my shirt and sit up straight. I put my hands on his shoulders and try to hide my grimace. He’s never pliant like this, never this helpless unless he’s playing. “You’re one of the most selfless people I know, you always put other people before you and now all those people stand behind you. Whatever will happen, the other guys will have your back. They’re not only your bandmates but also your best friends. I’m sure if you call them right now, they’ll drop everything they’re doing and come over.”

“But...”

“Harry, no! No buts.”

He sniffles as he looks up at me. His eyes are such a light green right now that I forget where I am for a moment. They are glassy from tears but not so hollow and empty anymore. He is also less pale but other than that, he is one big puddle of sadness and fear.

“I think you should get some sleep,” I swallow down a petname. I’m not sure if we’re still in that stage of our ‘relationship.’ I don’t know what to call us right now so I’ll keep it safe and call him either Harry or nothing at all. “Call the other boys tomorrow and let them come over and explain them what happened. If you want, we can do it together, yeah?”

“Leaving for LA tomorrow,” Harry croaks before he coughs to get the frog out of his throat.

Damn. I forgot about that for a bit. “Oh...” I reply, trying not to let my sadness show through. It’s not about me right now. No time for my own feelings.

“What if they’ve canceled the rest of the tour?” Harry shoots up suddenly, eyes wide.

“Call Preston or Paul, they would know about it if it got canceled as Paul is your tour manager yeah?” Harry nods but doesn’t make a move. “Do you want me to call?” Harry nods again and hands me his phone from the pocket of his, no, _my_ hoodie.

I unlock the phone and my breath hitches. He still has our picture as his background. Why does he still have that? Didn’t he have time to change it? Did he forget about it? I breathe a couple of times to get my shaky hands steadier and look for Paul Higgins in his phone book. I press the call button and put the phone to my ear. Harry is staring at me, I can see it from the corner of my eye and normally it would have made me uncomfortable but somehow it doesn’t right now.

“Paul? Hey this is Niall,” I say once Paul answers. I try to sound chipper for the sake of Harry’s emotions. “I’m calling to ask if the tour is still on? Are you still leaving for America tomorrow?”

“Yeah of course,” he answers, Irish accent thick. “Why wouldn’t it?”

“This guy, Mister Walters?” I look at Harry for confirmation. He lets his head hang so I know enough. “Yeah, he came by at Harry’s and insulted and threatened him to drop the boys as a band and shit like that so we were wondering if it had any effects on the tour.”

“Yeah he called me a few hours ago but I told him that if he wanted to cancel all the shows that are already confirmed and sold-out, it is his job to tell the world because I’m not doing that. Proper dick that man.”

“So...”

“So I expect Harry at the airport at four PM tomorrow.” Paul says. “You too hopefully. Hey, I’ve got to go now, want to say good night to the kids. See you tomorrow. Bye.” And the line is dead. Paul hopes that I’m at the airport with Harry tomorrow? But we never talked about that-- I don’t understand.

“And?” Harry asks with a small voice and oh, right.

“Tour is still on!” I say with a bright smile, a fake one but hopefully a convincing one.

Harry lets out a shaky breath and the corners of his mouth turn up just a little bit. “That’s good,” he says drowsily. He blinks slowly but he doesn’t look away from me and I don’t know what to say or do. Does he expect something from me now? Is this the time to ask questions about _us_ and tomorrow? I guess never is the time but I _need_ answers.

“Ehm, Harry?” I start, not really knowing how to continue. “What happened?” The question is vague and Harry doesn’t understand me, I can see it by the look on his face. Is it odd that I can still tell all his different expressions apart?

“I don’t know—“

“In Amsterdam, I mean. What happened?” _Why did you break my heart?_

It’s silent for a few beats before he answers and I feel nauseous. _Because you’re not the man of my dreams, Niall. I don’t like you like that anymore. I don’t love you anymore._ “I had a bad dream, the night before... We came out and—and people were going crazy. Like really crazy and they were booing at us and throwing things at you. You were crying but I didn’t do anything and then you ran but before you could get away someone grabbed you and—you had to go to the hospital, Niall.”

I don’t know whether to laugh really hard or cry right now. He _fucking_ dumped me because of a nightmare? Cliché fanfic moment right there.

“Harry...”

“I know it sounds incredibly stupid but when the door of the van opened and I heard all those people screaming around the corner, I got a flashback and I couldn’t do it. I thought I was doing a good thing but when you weren’t in your seat when the show started... I knew I messed it up. Then back at the hotel, I didn’t think you’d still be there but you were and I hoped that maybe I hadn’t screwed up so bad but then you gave me this like farewell hug and you gave me your necklace and when the door closed behind you, my whole world came crashing down and it was all because of my own _fucking_ stupidity.”  

“Why didn’t you tell me about that dream? I would’ve understood...”

Does this mean he didn’t change his mind about his relationship with me? Did he leave me out of love? How stupid that may sound... I understand. I should be angry or annoyed or something else but I’m relieved and happy but _fuck!_ Did I screw it up now by leaving him that night and returning his necklace? What a fucking mess this is.

“I don’t know...” He sighs.

“Paul told me he hoped to see me at the airport tomorrow...?” I say, dropping one subject and diving straight into another.

“Before everything happened, I bought you a ticket to come with us to LA and Vegas...” Harry says slowly, “I hired a professional babysitter to watch Marcus for the two weeks that you’d be in America with me and yeah, it was a surprise... Like a little holiday for you.”

 _Wow_. “That would have been amazing,” I tell him honestly. Exploring the world, enjoying Skyway on tour and spending loads more time with Harry, it’s like a dream.

“Yeah...” he smiles a little. “Niall?” I can’t help but notice his hopeful tone and oh! Is he going to ask me to come to LA anyway? “Do you maybe want to spend the night with me?”

Oh...

“Sure,” boy this is awkward. “Wanna go to bed then?” I ask hesistantly and Harry shrugs but stands up anyway. He wobbles a bit on his legs and I shoot up in an instinct to steady him with an arm around his back. He leans into me a little and I smile inwardly. This is nice, I’ve missed his touch in every way possible. It was an addiction and I only notice it now.

We walk up the stairs, still holding onto each other and when we turn to the bedroom, familiarity finally fully hits me; this is my bed, where I’ve slept in with Harry so many times. The warm comfortable bed with soft sheets and fluffy pillows and Harry on my side or pressed against my back. The last couple of weeks I’ve been cold and lonely and I found myself crawling into Sophie’s bed more often than not but it’s not the same. She’s not Harry.

I didn’t notice we stopped until Harry tugs on me a little, “you coming?” He asks nearly shyly.

I sigh deeply before entering the bedroom that still looks like how we left it the last time I was here and it brings back memories that clench my heart because every memory I had in here was a good one and I miss it so much, I miss it all so much.

Harry detangles himself from me and easily shreds his clothes until he’s in his boxers. _My_ boxers, my favourite purple ones. I can’t help it, I eye him up from toe to head and notice how skinny he’s gotten. There’s still the fine trace of muscle but he’s scrawnier, bonier. Then I notice his necklaces and he’s wearing the plane one. Either Harry hasn’t noticed me looking at him or he just doesn’t comment on it as he slides in the large bed and snuggles under the sheets.

I follow his example and quickly discard my clothes, leaving them on the floor at the end of the bed before I crawl in on what used to be my side of the bed.

“Niall?” Harry drawls quietly and I know he’s very close to falling asleep.

“Yeah?” I answer with my eyes closed, afraid to look at him, afraid that I’m not able to control my urges, needs and feelings.

“Would it be okay if—could we maybe...” _Silence_. Seconds later I feel his knees pressing against my leg and I freeze when I feel his hand on my stomach. “Is this alright?”

My heart literally hurts at his slow motions and the insecurity in his voice. His face is close to me, I can feel his unsteady breath against my cheek and it takes a lot for me not to cry.

I don’t know if this is the last time I will be sleeping in one bed with Harry, if it’s the last time I can touch him and feel him so I put my hand over his on my stomach and slip my fingers in the spaces he creates between his. I turn on my side so my back is turned him and shuffle until it’s pressed against his chest. _Yeah, this is alright._


	63. Chapter 63

Morning has come too quickly. I’m not sure what time it is and I can’t be bothered to look at my phone because somehow I woke up in Harry’s arms and I don’t dare to move. I’m warm, hot even but I don’t care. This might be the last time waking up in Harry’s arms and I’m going to enjoy this moment for as long as I can. I close my eyes again but make sure not to fall back asleep no matter how comfortable I am. My head is on his chest, tucked under his chin. His arm is wrapped around me, his hand resting on my hip while the other hand is intertwined with his on his stomach. We often woke up like this, no matter how we fell asleep, we woke up in this position.

“I can’t believe I let you go...” Harry suddenly whispers, making my heart stop momentarily. I didn’t know he was awake, I was too deep in my own thoughts to notice the change in his breathing. “I’m too much of a coward to tell you this when you’re awake because I know you’ll reject me but for me, you are the one, Ni, you are the one and if I could do it all over again, I would hold your hand and kiss you like I planned. I’m not complete without you, you’re my other half.” He chokes, “I’m so sorry...”

I can’t hold in my tears. He is just as broken as I am and we’re both just stupid fuckers who are lost without the other.

“I don’t know what to do anymore. I miss you and I want you back in my life even though I don’t deserve you. I love you _so_ much and I wish you were still mine...” He wishes I were still his? But I am. I’ve always been his. What am I doing? Why am I torturing the both of us? He still wants me, right? And I still want him, of course I do, I love him!

I move my head so it isn’t pressed against his chest anymore and I untangle our fingers to cup his jaw and turn his face to me. In a flash I see his tear streaked cheeks and swollen eyes but then mine are closed and I’m kissing him.

_Oh lord!_

It’s messy and completely uncoördinated but I don’t give two shits about it because I’m kissing Harry and he’s kissing me back. We’re crying on each other’s lips but he’s pressing me closer with both his arms around me and I’m on top of him now, one hand in his hair and the other in his neck. With every movement of my lips I try to show him how much I love him, how much I’m still his’. Breathing is hard between heavy sobs and passionate kissing and I hate it but I have to pull away. Harry’s lips follow mine until they’re out of his reach and I open my eyes to see his green ones open as well. There are unmistakable traces of crying with the usually white bit of his eyes being red and his lashes sticking together wetly but he’s unearthly beautiful no matter what.

“Niall...”

“I still love you,” I don’t let him finish and sit up just a little so that I straddle his stomach. “I love you and I miss you. I need you, Harry, I’m nothing compared to the person I am when I’m with you.”

Harry sits up against the headrest but steadies me on his body with his hands on my waist. “But what I did is unforgivable. You can’t just take me back.” Is he really fighting me on this?

“Harry, do you want to be with me?”

He looks at me as if he sees water burn before he frantically nods. “Yes, yes! Of course I want to be with you. Yes! But I—“

“Then be with me.” It’s simple as that. Why make it harder than it is?

“But—“

“Why are you fighting this?” My courage drops and I’m not so sure about anything anymore. First he gives this speech about how he misses me and he says he wants to be with me yet he’s protesting. Did I do something wrong?

“Because you shouldn’t take me back this easily. I broke you and you shouldn’t forgive me so easily, _I_ can’t even forgive me.” He says sounding exasperated.

I roll off of him and slide off the bed. “I need tea,” I sigh as I rub my hands up and down my face. I need a cup of hot tea before I explode and say things that I don’t mean and will regret later. Such as _screw you_ and _don’t be pathetic_. Or _stop being so fucking stupid or I will leave you forever_.

“I-I’ll make you some,” Harry says quickly, practically jumping off the bed and running past me. _What the..._

I take my time walking down the stairs. I need to breathe in peace to clear my head because I’m completely and utterly lost. What is happening right now? Where do I stand? Where do _we_ stand? I have no clue and Harry doesn’t let me figure it out. Why is he making it so hard for me? For the both of us? It could be so simple because I love him and he says he loves me so why doesn’t he just give in to that and let us be _us_ again?

When I arrive in the kitchen, Harry is standing with his back towards me, waiting for the pot of water to boil and I get a flashback to the first time I woke up in this house. Harry had made me breakfast and tea and afterwards we snuggled on the sofa watching Bambi and he gave me his necklace. The whole vibe was awkward then but this today is a whole new level of awkwardness. The clock on the microwave flashes 4.23 and damn, did we only sleep for three hours? I am tired but I thought it was because of all the emotions and thoughts swarming through my mind.

“Do you want something to eat?” Harry asks, staring down at the cup of tea he’s handing me. I take it with both my hands wrapped around the warm mug. Our fingers brush briefly but he still doesn’t make eye contact.

“Harry...”

“I can make French toast or muffins but you’d have to wait for a bit because it takes a while but I don’t mind if you don’t—“

“Harry...”

“Or do you want something else? Full English breakfast maybe?” He turns around and starts trashing the cabinets and the fridge. I watch him for a bit but it’s getting out of hand. He’s throwing all kinds of ingredients on the counter and even the floor and he’s muttering incoherent things.

“I don’t want anything to eat,” I say, raising my voice to get his attention. I can see him sigh before he lets his shoulders hang.

“Are you sure? I don’t mind making you something.” He says quietly, his hand on the handle of the fridge, his back still turned to me.

“I’m sure Harry, thank you.”

“Okay...” He says quietly, shaking his bowed head. This is nothing like my Harry. Nothing like my perky confident Harry and I can’t stand it.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

He slumps down even more but he doesn’t turn around, he doesn’t look at me. He doesn’t reply. I can hear faint sniffles and I know he’s crying. I hate it.

“Could you please look at me?” I put my tea on the counter and take a step towards Harry. To my surprise, he does turn around but he doesn’t meet my eyes. I dare to take another step closer so I’m only a few inches away, close enough to put my hand on his cheek and lift his head. He closes his eyes, letting another tear escape. “Open your eyes.” He doesn’t. “Please?”

Slowly his eyes open and he meets mine for a brief second before he averts his gaze to anywhere but me. “Why can’t you look at me?” I need him to look at me. I step even closer, now completely ignoring his barriers and personal space. I stand on my toes, lacing my hands behind his neck and I try to kiss him. _Try_ , because he tilts his head so his lips are out of reach. “Har—“

“I’m so ashamed of myself that I can’t even look at my own reflection in the mirror,” Harry croaks, “I know if I look at you, I’ll give in and—“

“Give in.” I tell him, caging him in between my body and the counter. _Please give in._

“I can’t,” he replies but he rests his head against mine and I count it as a win.

“You _can_!” _Stop being so fucking stubborn_.

“It wouldn’t be fair to you because I didn’t treat you like you deserve. I’m a shit boyfriend who left you on what was supposed to be _our_ day. You can’t forgive and forget, that’s not right... I don’t deserve that.”

“ _God_ Harry, stop it!” I yell. I don’t care anymore. He needs to fucking listen. “No, I’m not happy about what happened in Amsterdam but I want to move on and I want to move on with _you_. If you don’t want that then please tell me now because I—“

“I want to.” He cuts me off, holding my gaze for the first time. “I want to move on with you, I want to be with you but what if you’re making a mistake?”

“I’m not.”

“How can you be so sure about that?” His voice is wavery and quiet but I feel his hands in my sides and he squeezes me.

“Because I love you, Harry. I love you and I know what I want, I want to be with you and if you want that too, then stop holding yourself back. If you truly love me then just shut up and kiss me because that is what _I_ want.” I’m breathless. Anticipation, nerves and fright have taken over my body now because I did everything I can think of to convince him to continue his life with me and there’s nothing more I can do now. He’s either going to kiss me or leave me be and either way I have to move on, whether it’s with him or without him.

I just hope it’s _with_ him.  
Seconds of silence pass. He’s staring at me, his clear eyes looking straight into mine and I feel my heart thrumming out of my chest. It’s painful but the doubt in Harry’s eyes hurt me even more. His hands are burning in my sides and for a moment his grip on me tightens but he’s pushing me away from his body...

_OH!_

Suddenly my lower back meets with a hard surface and I realise Harry has flipped us around. I’m pressed against the counter and Harry is still in my space and then all barriers are broken because Harry is kissing me. Harry is kissing me and _shit_ I should probably kiss him back. _Oh my God!_ I don’t know how to kiss anymore. I don’t know how to do anything anymore. I’m too far gone to function properly.

Harry grunts in his kiss, bringing all my senses back to life, fine not only my senses but also my dick because Harry’s hands are gripping right below my bum and he swiftly lifts me up the counter. _Fuck_! It’s my turn to groan now as I grab his neck and bite down on his bottom lip. He’s never been loud in bed but he makes these noises now that I’m not able to even—

“Baby,” he pants against my parted lips. “Bedroom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have to imagine your own smutty scene for now.


	64. Chapter 64

Well, that escalated quickly. Yesterday I came here for answers and now, only minutes ago I _came_. Hey, I’m not complaining. Harry isn’t either, instead he’s drawing lazy figures with his fingertips over my bare stomach. It’s quite annoying but I don’t have the heart to make him stop because he’s being boyfriendish and cozy and I missed that, I missed my cuddly Harry bear.

“In the past weeks, have you gotten more beautiful?”

I stiffle my laughter because he brings the question so seriously that I don’t know how to answer. At least I know he’s gotten cheesier. He looks at me, eyes roaming my tired body from the waist up and I can practically feel the love radiating off of him. Who was I kidding thinking he didn’t love me anymore? Have we established yet that I’m stupid? Well, I am because Harry loves me.

“I love you.”

See?

“Say it again,” I grin, lying on my side so I can look straight at him.

“I love you,” he repeats dutifully, easily, grinning right back at me. Oh the fluttering in my stomach! It feels so good!

“Again?”

He kisses the tip of my nose before he nuzzles his against it, his breath hot on my lips as he whispers softly but clearly, “I love you.” He then pulls away, leaving me cold and alone in the giant bed. He stands there in all his naked glory, not seeming to care that I have full sight of _everything._ “I’m going to make it up to you, everything, and I’m going to be the best boyfriend in the world starting by packing your suitcase with my clothes because you’re coming with me to LA.”

“I am?” Excuse me?

“Yes you are and I’m going to show you all my favourite spots and be a true Romeo,” he states simply. He leaves the room to only come back with a suitcase in his hand. He opens the closet and throws some of his clothes in it. He doesn’t bother checking how many pants or socks he puts in there, he just randomly throws various pieces of clothing in. He’s still fully naked by the way.

“Hold up! You know how tragic Romeo and Juliet ends yeah?”

“Yes but Romeo wasn’t gay back in the days and I am. Call me Homeo and I’ll promise you a happily ever after.”

I, for my own pride do put on a pair of pants as I slide off the bed. “Homeo?” No way I’m calling him that. “Is there any chance on a hopeful future with you if I don’t call you that?”

“What would you call me then?” He asks suggestively. I really wish he had his junk covered right now. I am glad that I put mine away safely.

“Everything I screamed out an hour ago when you had your dick up my arse.” _Tease all you want, love but from now on I’m always going to out-tease you._ Harry groans loudly and I would laugh about it if it didn’t sound so arousing. _Think about fish, peanuts, vaginas!_ There you go, that did the trick.

“’s Not fair...” Harry mutters as he _finally_ puts a pair of boxer briefs on. “You aren’t supposed to be this cheeky when I’m naked. We _just_ had sex and I’m not ready for another go yet.” _Good_ because I’m kind of very sore and I need to sit on ice for the next couple of weeks.

“I’m going to take a shower now,” probably a cold one, “and I’ll consider going with you if you have a cup of steaming hot tea ready when I come downstairs.” With that I walk out of the door, trying to be sexy by putting a little sway in my hips. Major fail because right now my bum stings like a bitch. It works though because Harry mumbles something about fairness or the lack of it before I hear him rustling around the room.

My shower is hot, not feeling like a cold one after all, and long and I really enjoy the smell of Harry’s soap and shampoo on me because it brings me back to my first shower here. After that we’ve always used the same soap but it’s the first time after four weeks now and it almost feels nostalgic. Back in the bedroom, an outfit is laid out on the bed. Black jogging bottoms, a black loose fitting vest and a checkered shirt. I don’t know if it’s meant for me but I’m wearing it anyway. It looks comfy enough for a long plane ride and they are Harry’s clothes and we all know by now what that does to me.

“If you’re done up there, tea is ready!” Harry shouts from the bottom of the stairs. I quickly get dressed, pulling out socks from the drawer, hopping from one leg to the other to get them on while walking. I practically run downstairs and into the kitchen where Harry is already holding out a big mug of tea for me. I love my boyfriend.

“And?” He presses after I’ve barely taken the first sip.

“And? Eh... Thank you for the tea Harry?”   
“No I mean _and?_ Are you coming with me?” Harry has his hands in his pockets as he stares at his own sock-clad toes. _Ah!_ That’s what he was going on about. I thought he wanted me to thank him for the tea like my mother raised me to do. Would be weird but I know how Harry likes manners. _Most of the time._

“Well...” I tease, pretending to think about it.

“Please?”

“I’ll go with you.” No way I’m saying no to that. It wasn’t even a question to begin with. Harry takes the mug out of my hand and puts it on the counter before he lifts me by my thighs and hauls me up to his waist and spins me around. I have a hard time pretending that this doesn’t hurt my bum but I can’t tell him to stop though because he’s actually _giggling_ in my chest and _twirling_ us around. The fondness takes over the pain... Or well no, maybe not, it still hurts.

“Bear, you know I love you but _ouch_.” I take his head in my hands to make eye contact and show him that I’m not quite giggling along with him.

“What? Are you okay? Babe, what did I do?” _What did you do? You were not very gentle two hours ago. Not that I wanted you to..._ He sits me down on the counter next to my tea and I hiss because the counter is hard against my arse.

“It’s nothing, just a little... sore,” I explain with a grimace and Harry’s eyes widen when he realises that his impressive--ness is the cause of it.

“Shit _fuck_! I wanted to be a perfect boyfriend but now I hurt you and that wasn’t supposed to happen and I undestand if you don’t want me anymore now but I promise I’ll make it up to you with whatever you want and more. I can buy you a car of those shoes you liked or—“

He needs to shut up and I know just the way. I tangle my arms around his neck and pull him down for a kiss. It’s the gentlest kiss in the past twenty-four hours but enough to stop him from rambling on. I’m quite the genius. Or a kissing legend, not quite sure.

“You know that I don’t want you to buy me stuff...” I start after I effectively quieted him down. “And I didn’t exactly tell you to slow down either. You have nothing to make up for, alright?”

“Yeah but,”

“No. Just be careful with my arse today and maybe tomorrow and then I’ll be just fine.” I peck him on the lips. “Okay?”

“If you say so...”

“I do, Harry. Now go get dressed because it’s already noon and we’re supposed to be at the airport in four hours.” I kiss him one final time just because I can’t help it and pull away. He tries to lean in for another but I quickly grab my tea and take a sip, lip-blocking him. “Off you go.” Harry tries a pout but I close my eyes so I won’t give in. When I open them again, Harry stomps off like a little kid.

I don’t know how he does it but fifteen minutes later, Harry’s downstairs again, freshly showered and dressed, putting two suitcases on the floor next to the sofa. He’s looks worried and not at all remotely happy like before he got dressed. He’s not going to push me away again, is he?

“You don’t have to do this, you know that right? I can stay at home and wait here for you.” Harry’s head snaps up, eyes wide.

“No. I want to do this.”

“You’ve got nothing to prove or anything,” I tell him and he looks like he wants to argue about that but he doesn’t.

“I’m scared,” he then admits as he plops down on the sofa next to me. “It’s the first time I go public after my outing and what if people hate me? What if nobody wants me anymore? What if Walters was right?”

“Babe, listen to me,”I take his hand and twine our fingers together before I continue, “I’ve been part of the Skyway fandom for many years now. A lot of girls’ dreams are to marry one of you but funnily enough, if they don’t get to marry you, they want a boy to have you instead. It’s why they make stories about you and Louis or Liam. Sure, hearts will get broken but if you’d be in a relationship with a girl, they’d hate you _much_ more than when you date a boy. I know it sounds twisted but that’s how your fans work.” Harry looks at me now, eyes hopeful. “I’m scared too, to be out there with you because I’m the one that’s taken their man away but we have each other and our families and the boys who will never drop us even if we tried. We’re in a good place with good people, we’ll be fine.” This little speech is not only a peptalk for him but for myself too. I’m extremely afraid and I’m _this_ close to an anxciety attack because people will have opinions and not everyone will have a nice one but I have Harry and we’ll have security and the other three boys and we should be fine, right?

“Will you be on my side the entire time?” Harry asks, turning his body to me.

“I will. I’m not going to let you go this time.”


	65. Chapter 65

 

I know it’s kind of stupid to have hope after what happened last time but we just landed at LAX international airport and Harry is still standing next to me, holding my hand while we wait to get through custom survices. He slept through the majority of the flight which means he must be at least a little relaxed and his hand is not all too sweaty so that’s another good sign.

Our passports are checked and I get a bit of a déjà vu because again I can hear girls screaming from around the corner. This is where it went wrong last time but Harry doesn’t stop walking and he grips my hand only tighter. The screams are getting louder and louder just like the beating of my heart. I look up at Harry to see a forced smile plastered on his lips and I _know_ he’s not backing out this time. Harry is going to show me to the girls only a few meters away and to the world. He’s going to do it. He’s going to do it.

He’s doing it!

“Wait!”

Wait? _Wait?! What do you mean wait?_

“This isn’t quite right,” Harry says, stopping us. I thought we were doing just fine, being one step closer to real dates and going out without having to hide and now it isn’t ‘quite right?’ I thought we were over this, that he wanted to take me out to public places as much as I want him to take me. I don’t care about coming out to the fans, I’m absolutely terrified of facing some cruel monsters that call themselves fans but all I want is to not only have a boyfriend inside the house but outside as well. I want a real relationship and Harry is the only one I want to have that with.

“Could you let go of my hand?” Harry says softly, _so_ sweetly that I can’t believe he’s about to crush my heart again.

“No.” I keep his hand firmly clasped in mine. I told him earlier I wasn’t letting go of him and I intend to keep that promise.

“Niall please...” he sighs.

“No, I’m not letting you go. Ever.” I tell him stubbornly and I hope he falls for my fake confidence because I don’t and I want to bawl my eyes out and slip into his pocket so he’s taking me where he’s going anyway. “What isn’t right about this? I know not everybody approves of same sex relationships but we shouldn’t care about that. What is stopping you?”

“The thing that isn’t right about this situation right now is that _I’m_ the one wearing this necklace,” he holds the aeroplane pendant between his thumb and finger, “while _you_ should be the one wearing it because it’s yours. I’m yours.”

“Oh...” Smart comeback, Niall. Well done.

“Yeah...”

“I’m sorry,” I apologize, feeling very ashamed of myself. I let go of his hand and stare at the ground while I feel my cheeks heat up.

“It’s fine,” Harry says quietly, sadly even. “You have every right to doubt me.”

“No. We’ve been over this and I know that I can trust you. I got some weird flashback and I grew a little scared because it reminded me so much of... you know. But that’s done and we talked about it and we’re starting fresh. So if you still want to give me that necklace then I’d be the luckiest man on earth.” I turn around to give him better access to my neck and not even five seconds later I feel the familiar weight of my favourite necklace around my neck.

“You’ve got some competition,” he whispers in my ear. “Because I firmly believe that _I’m_ the lucky one here.” He kisses a very sensitive spot below my ear that has me melting in a puddle of Niall. If I wasn’t this nervous about the fans that we’re about to meet very soon, I would have jumped him, not caring that we’re in a freaking airport.

Harry takes my hand in his again, fingers finding their way through mine as he gently tugs me forwards. “Remember, don’t answer questions, keep away from the microphones and try to smile. Preston and Paul are already out there waiting for us. We’ll meet the boys at the hotel, they were on the plane before us.” Harry says breathlessly.

“Okay, now lets do this...” He turns his head to face me and tries an encouraging smile but it only shows how scared he is of his first time in public after his coming out.

“I love you Bear,” I stand on my toes to kiss the tip of his nose.

“I love you too, Cakeface.” The name doesn’t make me laugh anymore, it’s grown on me and I see the cuteness of it now. Harry releases one last big breath and then we’re rounding the corner.

Hundreds of screaming girls behind metal barriers up to their chests. I can’t tell what they’re screaming and shouting. It’s all blurry and high-pitched and loud. I don’t know whether I’m smiling or frowning but I know we did it. Harry and I are public now and no matter how scary that is, it’s also a wonderful feeling.

The girls know my name; I can hear some of them shout it on the very top of their voices. They seem to want my attention and I don’t know why. I’m just Niall Horan, no one special.

I let my eyes rake over the mass of people and take in some of their banners. Some are for Louis, some for Liam. Most of them are for Harry but I’ve got one too. My name is in big green letters, hearts drawn in the ‘N’ lined with black. _‘Niall, we trust you to make him happy.’_ It reads and again I feel like crying, but this time out of happiness. I know I’m smiling now. How can I not after a banner like that? I want to hug the girls responsible for that one but I know I’m not allowed to.

“You okay?” Harry whispers, his lips close to my ear. It makes the girls scream even louder and I wonder how it’s possible that they haven’t lost their voices yet.

I nod, “you?” He then flashes his teeth, smile wide and bright. It’s an amazing sight, almost making me fall in love all over again.

“I’m great,” he grins before he plants a big wet kiss on my cheek, his eyes twinkling as he pulls away. The crowd goes even wilder and so does my heart.

It would be dumb to think that the whole world will love us, love _me_ like the people here at the airport but right now I’m walking on clouds and I feel like nobody can get to me. Harry seems proud to be holding my hand and when I look at him, he’s still grinning for everyone to see.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn to see Preston behind me. He squeezes my shoulder and winks as if to say ‘you’re doing well.’ Paul is in front of us now, leading the way because we have to actually walk through the crowd now. I’m tightening my grip on Harry’s hand. This is the part I’m most scared of because I can’t handle big crowds, especially not if I’m in the middle of it. I should focus on anything else than all the people. I should focus on Harry’s hand in mine. Think about being Harry’s boyfriend, going on dates with him, stealing kisses, sharing food... It works. We’re almost at the end of the arrival hall. I can see the van outside the big window and I feel like I survived, that I’m ready to be crowned king of the jungle. That is until someone slips in between Preston and Paul, giving me a harsh blow to my face, my cheek, my temple. I freeze in shock, feeling my cheek starting to tingle and burn. _Shit!_ That hurts. What did just happen?

Like in slowmotion Harry turns to face my attacker, a tall fluorescent-red-haired girl. He has no eyes for me as he lunges at the girl but before he can do her any harm, Paul hauls him back sharply. Harry tries to get out of Paul’s grip but the man is too strong for him.

“Don’t let this queer get to you,” the girl spits to Harry, venom clear in her eyes. “Being gay can be just a phase for you. Snap out of it while you can!”

To my surpise it’s Preston who steps forward to tower over her, “I would watch your words if I were you,” he shoots back, voice low and dangerous, “we can easily have you arrested right now and put out a restraining order to keep you at least fifty miles away from Niall and Harry.”

Harry is still struggling to get out from behind Paul who’s come to stand between him and the girl. I’m still frozen but my cheek is starting to throb so much that it’s giving me a headache. I want to get out of here now and put my head in a bucket of ice. I reach blindly for any body part of Harry that I can find and soon enough, I’m wrapped around him and he’s holding me tightly. I feel like all energy has left my body. Everything feels numb apart from my sore face.

“I’m so sorry,” Harry whispers quietly to me. “I’m _so_ sorry.” But it’s not his fault, he didn’t do anything wrong. Paul and Preston are ordering everyone to get out of our way as Harry leads me to the exit. The crowd splits like the red sea and I’m thankful for everyone being understanding.

“We’re getting a doctor for you at the hotel,” Preston says, “it’s already starting to bruise.”

Harry lifts me up bridal style and sits me down on the backseat of the black van. He slides in next to me and pulls me as close as we can be. I close my eyes as I rest the good side of my face on his shoulder and Harry brushes a hand through my messy hair.

“Today was supposed to be perfect,” Harry sniffles as he rests his head against mine. “It went so well until that _cunt_ came up and hit you. It wasn’t even a slap; she used her _fist_. I saw her coming but I never thought she’d do anything to you but then it happened and _fuck_ Niall, I wanted to rip her head off.” His sadness easily makes room for his anger. _“Fucking bitch!”_

“Harry...” I breathe, I just want to cuddle right now until we get to the hotel.

“If I ever see her again, I swear I’m going to fucking rip her extentions out and use her own fake nails to claw at her face.”

“Hazzy please...” I don’t want my boyfriend to get locked up for violence against a minor girl. We finally went public, I want to go out on dates now. Well, not now but later on when my head stops hurting.

“I’ll find that piece of—“

“You will not!” Paul pipes in from the front seat. “Focus on your boy now instead of your rage.”

Harry’s body softens as he sighs, “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you...”

 

I don’t blame him for what happened. Only that girl with her sharp left hook is to blame but I don’t feel like breaking my head over hating her. She’s just jealous and it was bound to happen sooner or later. “It’s not your fault,” I murmer, feeling sleep overtake me.

“I couldn’t protect you but I will take care of you, I promise.” His voice is painfully earnest and I know he blames himself for me getting hit but I’m too drowsy to argue with him about it. I will convince him that he isn’t the one to blame but that can wait until tomorrow. First, sleep.


	66. Chapter 66

When I wake up, my face doesn’t hurt but my cheek feels numb. I lift my hand to feel if my face is swollen but another hand tangles with mine and pushes it away.

“Hey babe, how are you feeling?” Harry’s soft voice comes from behind me. I open my eyes to see that I’m in bed, rested with my back against Harry’s chest, my legs in between his. He has his free hand in my hair and it’s relaxing.

“My face doesn’t hurt,” I tell him, ready to lul back to sleep if he continues scratching my scalp like this.

“It’s because you’re on drugs. The doctor injected a shot and he left pills for you to take every six hours. Nothing is broken but your cheekbone is very badly bruised. If you still feel pain in two weeks, we need to get you to a hospital to get x-rays taken.” By the sound of his voice I know he’s upset about what happened, that he still blames himself for the girl punching me. That worries me more than the condition of my cheekbone.

“Bear you know what happened is not your fault--”

“Your whole right cheek is purple, Niall! Even your eye is swollen!” he cuts me off harshly but apologizes immediately, “sorry. Didn’t mean to come out like that.”

“It’s fine,” I sigh, “but don’t blame yourself, _please_. You couldn’t have stopped her like I couldn’t defend myself. I didn’t see her coming and you thought she had good intentions. You see the good in people so of course you didn’t protect me from her. You didn’t see it coming either.”

“But—“

“No!” I turn around to face him. He flinches the second he sees my face. “The only one to blame is that girl. Not you, not me, not anyone else but it’s done now and we won’t see her ever again anyway. What happened happened and it’s shit but lets focus on the positive things now. I got a _banner_ at the airport! _I_ got a banner!”

Harry’s frown is replaced by a very small smile. “Did you?” He asks, dropping his eyes so he doesn’t have to look at my face anymore. _Ouch._

“Look at me!” I demand, tired of the way Harry is acting right now. Harry shakes his head, frowning again. “Do I look that repulsive? _Fuck you_ Harry!” I rip loose from his grip and stumble out of the bed. I’m a bit light-headed but I stay upright as I walk out of the hotel bedroom and into the sitting area. I _told_ him so many times that it’s not his fault and yet he doesn’t believe me. And why can’t he look me in the eyes? Do I really look that bad? I’m scared to face myself in the mirror now.

“I’m sorry,” a small voice sounds as I sit down on the large sofa. “I’m just mad at myself for not protecting you even though you say I couldn’t do anything. I’ve always wanted to be the kind of boyfriend who you can feel safe with, someone who you turn to when you’re scared, someone who does everything to keep his beloved from any harm. I want to be the stronger one, the bigger one, so that people know that if they hurt you in any way, they’re going to get it much worse. I couldn’t be that person today and your bruise reminds me of that.”

Harry is standing in the doorway of the bedroom in only a pair of my sweats. It’s very hard to hold a grudge against him like this. “Come here,” I gesture him over. Hesistantly he sits next to me, a foot or so between us. “Closer.” When he doesn’t close the gap between us I take measure in own hands and sit down in his lap, my knees on either side of his legs and I grab his wrists to place his hands on my waist and put my own hands in his neck, toying with the little curls that have fallen out of his bun. “Who did I reach for first after she punched me?” Harry doesn’t answer. “It was you. Who held me when I was hurt? It was you. Who took care of me? You again. I _do_ feel safe with you but you can’t protect me for everything that’s going to happen. I want you as a boyfriend, not a bodyguard.”

“But—“ He tries but I’m not having any of it. It’s time he listens to me for once.

“Do you know why I didn’t panic at the aiport? Because you were with me, holding my hand through everything. If I were with any other person at that moment, I would’ve had an anxiety attack. _That’s_ how protected I feel when I’m with you.”

“Really?” Harry asks all child and puppy like; his eyes big as he looks up at me.

“Really.” I state simply. It’s the truth and it’s as simple as that. “I love you Harry and we’re fine the way we are. We’re _out!_ As soon as I can feel my whole face again we can go on dates! _Dates!_ Harry! _Dates!_ Think about it!”

He grins slowly, baring his teeth as my words down on him. “I already know where I’ll be taking you for our first official date,” he says smugly. He’s plotting it all in that pretty head of his. I can almost hear him thinking.

“Do you now?” I match his grin.

“Yes but before you ask, I’m not telling you.”

Before I can argue about it, there’s a knock on our door. “Who is it?” Harry yells, not getting up.

“Big bird and The Cookie Monster,” Louis shouts from the other side of the door, making both Harry and me laugh. Harry easily lifts me off of his lap and puts me on the sofa next to him before he stands up to open the door. It should hurt me in some way that Harry can easily pick me up and carry me around but it has its charm as well. I keep forgetting to make use of it though.

“Hey,” Harry says as he opens the door. Louis is storming into the room without a greeting to his best friend.

“Where is he?” He asks, voice raised, looking around frantically.

“On the sofa, Lou...” Harry says, letting Liam in as well.

Louis is looking for me? What? Why? I didn’t do anything wrong this time did I? Is he mad at _me_ for leaving Harry after he left me in Amsterdam? His eyes land on me and narrow. I’m scared. What is he going to do? He’s not going to beat me up is he?

“ _Shit_ Niall,” he grumbles but his face softens. I’m still a bit angsty though. I know all about his bad temper and what happens if he loses it. “I know us boys aren’t allowed to hit girls but I would’ve helped Harry kick her arse.” He sits down next to me and looks at me like I’m about to break in a million pieces any minute now. It does feel good, knowing that Louis would’ve stuck up for me if he were there though.

“Nothing’s broken?” Liam asks now, sitting on the coffee table in front of me. I shake my head no.

“Very badly bruised,” Harry answers for me. “He’s on drugs, a heavy dose now but in the next two weeks we have to bring it down to nothing. If he still has a lot of pain by then and the swelling hasn’t reduced, he has to have x-rays made.”

“The girl got a good hook,” Liam chirps lightly with a smile.

“It’s either been a lucky punch or she knew where to hit.” Harry responds, closing the door behind them. He walks towards us and helps me up so he can sit on the sofa and pull me in his lap. Again, _so easy_. “There’s this fragile bit of your cheekbone, she punched him precicely there.”

“If you ever see her again, tell me immediately because payback is going to be a bitch for her.” No doubt in my mind Louis actually means that.

“Can we not talk about this?” I’m pretty tired of this conversation. Harry and I just talked it all out and I’m grateful the boys are this caring but I want to move on now. I want my face to be the right colour and the right shape and work on the rest of my life with Harry.

“So, what brought you back together with Harry?” Louis changes the subject to another painful memory; our kind of break-up.

“I came over to his house—“

“Our.” Harry corrects me. _Our_ house.”

“Fine. I came over to _our_ house to get some answers out of Harry after Sophie showed me the video of him coming out and I saw how terrible he looked...”

“ _Hey!”_

“No offence,” I lean back into Harry, hoping that he really doesn’t feel insulted by it but he really looked like shit all pale and bags under his eyes. Dull and restless. “Anyway, I wanted to know why Harry left me there in Amsterdam but came out four weeks later. So I stopped by his— _our_ house and I heard this man yelling at him and I went livid and ordered the guy out of the house. Harry was upset so I took care of him and he asked me to stay with him during the night. I did obviously. We talked, we kissed and he convinced me to come with to America. So here I am, with my boyfriend.” It feels like it happened weeks ago while it actually happened three days ago. Or two. I don’t know. Jetlagged.

“You told Walters to _leave_?” Louis asks, eyes wide, nearly popping out of their sockets.

“He did.” Harry confirms. “We know it’s not over yet and that his story has a tail but I believe that we’ll get through it together. All of us I mean.”

“God you’re mushy,” Louis says faux annoyedly. He pushes Harry’s hair forward so it slips out of the elastic band, probably to provoke the both of us. It works on Harry.

“Stop that,” he tightens his grip on my waist as he tries to dodge Louis’ hand by moving his whole upper body, taking me with him.

“Niall?” Louis asks then.

“Yes Louis?”

“Can I hug you?”

“No.” Harry answers before I can say anything. I was to say that sure, you can hug me because hey, why not? But Harry obviously doesn’t agree with that.

Louis juts his bottom lip in an exaggerated pout and tries but fails at the puppy eyes. “Why not?”

“Because...” Harry starts but the answer doesn’t come. I know what he’s thinking though, ‘ _he’s mine.’_ At that, Louis smirks and opens his arms for me to fall into. Damn, why would I resist a Louis cuddle? Because Harry wants me to? That can’t be right. I try to get up from Harry’s lap but his arms around me refrain my movements.

“Could you let me up please?” I ask, trying politeness before I have to push my elbows in his ribs.

“Haz, let him go,” Liam says calmly. I don’t know what it is about Liam but everyone always listens to him. So does Harry, reluctantly. He holds my waist as I stand up and I smile back at him as a sign that I’m fine, he can let go of me now. Louis stands up as well and easily slides his arms around me, tucking his face in my neck. I relax in his embrace and put my arms around his back.

“Watch his cheek,” Harry warns Louis but Louis doesn’t lessen his grip on me and I don’t mind, I’m not hurt right now anyway. “Louis—“

“I’m fine Hazzy, don’t worry,” Louis on the other hand is the one we should worry about because if I’m not mistaken, he’s muffling his sniffles in my neck. Nobody seems to notice though and I don’t know if I should point out his sadness. “Do you want to talk?” I whisper, hopefully quiet enough that the other boys don’t pick up. I feel him nod as he pulls away from me, ducking his head for the other boys.

“Lou, what’s wrong?” Liam asks, shooting up to comfort Louis. Louis shrugs away, shaking his head.

“I’m going to talk to Niall for a bit,” he replies brokenly, walking towards the bedroom. I follow his footsteps without looking at Harry. I hope he understands.

But Louis, he was so smiley and cheery when he came in, apart from his outburst about the girl that smacked me in the face. What has him so upset and why does he want to talk to _me_ and not Liam? Or Harry? I don’t know how to start a conversation like this. do I ask him what’s the matter or—

“I’m jealous,” Louis starts and oh... “I’m jealous of Harry and that he has you.” _What?_ My heart starts to throb in my throat. He _what?_

“S-sorry?” I choke out.

He sits down on the bed and puts his head in his hands. “A few years ago, I thought I’d have what you and Harry have but he broke my heart and now I see how you make Harry happy and I’m _so_ thankful that you gave him another chance and that Harry is Harry again but I want to be Louis. I want to be Louis for someone else.” He rambles, “I don’t know if it makes sense but I want someone to love but I don’t know how to find them because I don’t know how to trust anyone anmore.”

It _does_ make sense. I am for Harry what Louis thought what Jake was for him. But Harry and I have a future and sight on happiness together and Jake broke Louis’ heart and he never got over it. He never got the time to digest.

“You had a girlfriend after him, yeah? Did you love her?” I ask carefully, wanting to get on some track.

“Yes. Well, not like I was supposed to probably. She was a lovely girl but yeah...”

“You weren’t in love with her.” I sit down on the bed with him and he puts his head in my lap with such ease and comfort that I can’t deny him that.

“I tried to.” He says, facing away from me, roling on his side as he puts his feet on the bed. “I really did try but it wasn’t there. The feeling wasn’t there and when I see Harry, it comes so naturally to him. I keep thinking, why couldn’t Jake be like you? Why can’t I be like Harry?”

I don’t know what’s the right thing to say... Behind such a cheeky man is a very small vulnerable little boy who wants to be loved like he deserves. What do I say? _You’ll find someone_? No. “You’re sweet, you’re lovely and you’re attractive. There are loads of people interested in you but not everyone has the right intentions. It’s hard to pick out the ones that do like you for who you are and you made the wrong choice one time but that doesn’t mean you won’t make the right one next time.” I run my hand through his hair as he stays silent for a moment.

“Do you think you can help me find someone?” He mumbles, cheek pressed to my leg.

I smile at that, “I can’t help you look for ‘the right one’ but I can give you my fair opinion about them if you want to.”

“I’d like that.” Louis breathes, finally relaxing a little. He’s so hyper and energetic all the time, it’s nice to see him calm like this. Sadly he is like this because of a little love crisis.

“Then we have a deal,” I state as I scratch his scalp the way Harry likes. Thinking about Harry, “but promise me you won’t listen to whatever Harry has to say about someone you like. He looks out for you like you looked out for him and I know no one will be good enough for you in his eyes.”  
Louis lets out a breathy laugh and right at that moment, Harry opens the door, followed by Liam who tells him “let them be!”

“I was worried,” Harry tells to no one in particular.

“Harry, I told you I’m—“

“Are you okay Lou?” Harry interrupts me, kneeling in front of Louis and me. He cradles Louis’ head and hugs it to his chest. He whispers quietly into Louis’ ear as he looks up at me and winks.

I’m tired and my cheek starts to hurt a little but I’m not the one to interrupt this best friends bonding time. Liam leaves with a wave and closes the door behind him. I feel like I’m part of this group of friends and besides the love I share with Harry, this is one of the best feelings in the world.

 _I love you_ Harry mouths to me.

 _I love you too_. I mouth back. My heart is about to explode from everything that happened today but that also might be the jetlag kicking in.


	67. Chapter 67

I like waking up.

Yeah, I would never ever have thought that months ago. I always hated waking up and I often gave Sophie an ear full of excuses why I should go back to sleep instead of wake up and going to work. But right now, as the morning sunlight is seeping through the curtains, waking up feels like pure bliss. Harry’s arms are around me lazily and my leg is pressed in between his. My head is cushioned on his smooth chest and his heart beats in a steady rhythm. I’m enjoying this moment, all cuddled up to _my_ boyfriend. _Mine_.

“You’re crushing me,” Harry suddenly mumbles from beneath me and _oh_ I might have tightenend my arms around him in my state of posessiveness.

“Sorry...” I reply sheepishly, unhooking my arms from around him and instead resting one hand on his stomach, teasing the hairs under his bellybutton.

“Morning,”

“Morning, Bear,” I breathe out.

“Niall?”

“Yeah?” I tilt my head to face him but my eyes slip closed when Harry’s lips capture mine. He cups my cheek gently, the good one thankfully, and pries my lips open so his tongue can play with mine in my mouth. He sits up and I feel my body bending along with his. I wrap my arms around his neck so I can go wherever he takes me. A steady arm wraps around my back as the other moves from my face to the back of my tighs and moves my legs how he wants. I feel that we’re moving but his lips and extremely sinful tongue are distracting me from everything. I even think that if World War III broke out, I wouldn’t notice it. Two can play that game though, so I retreat my tongue only to lick across his bottom lip before I tug on it with my teeth, earning a sharp intake of breath and a stiffled moan. _Score!_

All too soon my bum hits a hard surface and yes I might be a _little_ upset that it’s not some other hard thing but I’m more upset about him pulling away from me alltogether, a cheeky smile playing on his abused pink lips. “Time for your medication.”

I actually groan at that because _I know other ‘meds’ that’ll keep the pain away and you’re it_. “Wanna keep kissing you,” I pout. Stupid Harry taking care of me... Wait what?

“Same, Cakeface but I have soundcheck in an hour and I hope you want to come along.”

Oh yeah, this is reality and my boyfriend is an international superstar with more fans than I have hair on my head. “Just one more kiss?” I can’t help but try. Am I obsessed?

Harry leans in and _damn_ I’m ready for another go at those lips but he only presses a kiss on my forehead before all the physical contact between us breaks and _NO!_ that’s not what I wanted... When I open my eyes, Harry is holding a glass of water in front of me with two painkillers in his other hand.

“Buzz kill,” I glare at him but take the water and the pills and swallow both down.

“How are you feeling?” He asks, unfazed by my evil eyes. _Horny_ is on the tip of my tongue but I know he won’t give in whatever I try.

“I’m fine.”

“And your cheek?”

“Peachy.” It’s two days after the “accident” and Harry hasn’t allowed me out of the room so he kept me in all day yesterday and the day before. He ordered room service and we watched loads of movies together and with Louis. I’m still worried about him, now I can see the difference between fake smiles and actual cheery smiles and it’s painfully obvious that he uses the fake one more often than not.

“It’s not as swollen anymore,” Harry says, snapping me out of my thoughts. He takes my chin between his thumb and index finger and inspects my face closely, tilting my head the way he wants to. “It’s less purple too.” He drops another kiss on my head before he walks away, back into the bathroom, probably to get dressed.

Louis, who has somehow managed to get himself a keycard to our room, bursts through the door, shutting it behind him before he notices me.

“You’re in your boxers on a kitchen counter...” He says, eying me up and down and wow I feel exposed. I wish I had on one of these fancy robes that are hanging in the bathroom with the name of the hotel on the back. “And I’m making you uncomfortable,” he blushes as he turns around and plops down on the sofa in the living area ajoining the kitchenette. I take it as my chance to take a sprint and hurry into the bedroom where Harry’s just finished getting dressed.

“Ho, easy there...” Harry slows me down with a simple hand against my chest. “Don’t want you falling down face forward. Especially not now your cheek is starting to heal.”

 _Excuse me?_ “I’m not you,” I shoot back, smirking.

“ _Hey!”_ He says mock offended, he’s hiding his smile but his dimples betray him. “Anyway, why are you suddenly in such a hurry? I know I have soundcheck in an hour but I didn’t think that would actually stir you on to get dressed.”

“Louis is here,” I tell him, blushing a bit at the fact that he saw me in my almost-naked glory.

“What? Since when? Did he see you like this? Did he hit on you?” Harry suddenly spits out like verbal vomit, his eyes nearly popping out of their sockets.

“Dude, _no_!” Did Louis hit on me? What kind of question is that? No. Louis hasn’t liked guys since Jake and he doesn’t like me that way and even if he did, Harry knows that I’m his. What kind of stupid question is that? My boyfriend is ridiculous.

“Are you stupid, Harry?” Louis shouts from the living area, voicing my thoughts exactly. Harry flushes bright red at that as he releases a breath.

“Sorry,” he apologizes to me, dropping a kiss on my forehead before he leaves me to get dressed. Sometimes I’m scared that he becomes like Harry in this fan fiction where he beats up everyone who lays an eye on his girlfriend. I’m not his girlfriend though. Oh God no. The thought of being a woman, menstruating and ugh, no! Anwyay, yet again he has a set of his clothes already laid out for me. Blue jeans, a black t-shirt, a pair of socks and his flowery printed boxers. I get dressed, wash my face and brush my teeth before I leave the bathroom and walk into the living where now Liam has accompanied the other two.

“Looking good Ni!” Liam says as he spots me. “Face wise I mean.” Harry is shooting daggers at him. Seriously Harry? “Eh, bruise wise... you get what I mean.”

“Thanks,” I smile, genuinly happy with the compliment. “By the way Harry, you’re not my bodyguard but you’re not my guard dog either.” Protectiveness is sweet and I feel like I need him to protect me but not in front of our—his friends. “I want you close by my side in large crowds and I love you but we’ve discussed this. They’re the _guys_ , they won’t do me any harm...” I see how Louis wants to make a joke about that but he shuts his mouth before any word comes out. Smart move Tomlinson.

“I wish I could put you in a cage,” _kinky_ “or carry you around in my pocket,” Harry groans. “But I know,” he drags out. “I’m sorry.”

I know after what I just said, I shouldn’t but I drop down in his lap and snuggle in his arms. “It’s fine,” I kiss his nose which he scrunches adorably. Hot _and_ adorable, my man has it all.

“But seriously, Niall, your cheek really looks better. It’s getting less purple and it doesn’t seem like you’ve put an egg in the hollow of your cheek anymore.” Liam smiles, making the four of us laugh. Sometimes I question what has become of my sense of humour. Only months ago I thought it was hilarious how Harry tripped over his own feet while if he does it now, I’m worried he’s hurt himself. Now I’m laughing about a super lame joke which I honestly think is hilarious.

“I swallowed it,” I tell them, referring to the egg but Harry’s choking and when I turn around to face him, he’s turning bright red. What?

_Oh!_

“Oh my God _No!_ Not like that!” I splutter. Oh God...

“So you don’t swallow?” Louis grins, whiping the corners of his eyes with his thumb.

“I d—“ Harry puts in hand on my mouth to stop me from answering. Shit. I definitely fell for Louis’ trick. I almost told them I swallow. Or... don’t. Harry is my saviour.

“Soundcheck, boys. Let’s get moving.” Harry mumbles, still red to the tips of his ears. He stands up and helps me to my feet, steadying me by the waist with his giant hands.

“Paul and Preston are already in the lobby waiting for us.” Liam says, standing up as well. And oh yeah, that’s right. We have to go outside and there are probably people who have caught up with our loaction and they’ll be standing outside waiting for the boys to come outside and I’m not in the least bit scared. Really. I’m not. Not not not not not! _Fine_. I am scared shitless.

“We’ve all got your back this time.” Liam says protectively.

“Nobody will get to you.” Louis adds reassuringly and I trust them. Kind of.

Harry is holding my hand as we make our way downstairs. Louis is on my left side and Liam in front of us. They’re caging me in like Harry wanted and Paul, Preston and another bulky man greet us with cool and easy smiles. Preston puts a hand on my shoulder and squeezes it once before he stands next to Harry. Paul walks next to Liam and the other guy is behind us all.

All together we walk outside, the screams are immediately deafening me and I’m scared but I wear a smile and I hope it doesn’t come across as fake as it feels. The boys don’t stop for pictures or autographs. Harry is holding my hand tightly and Louis is almost pressed against me. Smoothly all of us huddle into the van and I hear everyone breathe out.

Soundcheck and the concert were amazing. I still have a hard time believing that my boyfriend is up there and not ‘Harry Styles from Skyway.’ It’s my boyfriend and my friends who get this whole crowd crazy and singing along to every words. It’s amazing.

After the concert they disappear in the dressing room and where Harry is always one of the last to come out, he’s the first now. He storms towards me, grabs my hand and runs and I can do nothing but run along with him. He’s bare footed, his boots in his hand and apart from that he’s wearing shorts and an unbuttoned shirt without sleeves. I don’t know if he was planning on killing me tonight but if he is, he’s well on his way.

I’m absolutely breathless. I don’t know if it’s from all the running or my boyfriend in shorts but breathing is hard and painful. We’re out of the venue through the back exit where surprisingly nobody is waiting for us. Ten minutes, or five hours, later we’re at a beach and Harry stops running. I feel like collapsing but Harry is standing there like we didn’t just run half a marathon so I don’t want him to know about my pain, the way my lungs are protesting against the exercise they aren’t used to. I remove my shoes, feeling dizzy as I stand back up but I don’t show it. I hope I don’t, at least.

“I told you I wanted to take you to a beach for our first date...” Harry says quietly, letting go of my hand and reaching around my waist to tuck me closer. “It’s not much but—“

“It’s perfect,” I breathe, snuggling into him, muffling my pants in his shirt. The moonlight reflecting on the ocean, the stars shimmering bright against the clear black sky; it’s romantic and it turns out I’m a sucker for romantic Harry. Or any side of Harry really.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I turn a little and stand on my toes to kiss him on the lips. My arms automatically wrap around his neck as I push my body against his. Harry’s hands are now on my lower back, holding me tight against him as I forget everything in this world that’s not about Harry.

“Brought you here for stargazing,” Harry mumbles against my lips.

“Oh...” I’d rather kiss some more. And besides, I am gazing at a star right now. _My_ star.

“Hmhm,” Harry seems to be reading my mind as he continues where we left off, kissing me not quite tenderly anymore. _We’re in public_. I need to remind myself that we’re in a public place and even though no one seems to be around right now, people can pop up everywhere and public sex is not something I’m comfortable with. Especially not when people have phones with video cameras nowadays. I’m not in the mood for a sex tape scandal.

“I’m _so_ in love with you,” I tell Harry as I pull away to breathe a little. He rests his forehead against mine as he pants against my mouth, our breaths mingling.

“I’m _so_ in love with you too,” he grins as I feel myself being lifted up and spun around. I try to keep my squeals in but it’s hard because I feel like a giddy little girl—man. I feel like an adult, a manly guy who doesn’t squeal or shriek.

“Put me down!” I hear myself giggle and yeah, that’s manly... Harry complies, surprisingly and sets me back with my feet in the sand. He runs a hand through my hair and his eyes move from mine to my cheek.

“We have to go anyway, you have to take your meds soon,” he sighs and I wish I could throw him in the sea and make his guilt wash away with the waves.

“It doesn’t hurt though,” I tell him honestly. I feel no pain. Yes only in my heart from the sad frown on his beautiful features.

“I don’t want to take any risks.”

It’s sweet that he cares about my well being so much but it’s so damn frustrating because now our date has to end and tomorrow is just a regular day in the life of Harry and Niall Styles. I mean Harry and Niall Styles-Horan _no!_ I mean our lives. Just another day in our lives; Harry and Niall with their own last names.

We pick up our shoes and walk back to the hotel bare-footed. The pavement is surprisingly warm under my feet and it’s nice, my pale feet padding next to Harry’s tanner ones, Harry’s tiger tattoo on his big toe strutting along. Our hands are linked together, the ones not holding our shoes and we’re silent but it’s comfortable.

After about thirty minutes of walking we’re only hundred meters away from our hotel. I can see a few girls sitting on the steps and I know Harry sees them too because his hand tenses in mine and he slows down his pace. It’s only a few girls, seven maybe and they’ll probably do us no harm, right? They wouldn’t stay up past midnight just to punch me, would they?

One of the girls shrieks and I know we’ve been spotted. The others look around and shoot up once they too see us. Harry’s mumbling something that even I don’t quite understand and we’re nearing the entrance now.

“Niall! Oh my God!” The girl that spotted us first gasps with the biggest grin on her face. Harry’s in front of me in less than a second to keep the girl from coming close. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m sorry I’m sorry!” She rambles cutely. “It’s just I’m a big fan and I follow you on Twitter and I’ve read your blog a thousand times and now you’re here and your dream has come true because you’re with Harry and you’re _boyfriends_.”

  1. _My. God!_ Is she serious? She’s fangirling like crazy because of _me_?! While Harry is standing right next to me? Or in front of me now actually. What is this girl?



“Is this a joke?” I question because no way that this is true.

“No! I swear it isn’t!” She replies quickly.

“It’s true,” another girl speaks up. “When she found out about what happened at the airport she went absolutely bonkers. We were at school but she wanted to ditch the rest of the day so she could find that girl who punched you and get revenge for you.”

“That’s... kind of nice,” I chuckle, brushing my thumb over Harry’s to let him know we’re all good. “Thank you.” I smile, standing next to Harry more than behind him.

“They kept me at school though,” the girl glares at what I suppose are her friends. “Said it would help nobody if I’d break her head.”

“He told me the same thing.” Harry grumbles, nudging his head towards me. “Louis and I were planning on breaking her nails and claw at her own eyes with them but Niall said we shouldn’t.” Harry and the girl seem to bond over the airport bitch quickly and he drops his whole protective wall. That is until one of the other girls comes closer to me and he’s towering over her small frame easily. She looks absolutely frightened and I feel sorry for her.

“Boyfriend, not a guard dog.” I remind him sternly. My heart flutters a little at his behaviour though.

“We ought to get inside now,” Harry mumbles, ignoring me. “Niall had to take his meds fifteen minutes ago.”

“W-we’re sorry for keeping you. We just wanted to meet you and she wanted to meet Niall. We didn’t mean to be a bother, I’m sorry.”

“I’m not in pain, Bear. Take a picture with them, they stayed up all night. I’ll wait inside if that makes you feel better.”

“Fine,” he kisses between my eyebrows. “I’ll be right there.”

I say my goodbyes to the girls. Take a slip of paper with _my_ fan’s twitter name and blow a kiss. “Get home safe!” It takes not more than five minutes before Harry is by my side again, taking my hand to lead us back to the room. He slides the key card through the lock and _fuck_! This is not how I wanted to end our date...

“Mister Walters...”


	68. Chapter 68

_“_ Styles,” the guy nods his head before he looks at me. “You again.” He sort of acknowledges me. _Me again indeed. If you want to keep your whitened teeth in your mouth, don’t do anything to provoke me._ Wow I’m violent...“Nice bruise on your cheek, by the way. I have the clip of you being punched constantly on replay. Hilarious!” He cackles. Harry tenses beside me.

“Here to give your speech another go or are you actually going to physically harm him now?” I glare at Walters, trying to give him a look saying ‘don’t mess with me or I will rip out your liver through your bellybutton.

“Actually, I’m here to wish you guys a long, dreadful and uphappy ever after.” He says. _Mature_. “I’ve distanced myself from my position at _Modest!_ Thought I’d quit at the high point of my career. Of your career. The ratings have already dropped and you’re worth a lot less than before you decided to turn all queery. After today I have nothing to do with Skyway in any form or matter except that I’ll be living of the money I made off of you.” With that he turns around with the nastiest smirk I’ve ever seen. “Now if you excuse me, I’m going to see Tomlinson, I heard he’s quite a fag himself.”

My fists itch as the douchebag finishes speaking but before I can act on my rage, Harry rushes forward and swings his arm back to get a full go at Walters’ face. I can hear the sound of his fist connecting to Walters’ cheek and it’s almost like music to my ears. Harry then imitates the guy’s laughter “hilarious! I’d have a video of this on replay if I weren’t so repulsed by you.”

I feel the corners of my mouth turning up and before I know it I’m full on grinning. “Nice bruise by the way.” I deadpan. “Say one word to Louis and I will show you what my left hand can do to your other cheek.”

“It’s time for you to get the fuck out now. Out of our hotel room, out of our lives.” Harry steps aside to let him through, lifting his arm so I can tuck under it. I wrap an arm around his waist. “I would hurry the fuck up if I were you or I’ll call security and let them throw you out.”

Walters mumbles something about _stupid fags_ but he doesn’t look at us as he walks out. Harry slams the door shut behind the king of homophobes and I fill my lungs to cheer about our accomplishment when Harry curses “ _holy shit_ ” and cradles his right hand. “I have to remember that next time when I punch someone, I put off my rings first.”

“ _Next time_? Babe, as heroic as that was, you’re not going to do it again.” It was absolutely sexy and manly and it stirred something inside me but it’s wrong. Punching people is wrong and he will not do it again. Not to mind that he’s world famous and if word gets out he punched someone, there will be articles about how he is abusive and shit like that. He’s not, for the record.

“Still,” he shrugs. “Now, go take your meds and then we can check on Louis to see if that Walters bastard was smart enough to leave him alone.”

Gosh, Harry’s swore more today than in the entire time we’ve been dating. Kind of a turn on but yeah, now is not the time. Is it? Anyway... I down the meds and a glass of water that Harry hands me, make a quick detour to the toilet and come back to see Harry already waiting for me by the door.

“Are you really not wearing your rings now?”

“What?” He says innocently. “My fingers hurt. So eh, lets go see if Louis is alright yeah?”

“Sometimes you’re such a loser, you have no idea,” I sigh, shaking my head.

“Then you’re one too for dating me.” He sticks his tongue out and I copy him. Right back at you.

Louis is asleep on the sofa when Harry slides the keycard through the door of Louis’ room. It seems like Walters hasn’t come by and I’m happy about that. Louis doesn’t deserve the drama. He has a mess in his head even though he masks it the best he can. Harry gets a glass of a water to put on the table and I get the duvet from his bed to drape over Louis’ sleeping his form.

“Is it bad that I feel guilty for being happy with you?” Harry asks quietly as he drops down in the love seat next to the sofa. He rubs his eyes and brushes a hand through his already messed-up hair.

My heart drops as I sit down on his lap. “There’s nothing to feel guilty about. Babe, you deserve as much happiness as Louis does and even though he isn’t happy now, he will be one day. That shouldn’t stop you from being happy.”

“It sucks to see your best friend so unhappy, you know?” He whispers sadly, turning his head to see Louis sound asleep.

“I know, love, it’s heartbreaking. But Louis loves you a whole lot and he wouldn’t want you to feel guilty about your own happiness.”

“No, I know...” he sighs, pressing his nose against my temple. “Thank you.” He wraps his arms tightly around me and I get comfortable as his body relaxes in the chair and before I know, I’m drifting into a deep slumber as well.

 

 

“Yeah I don’t know, I woke up and they were here in my room, asleep,” I hear Louis say.

I open my eyes to see Paul standing in the doorway, Louis facing him with his back towards us. There’s light shining through the windows and I know it’s morning. I have a kink in my neck from sleeping with my head on Harry’s shouder but other than that I feel oddly refreshed and ready for the day.

“Sure, I’ll ask them, bye.” Louis closes the door and smiles softly when he sees I’m awake. “Morning,” he whispers. “Want tea?”

I detangle Harry’s arms from around me and stand up carefully, trying not to wake him in the process. “Good morning and tea would be lovely, thank you.” I follow Louis to the kitchenette and sit down on one of the stools. “I’m sorry for coming in your room when you were asleep. We were worried about you and Harry had a copy of your keycard—“

“Did Walters do something to you?” Louis asks, interrupting me.

“Why? Was he here? Did you talk to him? Did he hurt you?” I ramble, worry mode fully on.

“No, Paul just told me he saw him wandering through the halls last night.”

“He was in our room last night when we came back from our date,” I start explaining. “Joked about the airport incident,” I point to my cheek. “But then he told us he quit and has no longer something to do with you guys. He said that ever since Harry turned all _queery_ the ratings dropped and that you’re not worth much anymore. Then he went to find you because he said that you were _quite a fag_ yourself and then Harry punched him right in the jaw.”

Louis looks at me, mouth open, eyes wide. “Harry _punched_ him?”

“Yeah,” I chuckle, “don’t hurt his friends or family...”

“Or his boyfriend.” Louis adds.

“Or his boyfriend,” I repeat him. “So we went to check on you last night, to see if Walters went to see you. After we threatened him not to, by the way. But you were asleep and Harry was worried about... things, so we cuddled a bit and fell asleep.”

“Is he alright?” Louis asks, dropping a tea bag in a pot, adding the water he was boiling earlier.

“I think so. Kind of...” I shrug. I’m not sure whether Harry feels better after our little talk or if he still feels bad about having found happiness. “At one side he’s really happy but then again, just like you, he sometimes masks his feelings.”

“Yeah, we’ve mastered the art of hiding...” Louis slumps down on the stool next to me, resting his head on the countertop. “Harry hid his sexuality, his feelings and I’ve had some things going on in my life while being in the band that I couldn’t tell everyone so we’re kind of used to keep to ourselves even though we knew that we could help each other. I’m really stubborn I guess and Harry’s just scared that he’s a burden to people he cares about.” I understand him completely. I’ve never been in a situation like they have but I understand why they hide. Yet I can’t imagine how hard the life of a celebrity is.

“I don’t think Harry wants me to tell you this but he feels guilty that he found happiness and you don’t feel good lately.”

“I _want_ him to be happy!” He shoots up.

“I know, I tried to tell him that but I have no clue whether it’s gotten through to his head or not. He feels responsible for you like you do for him so he feels bad when you do. I can see you’re trying to hide it but that works for neither of you. You’re allowed to sulk and cry you know? Just be open with us, or at least with Harry and _talk_. I know you used to talk a lot before I came in the picture as his boyfriend and what happened between you two has obviously put a hint of a scar on your friendship but you’re still you. You’re still Harry and Louis and he wouldn’t have taken a swing at Walters if you weren’t still one of the most important people in his life. You need Harry but he needs you too. You worry so much about each other that you forget to enjoy the good things that happen to yourself.”

“I feel like I made a mistake of telling him that I’m jealous of him.”

“But you didn’t,” I grab his hand in both of mine and brush my thumb over the back. “You opened up to him and that was great but you left it at that and neither of you started up the conversation again.”

“Is he disappointed with me?” Louis asks, looking at our hands with sad eyes.

“No. I don’t think he ever could be.” I tell him honestly.

“I feel like you and Harry think that whenever I’m with you, I want to break you apart but that’s not true so I want to keep my distance but that’s hard because I’m lonely.” His voice breaks on the last couple of words.

 

Where does he get that bullshit from though? “We would never think that! We know you accept us and that you don’t have a problem with our relationship at all. We don’t want you to keep your distance,” I pomise him. “I really want to start a life with Harry. I want to be married to him one day and start a family with a bunch of children and a couple of pets. But that picture of the future involves you too. Louis, I’m not asking you to talk to him today or tomorrow about how you feel but don’t keep everything to yourself. Do something fun together this week; bond! I know Harry wants to keep an eye on me but I can take care of myself too, I’m a big boy.”

“A day out together sounds like a good idea,” Harry’s groggy morning voice sounds through the kitchen. “Come here Lou.” He opens his arms and Louis is quick to shove is stool aside and run into Harry. Sobs are filling the room as Louis clings on to Harry. Harry himself sheds a few tears as well and it’s nice in a strange way to see them so emotional about each other and their friendship. “I love you, Lou.”

“I love you too Haz, I’d do anything for you.” Louis sniffles in Harry’s shirt.

“Me too. I promise I’m going to help to make you happy again.”

“You already are,” Louis breaks away from Harry’s tight embrace and wipes at his eyes with his hands. “You and Niall, you’re amazing together and you’re so happy with him. You deserve it and I’m really glad that you’ve found someone.”

“Thank you,” Harry smiles, wiping his own tears. “The right person for you will come along. You know how I thought I would never meet a boy who likes me for me but here I am, involved with the most amazing guy in the world.” I feel myself blushing and grinning at the same time. “I know you don’t have much faith in finding love but I do. You’re a great person, people would be crazy if they don’t like the real you.”

“Thank you.” Louis smiles and it's easy to see that this is a real one.


	69. Chapter 69

I kind of ordered Louis and Harry to go out today. The weather is amazing and they don’t have a concert tonight anyway so they’re out for the day after I promised Harry at least twenty times to stay in unless I have three bodyguards with me. So I’m chilling out on the balcony of our room with Harry’s iPad. Out of pure boredom, I’ve been scrolling through my twitter feed. It’s been a while since I’ve been on here or Tumblr or my blog and to be honest, it’s strange seeing all these people still obsessing over Skyway. It’s all normal for me now where like a year ago I was just like the people in the Fandom.

 

_Niall_Horan_

_It’s been a while, hello!_ _(sent 7 seconds ago)_

It’s insane how quickly my mentions are filled.

 

_Hingue_Nady_

_@Niall_Horan: Hi babe, hope you’re well. I love you!_

_WorldOfCurls_

_@Niall_Horan: I’m gutted that you made my man a taken one but you’re cute so you’re forgiven._

_JoshOdell1_

_@Niall_Horan: I thought you were mine. If you and Harry don’t work out, I’m your man._

_TweetLikeThisss_

_@Niall_Horan: Good thing you’re on TV and in the tabloids all the time now or I’d be worried._

There are a lot of negative tweets of course, calling me different rude names but I know not to focus on that. So I’m in the magazines a lot? That’s kind of crazy... Has Sugarscape posted something about me?

Turns out, they have.

 

**_Harry Styles got himself a sexy blonde._ **

_Sure, he hasn’t said it out loud yet but if their hand holding is anything to go by, he’s dating that blonde, rosy cheeked doe-eyed Irishman we’ve mentioned ages ago. Before you want to attack his house with torches and flames, take a look at him; he is drop dead gorgeous._

_I know you’re jealous of Niall having pinned down the love of all our lives but we’re quite jealous of Hazlan too because seriously, look at the boy. He has these big blue eyes, a smile to die for and we haven’t quite seen his body yet but we think he’s hiding a good set of abs underneath Harry’s shirts. He has the look of innocence like a teen boy but the charms of a handsome grown man. We’d like to borrow him a day or two to find out whether he’s just as dreamy without clothes as he is with but we’re kind of terrified that Hazkaban will come after us. He looked petty scary (seen in the video below) when Niall received a blow in the face from an angry fan._

_Anyway, we hope that Harry makes Niall happy. Oh and the other way around of course and if not, we’re available for either of you._

_Good luck together, we here at Sugarscape are still sailing the Narry ship._

Oh God. I know it should be good for my ego but it’s really _really_ odd that they’re writing this about _me_. It’s disturbing really. Okay, moving on, my neglected blog.

Turns out, it’s not as abandoned as I thought it was because the last post was three days ago. Wait what? How?

 

_Dear everyone but especially dear Niall,_

_I told you not to delete your blog and you never did though you’ve been inactive for months now. To tell you a secret; I still read some of your posts on here because it does great things to my self-esteem. I know you hate it and I know how embarrassed you were when I first told you I was reading your blog, even then, I wished I could see you blush._

_Babe, we’ve been through some crazy stuff alone and together. Good things and bad things and it’s been scary, at times awkward but most of all amazing._

_When I first met you, I went to see you at Tesco because after we’d been tweeting for a while, I really wanted to meet you. You stept on my toes that day without realizing who I was, because you were too busy staring at the ground. Later you ran into me again and you were so ashamed of yourself that you wouldn’t even look at me when I sat next to you on the pavement. I slipped my number in your phone and hoped for the best._

_Our first kiss was amazing yet the moment after I felt terrible because you said you were happy because you just kissed ‘the’ Harry Styles. I couldn’t believe it. I really REALLY liked you even though I didn’t know much about you yet. We changed it later that night as we played twenty questions. You were the first apart from my family and our crew I told that I was gay. I took a major risk because in my heart I knew I could trust your but my mind had doubts because you were a fan and not all fans have best intentions with information like that._

_Our first date was stupid because I never said it was a date even though we both wanted it to be one. Drama ensued and so did our first real fight. I remember how my heart broke when I saw you the next day. Louis was sticking up for me and I loved him for being so protective but I hated him for hurting you. That night we talked things through and came to realize how terribly dumb we both were. It’s the day I count as our anniversary._

_The day I poured sand into your flat was the day I fell in love with you. I count it as our first real date. You came back from work and the minute you walked through the door you looked at me as if I had gone mental. I told you to change into your beachwear and you came out in your trunks, your sunglasses on your nose and your snapback on. You looked amazing. As you always do but I’m being cheesy enough here to point that out. You were apprehensive and you told me ‘no’ when I wanted to rub sunscreen on you. We cuddled a lot that day and we kissed even more. I felt addicted to everything that was you and I realized that I had fallen in love with you. I never told you that until later because I was afraid to mess things up, that my feelings for you were stronger than yours for me._

_Turns out, you loved me just as much. You still do, hopefully. I still do._

_After that, our relationship went in a rush. Your met my family, who absolutely love you and I met your lovely mum. I remember how nervous you were and it made me nervous as well but we had no reason because it was a great couple of days back in my childhood home._

_Recently, I stuffed up. I made the biggest mistake of my life and I thought I had lost you forever. I was absolutely desperate but I had no idea how to win you back so Louis told me to come out. I did and the same night, you came home. We held each other all night and I realized once again that it’s absolutely impossible for me to live without you. You’re my world, Niall, you’re my everything._

_Everyone around us has accepted you now and I like how you’ve become one of the guys between us Skyway lads now and that you’ve come out of your shell and joke around with everyone here and became true friends._

_But I can only hope that the Skyway fans support us too because we need them. If you’re reading this, please don’t send hate to Niall because I love him. I’m not asking you to like him but at least don’t send him hate. Please._

_Well Cakeface, I thought I’d update this blog of yours because you’re terrible at doing it yourself lately. Be careful of what you post though because I’ve found an appriciation post about Zac Efron and Liam Hemsworth that you made and lets say you’re lucky that we weren’t dating back then. ;-)_

_I love you with all my heart and more,_

_Forever yours,_

_Harry .x_

There’s a picture of him blowing a kiss to the camera attached on the side and the comments (all fifteen thousand of them) are hilarious. Some don’t believe that Harry wrote that and think I’m faking all of this. Some are capslocking comments about Cakeface and how I’d get spanked as a punishment for having pictures of Zac Efron and Liam Hemsworth on my page. There still are negative comments but the majority is quite positive.

I really feel accepted. Overall, this fandom is amazing.


	70. Chapter 70

I really feel accepted. Overall, this fandom is amazing.

**_SINGLE Harry Styles enjoying life?_ **

_While Harry stayed in America the whole tour, two months ago we spotted ex-boyfriend Niall Horan crying at LAX international airport boarding a plane to London. Even though Horan was surrounded by a lot of security, there was no sign of Harry._

_No, meanwhile we found Harry expanding his tattoo collection in his favourite parlor where he was accompanied by nobody else than Kendall Jenner. After, the two headed to a secluded restaurant where they enjoyed a cozy and romantic dinner. Afterwards, they hopped into Harry’s rental Range Rover and sources spotted the two together at Styles’ hotel._

_Now that we’ve seen Harry enjoying himself around the ladies again, the question we ask ourselves is; was Niall Horan brought in for a publicity stunt? Skyway surely got a lot of press and attention now close to the release of the fifth album so it was the perfect time to ..._

Bla bla bla. All a crapload of shit. It’s crazy I was crying at the airport, isn’t it? I mean who would cry knowing they won’t get to see their boyfriend for two whole months? Nope not me, wouldn’t affect me at all. Come on _The Sun_! Get your shit together. We have not broken up, Harry really is gay and even if he weren’t he likes blondes and Kendall Jenner sure isn’t one. Unless she dyed her hair. Okay my hair colour comes out of a bottle but that’s not the point. Harry likes me. _ME!_

The day I went home, Harry sent five security guards with me and two of them went on the plane with me and brought me home. I didn’t even try to argue with him because I felt really safe with them around me and I really didn’t want a repeat of what happened when we arrived in LA.

I had a great time in America with Harry and the boys. Harry’s been nothing but lovely and (over)protective. We went on loads of secret dates and I don’t know how we did it but we’ve avoided the paps most of the times. We went to his favourite restaurant on the pier and he ordered for me. We were interrupted only twice by rude fans who wanted his picture while we were eating dinner. Harry politely told them to wait until we were done before he went on feeding me bits of his own dinner.

I went ‘surfing’ with Louis and Liam. Well they surfed and I sat on the board watching them. They were trying to impress me or each other but they failed since they aren’t the best surfers in the world. We had great fun though and I even got a tan! Louis still wasn’t doing great but I think hanging out together was a good distraction for him.

Ever since I got home after my two weeks of American adventures, Louis calls me every couple of days. He tells me about his day and even about his feelings. Sometimes we stay on the phone for two hours just chatting about everything and nothing and sometimes there’s minutes of silence but I think he just likes other company than only the boys and when I’m not there, calling is the next best thing. I don’t mind. I’ve even grown to love the boy with the fragile heart.

Apart from the phone calls from Louis and the daily skype calls from my boyfriend it’s been cold and lonely around the house. Well, except from Mondays through Thursdays because,

“Niall! Niall! I made you a drawing!” My favourite boy under twenty-one years old screetches.

“Oh did you buddy? Let me see,” the boy climbs on the sofa and into my lap. “Wow, that is beautiful. Did you really make that all by yourself?” I don’t know what it is that he drew but it’s sweet nonetheless.

 “There’s no one else in the house, silly!” Marcus giggles, “it’s a butterfly because you’re always looking at that picture of Harry’s belly so I know you like them.”

Oh how I love the sweet innocence of this little boy. I have shirtless Harry as the background of my iPad and I _think_ Marcus has caught me looking once or twice. “I do love butterflies and this piece of art is going on the fridge!” I put the drawing on the table for now and let Marcus cuddle me. Over the last months, he grew older, celebrated his sixth birthday but he still loves to cuddle and hug and I’m grateful for that because strange or not Marcus is a calming, steady factor in my life.

Sophie is coming to terms with me now. I’ve been the absolute worst friend to her after I left with Harry to America kind of unannounced. I forgot to call her and I didn’t even text her and I deserve the worst friend award for that. But she’s been over twice in the last two months and she’s close to forgiving me.

“Niall?” Marcus asks for my attention, fiddling with the collar or my t-shirt as he puts his head on my shoulder. “Do you love Harry like mummy loves daddy?”

“I do,” I answer without any hesitation.

“Is Harry a girl?” Is his next question and I cackle out a laugh. Is Harry a girl? As if!   
“Nope, he’s a boy just like you and I,” I tell him, tickling his tummy to make him squirm for a bit. “Why would you think that?” Marcus holds my fingers to keep me from tickling him again. I could easily break loose but I let him think I can’t.

“Because doesn’t there have to be a mummy and a daddy?” I’m not surprised about this question. It had to come someday and especially since Marcus is in school now and probably every friend he makes there has a mother and a father. He doesn’t know better and it’s probably not that he finds two guys together weird but it isn’t the stereotype of normal.

“Most boys like girls but some boys like other boys like Harry and me for example. Most kids have a mum and a dad like you have but if Harry and I ever have babies, there won’t be a mum. You can’t help who you like. If you like a girl, that’s fine but if you like a boy, that’s fine too.” I try to explain the best I can.

“Okay,” Marcus answers simply and only seconds later there’s the sound of rustling keys and a door opening.

“I’m home,” A deep voice singsongs through the whole house and my heart speeds up immediately. Marcus jumps from my lap and bounces to the hall and I follow him, equally excited, actually, probably more.

“Liam Liam!” Marcus shouts but halts in his steps when the boy in the doorway isn’t who he hoped, “oh...”

“Sorry pal, it’s just me.”

 _Just_ me? “Shit babe, I’m _so_ glad you’re back,” I literally fall in his arms, snuffling like a mess. My man is home! Gosh how I missed him.

“Hi baby,” Harry forces his lips on mine in a gentle but needy way and I wrap my arms around his neck just as desperate for any kind of touch as he seems to be. I love how his hands feel on my waist, gripping and pressing, pulling me closer. I missed my giant.

“Missed you...” I breathe against his mouth, dropping kiss after kiss after kiss on his beautiful, soft but manly lips.

“Love you,” he whispers back, breathless from emotion. He then breaks away from me only slightly to look down and following his gaze, I see Marcus tugging his shirt. Oh whoops! I might have forgotten that he was still here. I’m a _bad_ babysitter.

“Oh, I almost forgot, I have a present for you!” Harry says, crunching down to get more level with the six year old. “But I need to know if you’ve been looking after Niall while I was away. So, have you?”

Marcus nods eagerly, “I have! I have right Niall? Because one day he was sad and then I hugged him and brought him a blanky and then he smiled again and today I drew him a butterfly!”

“That is true, Harry. And so you know, Marcus gives _the_ best hugs!” I play along. “Marcus, maybe you could show him? You know, to convince him a little?” Without any hesitation or shyness Marcus jumps on Harry so Harry falls backwards on his bum but that doesn’t stop the two of them from hugging each other. It’s amazing to see Harry’s large hand on Marcus’ back and an overwhelming rush floods through my body and from this moment on I know that someday in the far future I want to have kids with him, start a family with the only man that I want to be the father of my children. Well apart from me then. Okay, this is confusing _me_. I would just love to have kids with him. Someday.

Someone behinds them clears his throat and I look up to see, “ _LIAM!”_ Marcus squeals, springing up. He’s about to attack Liam in cuddles of love but then he hesitates and steps back towards Harry, putting his little arms around Harry’s neck. “I’m sorry Harry but I’m just so happy that Liam’s here,” he kisses Harry on the side of his nose before he steps away and giggles shyly as he looks up at Liam. Liam only has to open his arms and Marcus is right there in his space. They are grinning at each other and I know how much Marcus missed Liam because he talked about it non-stop the last couple of weeks and the smile on Liam’s face shows that it’s all mutual.

“How’s my favourite boy doing then?” Liam asks, lifting Marcus up easily. Marcus grins, knowing that _he’s_ Liam’s favourite.

“I took care of Niall and mum let me sleep in the shirt you gave me and I don’t have the itchy spots anymore so we can have a sleepover!” The little boy rambles cutely.

Harry stands up from the floor and wraps his arms around me from behind as he whispers in my ear, “I can’t wait to have our own sleepover...” It makes me shiver and I know he knows what he’s doing to me. I groan and lean back into him, my back flush against his chest because my knees are weak and I hate that it’s so simple for Harry to make my skin buzz all over. No that’s a lie; I love the affect he has on me. Now is just not appropriate.

“Are we staying here in the hallway or shall we move this to the sofa?” Louis enters the house with a large suitcase trailing behind him.

“Is it okay if Lou stays here for a bit?” Harry asks me quietly and yeah of course that’s fine.

“Always welcome,” I make eye contact with Louis and notice his grin. Not entirely happy yet not too broken either. “Hi Louis!”

“Hey Ni!” He drops his suitcase and closes his arms around me though it’s not that easy because Harry is still attached to my back. I’m in the middle of a sandwich now and I know a couple of million people who would be damn jealous of me now.

“So you’re staying over? Gonna be good times!” I let go of Louis and lean back as Harry puts his hands in my front pockets. _Contain yourself Niall. Now is not the time._

“Eh, no?” Louis looks at me strangely.

“You are mate.” Harry states from behind me. “At least for a couple of days.”

Louis’ eyes shift from me to Harry and I can imagine the look Harry is giving him because Louis face softens as he nods. “Yeah okay, I’ll stay for a bit.”

“Great! Now put your stuff down everyone and I’ll make you a cuppa, how does that sound?” I get various sounds of approval and Harry hums in my neck.

“I’ll help,” he offers and I’m about to decline because he must be tired as shit but then I figure that we’ll be alone in the kitchen and that I want to snog his face off properly this time without any people watching us. I take Harry’s hands out of my pockets and hold onto one as I lead him to the kitchen. I put water in the kettle and get four mugs for tea and a plastic cup for Marcus’ juice. I turn around and my breath hitches because Harry is close and he smells good and he’s all mine. His hands grab my waist and he lifts me up on the counter easily. I open my legs and Harry presses himself in between them. He moves one hand to my cheek and rubs his thumb over my blush. He’s looking me in the eyes the entire time but I can’t keep up the eye contact because my eyes droop closed and my mouth opens in anticipation.

I feel his breath fanning my face as he leans in closer and after waiting for too long I feel his lips on my forehead. I bite my bottom lip as I wait for his next move but Harry presses his thumb against my lip and caresses what I just tucked my teeth into. His mouth _finally_ replaces his thumb and I know I found heaven again.

I lock my wrists behind his neck and scoot closer to the edge of the counter to get closer as I try to get my way and take over the kiss. I try to demand entrance but Harry is playing with me and suckling on my bottom lip. I hear myself whine a “Harryyyy,” and I don’t care how pathetic that may sound but my need is too big now. Harry groans low in his throat and presses his tongue flat against mine.

It’s hot and messy after that and I want to rip both our clothes off but I’m once again reminded that we’re not alone.

“Sure Marcus, I’ll help you get your juice,” Liam says louder than necessary probably for the sake of Marcus’ innocent eyes so Harry and I have time enough to break apart. Harry seems just as reluctant to let go as I am as he nips on my bottom lip before I push him away with two hands on his broad _broad_ chest.

“Nooo...” he mumbles, slumping his body.

“Hi guys! We’re here to help you guys carry,” Liam walks in, Marcus attached to his hand.

“T-tea’s almost ready,” _damn_ it’s hard not to pant because boy am I breathless. Just then the kettle dings and I jump off the counter, luckily with the help of my boyfriend who caused my brain to stumble like my legs do in the first place.

“Eh Harry? Were you upset because I hugged Liam?” Marcus asks, voice shy but curious.

“You know I was a little jealous but I wasn’t really upset,” Harry answers, grabbing two mugs of tea.

“Oh okay. Because Niall was hugging you really thight...”

“I feel all good now, pal. Thank you!” Harry tries to muffle his laugh.

“Hey Marcus, do you know what you could do?” I crouch down to reach Marcus’ eye level. “You should give Louis a cuddle if you want to.”

“Okay.” He shrugs, already running back to the living area, leaving us adults trailing behind him, our hands full with mugs of tea, a cup of juice and a plate of cookies. Marcus is already on Louis’ lap, babbling away. “Do you like butterflies?” He asks, playing with Louis’ hair, “I drew one for Niall today.”

It’s lovely like this. My friends are here, my boyfriend is here and Marcus is stealing away everyone’s hearts. I actually love my life right now in a way I never thought was possible. I love the people surrounding me and well, I just really love everything. I feel like if I’d go to the loo now, I’d shit raindbows.

Hours later, Marcus is picked up by his mum, Liam has left and Louis is asleep in our guest bedroom. Harry and I are in bed together, too tired for any naughty stuff, which I’m sure we’ll catch up on tomorrow and the next weeks. We’re cuddling a bit, kissing a bit and it’s all good and well and nice before I open my mouth.

“Did you know we broke up two months ago?” I blurt out of nowhere. _Great Niall._

“We did?”

“According to The Sun, Daily Mirror, Perez Hilton and several other media outlets we did,” I say matter-of-factly.

“And why did we break up?” Harry asks bemused.

“We had a big fight about our future. I’m a publicity stunt and you’re dating Kendall Jenner.” I sum it all up on my fingers.

“I am? Oh! When will I appear on that Kardashian’s show? Is it too soon to make babies with her?”

“Shut up you dork,” I roll my eyes at him.

“Ugh but is this seriously never going to end? Why do people want to interfere in my love life? I get it that I’m well known and people want to know about my private life too but if I wanted to talk about it, I would. I hate how people always assume stuff, and think they know everything better. Don’t they know what it feels like for us?” He brushes a hand through his hair and sighs. “It’s not even about the music anymore. I’m a singer in a band, publicity should be about _us_ and our music and not about me and certainly not about you. Did it affect you? Are you okay?”

“I laughed about it at first but soon it got boring. It didn’t hurt me or anything,” I intertwine my fingers with Harry’s and kiss the back of his hand. “They’ve got nothing on us.”

“You’re right. Oh hey! We never even said we were dating, did we?” He wonders and uh oh... This is his ‘I-have-a-plan’ face.

“We walked hand in hand at the airport, it was a pretty big clue, Bear...”

“Yeah well _Cakeface_ , I’ll let them stop wondering about my love life and show them _exactly_ what’s going on...” he gets his phone from where it was charging on his nightstand and opens the instagram app. He detangles his fingers from mine and grabs my neck before he presses a kiss against my lips. Out of instinct I close my eyes and part my lips but before I can properly get into it, he’s already pulled away and tapping about on his phone.

 

_#UnbreakableBoyfriendsstagram._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty then, that was it.
> 
> Follow me on Twitter if you'd like @SanneL or Instagram: sannepictures  
> Comments and questions are welcome as long as you're nice.


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